- Joined
- Feb 9, 2004
- Messages
- 17,078
Lying Destroys Trust and Relationships
Proverbs 14:5, 25 5 A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies...
25 A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies.
Proverbs 26:28 A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.
Children often see parents lie, while they are told by them, "Don't Lie, Tell the Truth, or no one will believe you when you do actually tell the truth." In business and politics, lies are often expounded for the making of money, position and influence, and to hide corruption. In churches and religious groups, lies can be found as often and for the same reasons as in secular groups. Many in fact are intent on making 'merchandise of the saints' and 'fleecing the flock' by using lies. The Apostles Peter and Paul warned of those who would lie for this purpose.
Many would agree that Lying has to be one of the most destructive and deliberate forms of manipulation there is. It destroys trust. It destroys friendships, families and relationships. It destroys credibility. It shows contempt, disrespect and/or hatred for others. In other words, it makes love for others a lie in that person's life. It can cause the person to avoid being held accountable to themselves or others. Eventually, particularly when in a position of trust, it makes it impossible for a person to be believed or trusted by others and is clearly spiritually self destructive.
In the definition of lying or to lie, aside from outright untruths or fabrication of information, it would include exaggeration, and 'little white lies', of which there is no such thing, and deliberately withholding facts or beliefs so that others will draw wrong conclusions about who a person or subject is about so that the perpetrator of the lie benefits, often financially. Deliberately omitting or changing information is not the same as forgetting information as we all retain certain things and forget certain things. Nor can using wisdom in sharing information be condemned, as the Scriptures are clear on that as well.
Probably, from a spiritual perspective, the lying that is the most manipulative of others is to make claims to believe some doctrine or fact or to manufacture information, when in fact, the person's beliefs or actions are contrary to what they state. Many lie to cover their own inadequacies or ego, or to be accepted by others in some way. They do so by having determined to deliberately deceive the group, individuals or friends, because they want to be part of the group for fellowship or other purposes. The end result is that the lie invariably is shown and without repentance or admission of the deception, one comes to believe that the person is totally untrustworthy. Many in fact would question if the person had ever spoken the truth to them about any aspect of their lives or beliefs.
Many lie about their beliefs because they have rejected or overturned the Scriptures that would show their error, while claiming to advocate or believe the Truth of the Word of God. Even upon being revealed as deceptive or upon rebuke, the rejection of that Truth is clear. The Scriptures are clear:
Trust once broken, especially when dealing with the deliberate hiding of un-Scriptural beliefs, is very difficult to set aside, even when forgiving the person. Especially when the individuals have been shown that what is being done is wrong according to the Scriptures and their subsequent actions and words concerning it, is sin or rejection of Biblical Truth by Biblical standards. When there is no acknowledgement or repentance of the lie or lies nor admission to the rejection of Scriptural Truth then the relationship is invariably closed or distanced, until things are dealt with appropriately.
Friendship betrayed through lies and deception is rarely brought back to a deep level of trust again, although caring for one another is not lost. That is not to say it cannot be restored over time, but it can take a long time to prove one is honest in spiritual matters and can be trusted with one's friendship. We are to prove all things and not blindly trust simply because someone states they are being straight with us, after they have deliberately misled and lied, regardless the arena of deception. In saying that, it must also be said, Christ is able to deal with these things when we are not.
Leadership or associates that have been shown to have lied, deliberately misled or fabricated information or have hidden their beliefs or behaviors to gain an audience, money, friendship, even upon a declared repentance, could never be fully trusted again in many people's minds. Not because they cannot be forgiven, but because, by their very own deceptive words they have deliberately misled people for gain in some way, while being in a place of influence or control and trust in another person's life. The lies have fully broken their trustworthiness, and saying they can now be trusted is not the same as being able to trust them. True Biblical repentance would likely have those in leadership remove themselves from any position of authority, because of the very necessary Biblical qualifications for being placed in leadership in the first place. Leadership must prove they are indeed trustworthy, honest and sound in the faith, which would of necessity take more than a little time to prove, especially for those who have betrayed trust through lies and deception.
All Scripture from King James Bible Copyright . All articles are the sole property of SeekGod.ca and Vicky Dillen
Proverbs 14:5, 25 5 A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies...
25 A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies.
Proverbs 26:28 A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.
Children often see parents lie, while they are told by them, "Don't Lie, Tell the Truth, or no one will believe you when you do actually tell the truth." In business and politics, lies are often expounded for the making of money, position and influence, and to hide corruption. In churches and religious groups, lies can be found as often and for the same reasons as in secular groups. Many in fact are intent on making 'merchandise of the saints' and 'fleecing the flock' by using lies. The Apostles Peter and Paul warned of those who would lie for this purpose.
2 Peter 2:1 But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.
2 And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of.
3 And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.
1 Timothy 4:1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;
The meaning is clear. Speaking lies in hypocrisy> <pseudologos> from Strong's Concordance:2 And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of.
3 And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.
1 Timothy 4:1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;
Lies > 5573. qeudologov pseudologos, psyoo-dol-og'-os > from 5571 and 3004; mendacious, i.e. promulgating erroneous Christian doctrine:--speaking lies.
See Greek 5571 (pseudes) >5571. qeudhv pseudes, psyoo-dace' from 5574; untrue, i.e. erroneous, deceitful, wicked:--false, liar.
5574. qeudomai pseudomai, psyoo'-dom-ahee >middle voice of an apparently primary verb; to utter an untruth or attempt to deceive by falsehood:--falsely, lie.
hypocrisy <hupokrisis> 5272. upokrisiv hupokrisis, hoop-ok'-ree-sis from 5271; acting under a feigned part, i.e. (figuratively) deceit ("hypocrisy"):--condemnation, dissimulation, hypocrisy.
In fact, lying is so destructive that most religions address and rebuke it, and it is found as a 'problem' which is much discussed politically world wide. There is no group that is exempt from it's impact and most would admit they have been lied to by someone they know or follow, while having believed them to be an 'example of integrity and honesty.'See Greek 5571 (pseudes) >5571. qeudhv pseudes, psyoo-dace' from 5574; untrue, i.e. erroneous, deceitful, wicked:--false, liar.
5574. qeudomai pseudomai, psyoo'-dom-ahee >middle voice of an apparently primary verb; to utter an untruth or attempt to deceive by falsehood:--falsely, lie.
hypocrisy <hupokrisis> 5272. upokrisiv hupokrisis, hoop-ok'-ree-sis from 5271; acting under a feigned part, i.e. (figuratively) deceit ("hypocrisy"):--condemnation, dissimulation, hypocrisy.
Many would agree that Lying has to be one of the most destructive and deliberate forms of manipulation there is. It destroys trust. It destroys friendships, families and relationships. It destroys credibility. It shows contempt, disrespect and/or hatred for others. In other words, it makes love for others a lie in that person's life. It can cause the person to avoid being held accountable to themselves or others. Eventually, particularly when in a position of trust, it makes it impossible for a person to be believed or trusted by others and is clearly spiritually self destructive.
In the definition of lying or to lie, aside from outright untruths or fabrication of information, it would include exaggeration, and 'little white lies', of which there is no such thing, and deliberately withholding facts or beliefs so that others will draw wrong conclusions about who a person or subject is about so that the perpetrator of the lie benefits, often financially. Deliberately omitting or changing information is not the same as forgetting information as we all retain certain things and forget certain things. Nor can using wisdom in sharing information be condemned, as the Scriptures are clear on that as well.
Matthew 10:16 Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.
Proverbs 29:11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
Proverbs 14:33 Wisdom resteth in the heart of him that hath understanding: but that which is in the midst of fools is made known.
Most would agree that lying is more often than not used to manipulate the feelings, thoughts and actions of others in order to benefit the person doing the lying. People make all manner of excuses for sin but the reality is, there is no excuse for lying. If one is tempted and succumbs to lie, it needs to be dealt with as sin, and confessed and repented of.Proverbs 29:11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
Proverbs 14:33 Wisdom resteth in the heart of him that hath understanding: but that which is in the midst of fools is made known.
Probably, from a spiritual perspective, the lying that is the most manipulative of others is to make claims to believe some doctrine or fact or to manufacture information, when in fact, the person's beliefs or actions are contrary to what they state. Many lie to cover their own inadequacies or ego, or to be accepted by others in some way. They do so by having determined to deliberately deceive the group, individuals or friends, because they want to be part of the group for fellowship or other purposes. The end result is that the lie invariably is shown and without repentance or admission of the deception, one comes to believe that the person is totally untrustworthy. Many in fact would question if the person had ever spoken the truth to them about any aspect of their lives or beliefs.
Many lie about their beliefs because they have rejected or overturned the Scriptures that would show their error, while claiming to advocate or believe the Truth of the Word of God. Even upon being revealed as deceptive or upon rebuke, the rejection of that Truth is clear. The Scriptures are clear:
Isaiah 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
Titus 3:10 A man that is an heretic after the first and second admonition reject;
11 Knowing that he that is such is subverted, and sinneth, being condemned of himself.
Robin McKie, in a Guardian article in the UK, stated the end result as being, Lying destroys trust, and said:Titus 3:10 A man that is an heretic after the first and second admonition reject;
11 Knowing that he that is such is subverted, and sinneth, being condemned of himself.
"The real problem is that a person who tells too many lies is clearly untrustworthy. We have no confidence that we can have a relationship, no matter how distant, with that person. There are no trustworthy rules or guidelines for dealing with them." [Robin McKie, Observer, Sunday March 12, 2000 www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,3973046,00.html]
From a personal perspective, this writer has seen the end result of those that have been lied to by some who have claimed to be of Christ and while claiming friendship. Lying simply does make the pursuing of a relationship impossible because the question is always there, 'is this another lie,' or 'is it real or true,' especially when dealing with beliefs and Biblical Truth.
Trust once broken, especially when dealing with the deliberate hiding of un-Scriptural beliefs, is very difficult to set aside, even when forgiving the person. Especially when the individuals have been shown that what is being done is wrong according to the Scriptures and their subsequent actions and words concerning it, is sin or rejection of Biblical Truth by Biblical standards. When there is no acknowledgement or repentance of the lie or lies nor admission to the rejection of Scriptural Truth then the relationship is invariably closed or distanced, until things are dealt with appropriately.
Friendship betrayed through lies and deception is rarely brought back to a deep level of trust again, although caring for one another is not lost. That is not to say it cannot be restored over time, but it can take a long time to prove one is honest in spiritual matters and can be trusted with one's friendship. We are to prove all things and not blindly trust simply because someone states they are being straight with us, after they have deliberately misled and lied, regardless the arena of deception. In saying that, it must also be said, Christ is able to deal with these things when we are not.
Leadership or associates that have been shown to have lied, deliberately misled or fabricated information or have hidden their beliefs or behaviors to gain an audience, money, friendship, even upon a declared repentance, could never be fully trusted again in many people's minds. Not because they cannot be forgiven, but because, by their very own deceptive words they have deliberately misled people for gain in some way, while being in a place of influence or control and trust in another person's life. The lies have fully broken their trustworthiness, and saying they can now be trusted is not the same as being able to trust them. True Biblical repentance would likely have those in leadership remove themselves from any position of authority, because of the very necessary Biblical qualifications for being placed in leadership in the first place. Leadership must prove they are indeed trustworthy, honest and sound in the faith, which would of necessity take more than a little time to prove, especially for those who have betrayed trust through lies and deception.
1 Timothy 3:7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.
8 Likewise must the deacons be grave, not doubletongued, not given to much wine, not greedy of filthy lucre;
It might be suggested that the person giving the lies about their beliefs, really doesn't know what they believe themselves, because deception about who they are and what they believe have become so much a part of their persona. Or they recognize that their beliefs are contrary to Biblical Truth and sound doctrine, but are not willing to repent of them. Some would go so far as to believe that they are actually exempt from various aspects of Biblical Truth, because of God's 'special call' on their lives, or because of, in the case of some leaders, their deliberate changing of the Word of God to suit their purposes. That is not what God's people are called to.8 Likewise must the deacons be grave, not doubletongued, not given to much wine, not greedy of filthy lucre;
2 Corinthians 4:1 Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not; 2 But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.
3 But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:
4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.
The bottom line is that lies and deception are deliberate. They are a choice people make. The end result is that it causes the loss of much, including trust, which is never easily won back, even when forgiveness is desired and obtained.3 But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:
4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.
All Scripture from King James Bible Copyright . All articles are the sole property of SeekGod.ca and Vicky Dillen
