This seems like a common topic here, but I hope you all will allow me to post another question about it.
I've been married three times, sadly. The first two marriages and divorces occurred when I was not saved. Neither of those men have remarried.
My third marriage took place when I was just "getting my feet wet" in regard to my faith five years ago. I have grown so much in the past five years and am truly not the same person I was when I married husband number 3. I loved my 3rd husband dearly, and I imagine part of me always will. He was also a professed Christian and we did go to church together. In fact, if not for him, I doubt I'd be where I am today in terms of my walk with the Lord.
The reason that we divorced is that he was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. His abuse became mildly physical as well on a couple of occasions (he pushed me down and shook me violently). He called me horrible names (the "c" word and the "w" word, among other things). He told me that he hated me, he told my children that I hate them and wished they had never been born. He dumped me out at a gas station two hours from home on one occasion, after throwing my luggage on the ground, and drove off. He never came back for me, but did send me a text asking me if I found a way home. I could go on, but you get the picture.
Anyway, I tried so hard to make things work. We went to counselors and marriage seminars. We met with our church pastors on numerous occasions. I prayed and prayed and begged God to change his heart (and mine) and to heal our marriage. In the end, it was not healthy for me or my children to remain in that situation. I was extremely depressed. I didn't even recognize myself when I looked in the mirror and I began acting out in anger as well. We separated multiple times in our 3-year marriage, and except for the last time, we separated with the intent of reconciling. It just got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore!
Anyway, I have a couple of questions that I'm confused about. I know the Bible says that divorce is not acceptable except in the case of adultery or the departure of a non-believer, which is not the case here. I guess I just have a hard time understanding why God would want me to be alone for the rest of my life because of my ex-husband's sin?
In the meantime, my ex claims to have changed and dealt with his anger issues, although he's not been to counseling for it. I've toyed with the idea of trying to "date" him to see if we can put our marriage back together, but I'm so scared to trust him. My kids can't stand him, nor can anyone in my family. Nobody in our families wants to see us get back together, nor do any of my friends, so if we reunited, we'd have absolutely NO support. Our marriage was a nightmare from day one, truly.
I've read some literature that interprets the passages in question more liberally. I had a Christian counselor tell me recently that abuse is grounds for divorce. The counselor also told me that in his 20+ years of counseling, he's only seen one abuser make a sincere change, so the prognosis is not good.
The other question that I struggle with is that my ex who abused me is the only one of my husbands that was a believer. It makes absolutely no sense to me how non-Christian men treated me better than the one man I've ever had in my life who was a Christian. Not that my other two marriages were pieces of cake and my first husband could be pretty mean on occasion, but they did not treat me as poorly as my 3rd husband did. Why would God put a Christian man in my life, but he turn out to be abusive? I just don't understand why this happened.
The only good thing that's come from it is that it brought me closer to God and made my relationship with the Lord more intimate and strong. I praise God that He brought me through the situation and continues to bless me every day!
I've been dating a man who is a Christian, although he's definitely not as strong in his faith as I am. He treats me and my children well and is an overall good man. I wish he was a little more interested in his relationship with the Lord, though. My ex who abused me truly tries to put God first in his life. He attends accountability groups, life groups, has gone on a mission trip, reads his Bible and prays regularly. He's made a commitment to not have sex outside marriage. The man I'm dating now does not do those things. That's really the only deficit I see in the man I'm dating now. But, it's definitely a big one! I have put my foot down with him that I will not have sex before marriage, although we've slipped up on that in the past. He hates that and can get quite frustrated with it.
So, any words of wisdom here would be appreciated. Prayers are also great! I don't want to go through life alone (yes, I know God is always with me and that's great, but that's not the same as having a spouse to share life with and, forgive me for being so blunt, but I enjoy physical intimacy quite a bit!). Like I said, it seems a bit odd to me that God would expect me to be alone forever, or get back together with an abuser and risk emotionally damaging myself and my children again, as my only two options. It's so confusing!
Sorry for the ramble. I hope this makes some semblance of sense to someone! What on earth is God doing here??!!!
I've been married three times, sadly. The first two marriages and divorces occurred when I was not saved. Neither of those men have remarried.
My third marriage took place when I was just "getting my feet wet" in regard to my faith five years ago. I have grown so much in the past five years and am truly not the same person I was when I married husband number 3. I loved my 3rd husband dearly, and I imagine part of me always will. He was also a professed Christian and we did go to church together. In fact, if not for him, I doubt I'd be where I am today in terms of my walk with the Lord.
The reason that we divorced is that he was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. His abuse became mildly physical as well on a couple of occasions (he pushed me down and shook me violently). He called me horrible names (the "c" word and the "w" word, among other things). He told me that he hated me, he told my children that I hate them and wished they had never been born. He dumped me out at a gas station two hours from home on one occasion, after throwing my luggage on the ground, and drove off. He never came back for me, but did send me a text asking me if I found a way home. I could go on, but you get the picture.
Anyway, I tried so hard to make things work. We went to counselors and marriage seminars. We met with our church pastors on numerous occasions. I prayed and prayed and begged God to change his heart (and mine) and to heal our marriage. In the end, it was not healthy for me or my children to remain in that situation. I was extremely depressed. I didn't even recognize myself when I looked in the mirror and I began acting out in anger as well. We separated multiple times in our 3-year marriage, and except for the last time, we separated with the intent of reconciling. It just got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore!
Anyway, I have a couple of questions that I'm confused about. I know the Bible says that divorce is not acceptable except in the case of adultery or the departure of a non-believer, which is not the case here. I guess I just have a hard time understanding why God would want me to be alone for the rest of my life because of my ex-husband's sin?
In the meantime, my ex claims to have changed and dealt with his anger issues, although he's not been to counseling for it. I've toyed with the idea of trying to "date" him to see if we can put our marriage back together, but I'm so scared to trust him. My kids can't stand him, nor can anyone in my family. Nobody in our families wants to see us get back together, nor do any of my friends, so if we reunited, we'd have absolutely NO support. Our marriage was a nightmare from day one, truly.
I've read some literature that interprets the passages in question more liberally. I had a Christian counselor tell me recently that abuse is grounds for divorce. The counselor also told me that in his 20+ years of counseling, he's only seen one abuser make a sincere change, so the prognosis is not good.
The other question that I struggle with is that my ex who abused me is the only one of my husbands that was a believer. It makes absolutely no sense to me how non-Christian men treated me better than the one man I've ever had in my life who was a Christian. Not that my other two marriages were pieces of cake and my first husband could be pretty mean on occasion, but they did not treat me as poorly as my 3rd husband did. Why would God put a Christian man in my life, but he turn out to be abusive? I just don't understand why this happened.
The only good thing that's come from it is that it brought me closer to God and made my relationship with the Lord more intimate and strong. I praise God that He brought me through the situation and continues to bless me every day!
I've been dating a man who is a Christian, although he's definitely not as strong in his faith as I am. He treats me and my children well and is an overall good man. I wish he was a little more interested in his relationship with the Lord, though. My ex who abused me truly tries to put God first in his life. He attends accountability groups, life groups, has gone on a mission trip, reads his Bible and prays regularly. He's made a commitment to not have sex outside marriage. The man I'm dating now does not do those things. That's really the only deficit I see in the man I'm dating now. But, it's definitely a big one! I have put my foot down with him that I will not have sex before marriage, although we've slipped up on that in the past. He hates that and can get quite frustrated with it.
So, any words of wisdom here would be appreciated. Prayers are also great! I don't want to go through life alone (yes, I know God is always with me and that's great, but that's not the same as having a spouse to share life with and, forgive me for being so blunt, but I enjoy physical intimacy quite a bit!). Like I said, it seems a bit odd to me that God would expect me to be alone forever, or get back together with an abuser and risk emotionally damaging myself and my children again, as my only two options. It's so confusing!
Sorry for the ramble. I hope this makes some semblance of sense to someone! What on earth is God doing here??!!!
