Need to find love

[esthy09]

Hello guys,

I've been a christian for 8 years now and it has not been the easiest road since I came to Christ.

I came from a background of idol worship, hatred, strife, quarrels and disunity. I grew up watching and experiencing violence and disagreements. The biggest of it all is the loss of my mum a few years ago when I was 24.

Now I am approaching 30, still single, feeling lost sometimes, extremely lonely, not having family around me or real friends. Every time I'm around people or friends who have nice, stable family(with dad and mum together and children doing well), I feel uncomfortable, envious and feel like why was I not born into this family. I feel I've missed out on so much in life and now it is affecting my relationships as I'm finding it hard to form and maintain stable relationships and friendships. I do want true friends and a good man, but meeting and keeping them has been another battle because of trust issues I have and then the disappointments.

I've spent years trying to seek love from people and I only get hurt, disappointed more. I want to experience and know how it is like to be in a loving environment or family, but it's so hard for me now. Which way do I go, what do I do. I feel empty of that love that I so much want to experience but even in the church and amongst Christians I do not experience it. Most times it's the Christians who have hurt me the most. It's like my quest for searching for love has been futile and fruitless. Now I'm in a state in my life where I'm crying out to God for a solution to come out of this. I know I do need help

Thanks for listening

 

[Brad Huber]

None but Jesus will give you their heart and marriage currently. Your own trust issues you speak of, and other things of your attitude (I dont know what, just insight of the spirit) will keep nice people away. Love and trust is a two way street. You must show yourself able to give them, to even have a chance of receiving them. I pray God would help heal your heart, so that you may learn to love and trust others, and one day find someone who would do so with you.

 

[esthy09]

Hello Brad,

Thanks for your response, the reason I have trust issues that in the past I was too trusting, too open and naive. I would give myself easily to people and open my heart to them without question or caution, and I got a lot of betrayals, disappointments and even abuse in return. Most of these people who I gave myself to were Christians and they let me down in my time of need. Now I've kind of gone to the other extreme of being guarded and not allowing people in so easily any more. So much has happened to me(losing a mom at a young age, amongst others) and it has affected my ability to relate with people effectively. I know I have this issue and I'm raising up my hand to ask for God's help because I do want to move ahead into my future. I just don't know how to find my balance again or be rehabilitated for me to get ahead. I do know the Spirit of God is the solution to all things and I'm hoping he will provide me with the way forward.

 

[Brad Huber]

Perhaps you might be willing to take the advise of someone who was betrayed many times over by people I thought were friends. Stop trying to make friends, stop trying to gain a boyfriend. Put your time and love into a relationship with our Lord. Read scripture more, pray more, just talk with God like you would a friend, complaints sometimes, but ensure you add praises, and show your love to Him by telling Him so, and then trying harder to do the right things in life. As you draw closer to God (which I did when I did this), people will be eventually drawn to you, when they see the joy of the Lord in your heart. It was only after I didnt care if I ever met a female who would love me and respect me, and yet be happy with life as it was, that they began to be interested in me.

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

Hello Sis Esthy,

Hebrews 12:2 - Looking unto Jesus alone, the author and finisher of your faith.

Been praying for you this morning, then as I do pray, the Lord brought me back on the times when i thought I am all alone my life, pity me, poor me, lonely me being. I am trying to remember how I have found the Love of the Lord in me, but the way I understand you sis, you are already a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ?

And so, i tend to agree with Bro. Brad. Instead of looking to other people around, start it to yourself and establish your relationship first to the Lord. I remember one time doing this thing to myself, a prayerful SELF INVENTORY through a question and answer activity. So i got a pen and notebook to write honestly the following things. In every negative answer, I asked the Lord‘s help and strength to overcome them, and that I may grow in those areas, while thanking Him for the positive answers, asking that His glory shines in them. Amen

1. What are my positive/negative traits that I know?
2. What I know about myself? How do I feel about myself?
A. What are my frustrations?
B. What are my inspirations?
3. What are my strengths? Weaknesses?
4. Why i tend to dislike (avoid) other people?
a. Betrayal?
b. Unforgiveness?
C. Rejection?
E. Insecurity?
D. Or just simply individual difference.

5. Or any other things that would come to mind affecting your effectivity to build relationships with others, reason why you struggle to receive and give love.

Every answer you get to your question, pray. If you need to forgive anyone, tell the Lord how you are being hurt, and utter forgiveness telling his/her name.

It is more helpful if you can find an appropriate Scripture to pray over, in that way, you are memorizing and meditating God‘s Word at the same time. Often times, that is how I get familiarize with the Scriptures. Be honest to yourself sis, and open your heart to God, God just know how to deal with it, even the very secrets of our hearts.

Oh, I didn‘t do all those things in just one sitting. It is a process to me. Pray for the Lord‘s guidance and strength, if ever you would do it. If you don‘t want others discovering it, after you pray, burn it. Or maybe you can type as a draft in your email and save, review later, and you will be amazed .

God loves you, that‘s for sure. And may the prayer of Paul effectuate in your life as you seek to establish your faith, hope and love
to Him. Amen


14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your heartsthrough faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. EPHESIANS 3

Have a wonderful day.

Love in Christ dear Sister,

Rey

Hello Brad,

Thanks for your response, the reason I have trust issues that in the past I was too trusting, too open and naive. I would give myself easily to people and open my heart to them without question or caution, and I got a lot of betrayals, disappointments and even abuse in return. Most of these people who I gave myself to were Christians and they let me down in my time of need. Now I've kind of gone to the other extreme of being guarded and not allowing people in so easily any more. So much has happened to me(losing a mom at a young age, amongst others) and it has affected my ability to relate with people effectively. I know I have this issue and I'm raising up my hand to ask for God's help because I do want to move ahead into my future. I just don't know how to find my balance again or be rehabilitated for me to get ahead. I do know the Spirit of God is the solution to all things and I'm hoping he will provide me with the way forward.