Need some advice...

[BlessedRissa]

I am 19 years old and I have been brought up in church my whole life. I was never really allowed to miss church services on Sunday and I was involved in various youth activities in church up until I was about a junior in high school. Anyways saying that, I realize that while sitting in church I can't seem to get into the service. I am never able to release any emotions. I just sit in the back and look. Even when people are singing, clapping, and praising His name; I can't seem to release any emotion. Im tired of people looking at me as if I have an attitude there or not wanting to be there. I feel as if I have a mask on preventing me from showing my true feelings. Even this past Sunday, the church was filled with the holy spirit. The pastor didnt even get to preach like he normally does because the Presence of God was so strong that many people were just crying and praising His name. Everyone was praising Him and I couldnt pull my self to let go and let God's presence come into me. I don't know why I cant seem to let go, like something has a hold of me preventing me from praising His name.

 

[Boanerges]

God has children and never grandchildren. Do not base your relationship with Him off of Chruhc membership , attendence, etc.
One question, are you born again?

A couple of comments- going to worship God can be a wonderful experience. Last night I went to a prayer/worship meeting. That was the 6th one they had in the last 8 days. Some were nice, some were powerful and one was flat awesome. Last night was dry as a bone in the dessert sun for me. Still others around me got touched. I decided to stay because I came to seek and honor God and I do not base that on how much I enjoy something. Besides every gathering is different and God may be meeting someone else's needs.

All that being said, lets go back to the first question. If the answer is yes then you must simply press into His presence. You have heard a lot about Him over the years but it is time for you to get to know Him personally.
Find a quiet place and worship for an hour or two. Spend time praying (talking to Him about everything). Learn His Word for it is a love letter to you. Press in, spend some time getting to know Him, He is worth it.

If the answer is no or I do not know then may I suggest praying this with an expectant heart:
Rom 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Father I am truly sorry for my sin. Thank You for sending your Son to die on the cross for me. Thank You that He rose again and that this resurrection life can be mine through Jesus.
Act 15:11 But we believe that through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved, even as they.

Rom 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
Rom 10:10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Father I choose to believe that Jesus took my place on that cross. Jesus come into my heart, I confess You as my Lord and Savior.
Thank You that I will never be the same as I have received new life from You. Thank You that Your wonderful Holy Spirit is going to indwell my heart, lead me into all truth, reveal Your heart to me and teach me Your Word!
Father I receive these things and I thank You both for hearing and answering,
in Jesus Name I pray amen.

 

[BlessedRissa]

It's interesting that you ask me that question. I was baptized around the age of 9. With that being said I had not even experienced being anything of the world and I was captivated at that time of always doing right in God's eyesight. But as time has progressed I found my self slipping further and further away from what is right. Which has brought me to where I am at now. The bible speaks of "being in this world and not of the wordly things" but now I seem to question my Christianity. I believe whole heartedly who Christ Jesus is, but I have began to question am I really one due to past mistakes and actions. Being the rebellious teen in high school has seemed to have followed me in college. It seems as if I have a "mask" on when I am at church and at school. I guess I am hiding my true feelings. I have an urge to rededicate my life esp. when the pastor ask at the end of service who wants to give their life to God. I feel like my pastor is looking directly at me and knows how I feel. Then in the back of my mind something tells me, I'm still young and I still have rebellious tendacies. And how can I accept Him, knowing about how I truly feel about myself and ways.

 

[Boanerges]

Baptism is fine but there is no salvation outside of the personal application of the atoning death of Christ and just getting wet never changed anyone.
Accept the sacrifice and
ask Him to be Lord in Your life.

One more question my friend. If you wanted to get to know someone special (to really know them not just what others have said about them) how would you go about it?

Perhaps you would begin to spend lots of time with that special One, talking to Him, learn what He likes, telling Him how you feel, etc. That relationship can then become part of every aspect of your life.
Think about it, pray about it.