Need accountablity, help, friendship

[MontanaCowboy]

It looks like the Avatar I picked was of things to come. When I joined this sight I picked for the reason of the link to the American West. But today I have been informed by my wife she is leaving & I will not be able to see the baby boy I was Daddy to for 15 months. My wife was pregnant when I meet her & I took the baby as my child, was at the birth, cut the cord, & was to officially adopt him on the 14th. Instead of adopting I am being forced to change names on credit cards, change electric to my name, etc. I am hurting so bad, I am crying & dying & I want to blame God.
4 weeks ago an ex-boyfriend (not the biological father) called her & she immediately told me she was being tempted. We prayed but things just kept getting worse & now she is gone. If she went to him, I do not know, all I know is they are gone this Easter Weekend & I am devastated & crushed.
Please Forum members write me, write me long things, many things, every day return here & write me, help to distract me & keep me in God's words, pray for the heart.
I don't have a lot of friends to turn to since my family was the center of my life. And sadly the church I attend is not to helpful except every now & a then someone may call. A reason to change churches I think.
And please pray for her hardened heart to be softened & mine to remain strong in Christ. And mostly pray that beautiful baby boy who is being denied a Christian father.
Blessings

 

[junglman]

MontanaCowboy

As I cannot personally relate to the torment, emotions, confusion, doubt and anger that you are experiencing. This is definitely a battle that only you can win through the power and mercy of the Lord Jesus.

Though this life brings us curve balls, circumstances that we don't understand we must hold on to what Job said, Job 19:25 "As for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, And at the last He will take His stand on the earth." Please understand that this is not God doing this, God doesn't separate families, He brings them together. The enemy is in direct involvement in this and he will only be defeated by you bowing your knees at the feet of Jesus. You will only find true peace in Him,Eph 2:13 But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.Eph 2:14 For He Himself is our peace, who made both {groups one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall," and also, Jam 4:7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.}Jam 4:8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Seek Him with all of your heart, I assure you, you will find Him.Hbr 4:14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.Hbr 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as {we are, yet} without sin.Hbr 4:16 Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need., or in the moment we need it the most. When things blind side us is the time to run to the feet of Christ, because He knows our weaknesses, battles, struggles, and is able to show compassion to us. Don't blame Him, run to Him. I will pray for you and your wife in Jesus Name!! Be blessed in Him

Junglman

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation MCowboy.

There are some members here, including myself, who have gone thru life with heartaches such as what your experiencing now.
They are hard to accept. Lots of questions run thru your mind..
What could I have done different? What did I do wrong? Why is she rejecting me?

Many times it really has little to do with us. Rather, something the other person has to deal with, but is unwilling or unable to recognize.

I understand wanting to blame God also. He'll listen. Don't be afraid of Him.

He loves you and will give you strength if your honest with Him about what your feeling.

I would encourage you to give Him your permission, to bring a man into your life who you can confide in and find strength in.
A mens group of Christian men would be a great place to find such a man.

I'm up around Seattle. If your ever in the area, your invited to the mens group I attend..
..as well as a cup of coffee and biscotti ; )

Hang in there. The first couple weeks is the most difficult. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that.

Go to a church near where you are... today.. There'll be men you can approach and just say.. "I'd like pray if you don't mind".
You don't need to go into detail. Just mention your wife has left you, and your in deep need of prayer.

Go do it MontanaCowboy. Can't hurt.. except maybe your pride. Probably will help.

James5:16 The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Let God lead you to that man.


I'm praying for you also.
Marco

 

[MontanaCowboy]

Thank you my Brothers, believe me it helps.
I am always honest with God since you can never hide anything from Him anyway so why lie? He already knows the truth, most of the time before I even do.
I am blessed with a couple of great Pastors, one who was counseling us just because we wanted to be preemptive & avoid this fate. He was amazed at the last session he saw he because he told us she was leaving for her mothers who is an ungodly woman. He said she had a such a hardness & evilness to her. And that he has never seen anyone ever change that fast before.
I also have a very Godly friend & his Wife who have babysat me through this before. Its is my 3rd such episode since 2000 but it never involved a child before. I broke down & sobbed for hours oday thinking of how my little goofy boy would see me & his eyes lite up & he would wobble run to me screaming DADA DADA DADA as he wrapped his arms around my legs to be picked up. This is the most pain I have ever felt.
All 3 of these woman have torn me apart but so far I have survived & turned to the Lord through it all. The 1st time was a total shock, I worked nights she came by work kissed me goodbye, said I love you & when I got home it was empty with a note saying found someone else, Bye. Ironically the guy talked her out of her 401, put a house in her name that he got money out of the mortgage & the refinancing.
2nd one had left 5 or 6 times & I finally stopped chasing her & begging her to come back. She prayed with me for the month she was making plans, all the way up to the last night when she knew I would be out of town. Betrayal still hurts horribly even when you know the knife is coming. 3rd one pretty much did the same thing & now rights me an email saying, God hates divorce but My Jesus will get me through it & protect my kids.
I find there are many Christians who use the sweet blood of Jesus to excuse them for what they do instead of using his self sacrifice to do the same to themselves & use that sacred blood to change things about themselves.
Keep praying for us, especially for her heart to hear Christ weeping over her choices. I thank you dearly.

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

Hello again MCowboy,

A friend of mine who had been married and divorced 3 times said something to me..

I married the same woman 3 times.. just a different body each time.

Please continue to seek wise counsel of men you trust your life with.

I can just about gaurantee your wife will be back.. maybe after some time.. but she'll figure out Lancelot is no knight in shining armor.. and you need to be studied up on how to respond when she returns.

Men you can trust your life with will probably give you what seems like a stern word on what to do, and what not to do.
Do it with all your might.. (Zechariah 4:6) ..trust the word they give you. If you can say that you trust these men on this high a level, as your very life is concerned, trust them on the counsel they give you concerning your wifes return, and how to properly respond.


God bless you with wisdom and discernment,
Marco

 

[GmaDaisy]

Hang in there and Pray......

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have been heart broken now for a few weeks. (See my Tough Decision posting). Pray, Pray, Pray and Pray some more. God will give you peace and take this situation into his hands. He sees the big picture, we do not. We have to trust him. This verse is so wonderful. It helped me when my son died 7 years ago. And it has helped me now. If you ask him, God will take your heart and guard it against this hurt, and give you peace that you do not understand.

"Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

I will pray for you. I've found praying for other people gets me to stop dwelling on my own problems!!

 

[MontanaCowboy]

Lion of Judah & GMaDaisy, and everyone else, Thank you for your prayers & support.

Lion, Your friend had a great saying there, made me crack up & I really needed that. Thank you. Your advise on seeking wise council is wise. I have 5 Brothers in Christ I trust with my life. As an extra blessing, 1 of then just happens to be my Son too. I shall seek then but I am sure they will all disagree. But at least I can hear & bring their thoughts to the Lord as well as mine.

Daisy, Thank you too. I am so sorry about your Son. We both have an emptiness inside that is a taste of hell on earth. I looked at your journal & stuff trying to find the link to your post but being a new-be here I am unsure how but I shall continue to search.

I did send her a Happy Easter e-card and a personal text to say I missed them & I felt Jesus was weeping today over our marriage & my heart was open to her when she decides to come back to her Covenant Marriage. I got nothing back.

I am praying that she is feeling some remorse even if she is not showing it & that on Tuesday God will pierce her hardened heart when she thinks about the fact that she is denying her Son a God fearing daddy (I was to legally adopt him on this day).

Blessings
MC

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

I got nothing back.
..my heart was open to her when she decides to come back to her Covenant Marriage.

I trust you weren't really surprised at not receiving any response back from your card or text.



Just a reminder:

I can just about gaurantee your wife will be back.. maybe after some time..

..and you need to be studied up on how to respond when she returns.

..trust them on the counsel they give you concerning your wifes return, and how to properly respond.

If you respond in the same manner as you have before, with women in your past..

..and are expecting a different result.. your kidding yourself.
Not to mention the possibility of her passing onto you something you may not have yet considered, and do not want.

Just a reminder:

..will probably give you what seems like a stern word on what to do, and what not to do.
Do it with all your might.. (Zechariah 4:6)

Not an easy time for you MontanaCowboy I know..

Follow wise counsel.. not your feelings.


God bless you with it,
LoJ

 

[MontanaCowboy]

I trust you weren't really surprised at not receiving any response back from your card or text.

No sadly I thought she was not going to reply, but hope is all I have left. I keep it tempered knowing that she has free will not God's desire right now. But I can still hope & pray.
Just a reminder:
If you respond in the same manner as you have before, with women in your past..

..and are expecting a different result.. your kidding yourself.
Not to mention the possibility of her passing onto you something you may not have yet considered, and do not want.
Not really sure what you mean here. Can you give me some examples. The response I intend to do is to respond to her as close as Christ would. If it turns on that she did have an affair then I will need to pray about that. There is a beautiful baby boy in this horror that I must put before my own God given right to leave her" if that is the case. he needs a God fearing, God loving Daddy. I need to be there for him. Of that 1 thing, I am certain & committed too.
But again please tell me of what you mean.

LoJ

Thanks for your support & as always Blessings

 

[LindenLady]

Montana.... I am an old woman... and have seen more than I wish to admit during the course of my lifetime..
I too have had 3 relationships that failed terribly, and each time I thought I would never recover.. and one had a child involved also. But even though I was not yet saved... God knew that I would turn to Him one day to devote myself to serving Him,,, and he helped get me through some really horrific times.

Please just cling to Christ and have faith that no matter what happens, God is still in control and regardless of the outcome of your relationship, God's will shall be done.

Montana... if you don't mind... I will be going to the alter tomorrow evening and I will "Stand in the gap" for you and pray for you and for your future, whatever that might be.

Blessings,

LL

 

[MontanaCowboy]

Sorry Rp but I can not agree. You see 1st & foremost my Covenant of marriage was to God, not my Wife. I need to follow His will not mine & His will is as he did for me, self sacrifice, even if I have the "higher Ground" over hear like Jesus did over me. My vows to God do not ed because someone else does not comply. My responses, actions & behaviors, sins, etc, all represent what I feel for the Lord.
I agree I can not wait and morn in depression day after day but I can not break my vow either. I am only released for 2 reasons, 1 adultery that I KNOW of, not suspect but know. And 2 If a nonbeliever leaves me because they do not believe in my God then I need to let them go.
I can how ever wait with joy that I am following my Saviors will for his sake, not mine.
But even though we do not agree on most of the post I do appreciate you taking the time to write & support me. Blessings to you Brother.

 

[LindenLady]

Very Well said Montana Cowboy. You are a shining example of what I believe God expects from us when we find ourselves in this kind of situation. You must respect the covenant you made with God first and foremost.
Hurt and some depression is part and parcel of the healing process when these things happen. It is not unlike having a knife pierce your body. There will be scars and it takes time to heal. To jump into another relationship without having healed somewhat would be akin to getting into a train wreck just after surviving a plane crash.
God will place someone in your path MC, someone that is yoked equally and is also a bright and shining example of what God made us to be. But in the meantime, take the time to heal by concentrating on what God wants of us.... there are so many missions out there.... God places them at our feet the moment we awaken and walk out the door.. We enter the mission field every time we climb out of bed in the morning. Keep worshiping and it all will come together for you.

LL

 

[MontanaCowboy]

I see your point & understand why you speak it. But that point for me is from the flesh, not the Spirit. My point is that it is NOT over until she does 1 of the only 2 things in the Bible that will allow for me to be divorced WITHOUT blame in the eyes of our Heavenly Father.

That is,
1. She has an affair, that I know is a fact, not an assumption.

2. She divorces me herself, therefore she becomes an unequally yoked partner who is rejecting what the Lord says about divorce & allows me to walk away. And since the Bible says that if you divorce someone you cause that person to commit adultery so I am not even sure that my assumption on this one is correct. I believe that if she does divorce me & then I do remarry & if it is adultery, then the sin is charged to her, not me because it says You cause them to commit adultery.

My mind is with you on what you are advising me to do but the Scripture is not. Its not about drowning my sorrows & standing up for my self, it is not the "strippers & beers" but the "prayers & tears." And I know it will be wiser & healthier in the long run to bend my knee to God than to go against him for my own wants, needs and ego boast after being beaten down & betrayed.

I am sure you can see that if more Christians refused to follow their heads then more marriages would be saved in troubled times. That is exactly what my wife is doing, following her head instead of her faith & the results have been devastating to many & will only get worse as she continues on this path or if I follow her down (I mean down) that path..

If I follow her, I am in sin as well &then there is no chance to bring this about for God's glory or to be reconciled to the marriage. And remember there is also an innocent beautiful little baby boy that will also suffer if I allow myself to fall when there was a chance we could have stayed in our Covenant vows.

 

[MontanaCowboy]

I hear Rp. I agree with you about feminism 100% & the whole divorce thing. God ordained that Man & woman would have different roles, but we allowed that to change for political correctness over God's declaration.
Yes woman should be submissive to their husbands but the rest of those scriptures say the same thing about how we should lead, submissively & as a Servant.
But the roles are now grossly blurred, & guess what folks, GOD WAS RIGHT! Look what has happened, the selfishness, greed, sexual immorality, violence, etc in woman is quickly reaching that of Mans. The evil grows bigger & bigger and Christian families are falling apart at a rate equal to the secular population. Christians need to learn of Love, forgiveness, self sacrifice because that is Jesus did for us.
I mean think about it, He was in Heaven one day, sitting at the right hand of God in all his Glory & surrounded by Love, Worship, Praise, singing of Hymns, He was in a Paradise that we can never begin to comprehend. Yet he WILLINGLY came to Earth as a man, suffered extreme abuse, spit on, beaten, tortured, stabbed, hung on a cross for hours of agony, called every evil name in the book, rejected over & over & worst of all He was banished from God as we should have been.
And think about this, every day He has lived since Adam & Eve He has taken on the betrayal & rejection of sin in every man & woman ever to walk the earth yesterday, today & tomorrow. Can you even imagine what that must feel like? How much pain & suffering do we suffer through at the handful of the few who we allow ourselves o be vulnerable to compared to Jesus? It must feel like less than an itch to us compared to His pain.
Yet he still waits on me to come home & accepts me back into his grace, love & mercy when I fail. There is no legalistic in my view, Just spiritual responsibility & faith. Because faith without works is dead & dead faith is not the faith that gets you into heaven. And as my signature states, we need to use the power of the sacred blood of Jesus to change us, not just so we can be forgiven.
I worry this is my wife's current view & in it she will back in Hell if she does not repent & change her way.
We men also have to take responsibility in the feminine movements popularity because we are charged to be the spiritual leaders in home. To make our Brides pure & wholesome, to love them through thick & thin, good & bad, better & worse, sickness & in health.
But as men we tend to do a poor job at this, we put so many things in front of them. This may not be a "bad" thing if it has to do with survival, like work, food, etc, but when your family has a warm home & full bellies already, is it worth it to neglect the ones we love for a fuller belly? Or maybe even a sports team Or a ball game. Or the way look at other woman at the store, TV, soft porn, hard porn.... etc., That is so deeming and hurtful to our Bride, yet we snap back, things like, "I'm just looking at the menu but not ordering so stop nagging."
We as men have failed first because have been charged to lead the woman in our lives in Godly ways. Our failure to so has lead them to
fail too. It seems like Adam & Eve have reversed roles in the today's Garden.
Again my Brother, I thank you for your time & concern for me, I hope you feel no ill will that we have different views & that you will remain open to the scripture as I will. Blessings
MC

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

I believe prudishness and sexual neglect are very serious sins and are not representative of a Christian
..never the less it is still abandonment.

..if the woman (or man in some cases) wants to flake out and sexually neglects you, that is abandonment.

I believe sexual neglect to be equivalent to abandonment which is a cause for divorce

Hhhmmmmm.... So I wonder if these statements apply to someone who's called up by UncleSam ..to serve somewhere in the world? And thereby are separated for six months or a year from thier spouse.
Would this be considered abandonment?? ..of duty to your spouse? No wait ...it's Dereliction of Duty..


Rppearso. At best, your young and nieve.

in the mean time your not suppost to be having sex give me a break

Your statement above doesn't align itself with The WORD.

1Corinthians 6:9-10
Hebrews 13:4

Hop on Craigslist and find a women to rock your world.

..................................................:huh:.............................ok.. nuff said..

If you dont have wisdom your dead in the water.

................................................. .................I agree!

study the history of marriage

Marriage History 101: Jesus = Groom <> Church = Bride ....Genesis 3:15
Before Adam & Eve fell, God's marriage plan was already devised.


God bless rppearso,

LoJ

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

What this nation is asking of its military is not ok but all military people can seem to talk about is you signed the contract so you really cant discuss anything with them you just have to walk away there is no reasoning with them.

Glad to see you enjoying your 1st Amendment rights afforded you.

LoJ

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

Hey Cowboy,
Sorry to be gone a couple days before I could reply ..been a crazy busy week.

Posted by Lion_of_Judah

Just a reminder:
If you respond in the same manner as you have before, with women in your past..

..and are expecting a different result.. your kidding yourself.
Not to mention the possibility of her passing onto you something you may not have yet considered, and do not want.
Not really sure what you mean here. Can you give me some examples. The response I intend to do is to respond to her as close as Christ would. If it turns on that she did have an affair then I will need to pray about that. There is a beautiful baby boy in this horror that I must put before my own God given right to leave her" if that is the case. he needs a God fearing, God loving Daddy. I need to be there for him. Of that 1 thing, I am certain & committed too.
But again please tell me of what you mean.

What I'm speaking of, is for you to review your past behavior in such a given situation as you find yourself in now.
I know your married now, and were not before.
But think back how you reacted to a woman leaving you, and then returning back to you.
If before, you invited them right back into your life, only to watch them leave again for good ...something seems out of sorts there.

I'm glad to see you recognized how you were chasing after the other women before, and have stopped this unhealthy behavior.

Now this may sound harsh, but it needs to be said I feel:
When she comes home, I suggest you welcome her back with open arms and a warm hug.

Not a kiss.

At this point, with her being gone for this amount of time, you need to stand firm in who you are going to become as a man.
Meaning..... you don't have to have a kiss from her to affirm you being a man.
While clearly letting her know- your not "needy" of a kiss from her.
Just for background, I was a single father for 9 years and dated no one in the last 5 years before I met my wife. Meaning..... I kissed no woman romantically during that period. I needed no kiss to affirm I was in fact a "man".

Yeah it feels nice. And yeah it feels nice to be loved. Our great example of a man did not "need" these.

You however, have a different situation now.
You must boil your relationship down to one facet on the jewel of your marriage.......Trust!

Again, when she returns, you cannot act the same person who you were, when she walked out the door, as when she walks back in the door. If she desires to spend the night (and she will), give her the master room. You take the couch or another room. You have no reason to give her your complete "trust" at this point.

I strongly caution you MontanaCowboy! You must think with the head on your shoulders!!


Praying for you,
LoJ

 

[MontanaCowboy]

Thanks LoJ, I see what you mean & I agree that trust will be a major issue & that she will have to earn it if she ever does return. But since we are still married she still has full rights but I could tell her I am not ready if that is how I feel. I will keep your advise in mind & pray about it for when the time comes, if ever.

And I say this about our troops to everyone,
If you won't stand behind our troops then please go stand in front of them!
Our dear soldiers are the greatest of the American people. They & their families sacrifice every day & put them selves in harm way for us for minimal pay. The lose out on precious time with their loved ones, for us, watching a child grow or even be born. So to my American Heroes in uniform I salute you, praise you & thank you & your families for everything you are doing to keep me safe. You are in my Prayers daily & I can not repay you enough for what you are going through. And God's blessings be upon you.

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

Hi MCowboy,

I strongly caution you MontanaCowboy! You must think with the head on your shoulders!!

Here's a bit of wisdom: Women offer thier body for relationship, while men offer relationship for a woman's body. :girlfly:



Here's why I believe she'll come back to you..

She went off in a whim. Spur of the moment so to speak. This guy was "forbidden" fruit and it appealed to her.

When she "comes to her senses", she'll remember your a stable individual. Someone she can find security in
because of that characteristic in you.
That will appeal to her more than the chaos she'll probably find herself in ..just prior to her returning to you!


The old saying goes: Knowledge is power

And the word tells us: My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge Hosea 4:6

The Hebrew word here for destroyed from Strong's is: demah a prim. root; to be dumb or silent; hence to fail or perish; trans. to destroy:--cease, be cut down (off), destroy, be brought to silence, be undone, utterly.

What I'm suggesting here is that you should talk to a person with knowledge on how properly to handle the situation your in. Someone who'll give you sort of a check list, to lay out before your wife if she wants to remain your wife.
Seriously. This is for you! As well as for her.

Your left with the begging question...
'How many times do I want to be emasculated by this woman not respecting her husband/marriage/God.'

I know you love the little guy and care deeply for him, and your wife.. You must also look out for your own well being.

When I married my first wife, I took on two little girls as my own daughters. I have knowledge of what I speak.


Find the guys you trust your life with, and listen closely.

All the best and God bless,
LoJ

 

[MontanaCowboy]

Not if they believe the vow is a Covenant to God as well as to his wife. Not if the man also does NOT do things that she has rights too, like be treated like a Christian Bride, loved & FORGIVEN like Christ forgives us. Unless of course you feel you do not have to forgive her for her sins too.