Sigh...I am going to make this a short as possible. I want to fully serve God first and foremost but the thing is, I find myself seeing beautiful woman all around me, who have companions. My desire is just a wife, but a companion. I want to fellowship with someone who seeks to desire God as much as me, if not more.
Then sometimes, I find my self saying that I just want to fully serve you Lord, because I don't want to be distracted, but sometimes I feel lonely. Sigh...A lot of times I just pray and I feel comforted by God in my heart and the loneliness dissipates. But when i'm on the road, I see couples and it makes me wonder.
I'm going to give you a little background of myself in short. Growing up, I was a harden criminal. I had no love for anyone. The words I love you never came out of my mouth not to my father or my mother, even when they said it to me. I treated woman like b-words, and that was how I grew up thinking.
I moved from the area I grew up in (full of like minded people like me but worse) and went to a better neighborhood. I still had that mentality until I met a certain girl. She would tell me that she loved me and reluctantly at first, I told her that I loved her just to make her happy. It became routine for every phone conversation to say that towards the end. After a while, I felt I really loved this girl and I became emotionally attached to her. 2 years later, she cheated on me and I was crushed. Crushed so much I almost turned my frustration to God. The first person who i opened up to, the first person who I told things i never even told my family did this to me. I have never felt so betrayed because I have never loved someone so much.
Let me say this, I did alot of bible reading and bible study with a couple of friends before she cheated and life had never been so good for me. However after she cheated, I abandoned my faith (not fully, but I didn't take it as serious as I used to) and was very wroth for the next 2-3 years. Even when I tried to reconcile with her she treated me like complete crap, having other guys on the side even talking to some of my friends brothers.
I had a hatred for the world which drove me to a point of no return. But something hit me like a ton of bricks that made me realize what I had done was absolutely foolish. Jesus had gone through the exact same thing. His disciples, who claimed they would die for him, abandoned him. Judas, sold him for money. Even his own family called him a lunatic but he still pressed forward, with his eyes on the prize. Then I realized how weak I was. Abandoning my faith simply because of one incident. After realizing this, my faith has never been so strong. I then I started to realize that I loved this girl more then God and so on and so forth.
So now, at the point where I am now, I'm glad I went through what I went through because it strengthened me. And I prayed to God to cut that soul tie between me and her and from that day on I haven't thought about her in any way other then if someone brings her name up and even then, I don't cringe like I used to.
So I guess, I'm saying, there are times when I feel lonely, but the loneliness I feel is that I don't have anyone to fellowship with in the word of God, so I ask you all to pray for me that I true friends I can fellowship with. My name is Johnny BTW
Then sometimes, I find my self saying that I just want to fully serve you Lord, because I don't want to be distracted, but sometimes I feel lonely. Sigh...A lot of times I just pray and I feel comforted by God in my heart and the loneliness dissipates. But when i'm on the road, I see couples and it makes me wonder.
I'm going to give you a little background of myself in short. Growing up, I was a harden criminal. I had no love for anyone. The words I love you never came out of my mouth not to my father or my mother, even when they said it to me. I treated woman like b-words, and that was how I grew up thinking.
I moved from the area I grew up in (full of like minded people like me but worse) and went to a better neighborhood. I still had that mentality until I met a certain girl. She would tell me that she loved me and reluctantly at first, I told her that I loved her just to make her happy. It became routine for every phone conversation to say that towards the end. After a while, I felt I really loved this girl and I became emotionally attached to her. 2 years later, she cheated on me and I was crushed. Crushed so much I almost turned my frustration to God. The first person who i opened up to, the first person who I told things i never even told my family did this to me. I have never felt so betrayed because I have never loved someone so much.
Let me say this, I did alot of bible reading and bible study with a couple of friends before she cheated and life had never been so good for me. However after she cheated, I abandoned my faith (not fully, but I didn't take it as serious as I used to) and was very wroth for the next 2-3 years. Even when I tried to reconcile with her she treated me like complete crap, having other guys on the side even talking to some of my friends brothers.
I had a hatred for the world which drove me to a point of no return. But something hit me like a ton of bricks that made me realize what I had done was absolutely foolish. Jesus had gone through the exact same thing. His disciples, who claimed they would die for him, abandoned him. Judas, sold him for money. Even his own family called him a lunatic but he still pressed forward, with his eyes on the prize. Then I realized how weak I was. Abandoning my faith simply because of one incident. After realizing this, my faith has never been so strong. I then I started to realize that I loved this girl more then God and so on and so forth.
So now, at the point where I am now, I'm glad I went through what I went through because it strengthened me. And I prayed to God to cut that soul tie between me and her and from that day on I haven't thought about her in any way other then if someone brings her name up and even then, I don't cringe like I used to.
So I guess, I'm saying, there are times when I feel lonely, but the loneliness I feel is that I don't have anyone to fellowship with in the word of God, so I ask you all to pray for me that I true friends I can fellowship with. My name is Johnny BTW
