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My Testimony
By Sean Hyatt
My name is Sean. I am a sixth generation Apostolic, was “saved” when I was eight, and grew up a pastor’s grandson. I’ve been in church all my life and have had a tender heart toward the things of God as long as I can remember. Bible quizzing was a giant part of my life for seven wonderful years and I loved that precious Word. I could have made it eight wonderful years except I messed up. I failed God. I bit the dust big time.
When I was 16, I won my first soul to the Lord. She was my partner in choir at my high school and I persuaded her concerning the oneness of God for months. One day the Lord called me to a three day fast, telling me that something awesome was going to happen for the girls in my youth group that Friday night. Eager to do my part, I fasted, and during the revival service that Friday night, I won my first soul to the Lord. So many days of prayer, fasting, and letting my light shine had finally paid off.
At that point, I must have thought that I was something special because I disobeyed the voice of wisdom, and made a fatal decision that changed the course of my life forever. A close friend of mine in the church expressed the desire to date this new convert, and I swiftly told him, in my supposed wisdom, “Just give her a good six months to become grounded and have a chance to have Jesus all to herself.” Good advice, except that I didn’t follow it. I went behind my friend’s back, and after only one month, I moved in myself.
That was mistake number one. I disregarded my own revelation of wisdom, and fell hard. Mistake number two was the long hours alone spent with my new girlfriend. Soon, attachment set in and it seemed as if there was no one else in the world but her and I... not even Jesus. In one act of fornication, I lost my physical and spiritual innocence, stole the spiritual innocence of a brand new convert, and began a terrifying voyage into the depths of a sinful addiction.
That’s how it began. I will refrain from any unnecessary details except for the fact that it happened many times. After the first week I confessed to my mom and then to my pastor and then went out and did it again. The devil had it so well planned that there were many seemingly plausible reasons not to do what it would eventually take to receive total deliverance. I would come running to God, begging His hand of mercy and His help not to do it again, but my pride kept me from truly “confessing my faults” totally and finding help for my addiction through consistent Godly counseling. My pastor, my church body and my God forgave me and trusted me anew numerous times, and I even forgave myself. The problem was, I could not comprehend the growing chains that bound me tighter and tighter, and therefore I was not willing to do the difficult thing that I must do to truly become free.
Then she got pregnant. My life literally flashed before my eyes and an unprecedented terror filled my heart. Every possible reaction passed through my mind, but none seemed viable. The Lord, through His infinite mercy, had allowed it for my deliverance, and I had no choice but to wait patiently and sit it out in humility. We did not marry because we did not love each other and we realized that our son would be better off with two peaceful homes than with one home full of strife and contention. I believe I did the right thing. The preacher’s grandson, the worshipper, the soul-winner, had fallen hard and it would be known to the whole world.
Don’t ask me why, but the sin continued on unconfessed. When you’re bound, you’re bound, and nothing, not the fear of the future or the remembrance of a dirty past can shake you free—only the delivering power of the blood of Jesus Christ. My beautiful son was born and shortly thereafter the sin was again found out and the pastor finally drew the line. I can still remember those words that saved my soul: “Either the sin goes, or you go.” I have never heard a more caring statement.
One of my favorite scriptures declares, When the enemy comes in, like a flood the Spirit of the Lord will raise up a standard against him. (Isaiah 59:19) I was frightfully close to demon possession from my repeated indulgence of the lustful addiction. The Lord came in like a flood and began to work a miraculous deliverance for me.
He took the desire for fornication away and put a fear of intense spiritual consequences in my heart. Finally, I had what it took to stay clean from that awful sin. I fell numerous times to the same thing, but the Lord along with my loving and forgiving family, pastor, and church family held me up and refused to let me give up.
The fornication had finally ended but struggles with the original lust and pornography knocked at my door as in days of old, and I answered. I needed more than just deliverance from fornication. I needed deliverance from the struggles that originally led up to it. One morning I went to repent before the Lord and could not find Him. I prayed as so many times before but He could not be found. An intense fear such as I have never known gripped my soul as I sensed that God had left me. There is no fear like that fear, and I pray to God that I never feel the likes of it again.
I guess God was simply trying to prove a point. I vowed to do what I knew I had to in order to be free if He would just provide one more space for repentance. He did and for many months now I have been totally free from any lustful conception. Sure, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes still come against me, but the difference is that God’s grace has given me the ability to say no. Things that I have consistently struggled with since I was a teenager I am finally free from, six years later. If I could articulate the freedom I now enjoy compared to the bondage I experienced, it would be something like describing the first breath of crisp air to a drowning individual that had a suffocating brush with death.
I am now dealing with many consequences and side effects of the decisions I made and life is lived only day to day. I am here as an all-too-young single father, the heartache of past sin and present consequences written in my spirit, but also as a man of God, having decided to be faithful until my Jesus comes for me and not to let the memories of a failed past ruin my hope and assurance of a victorious spiritual future.
So, if there are any not so perfect Holy Ghost filled young people out there like me, be encouraged and keep fighting. Eventually, deliverance will come and the Spirit of God will come in like a flood. The key is to never stop trying. One scripture which kept me fighting through a time in my life I am not at all proud of, is this:
The mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear Him, and His righteousness unto children’s children. (Psalm 103:17)
Don’t give up, just keep trying. Find help, and deliverance will come.
Article © Sean Hyatt
By Sean Hyatt
My name is Sean. I am a sixth generation Apostolic, was “saved” when I was eight, and grew up a pastor’s grandson. I’ve been in church all my life and have had a tender heart toward the things of God as long as I can remember. Bible quizzing was a giant part of my life for seven wonderful years and I loved that precious Word. I could have made it eight wonderful years except I messed up. I failed God. I bit the dust big time.
When I was 16, I won my first soul to the Lord. She was my partner in choir at my high school and I persuaded her concerning the oneness of God for months. One day the Lord called me to a three day fast, telling me that something awesome was going to happen for the girls in my youth group that Friday night. Eager to do my part, I fasted, and during the revival service that Friday night, I won my first soul to the Lord. So many days of prayer, fasting, and letting my light shine had finally paid off.
At that point, I must have thought that I was something special because I disobeyed the voice of wisdom, and made a fatal decision that changed the course of my life forever. A close friend of mine in the church expressed the desire to date this new convert, and I swiftly told him, in my supposed wisdom, “Just give her a good six months to become grounded and have a chance to have Jesus all to herself.” Good advice, except that I didn’t follow it. I went behind my friend’s back, and after only one month, I moved in myself.
That was mistake number one. I disregarded my own revelation of wisdom, and fell hard. Mistake number two was the long hours alone spent with my new girlfriend. Soon, attachment set in and it seemed as if there was no one else in the world but her and I... not even Jesus. In one act of fornication, I lost my physical and spiritual innocence, stole the spiritual innocence of a brand new convert, and began a terrifying voyage into the depths of a sinful addiction.
That’s how it began. I will refrain from any unnecessary details except for the fact that it happened many times. After the first week I confessed to my mom and then to my pastor and then went out and did it again. The devil had it so well planned that there were many seemingly plausible reasons not to do what it would eventually take to receive total deliverance. I would come running to God, begging His hand of mercy and His help not to do it again, but my pride kept me from truly “confessing my faults” totally and finding help for my addiction through consistent Godly counseling. My pastor, my church body and my God forgave me and trusted me anew numerous times, and I even forgave myself. The problem was, I could not comprehend the growing chains that bound me tighter and tighter, and therefore I was not willing to do the difficult thing that I must do to truly become free.
Then she got pregnant. My life literally flashed before my eyes and an unprecedented terror filled my heart. Every possible reaction passed through my mind, but none seemed viable. The Lord, through His infinite mercy, had allowed it for my deliverance, and I had no choice but to wait patiently and sit it out in humility. We did not marry because we did not love each other and we realized that our son would be better off with two peaceful homes than with one home full of strife and contention. I believe I did the right thing. The preacher’s grandson, the worshipper, the soul-winner, had fallen hard and it would be known to the whole world.
Don’t ask me why, but the sin continued on unconfessed. When you’re bound, you’re bound, and nothing, not the fear of the future or the remembrance of a dirty past can shake you free—only the delivering power of the blood of Jesus Christ. My beautiful son was born and shortly thereafter the sin was again found out and the pastor finally drew the line. I can still remember those words that saved my soul: “Either the sin goes, or you go.” I have never heard a more caring statement.
One of my favorite scriptures declares, When the enemy comes in, like a flood the Spirit of the Lord will raise up a standard against him. (Isaiah 59:19) I was frightfully close to demon possession from my repeated indulgence of the lustful addiction. The Lord came in like a flood and began to work a miraculous deliverance for me.
He took the desire for fornication away and put a fear of intense spiritual consequences in my heart. Finally, I had what it took to stay clean from that awful sin. I fell numerous times to the same thing, but the Lord along with my loving and forgiving family, pastor, and church family held me up and refused to let me give up.
The fornication had finally ended but struggles with the original lust and pornography knocked at my door as in days of old, and I answered. I needed more than just deliverance from fornication. I needed deliverance from the struggles that originally led up to it. One morning I went to repent before the Lord and could not find Him. I prayed as so many times before but He could not be found. An intense fear such as I have never known gripped my soul as I sensed that God had left me. There is no fear like that fear, and I pray to God that I never feel the likes of it again.
I guess God was simply trying to prove a point. I vowed to do what I knew I had to in order to be free if He would just provide one more space for repentance. He did and for many months now I have been totally free from any lustful conception. Sure, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes still come against me, but the difference is that God’s grace has given me the ability to say no. Things that I have consistently struggled with since I was a teenager I am finally free from, six years later. If I could articulate the freedom I now enjoy compared to the bondage I experienced, it would be something like describing the first breath of crisp air to a drowning individual that had a suffocating brush with death.
I am now dealing with many consequences and side effects of the decisions I made and life is lived only day to day. I am here as an all-too-young single father, the heartache of past sin and present consequences written in my spirit, but also as a man of God, having decided to be faithful until my Jesus comes for me and not to let the memories of a failed past ruin my hope and assurance of a victorious spiritual future.
So, if there are any not so perfect Holy Ghost filled young people out there like me, be encouraged and keep fighting. Eventually, deliverance will come and the Spirit of God will come in like a flood. The key is to never stop trying. One scripture which kept me fighting through a time in my life I am not at all proud of, is this:
The mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear Him, and His righteousness unto children’s children. (Psalm 103:17)
Don’t give up, just keep trying. Find help, and deliverance will come.
Article © Sean Hyatt
