Married to an non-believer

[ArmyWife08]

I need to talk to someone about this. I am not sure what to do anymore. I hope this is a safe place to go where I won't be judged with unkind words. I know I am one of the youngest who posts on this forum, so I know most of you have much more life experience than I. Which I could surely use right now.
Simply put, we were 19 when we married. Pat was going to Iraq. We married. Yes, I was a Christian too. Brand new. I honestly figured the Lord had brought him back into my life at the time because I had no one after I was saved.
Patrick however, was/is not a saved Christian. He surely does believe there is God in Heaven. He was raised Catholic. He has been to hell Iraq and back twice. He knows God was protecting him and watching over him. He does not have a personal relationship with Him like I do though.
I tell you, this is the hardest, most lonely place I have ever been in my life right now. Well, I have always been lonely. I have always had few friends or no friends (like now). Somedays, I don't even want to get out of bed. Honestly, I am only with my husband because that's what the Lord tells us to do. That he may be saved because my example. Sometimes he scoffs at the things I do or say. Especially the unappropriate tv shows or music. The "religious" things I say. Lately, I feel uneasy even when he is near me.
I am unsure of what to do or say anymore. I just keep praying. Is there anything that I can say to my husband anymore?

 

[hischildaswell]

Be faithful

I Cor 7:9...
and the referred to 1Peter 3:1, when does faithful end? Pardon the bluntness, but you chose to marry a child of the devil apart from the direction of the Father. Not to say, you made your bed sleep in it, but sister you will suffer I am sad to say, but if he seeks to be loosed from you down the road you can see what scripture says, but if he bears your "sickening" kindness and loving example of the savior, there is hope for some tenderness in his heart toward the truth being lived out in your life.The goodness of God leadeth men to repentance. ref. Rom 2:4

 

[halva]

I need to talk to someone about this. I am not sure what to do anymore. I hope this is a safe place to go where I won't be judged with unkind words. I know I am one of the youngest who posts on this forum, so I know most of you have much more life experience than I. Which I could surely use right now.
Simply put, we were 19 when we married. Pat was going to Iraq. We married. Yes, I was a Christian too. Brand new. I honestly figured the Lord had brought him back into my life at the time because I had no one after I was saved.
Patrick however, was/is not a saved Christian. He surely does believe there is God in Heaven. He was raised Catholic. He has been to hell Iraq and back twice. He knows God was protecting him and watching over him. He does not have a personal relationship with Him like I do though.
I tell you, this is the hardest, most lonely place I have ever been in my life right now. Well, I have always been lonely. I have always had few friends or no friends (like now). Somedays, I don't even want to get out of bed. Honestly, I am only with my husband because that's what the Lord tells us to do. That he may be saved because my example. Sometimes he scoffs at the things I do or say. Especially the unappropriate tv shows or music. The "religious" things I say. Lately, I feel uneasy even when he is near me.
I am unsure of what to do or say anymore. I just keep praying. Is there anything that I can say to my husband anymore?

Hi, I used to be married to an unbeliever but we were separated when i became a Christian - and it was very difficult for a while. I also know someone a little who is married to an unbeliever and she says that it is hard - that she cannot get as involved in things as she would like, that she cannot share. However, we are called to love - even to love our enemies. I have prayed for you and believe you really need to draw close to the Lord and pray for wisdom, discernment, strength in the Lord and for trustworthy friends who are believers who can come alongside you and support you in prayer, fellowship and encouragement. Also this could be great with your husband if you have Christian friends around for him to get to know too.

There is a book by Stormie O'Martian about praying for your husbands - i think its primarily for believers, but it may give you some ideas. There is another book called The Five Love Languages - about finding out what kind of 'love language' a person 'speaks in' - so that you can communicate on their wavelength.

You do not say if you are worshipping anywhere? I think this is really important.

We are not meant to be in isolation - someone explained to me that it is like a hot coal being taken out of a fire - it glows and then after a while it gets cooler - other believers can really encourage you and pray for you in your walk. You may also meet other Christians who are in marriages with unbelievers.

I have prayed for someone who is an unbeliever, and was told that after you pray it might get worse or hard for a while - because we have an enemy, but to stay faithful - to thank the Lord that He hears your prayers, to praise the Lord that He is faithful to you and longs to bless you.

Hope this helps in some way.

love Halva

 

[Brighthouse]

Dear sister ArmyWife!! NO ONE!! can understand how tough it is on a woman,who husband has seen, and tasted battle! The images he has to endure daily, that he never tells you about,are worse then any horror movies you have ever seen. I know you as a wife are suppose to be lifted up!! I know as a wife, he is suppose to be your example!! So what to do? As a Soldier myself,what helped me so much in getting to Jesus,is just simple love. espically!! when you yourself need that from him! You are not alone! and NO!! you have not been forsaken as the enemy would have you believe! We know dear sister,we are saved by grace through faith,but what many do not realize is that without works,our Faith can never be perfected!!( James 2:19-26) Abraham is called the friend to God,not because he believed!! But because of what he did!!( 2 Chr 20:7,and again in Isaiah 41:8) You have a tough task,I know!! But you dear sister are also a friend of God!! because YOU!!! are a doer of the Word!! and not a hearer only! ( james 1:22) I will be praying for you as well in this,but if you do have a good church,then I would recieve some encourgement from your Pastor,for who does not need encourgement!! Just do your best!! Jesus will take care of the rest,even as he did for me!! He loves your husband and understand his fear. He wants to share but at the same time,he cannot.BUT!! YOUR undieing LOVE!! which you gave! ( matt 19:5-6) You feel his pain,that is why you have sorrow,but how you deal with this,is through our LOVING Jesus,and to recieve love,one must first give it,even if one thinks they do not have enough to give! You are a blessing!! We here love you as our sister in Christ!! YOU!! are not alone!! You have the Body of Christ with you!! And best of all Jesus will give you his strength,and this reminder to encourge you!!( 1Cor 10:13) Jesus will make a way for you both!! Jesus never lies!! ( titus 1:2) cling to his Word,and his love,abide in this,and Jesus will move in a way,you could hardly believe!!why?? because jesus LOVES!! you!! blessing to you Armywife 08!!

 

[rizen1]

Ok against popular belief you are not going to suffer, go to hell or create hell babies.

First step quit the religious talk...I'm a Christian and I can't stand religious talk so his tolerance is going to be less than mine.

_He's been to Iraq, seen stuff most people who support the war won't be able to handle for 1 second. His mind have changed from these experiences. So your approach can not be textbook scripted.

_Are you setting the right example ? Do you go to church with or without him. Do you walk in love with your neighbors and strangers ? Are you forgiving ? If someone was to ask him to describe your Christian Lifestyle, what would he say ? Do you stand for Christ unshaken, or do you compromise on your beliefs ? Do you exercise the fruits of the spirit even when he's throwing rotten fruit at you ? Your Husband is the head despite his beliefs, therefore should be respected.
Can he call you a faithful wife ? Is your faith seen as strong when times are hard ? Are you praising God in the storms for him to see ?


_ It's better a catholic upbringing than atheist or occult. Acknowledging the existence of God great. When we stop measuring people based on our experiences or maturity, our approach and conversations would be different. We can't see what's inside a man's heart only God. Plant the seed but not to anger him. If he does not like something, don't push it on him, ask God for wisdom. It's God's Timing not yours. Remember his salvation should be for his benefit, not to remove the guilt the church put on you for marrying a non believer. There should be no guilt in love. You made the choice to love him til death, you knew his beliefs therefore if anyone tries to tell you to leave is silly. You knew what you were getting in to.

_Ask God to remove any control issue you may have. Us women feel the need to change people for our benefits to make things easier for ourselves. It does not work that way. It's a spiritual change.

_ Watch the fireproof , seen it already watch it again. Purchase the Love Dare ( $9 -$13.99 Christianbook.com - Shop for Christian Books, Bibles, Music, Homeschool Products, Gifts & more ) Purchase everything love dare and dedicate yourself to it.


_The problem is how you feel, to eliminate the problem quit the pitty party. Remove the I's and me's and replace it with we, us and our. It's easy to make yourself a victim when you're emotionally sensitive. Surround yourself with POSITIVE WOMEN, Strong Women. I don't want you to feel like you're the problem, because you're not and he is the man you chose to LOVE. If he's physically abusing you or verbally abusing you the conversation would be different. So please be careful who you get advice from a bitter woman can never give sound advice.


_We were all once nonbelievers until someone who cared shared the story of salvation. Some of us even cursed the people who told us about God, but today we can say yes Jesus is the lover of my soul.


Love wins everything. If you love this man, think about him and how you can be that Christian wife to him. Stop expecting him to be that Christian husband he is not ( yet ) Respect his beliefs and set the right example for him. The only hard part should be praising God when things look bad. If he's in a mood your love should shine. Remember when we make things about us we can't help anyone, because in our eyes all we see is us as the victim.

If you're exercising this you'll be happy, remember we don't give kindness or love for rewards, we do it because God said so. Jesus didn't die on the cross until we changed, he did it knowing how wicked we'd be today.

If he does not like something, don't push it. You know his buttons. Is he pushing anti-God stuff on you, is he trying to get you to stop believing in God ? Don't put Religious things on hoping he'll change. Go into your prayer closet, you can pray alone ( one day he will join you ) Don't put christian shows on for him, he'll know God is in you based on how you behave and treat others. It's not the religious talk, tv shows or books laying around. He is the head, respect him, you still have to submit to him. You can pray at home, you can have church at home. Let God lead you.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails ... (NIV)

 

[MelodyC]

Dear Armywife,

Marrige is sanctified by God even between a Believer and non-Believer and the Word tells us our children are also sanctified by marriage. So Praise God you are married.

You husband has been to war and that does affect a person. Any trauma does. His behaviour at times may be hard to bear because he is holding in so much and doesn't know how to sort through it.

As for his salvation. The Lord is able to reach your husband even when you think there is no way you can.

Keep praying and ask God for the strength and wisdom you need to be able to be a Godly wife to him.

Then you have to watch and wait.

I know the heartache of not having a Saved Husband. Mine did finally come to Lord many years into our marriage. He is a young Christian but he is going on with the Lord since coming to Christ and he goes to Church now (didn't at first). That has helped because he has mature Christian men to be accountable to and to help him with issues that are better discussed with other men.

I will pray for your situation and especially for your husband. The Lord hears our prayers and He knows your needs and what you desire for your husband. Put it in the hands of the Lord and don't get despondent even when it looks bleak or that it may not happen any time soon. I was totally taken by surprise when my husband one day said he thought it was time he got to know about Jesus. Out of the Blue, no warning it just happened. It took six months of us reading the Bible together (started with the gospels) before he wanted to take Christ as his Lord and Saviour.

Praying for you and Patrick. Don't be discouraged.

 

[Ezra Allen]

My wife and I want to do the 9 week Love Dare Course (we been married for 18 yrs) from our church but we need to find someone to watch our severly autistic 4 and a half year old son.

Edit. When I was in Basic Training I noticed lots of Privates get into Jesus during those days. Sadly I didnt at that time. You might want to make friends with some of the Ahristian Army Wives from his unit. They can tell their husbands who can help disciple him to the light.

 

[ArmyWife08]

Thank you Halva. We have just started attending a church. I am not sure if it is where we should be yet, but I pray the Lord leads me toward one soon if it isn't. I long to be near other believers. I feel like coal outside of the fire as you were explaining..

 

[ArmyWife08]

Thank you for your reply Rizen1,
I'm sorry, I should have better stated what I meant by this. I used the word "religious" because this is what has been said about me and my actions- that I am a religious person because I believe in Christ. I certainly have never pushed my husband to do anything he does not want to do. I don't know what I would do without my husband. I love him and just wish he would turn from himself and toward God. He doesn't think he needs to be saved to go Heaven and this is heartbreaking for me to see.
The Lord has been helping me with my actions and words, that I may acting more like Him and doing things out of love.
We just started attending church together so I will continue to pray that the Lord softens his heart and perhaps someone will be able to reach him there.

 

[yort]

Hello.

Saw your post & was lead to reply. I have a lady in my church & sunday school that has some what of the same problem that you've talked about. First let me give you this:

Hebrews 3:13
But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

Ok the time is at hand for your faith to be called upon. Remeber that you have the spirit of God almighty resideing in you, you where created in the image of your creator,at this time you should have at least 1 hand in the air praising God----------AMEN-AMEN.

This spirit that is in you always conqures the battlefieds of all men despair and grief, you are no different.Your faith gives you the edge. Remeber to protect your mind, this is the door for unbelief to enter and subdue your faith. 3 things you must always keep doing, ready here we go;


1.Stay in your word-Romans 12:1-2 <TABLE style="WIDTH: 100%; FONT-FAMILY: sans-serif; MARGIN-LEFT: auto; FONT-SIZE: 100%; MARGIN-RIGHT: auto" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="WIDTH: 100%" class=t_text vAlign=top>I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.</TD></TR><TR><TD class=t_verse vAlign=top>2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

This shows your surrender to God and your obedience to His word;
Proverbs 3:3-6

<TABLE style="WIDTH: 100%; FONT-FAMILY: sans-serif; MARGIN-LEFT: auto; FONT-SIZE: 100%; MARGIN-RIGHT: auto" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="WIDTH: 100%" class=t_text vAlign=top>Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:</TD></TR><TR><TD class=t_verse vAlign=top>4 So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man
<TABLE style="WIDTH: 100%; FONT-FAMILY: sans-serif; MARGIN-LEFT: auto; FONT-SIZE: 100%; MARGIN-RIGHT: auto" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=t_verse vAlign=top>5</TD><TD style="WIDTH: 100%" class=t_text vAlign=top>Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.


</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

2-Prais Him-Psalms 88:9-Mine eye mourneth by reason of affliction: LORD, I have called daily upon thee, I have stretched out my hands unto thee.
This praise of God gives cause to your affliction. Remeber that those that honor God God will honor them and come to their defense.

3-Be that great of encouragement to all around you.Stand on the solid rock. Listen to this old hymnal THE SOLID ROCK-

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood & righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholy lean on Jesus name

On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

Is your heart pounding well raise your hands in the air and tell Him you love Him. AMEN--------AMEN.
I know it's hard but just remeber this verse Phil 4:13-I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Seek your Pastors council

I hope that in some way i've encourage you . I'll be praying for you and your family.

Sorry about the chicken picking.



</TD><TD style="WIDTH: 100%" class=t_text vAlign=top></TD></TR><TR><TD class=t_verse vAlign=top><TABLE style="WIDTH: 100%; FONT-FAMILY: sans-serif; MARGIN-LEFT: auto; FONT-SIZE: 100%; MARGIN-RIGHT: auto" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=t_verse vAlign=top></TD><TD style="WIDTH: 100%" class=t_text vAlign=top></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD><TD style="WIDTH: 100%" class=t_text vAlign=top></TD></TR><TR><TD class=t_verse vAlign=top></TD><TD style="WIDTH: 100%" class=t_text vAlign=top></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>


</TD><TD style="WIDTH: 100%" class=t_text vAlign=top></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>