Property Of God
Member
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2007
- Messages
- 786
I was too shy to write about my testimony, where I have been and where I hope to be.It was embarrassing for me to write about my past when I know there are so many people reading, my testimony isn't the greatest but the salvation I got is worth talking about.
When I was 15, I fell in love with a guy who became everything to me, literally. Maybe because I was young and you know how teens react to first love, He was a good Christian and I wanted to be closer to God because of him, He seemed like a light to me and it was my fairytale.
He got busy with his work and we stopped communicating as we used to, many arguemts took place, anger and jealousy, tore us apart. I hated where we have reached. The break up was inevitable, forced to let go, I tried so hard to pick up the pieces but you couldn't fix that.
Suddenly I stopped praying, became so cold towards God, blamed him for leaving me, for allowing pain to drown my heart into it, my life became so smothering to me, I hanged out with the wrong folks, started smoking and drinking for the fun of it ; even though I hated the taste, I did to to take revenge from God, too obssessed with my broken heart and became a depressed sick person, I rebounded with a guy just for the heck of it, it wasn't the most blessed purest relationship
to be honest, and I knew I was sinning to God, but I was so numb to it. Didn't matter to me.
I got so close to drop out of school, I'd lay in the bed so careless and not worrying about school or my grades, nothing. I was dying, day after day, I gained 20 pounds, looked at the mirror and saw a pale fat desperate girl, and I so hated her.
My parents got into a zillion fight with me, to the extent that Dad was hitting me. I remember locking the door of my room and staring at my wrest for hours, laughing while tears fell from my eyes, tempted to commit suicide, and all I feared is that I'll go to the hospital before I bleed out and die.
I knew something was missing, something won't be right without the thing I lost, I tried praying, over and over, nothing came out of it, I would stay up all night crying and asking God to forgive me, falling on the ground from the exhaustion and begging, over and over again.
Still, nothing... I knew God was hurt, It would take more than my tears to wash my sins, it'd take his blood, his death.
I don't recall the exact minute God looked down on me and had mercy, But I recall how he stood next to me through it all, how things got so much better afterwards, all the clouds vanished and God's face appeared to me, I praised God,
Wow... How hard and horrible being away from God is, It's death, dead in the sin.
Now I'm studying Business and my grades are really good, I love my parents and they are proud of me, I no longer miss my ex at all, not even a bit. Lost all the weight I gained.
Most important of all, I'm happy, cause I know God's heart beats up for me, his love is on fire for me, and that's the greatest love story I'll never need to get over, cause I'll never ever let it go again.
No matter what it takes, I'll never go back to where I've been.
When I was 15, I fell in love with a guy who became everything to me, literally. Maybe because I was young and you know how teens react to first love, He was a good Christian and I wanted to be closer to God because of him, He seemed like a light to me and it was my fairytale.
He got busy with his work and we stopped communicating as we used to, many arguemts took place, anger and jealousy, tore us apart. I hated where we have reached. The break up was inevitable, forced to let go, I tried so hard to pick up the pieces but you couldn't fix that.
Suddenly I stopped praying, became so cold towards God, blamed him for leaving me, for allowing pain to drown my heart into it, my life became so smothering to me, I hanged out with the wrong folks, started smoking and drinking for the fun of it ; even though I hated the taste, I did to to take revenge from God, too obssessed with my broken heart and became a depressed sick person, I rebounded with a guy just for the heck of it, it wasn't the most blessed purest relationship
to be honest, and I knew I was sinning to God, but I was so numb to it. Didn't matter to me.
I got so close to drop out of school, I'd lay in the bed so careless and not worrying about school or my grades, nothing. I was dying, day after day, I gained 20 pounds, looked at the mirror and saw a pale fat desperate girl, and I so hated her.
My parents got into a zillion fight with me, to the extent that Dad was hitting me. I remember locking the door of my room and staring at my wrest for hours, laughing while tears fell from my eyes, tempted to commit suicide, and all I feared is that I'll go to the hospital before I bleed out and die.
I knew something was missing, something won't be right without the thing I lost, I tried praying, over and over, nothing came out of it, I would stay up all night crying and asking God to forgive me, falling on the ground from the exhaustion and begging, over and over again.
Still, nothing... I knew God was hurt, It would take more than my tears to wash my sins, it'd take his blood, his death.
I don't recall the exact minute God looked down on me and had mercy, But I recall how he stood next to me through it all, how things got so much better afterwards, all the clouds vanished and God's face appeared to me, I praised God,
Wow... How hard and horrible being away from God is, It's death, dead in the sin.
Now I'm studying Business and my grades are really good, I love my parents and they are proud of me, I no longer miss my ex at all, not even a bit. Lost all the weight I gained.
Most important of all, I'm happy, cause I know God's heart beats up for me, his love is on fire for me, and that's the greatest love story I'll never need to get over, cause I'll never ever let it go again.
No matter what it takes, I'll never go back to where I've been.
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