Love

[oneup_shroom]

Okay, so I'm in this awkward season of life right now where everything seems to be dull, maybe dull is the wrong word... but anyway, lately I have been doubting everything. I sometimes think that maybe I'm just talking to myself in my head, maybe God isn't actually real... I hate to admit that, but its where I am at. I have a hard time understanding how someone could love me, and I can love them... if I cant touch them. I mean people talk about God "hugging" them, but its just in spirit and I have a hard time discerning what is true and what is just my head stirring up feelings when it comes to my spirit.

Also, today my roommate was like, hey I've got this girl I want you to meet... So, I did a bit of facebook investigation and found that she is very attractive. Instantly I got excited, scheduled out a new workout regiment and well yeah... Anyway, this voice in my head (God) said
"why don't you get excited like that for me? your heart should race when you are in my presence. You love me, but your not in love with me"... Harsh right? I mean its true, I do have major orphan heart issues to work through and I don't really understand how to be in love with a celestial being... but... yeah... ouch!

And that's when the doubt started to come in... Well maybe thats just my head trying to tell myself what I think God would say if he were real. What if I don't get excited because its all just a hoax and really there is no God its just emotions... I know as a christian PK that's totally not cool to think like that, but sadly I am...

Anyway, anyone got some advice/ scripture to help me out here? I'd like to reinforce my relationship with God, who deep down I still understand is real... I've also scheduled out an hour a day to pray/worship/read, cuz I never seem to find time to... but if I make time then there is time.

But this is all scary... the last time I fully believed God wasn't real I was getting ready to kill myself. (TOTALLY not there, but just saying its where I was at one time)...

I wanna know what it is to be in Love with God and not have doubts!

Thanks.

 

[Aurafairy]

"6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:

7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
8 Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:
9 Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:6-9

 

[Brad Huber]

Its okay to have some doubts wherever man is involved. People often believe that computers don't make errors and always believe the computer over someone's disagreement with it. But I tell you that humans made those computer programs, and humans created the computer hardware, so of course it can be wrong. The Jews were so caught up in living by the letter of the Law, that they forgot the heart of it. Jesus came to set things right, and bring you closer to the Lord so that you might more clearly hear the voice of the Spirit, and trust it's voice once you know it. Learn the voice of the Spirit and trust it, and study scripture, for it will not go against what scripture teaches. Do not live for laws, live for Christ, and listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

 

[spirit1st]

satan puts bad thoughts in our minds to get us to doubt or think evil thoughts.
Just as God speaks to us in our minds .

We decide which thoughts we will accept and which we reject?

satan Always attacks our Faith . Doubt can keep us from the joyful life He wants us to have. And can keep us from revealing we are over comers and more than conquerors.

satan hates mankind.
he knows GOD can use us to do mighty works . Leading others from dead to life. Healing others planting seeds of truth and Faith and Love.

We all have the Power of God within us . he does not want us being led by the Holy Ghost and doing the works our Father God has called us to do ?

he cannot hurt GOD , so he attacks those GOD LOVES . mankind

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Also, today my roommate was like, hey I've got this girl I want you to meet... So, I did a bit of facebook investigation and found that she is very attractive. Instantly I got excited, scheduled out a new workout regiment and well yeah... Anyway, this voice in my head (God) said
"why don't you get excited like that for me? your heart should race when you are in my presence. You love me, but your not in love with me"... Harsh right? I mean its true, I do have major orphan heart issues to work through and I don't really understand how to be in love with a celestial being... but... yeah... ouch!

.

@oneup_shroom

Greetings brother,

I am praising the Lord for that little voice in your head....prompting you to think of the Lord and your love for Him
That is wonderful...the Lord is showing you that He is real and that He loves you by gently nudging you when you may be about to turn off the right path.

Your feelings, dear brother, reflect what we all go through at times.
That evil foe satan wants to make you doubt and not believe

But Hallelujah, the Lord steps in with His calm yet challenging voice.

Commit all these doubts and feelings to the Lord.....ask Him to reveal Himself more and more in your life

Don't be pulled by the world, no matter how attractive it may seem.....
Wait on the Lord and let His perfect love allure your heart

Bless you

I will guide thee with Mine eye upon thee
Psalm 32:8

 

[oneup_shroom]

Thanks everyone.... Man my whole walk has been off for like a month now, but I believe I am getting my head back on straight. I feel like the powers of evil have been attacking me where I am most volnerable. They attacked my sexual weaknesses first (which I am sad to admit that I did jump the bandwagon when it comes to porn............ Yeah.) Anyways then the weakness in me was used to twist my identity again. I forfeited my identity in Christ for an identity in sin. I've contacted some spiritual fathers and confessed this and we are working to not only get back to where I was, but to strengthen my defenses against this form of attack... (meaning I need to be able to be so focused on our loving God that any false idea or idol that enters my view to distract me will be easily recognizable as an attack and I will be able to avoid it.) seriously thank you all for the encouragement and wisdom.

I am also praying and asking God to teach me how to develop a passionate love for him, like I said I really don't understand how to. So idk how it will look or feel, but I'm kinda excited to find out.

 

[Aurafairy]

The armor of God Ephesians 6:10-17
There are some articles online explaining the pieces that I think might be helpful to you as well.

I'm very happy because you seem to be in a better place than you were when you first posted this. I can relate to a lot of the feelings you've had (doubt, depression, wanting to die, wanting to love God more, wanting to experience God). I don't think I do anything to get out of those dark states Psalm 37:39-40 I'm fully convinced it is only the power of God and without him I'd be beyond done for.

I've come to see it over time to be like the 'hedges of protection' in Job? It's like He removes them or shrinks them a bit and then there's my suffering/anguish and of course it's natural for me to seek God, and then just like magic he puts those 'hedges' back.

I am also praying and asking God to teach me how to develop a passionate love for him, like I said I really don't understand how to. So idk how it will look or feel, but I'm kinda excited to find out.

I agree! I definitely want this for you. Mark 12:30

Spending time with God everyday in His word and in prayer is key. Also, you know the love God has for you, how many thoughts he has toward you and "Isaiah 49:15-16".

Try to practice being more mindful of Him all the time, no matter what you are doing because He is always with you. =)

Edit (I was just praying and Psalm 54:4 also fasting. You could seek God and feeling closer to God through fasting.

 

[Giggles4God]

I think, if we are all honest, we all have had doubts at some point or other...about ANYTHING! Yes, even God. I still do, but I think the main thing it what we do with it. Do we let it overtake us or do we overtake it?

I have doubts about my relationship with my husband. He was the second man I "dated" and I always wonder if I made the right choice. I see it as an attack from satan to wreck a strong marriage! He (satan) is under our feet! ha!

Anything that takes the place of God. Anyone that takes the place of God. Those things and/or people are idols! We've got to knock them off His rightful place in our lives.

Not easy to do by any means.

I understand how important it is to not let your emotions get the better of you, but do you know how healing crying is? How joy-filled laughter can be? If you ask God to show you Himself, He will NOT be hidden from you. He loves you so much He wants to show you.

 

[spirit1st]

Listen ? The only time our doubts enter in is when we no longer hear HIM. We are to be in a Daily Relationship with Him hearing and talking with Him either in our minds or our voices .

That why it important to get alone on our knees and speak to Him and wait for Him to speak back .

Rev_3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

He gives us spiritual food.

 

[oneup_shroom]

Hey guys,

Thank you so much for the encouragement while I was in my valley. I think I am finally starting to "understand" how to love God wholeheartedly. You see I am naturally big on working for something to happen. So before I would work so hard to try to focus on God to try to meditate on his word and to push myself to hear more from him.....

What I have learned is I go in this pattern when I follow the working process... I work so hard then get a little bit closer to knowing God than last time... then I reach a peak, and fall. I would burn out and no longer wish to try to find God, its just too much.

I'm slowly learning that if I start devotional time with praying in the spirit, it strengthens my "want to" and lessens the "have to". I have also applied that really to ever aspect, including the area I struggle with the most... the big, the ugly, the LUST! I've noticed that when I start to be tempted to think a certain way about a girl, or to well go further than that... praying in the spirit (tongues) helps to awaken me to hearing God and quiet my flesh.

Life seems to be going swimmingly for me again

PS... I also was a non-believer when it came to tithe.... seriously its amazing how fast my finances have just seemed to work out after tithing. I do believe I shall be a tither for life now.