My Spouse Doesn't Share the Same Passion

[rmlyonsfamily]

I have spent the last several days looking for a place to ask this question, lurked here a few days, and finally felt like it was the right place.

I married my high school sweetheart Nov 2nd, 1991. He was raised Catholic, I wasn't raised in a church at all (although my parents did believe). When we got married I joined his church and we were both active. Then - a few years later he started to not attend and before we knew it - neither of us attended church.

5 years ago we decided that we wanted more for our kids so we started attending a non-denominational church. The kids loved it, I enjoyed it, he just went for the sake of the kids and family. I knew his heart wasn't in it.

We moved here 3 years ago. The first year was hard because we both lost grandparents within the first few months. He decided that we should start attending the Catholic church again. I was fine with that and we did. The kids started to get involved and my daughter even went through First Communion/Confirmation last spring. My husband had began the "just attending for us" thing and I wasn't really comfortable there. After the family all left the big event, my daughter eluded to not being happy there either as well as our 3 other kids. So - we asked them where they wanted to attend and they all said the same place. The next Sunday we took them there.

Since we started at the new church (another non-denom church) the change has been phenomenal in our kids!! My 14 and 15 year old both have a such a heart for Jesus!!! I love it and look forward to it every week. I finally feel "home" if you know what I mean.

BUT - my husband does not. He attends because we attend and it almost drives me crazy. A few weeks back he LITERALLY was twiddling his thumbs! I was livid!! He's made comments about prayer not working... said it was like writing letters to someone over and over and over and that someone never responds so why bother. I was so hurt for him! He rolls his eyes at the church events our kids want to attend - anything outside of regular Sunday service he refuses to accept. I started getting involved in nursery and Bible Study... but he won't.

I asked him not long ago if he felt he was saved and his response broke my heart. He said that yes - he believes Jesus died on the cross for our sins, but he doesn't believe in being "saved".

I love my husband, but I feel like we're drifting apart because of the involvement in the church that the kids and I have. It's like something is missing. I want him to be happy like we are. We first got married and he had such a passion for church, but that's all changed so much!

I know that there are other couples out there in our circumstances. How do we maintain a healthy loving marriage when something like this happens? I pray for him each and every day... I know it has to be in His time and my husband has to be ready, but it's so hard and frustrating.

Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated.

 

[Coconut]

How do we maintain a healthy loving marriage when something like this happens? I pray for him each and every day...but...


Sister, if I could answer your question very simply, drop the "but".

Our God is a prayer answering God, if you believe that, you will have whatever you ask of Him.

If you hurt for your husband, imagine how much Father hurts for him.
You want your husband to have a passion for 'church', when what he really needs is a passion for Christ.

There is Someone praying for your husband besides you, that is Christ himself. If Christ is interceding for your husband to come to the throne of Gods grace and find the help that he needs, (for this is surely Gods will) and you would pray the same with Him, you will have your answer by and by.

Blessings

 

[greatlybeloved]

BUT - my husband does not. He attends because we attend and it almost drives me crazy. A few weeks back he LITERALLY was twiddling his thumbs! I was livid!! He's made comments about prayer not working... said it was like writing letters to someone over and over and over and that someone never responds so why bother. I was so hurt for him! He rolls his eyes at the church events our kids want to attend - anything outside of regular Sunday service he refuses to accept. I started getting involved in nursery and Bible Study... but he won't.

I asked him not long ago if he felt he was saved and his response broke my heart. He said that yes - he believes Jesus died on the cross for our sins, but he doesn't believe in being "saved".

rmlyonsfamily,

I'm not trying to judge you or your husband, nor am I suggesting that I'm any better. But please read fully what I have to say:

As much as it hurts, your husband is not saved (according to his own admission). At-least he was honest about it. Just going to Church and doing activities are not going to help either. What he needs is Salvation!

Many American 'christians' have wrong idea about Salvation. They think praying a prayer, asking the Lord come into their hearts once would give them a ticket to heaven and do what they want. But according to the Scriptures, salvation is a SUPERNATURAL work of God that happens in a man/woman's heart. The heart would be regenerated.

John 3:8 "The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit."

The person who has this "born-again" experience will KNOW. It cannot be seen, it is like wind. But people who observes them closely can FEEL it.


It happens when we have genuine REPENTANCE (taking a U-Turn from sin). Here's what we need to understand to have true repentance.

1. God is sooo Holy, beyond our imaginations
2. No MAN can enter into His presence, absolutely no man
3. Even those who do "good works", they are like FILTHY RAGS before Him.
4. We are SINNERS
5. Everyone knows we are sinners and people laugh about it. So it is not just the knowledge but...
6. Realization that our sins are sooo heinous, disgusting, wretched that we start hating them. That realization comes only when we compare our selves with God (not with other men/women)
7. And only thing we deserve is the wrath of God, i.e., eternal hell fire (the judgment will put things into perspective as to how heinous our sins are)
8. When there was absolutely no way out for us, God made a plan for us (we were enemies of God and hated Him).
9. God cannot just forgive us because He is Holy and JUST. He simply cannot forgive sinners without punishing.
10. So someone had to take the punishment of the whole world and there was NO ONE WORTH so much who can be so Holy that can pay for the sins of entire world.
11. Then God Himself came down in a form of man and His name was Jesus.
12. When He hung on that cursed tree, He bore YOUR SINS and and the wrath of God fell upon Him and God crushed Him. And the Lord Jesus paid the penalty that you were supposed to pay for your sins.
13. Now understand that He is the ONLY way and CRY out unto Him in utter helplessness and ask Him to forgive. Not for anything that you did, but rely entirely upon His grace and finished work on the cross.

That is the GOSPEL! But the preachers today have so watered down and made it a five point prayer. The key is REPENTANCE. If you don't feel that repentance, cry unto the Lord to grant you that repentance. You see, we are not even capable of repenting. Unless the Holy Spirit convicts us, we cannot even have true repentance.

I would encourage you to present THIS gospel to your husband and if necessary your children. Whether or not you are saved can be KNOWN by two things:

1. The person WILL KNOW it because "The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God" (Rom 8:16).
2. You "shall know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16). Please read the entire Matthew 7. Even John the Baptist ties "repentance" and "fruits" together (Matthew 3:8).

And we who think are saved, if our life doesn't attest to our claim, the Scriptures encourage us to TEST ourselves. "Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves" (2 Cor 13:5).

And finally I encourage you to watch a sermon with your husband and kids (called "shocking message") by Bro. Paul Washer. It is like an hour long but it is worth watching. I don't think I can post any links here, so please google for "Paul Washer Shocking Message". You'll find it.

NOTE: I personally don't agree with everything that Paul Washer says but I believe he was honest in bringing some fundamental errors of American christianity into light and with the overall point he was making.

Hope you won't get offended by this, it is only with deep concern I post this message, not to criticize or judge anyone. Because eternal destiny is at stake and it is way too important than our offenses, nor your relationship is any important than your husband's soul.

God bless!

 

[Br. Bear]

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in One Body; and be ye thankful. Colossians 3:15




Greetings rmlyonsfamily,


Let us be thankful for what we do have.

I agree with coconut, that little word, "but", carries a lot of weight. It pushes the rest out of the way making room for what follows, and in this case, makes the affirmation of what you don't like rather than holding onto the Hope we have in Christ, Who we pray to.
This seems a minor point, BUT, it really is quite a big one. (see how it works?)

If we tend to think and talk with "but's", we make way for the things we are not often wanting and our approach can be turned to the incorrect way of seeing it all, and therefore, faith is weakened.

You go to church. That is a blessing for you to have fellowship with other believers. Same for your children. Again, this is something to be thankful for.
You pray for your husband, well, he is amongst the blessed in this world then because there are far too many people who are not yet prayed for.
Need we include a "but" with this? (I think you understand and know the answer)

Now, let us get back to the situation you are in.

Two things :

ONE, some seeds take a long time to germinate. Some trees take a long time to bear fruit. I was faced with a decision some years ago as to whether to plant some Stone Pine trees, the ones that give us Pine Nuts. I am always happy to grow trees, especially food bearing trees. These ones can take between ten and two hundred years to bear fruit! What is the point of that then.... I will be long gone if it takes that long??? Then I thought of my children..then my children's children.... then my children's children's children...... and it suddenly became worth doing.
Often I admire the beautiful Oak Trees and other species, here where I live, planted by early settlers. I wonder that they never got to see what I see, and being Oak Trees, I realise that in another hundred years, if the Lord tarry, they will be even more majestic to look upon and shelter under on a hot summer's day.

So, your husband goes to the church with you. Do you get fed there by the words shared and preached? I assume your husband has ears that work.
(I will say things here that I pray you will take in the spirit they are written, and understand there is no condemnation towards you, sister)
OK.... Why do you go to church? (I am asking you, not for you to write a reply, but so as to help you see a better way, so no need to answer these questions here)
Who feeds you and your children, ultimately, with the Word?
When we fellowship, we come together in praise and worship, we come together to be One before the Lord, Who alone in worthy of our praise.

Back to the trees.... Your husband attends with you. He hears things... and if you pray, then know the Lord is certainly willing and able to speak the Word to your husband. Remember, one plants, another waters BUT, it is God Who gives the increase, or growth.... the bearing of fruit.
1Corinthians 3:6-7 I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.
So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase.


TWO....

you.

Yes, you, sister.

I encourage you to look at your reactions to your husbands. Di I say husbands? Yes, we have our heavenly husband, Christ... we are His Bride, and we have our earthly husbands.. even ones who twiddle their thumbs!
In His presence, IN worship, praise, adoration and love, we will see only Him, and be satisfied.... the things of this world grow strangely dim in the light and the glory of Him.

Now, your reaction to your husband.... the thumb twiddling one, this I see as a special something you can learn here, my sister.
How long will you react like that, becoming "livid" and generally upset by another person, even if it is your husband.... in fact, even less reason to... being a union of love, marriage that is.
You go to church and are getting involved in activities there.... why? Is it to draw closer to the Lord, to learn more of Him, to share in His Love with others? Perhaps other beautiful reasons, too? So...... maybe you need to learn a better way to react to your beloved husband who still at least goes with you.

Think about this.... here is you, all happy to be going to church... obviously feeling somewhat content where you attend, for reasons that only you know, and in this one would pray that you grew more and more beautiful in Christ, more like Him in every way, more fruit bearing and holy... not of yourself of course but by grace and His patience with you (as with us all, we need His patience).
Now, think of this... your husband suddenly becomes a full-throttle-born-again-believer, even preaching and helping in many wonderful ways, leading folks to the Lord and all the sort of things we might like to see in a husband..... AND... all the time, there is you, still a wife who gets "livid" WHILE in church, with her husband of all people.

Can you see the point here, sister?

I encourage you to just soak in the wonderful blessings of fellowship while you have it, and let your light so shine that men will see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven.


Philippians 4:4-9 Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.
Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.


Bless you ....><>


Br. Bear