My Confession

[Seeker Of Jesus]

Due to pride & shame it took me awhile to write this, part of me didn't wanna write this. Truth is I have been experiencing a spiritual decline to the point that I am almost dying spiritually. I have placed God last in my life for too long and now I don't know how to put him back to first (if that makes sense) I'm sick and tired of being in this place... 4 years and I've grown so little in Christ and now I'm out of Christ.

I am a supervisor at one of the most famous restaurants in the world, none but the rich and famous come to eat where I work, I have a family, I eat and drink every day, not a day has gone by that that was not so, my health is good (at least to my knowledge). I am blessed and yet with all this I feel empty and feel something missing and that something is a true relationship with Christ/God. There have been 2 or 3 occasions where the literal moment where I have woke. Up I felt this. Weird, sudden and deep sadness cones over me, this feeling that something is very wrong with God, He's hurting and is very sorrowful and it can only be because of how far away from Him I am.

God loves me with such a love that if I was allowed to feel just a glimpse of it i would probably go crazy. Our finite minds can't even begin to fathom God's love for us, it's uncomprehensable (if that's even a word) to our minds.

My sins are great, they range from lying, sexual immorality (mental), to idolatry, pride, vanity, and much more. My Idol is the things of the world such as television, and anything that has to do with technology.

My prayer life is almost dead, same goes for my reading of the Bible. I don't even wanna congregate anymore because I feel so spiritually empty, and I feel this pressure to at least fake being OK with God and it especially kills me when worship starts because many are worshiping God in spirit, Love & Truth and I don't. I don't wanna be a hypocrite and lead people to think more of me than what I really am.

I'm loosing my sensitivity to sin and so much more. I've made similar posts here about this and it's one of the reasons I felt ashamed to write this because I seem to be stuck in this place for so long and it should not be like that. I should be past all this by now and should have a good relationship with God but that's not the case. Through all this I know one thing, it's that I am not some poor and helpless victim. I'm sure that I'm being attacked by demons but it's because of the right that I have given them through my sin. It's me and my sins that's the problem.

I need counsel and advice on what I should do but I will say this I didnt come here to have my ears tickled, I didn't write this to be comforted, so unless God Himself (and only Him) leads you to write something comforting then OK but please I only want true Godly advice and not something nice just to sooth me. I say this with love and I'm not being cold. A lot of churches out there are telling the world that there sins are OK and that God accepts them. Reality is that the wages of sin is death, and those who practice it are slaves to it and what a cruel and ruthless slave master it is. I would know after all I'm it's slave. God abhors sin and can't stand it. So please before responding pray that the precious Holy Spirit may lead you.

God bless.

 

[Strypes]

This passage came to mind as I read your confession.

James 4:4 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. 4 You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? 6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

Having humbled yourself to post this confession, you are on the right track. God yearns for you to return to Him.

I would suggest you read Luke chapter 15 and take note of what the Father does when the son is on his way home...

Luke 15:18 I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ 20 And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.

 

[Brad Huber]

Then suck it up. Stop whining and make a plan of worship, praise, and scripture reading. Even some fasting would do you well, but you might not be capable of that just yet. Get up an hour earlier than normal, get some coffee in you to help you focus, and read scripture, starting with the beginning of the new testament. If family starts talking to you, make it QUICKLY known that you are to be left alone during this time. Dont look for the sweet feelings you used to have in your relationship with God, you wont feel it for awhile til you get on the right path with God. Dont go overboard in reading scripture daily, its quality, not quantity. One chapter or less even a day would be fine. Start your hour out thanking God for the things you have, specific things, no generic thanks, then begin praying for help in doing this whole thing or you will fail and add in a SINCERE prayer of asking forgiveness for your sins so that you might not stain your hour with Him with heart full of sin, then believe that He forgives you, not because you deserve it, but only because He loves you and wants you right with Him. Then do your scripture reading and then ask yourself if anything in your reading can apply to you or this present day, talk to God about your thoughts about the text, and then finish with any questions you might have about the text, and ask God to give you strength and courage to do the right thing for that specific day. Then thank Him for His time, and go into your normal routine.

 

[Travis]

I think you might be like me (or I might be like you in another sense), in that you like for people to just give it to you straight.

I mean honestly, you could live the rest of your life drifting in and out of a somewhat spiritual stupor. Many people do it. Mediocrity is like the word of the day.

You either truly want to make the reality of your walk with Christ alive and burning in your life, or you don't, at the end of the day. No one is going to come kick you in the pants and make you start doing it. If you are just truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll make up your mind to make things change. The devil will fight you every step of the way out of it too and kick you while you are down. I mean, we are at war, and in war there are casualties. It's never going get any easier, probably only harder and harder. I don't know about you, but I'm not interested in just being a victim or a casualty on the side of the road, instead, I fully intend on making this verse a reality in my life:

Revelation 2
25 Only hold fast what you have until I come. 26 The one who conquers and who keeps my works until the end, to him I will give authority over the nations

Someone once told me, "Cheer up, the worst is yet to come."



Travis

 

[Coconut]

Seeker Of Jesus, I don`t see any posts after this one, but if you are still hanging around, I thought I would ask you something...

I am wondering if anyone has ever told you to simply rest?

It is one thing to supervise a restaurant, quite another to attempt to supervise your own salvation....so much stress, so much striving...so little satisfaction...and you no sooner manage to dish up a plate of self satisfaction in getting something right ...you trip up...spiritually speaking all self is really good at is producing shame....ask a few well seasoned Christians how true that is.

Sin is every mans problem and self is no mans Savior.

Consider that maybe Christ is allowing you to experience the weakness of the foundation of 'feelings' you are leaning on. so you`ll learn not to lean on them - but on Him (who began a good work in you ...)

Blessings

Feelings are a poor substitute for faith. (feelings focus is self - faiths focus is the Savior)