Need advise urgently!How to recover from a break-up

[precious77]

Dear all,

I have been dating this guy for 7 months,and we broke off 2 months back as he was not ready for committment.

First of all,he is dyslexia and he tends to show less affection.The final turn was when I realise he is more into himself then me,I felt I was giving more.I had the opportunity to grow really close to his family.

Moving on..

Thing is,we have agree to be friends,and I even visited him quite often at his house for family dinners even after we broke off ;hoping at the back of my mind that maybe we can get back together.Most of his family members,think we are still together as I was there quite often and we still laugh and giggle as we used to.

Well,at first things was fine,till last week that he ask me not to come as he sense I was not moving on.I visited him last week which he left the house without speaking to me.

The next day,I dropped by to pass some of his things back and to return some books his dad has borrowed me.
His mother was there to comfort me,and told me to let him go.She even said something that hurts me and told me he doesn't care for me much.

I left the house,and that night I drop him an sms saying I will see him 2 months later as I will take this time to recover and hopefully I can see him as a friend then.

I wish to be friends wish him still as I miss his family and would want to be friends with him still.So..

I desperately need some advise on
1)what to do within this 2 months to recover
2)should we still be friends
3)what should I say when i finally contact him after this 2 months

 

[HoneyBare]

When I was young and still dating, I found out it NEVER works out to try and just be friends. You have to cut all ties because, if you don't start out as friends first, then it's nearly impossible to change it into a friend relationship. Just doesn't work as far as my experiences.

Maybe someone else has had a different experience, but that's just my opinion. It's always harder to break off when you've developed a relationship with the family also. I know how you feel, but the mother was actually wise in telling you how her son feels. God is the one who can heal your emotions and help you depend on Him alone. God bless you, dear.

 

[precious77]

Recovering

Dear Honeybare..

I think we were in the same chatroom a moment ago..
Is it impossible to be friends?I find it hard as well to be friends.

But I really pray hard that we could be.Is it wrong to pray so?Doesn't God gives us what our heart desire?

Please advise,I am really confused .

 

[HoneyBare]

Delight Yourself Also

Dear Honeybare..

I think we were in the same chatroom a moment ago..
Is it impossible to be friends?I find it hard as well to be friends.

But I really pray hard that we could be.Is it wrong to pray so?Doesn't God gives us what our heart desire?

Please advise,I am really confused .

Precious, yes we were on chat after I responded to your thread. And of course, we can be friends.

Again, yes, God WILL give you the desires of your heart. But you have to read more in that scripture to learn how to get the desires of your heart. One secret is to "trust in the Lord, and do good." Psalm 37:3 "Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness." That means you have to take time in His Word (the land), and feed your soul on His faithfulness to you. Psalm 37:3-5 "Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."

Think about it, dwell on it. The land you are dwelling in right now, as you read these words . . . well, it's just not as rewarding as dwelling in the land the Bible is talking about. No doubt, you do learn when you are on this site, but letting the Holy Spirit be your guide as you go off by yourself and read the Bible is such an awesome experience. Nothing compares. There were so many things I didn't understand at first, and I'd try to understand everyone's advice. But I finally took the advice of someone who used to be where I was, and started searching for the answers in His Book. You can trust it completely, and the fellowship you will find with Heavenly Father cannot be replaced. "Taste and see."

When you have your nose in the Bible, you are renewing your mind (Romans 12:2). You are dwelling in a place where God can bless you and then, you see, you can have the desires of your heart BECAUSE you will only desire what is good for you, not what you would desire in this world.

I hope this will help you and not confuse you. You can't lose by just trying what I suggested. Thanx for being my friend. See ya in chat Bonnie

 

[Boanerges]

Praise God you found out now before things got more serious (engagement or marriage). That is your heavenly Father looking out for you.
As far as being friends, didn't you already find out he does not really care? My advice is to move on and prayerfully seek God for the right person to come into your life.

 

[precious77]

Letting go

Dear Boanerges,

First of all,thanks for the advise.

I was tossing and turning around in bed yesterday night.

The revelation I got from this is that I need to surrender my heart whole-heartedly ..it's been a slow process of recovering.

I have also ask for repentance from the Lord over and over last night.

Even right now struggling to type this entry out..

Tell me sisters and brothers,I have heard is not wise to be friends..but I do wish to remain so..at least with his family...

 

[Boanerges]

I understand your pain, I had my heart broken once, I thought I might die. But I did not and it was only after that experience that I was free to meet the person that God had for me- my wonderful wife of over 32 years now. So yes I remember the pain but I also know that I came out stronger on the other side of it and found God faithful to truly bless me.
He always works everything for our good my friend. You remain in my prayers.

 

[precious77]

Thank you

Dear Boanerges,

Thank you.I will continue to do my daily devotional,as for the rest I leave it God...I will keep u all updated then.

Hopefully,after this 2 months I will have an awesome testimonial to share.

Amen.

 

[levipattar]

I know how you feel. I know what separation means. The night my girl friend told me that she was going to marry my cousin, I was broken in pieces, shattered altogether. Three days and three nights I could not eat or drink. I used to scream in desperation shoving pillow into my mouth so that my neighbours could not hear. It was hard for me to recover. But as I committed myself unto the Lord, things began to change. It was really slow. I never contacted her. She wanted to be friends with me but I refused as it would hurt me every time we would talk. I only thought that the one I loved for whom I didnt do anything, went away from me and I had felt so emotionally tortured how much more my Eternal Father who died for me would feel if I go away from Him. His love is eternal. Dear sister in Christ. I only urge you to remember His wounds on the cross, the death He died for you. And yes by His stripes we are healed. May the Lord heal you soon.

 

[precious77]

Thank you Levi

Thank you Levi.You have a kind soul.

Please pray for me.

 

[cilla]

Let me give you some key wisdom, I am convicted to tell you"YOU GIVE PEOPLE PERMISSION ON HOW TO TREAT YOU", if you allow anyone to treat you badly than the wiill continue too. He is not for you. It is painful but God will turn it aroung to teacch something so that you will be whole .

Don't focus on him or the past memories, go and get yourself some good teachings like Joyce Meyer books, or her website has free sermons. Read "The Road less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck M.D.

You will be okay, trust me on that. God loves you and iwants the best for you. He does not want you to be abused or treted wronly purposley. God bless <><

 

[learning2love]

I dated a guy for 18 months, moved 800 miles away from family and friends to be with him, and thought I was going to marry him. 4 months after I moved close to him, I broke up with him. Looking back, I'd say to give yourself (if you need to) time to grieve. Feel whatever it is that you need to feel. Talk to God about it and tell Him everything. Write in a journal. Write a letter to the guy that you never send telling him how his lack of affection hurt you, or whatever it is that you didn't like. And talk it out. Keeping things built up inside isn't good.

As for what do to in 2 months, I'd say see where you are at in 2 months. You may be at the place that you don't feel you need to contact him again because you've moved on. Find other activites to do, other people to go hang out with. Find a place to volunteer at...that sort of thing. Allow God to use this as a growing period in your life.

One more thing....sometimes God allows relationships to not work out so that we have to focus our time and attention on Him. He wants to be number 1 in our lives. So, develope your relationship with your Heavenly Father during this time too.