I have an e-friend on the internet with whom i share a lot of my spiritual and emotional struggles with, and he tries and helps by listening, praying and offering advice. He never talks about his personal life though. If he ever has, it has been short and just a brief outline. I dont know much about him. Except that he is a really nice christian and very pastoral. So its more like a mentoring relationship i guess, though he says he is my friend. He doesnt share anything with me though, its just me sharing stuff with him. Which makes me wonder if he actually thinks of me as a friend at all, probably just someone he can help.
I've been struggling with major disabilities, illnesses, depression (as a result of all that) and dont have much interest left in life at this point of time. I lost all my friends after my illness, suddenly everyone disappeared, so i've been really lonely with no friends to ever visit me or talk to me. My disabilities prevent me from having a social life as i cannot go outside the house, and have lost my independence. I've prayed for years that God would send me friends or angels to have some kind of fellowship with. But i live in an area where i have no friends or church fellowship, which is really difficult for me. The isolation drives me crazy.
i've really been happy hearing from this efriend because it would somehow brighten up my day knowing that there was at least one person in the world who cared about me and prayed for me. (Apart from God and my family, of course. I know no one cares about me more than Jesus!) We have a lot in common in our life experiences, which makes it easier for me to relate to him and listen to him. He has never attempted to draw any of my attention to himself, all he has ever done all this time is try and encourage me to depend solely on Jesus, focus on Him, trust in God's love, etc. He told me he was there to listen and that i could share whatever was on my heart with him. I took it quite literally, and i have been telling him anything and everything that comes to my mind.
Now the problem is, I have totally fallen for him, and i feel awful about it. He has clearly said that he doesnt have any romantic interest in me. Yet I just keep hoping that maybe someday he will. I feel like my heart is so attached to him and so very fond of him. I wonder if i have just made myself emotionally vulnerable. I cant understand if i am really in love with him or not. But I made a huge mistake in telling him that i love him more than i have loved anyone else. That is haunting me now. I have repented and asked Jesus to forgive me for not being able to control my emotions. I have never ever done something like that before, telling a guy i love him or am interested in him. I dont believe that women should take that first move. I am really conservative. I always have believed in preserving myself heart soul thoughts body spirit for just one man who is to be my husband for a lifetime. I have never even had a single boyfriend and have never even been out on a date. I have liked a few guys before but i would pray and Jesus would either remove the liking or remove the guy from my path. Now i am devastated at what i have done. I have been praying about this guy for a long time. Sometimes i would wonder if he is 'the one'. This is the first time i have so clearly expressed what was in my heart though. Now i cant live with it. I havent heard from him after i wrote that. I feel like i've destroyed any chance of continuing a normal friendship. More than that, its just that i am devastated at how i could fall so low and tell him i love him and not wait for God's timing if at all he is the one. Its like i have thrown away what i have so sacredly and preciously guarded for years all my life, i feel like there goes my feminine mystique. I know God has forgiven me for this. But its saddening.
Now i am seriously wondering if i am in love with this guy or not. I feel heartbroken. I cant understand why my heart aches so much to hear from him and meet him in person. Am i in love with him?
I dont believe that i can truly fall in love with someone without meeting them in real life. I think real life is kinda different from how you get along with someone on the internet.
I dont know what to do now. What should i tell him? I cant think clearly at all. I'm wondering if i should stop talking to him because its extremely hard for me, because every time i hear from him i seem to like him even more, and its a big distraction for me. He's just so gentle and kind and caring and such a reflection of the love of God, his qualities just attract me so much. I want to be just friends, but I am scared that i am giving away pieces of my heart to him that i should only be giving to my future husband and i dont want that. I am so attached to him that if i dont hear from him for a day i am miserable. I'm sure i will be heartbroken if i hear someday that he has a girlfriend. This doesnt seem healthy to me. I feel like the more i communicate with him, the more i'm going to like him, and then i'll never be able to deal with the heartache at a later stage or get over it. I cant even deal with it now.
Should I give up this friendship? Yet he's the only friend i have right now so even that is hard for me. I have never met anyone like him though, he's the nicest guy i've known till now, with amazing Christlike qualities that seem to touch my heart so much, and he's a very mature Christian.
I have never fallen in love my whole life, and this would be the closest to falling in love so i'm really scared because my dream is that the first and only man i fall in love with will be 'the one'.
I want to keep myself pure for my future husband even before i meet him or know him, and think and behave in a manner that would not hurt him or cause any feelings of jealousness. Is what i have done dishonoring him in any way? Why do i feel like i have fallen in the one area that i have guarded so fiercely all my life? Is it wrong for a woman to tell a man that she loves him, if he hasnt expressed any interest in her? He vaguely said a long time back that he did not love me, but he also said that he hasnt ruled out all possibility simply because we have not met in person. That latter part is the stupid thing that kept me wondering. I regret never clarifying that with him at that time. How will i ever find out if there is any chance of him loving me? Should i just ask him directly and get it over with and then try and move on, instead of waiting for forever for him to say something? Should i ask him directly if he feels there could be any possibility in the future?
I am miserable because i think i am probably finally in love with someone and he doesnt love me. I dont know what God wants me to do. I want to do the right thing in God's eyes however hard it may be for me.
How do i get over this and keep it as a pure holy healthy friendship? I'm not the kind of girl who has ever had close male friends, so that makes it even worse, because i dont really know what should be boundaries in guy-girl friendships and as a result i've set my boundaries super high to avoid anything wrong.
I keep wishing he likes me, and imagine there must be so much wrong with me for him to not even be remotely interested in me. Now after me telling him so miserably that i love him, i dont know what he will think of me.
I'm struggling with wondering if i am dishonoring my future husband and not keeping myself set-apart for him, which is really important to me. I am praying and asking God to help me.
Thank you for reading through such a long post! I am so overwhelmed right now.
I would really appreciate some help or counsel.
I've been struggling with major disabilities, illnesses, depression (as a result of all that) and dont have much interest left in life at this point of time. I lost all my friends after my illness, suddenly everyone disappeared, so i've been really lonely with no friends to ever visit me or talk to me. My disabilities prevent me from having a social life as i cannot go outside the house, and have lost my independence. I've prayed for years that God would send me friends or angels to have some kind of fellowship with. But i live in an area where i have no friends or church fellowship, which is really difficult for me. The isolation drives me crazy.
i've really been happy hearing from this efriend because it would somehow brighten up my day knowing that there was at least one person in the world who cared about me and prayed for me. (Apart from God and my family, of course. I know no one cares about me more than Jesus!) We have a lot in common in our life experiences, which makes it easier for me to relate to him and listen to him. He has never attempted to draw any of my attention to himself, all he has ever done all this time is try and encourage me to depend solely on Jesus, focus on Him, trust in God's love, etc. He told me he was there to listen and that i could share whatever was on my heart with him. I took it quite literally, and i have been telling him anything and everything that comes to my mind.
Now the problem is, I have totally fallen for him, and i feel awful about it. He has clearly said that he doesnt have any romantic interest in me. Yet I just keep hoping that maybe someday he will. I feel like my heart is so attached to him and so very fond of him. I wonder if i have just made myself emotionally vulnerable. I cant understand if i am really in love with him or not. But I made a huge mistake in telling him that i love him more than i have loved anyone else. That is haunting me now. I have repented and asked Jesus to forgive me for not being able to control my emotions. I have never ever done something like that before, telling a guy i love him or am interested in him. I dont believe that women should take that first move. I am really conservative. I always have believed in preserving myself heart soul thoughts body spirit for just one man who is to be my husband for a lifetime. I have never even had a single boyfriend and have never even been out on a date. I have liked a few guys before but i would pray and Jesus would either remove the liking or remove the guy from my path. Now i am devastated at what i have done. I have been praying about this guy for a long time. Sometimes i would wonder if he is 'the one'. This is the first time i have so clearly expressed what was in my heart though. Now i cant live with it. I havent heard from him after i wrote that. I feel like i've destroyed any chance of continuing a normal friendship. More than that, its just that i am devastated at how i could fall so low and tell him i love him and not wait for God's timing if at all he is the one. Its like i have thrown away what i have so sacredly and preciously guarded for years all my life, i feel like there goes my feminine mystique. I know God has forgiven me for this. But its saddening.
Now i am seriously wondering if i am in love with this guy or not. I feel heartbroken. I cant understand why my heart aches so much to hear from him and meet him in person. Am i in love with him?
I dont believe that i can truly fall in love with someone without meeting them in real life. I think real life is kinda different from how you get along with someone on the internet.
I dont know what to do now. What should i tell him? I cant think clearly at all. I'm wondering if i should stop talking to him because its extremely hard for me, because every time i hear from him i seem to like him even more, and its a big distraction for me. He's just so gentle and kind and caring and such a reflection of the love of God, his qualities just attract me so much. I want to be just friends, but I am scared that i am giving away pieces of my heart to him that i should only be giving to my future husband and i dont want that. I am so attached to him that if i dont hear from him for a day i am miserable. I'm sure i will be heartbroken if i hear someday that he has a girlfriend. This doesnt seem healthy to me. I feel like the more i communicate with him, the more i'm going to like him, and then i'll never be able to deal with the heartache at a later stage or get over it. I cant even deal with it now.
Should I give up this friendship? Yet he's the only friend i have right now so even that is hard for me. I have never met anyone like him though, he's the nicest guy i've known till now, with amazing Christlike qualities that seem to touch my heart so much, and he's a very mature Christian.
I have never fallen in love my whole life, and this would be the closest to falling in love so i'm really scared because my dream is that the first and only man i fall in love with will be 'the one'.
I want to keep myself pure for my future husband even before i meet him or know him, and think and behave in a manner that would not hurt him or cause any feelings of jealousness. Is what i have done dishonoring him in any way? Why do i feel like i have fallen in the one area that i have guarded so fiercely all my life? Is it wrong for a woman to tell a man that she loves him, if he hasnt expressed any interest in her? He vaguely said a long time back that he did not love me, but he also said that he hasnt ruled out all possibility simply because we have not met in person. That latter part is the stupid thing that kept me wondering. I regret never clarifying that with him at that time. How will i ever find out if there is any chance of him loving me? Should i just ask him directly and get it over with and then try and move on, instead of waiting for forever for him to say something? Should i ask him directly if he feels there could be any possibility in the future?
I am miserable because i think i am probably finally in love with someone and he doesnt love me. I dont know what God wants me to do. I want to do the right thing in God's eyes however hard it may be for me.
How do i get over this and keep it as a pure holy healthy friendship? I'm not the kind of girl who has ever had close male friends, so that makes it even worse, because i dont really know what should be boundaries in guy-girl friendships and as a result i've set my boundaries super high to avoid anything wrong.
I keep wishing he likes me, and imagine there must be so much wrong with me for him to not even be remotely interested in me. Now after me telling him so miserably that i love him, i dont know what he will think of me.
I'm struggling with wondering if i am dishonoring my future husband and not keeping myself set-apart for him, which is really important to me. I am praying and asking God to help me.
Thank you for reading through such a long post! I am so overwhelmed right now.
I would really appreciate some help or counsel.
.
