No Support from Family

[Dinky426]

I am a 69 year old widow with no children.

I live in a small town where two brothers and their wives live.

They all ignore me as if I am not even here. I only moved here two years ago, but lived in close proximity previously. This has been going on for the past 15 years since my husband passed away.

There were no problems while he was alive. I had four surgeries and no one offered to help me other than take me to the hospital and bring me home, other than one time, one brother took me home to his house overnight.
I suffered greatly thru those surgeries in trying to take care of myself alone. This last surgery, I did have a friend that stayed with me for five days. That was a help. No one out of the family even bothered to come see me. There were phone calls and excuses as to why they could not come, but that was all.

I have gone on and not said anything to any of them, but this is tearing me apart. I am so angry inside. I am a Christian woman. Didn't God give us siblings to help us when we are down? To give us support in times like surgery, etc. I would have never dreamed that my family would have done me this way. It has hurt me very badly.

My question is this: Do I confront them? OR do I just look for my support elsewhere? I am an active member of a large church and can find support and do have support there, however it hurts me that my family treats me the way they do. I find that I can hardly be around them. Of course that is only when I make the effort to see them. They rarely make any effort to see me.

I have no other family member that I am close to that I can find support from.

Please write and elaborate on God's ideal for families, how they should show their support of a widow in the family, and just what your recommendation would be on how to handle this. I have gone thru many depressions and am trying to keep from getting into one now.

 

[SasyBoy]

I'm sorry I can't help you with your siblings. Are they Christians?

I ask because I believe many Christians are quite frankly desperate to help anyone but many of us are kept oblivious of peoples issues. Now I relate that only to members of the church. Many times I talk to members in my Church only to find that everything is fine and sometimes I think it's a 'Don't bother with me, I don't want to burden you' culture. I think we as Christians need to communicate more about our issues to the church. If we don't sometimes it can be a pride issue.

I don't have the answers but I do know this... if a paster said this lady of 69 is having issues in a sermon and then said we need to help her out can I ask those who want to help speak to her after... that woman would probably be surrounded by people wanting to do the lords work.

Maybe something like that would help... I would get great joy in helping you so you see... your pain can even give others joy but maybe you need to communicate it to others and literally ask for help. We're all called as Christians to respect our elders so your need is our joy if you let us known to it.

Sorry lady it's difficult to have a popper chat over the internet and I'm assuming things I'm sure. This sort of thing might even make a good sermon (any pasters out there)?

Pain = Joy... well not for you or maybe when people help they will bring you joy as well.

 

[Boanerges]

My sister I am very sorry to here what you have been going through- you are certainly in my prayers.
As far as the family that hurt you it is imperative that you forgive them lest you become bitter. You are not responsible for their actions no matter how hurtful but you are responsible for your heart before your Lord. Talking to your Pastor can help you resolve these feelings.
If I were in this situation I think that I would take the time (prayerfully) and write them a letter and let them know just how you feel.
Again my sister you are in my prayers.
Many blessings in His Name,
brother Larry.

 

[Coconut]

SasyBoy those were some wise words...your response blessed me, and I just wanted to tell you so

Dinky, the only advise I can offer is our expectations of others can hurt us far more than the person(s) we are expecting something from, because it is our expectations that cause bitterness to take root, and when that root is spread it will choke out the life within us. In Luke 6:27 Christ offers an object lesson on how to let go of expectations and focus on simply giving without expecting anything in return, and what the result of choosing to live this way will be.

Blessings to you Sister ♥

 

[Br. Bear]

I am a 69 year old widow with no children.

I live in a small town where two brothers and their wives live.

They all ignore me as if I am not even here. I only moved here two years ago, but lived in close proximity previously. This has been going on for the past 15 years since my husband passed away.

There were no problems while he was alive. I had four surgeries and no one offered to help me other than take me to the hospital and bring me home, other than one time, one brother took me home to his house overnight.
I suffered greatly thru those surgeries in trying to take care of myself alone. This last surgery, I did have a friend that stayed with me for five days. That was a help. No one out of the family even bothered to come see me. There were phone calls and excuses as to why they could not come, but that was all.

I have gone on and not said anything to any of them, but this is tearing me apart. I am so angry inside. I am a Christian woman. Didn't God give us siblings to help us when we are down? To give us support in times like surgery, etc. I would have never dreamed that my family would have done me this way. It has hurt me very badly.

My question is this: Do I confront them? OR do I just look for my support elsewhere? I am an active member of a large church and can find support and do have support there, however it hurts me that my family treats me the way they do. I find that I can hardly be around them. Of course that is only when I make the effort to see them. They rarely make any effort to see me.

I have no other family member that I am close to that I can find support from.

Please write and elaborate on God's ideal for families, how they should show their support of a widow in the family, and just what your recommendation would be on how to handle this. I have gone thru many depressions and am trying to keep from getting into one now.

Greetings sister Dinky426,


you may have heard the Scripture,
...there is no new thing under the sun. Ecclesiastes 1:9

well, in the early Church, there were the same things happening as we so often see today....

Acts 6:1 And in those days, when the number of the disciples was multiplied, there arose a murmuring of the Grecians against the Hebrews, because their widows were neglected in the daily ministration.


In James 1:27 we read, Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.


This is a word to the Church. I did not see that you mentioned if the brothers and their wives were professing Christians and if not, then this Scripture does not really relate to them, as we are given the Scripture as members of His Body, to serve Him in Love in this manner.

Gone are the days of 'tribal' care for the elders, along with much other valuable decency and care. While we can easily see the faults of those who neglect widows in their need, we must remember that there are a multitude of other actions or lack of them which also show little or no love, and thereby ignore our Saviour's commandment to Love one another.
We must constantly remind ourselves, it seems, that we are members of His glorious Body and are part thereof only by extreme Grace. We ought have all things in common and have the same care and love one for another. Alas, the world steals away the thankfulness and gratitude we once had and the cares of the flesh keep us from going that extra mile, and often, to our complete shame, from even going the first mile.

Often I think what will these same people expect when they have similar needs? Our motive must be love and not self preservation, and our aim to glorify the Lord in our life for Him, Who gave Himself a ransom for us. In this situation, it is clear that these men and women are void of the Love of Christ. This does not make them bad folks, but is a sure sign that they ought be prayed for, for we also do not wish to miss eternal life, and so ought love them as we love ourselves, caring for their salvation.

Sister, let this experience you have had be an opportunity for Jesus to be glorified. Our flesh calls out for justice for our selves but the Spirit calls out for compassion from those who know Him, Who had compassion on us first.

It is easy to look down upon those who do not show love.... but that easiness turns to rotteneness and devours us, while spreading a bad witness to others.

Please don't think I am attacking you. No way, my sister. I am talking to you as a Christian, and therefore I know that you will understand the Word, which remains in you, whereby you are sealed until that glorious day.

While it is true that for all these years you have been neglected by others who might have offered help, ask yourself how often you pleaded for their salvation, pleaded that they be so filled with Love that they overflow unto others, and thanked the Lord that through this time, which I remind you is short, and eternal life is forever, yes, throughout this time you have been in a position to see THEIR need, which you never would have seen so clearly if this had not happened.

Your need is temporal, meaning that we have only a short time here where we do undergo certain trails and sufferings, and then we are promoted to eternal glory. These folks need is eternal, meaning they might miss eternal life if they neglect the Lord and His commands.... if no-one bothers about their souls.


It is well to remember that we are ever cared for by our Lord and He gives us strength to endure, and while the road may be rough and rocky, He leads us and often carries us through the hardest parts, not giving us anything that is too much to bear, but in our weakness, He is our Strength, our Hope, our Joy and our Song. Jesus desires us to cast our burdens upon Him and take up His , which is Light... to thank Him for the opportunity for His Love to flow through us and to others, to pray and pray more, making wise use of our time here.


Dear sister, I understand that these years have been difficult and hurt you. If I could relieve you of this I would, BUT I know Who can...

His name is Jesus. He loves you, sister.

Even if the whole world ignore us and step on us and neglect us, Jesus poured out His Life for us that we may be free, that we may have forgiveness of sins, eternal life and His joy. As we consider Him, that He left heaven to become a servant to be slaughtered for our transgressions, what is too hard to bear for Him, and what can we learn of Him, Who loves us so?


Matthew 11:28-30
Come unto Me,
all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.



May these words comfort you to know you are loved sister, by the most beautiful Lord, Jesus Christ the Lamb of God.


Bless you ....><>




Br. Bear

 

[carlos marquez]

Beloved sister Dinky.
That does hurt when our own flesh and blood forsake us.
I experienced some ugly treatment at the hands of my cousins who felt I was a useless dog.they abused me much with their mouth.For a long time I was bitter and angry at them but in the end God brought dileverence to my weary soul, I had to wrestle with all my feelings and release them to God,God did give me a peace about all those family members,the cousins still dont care to much about me but I find comfort and peace knowing that Christ cares about me even though we may be forsaken by our family the Lord is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.God's desire is that we would all be a happy family,but we have to remember that all humans are made of flesh and flesh has a tedency to live out its own selfish way, only those with the spirit will be mindful to things concerning compassion,mercy,joy,peace,love,hope,sacrifice,encouragement in the holy spirit.
In Christ you always have a friend and in your church you have a family with whome you will spend eternity,start getting to know them now and dont be fraid to let God guide you to some one in your church with whome you could share this burden you are carrying.

My prayer is that our Lord will send you help in this time of need and that you will make life long friends,and that your heart will open up to share your life with other because you are very special in the sight of God.
World with out end.Amen

 

[Truehearts]

Hey sis, I know how you feel (not totally maybe) but anyways. I hope you communicate with them first before you get help from your church. I used to be very dependent on others attention and care. Im a little... "approach-me" kindof girl. Well, its pride and its powerful. When I feel bad or lonely I wait for others to notice that Im not ok. I say to myself 'youre my friends or youre my family, you should have notice theres something wrong with me'. I wait and wait. And there are times no one will really come, even my bestfriend. It disappoints me. And feel even more bad. After sometime I will be able to tell them about how I feel and they will say, '..but I thought you're just not in the mood or I thought she/he would be there for you because you're more close to him/her'... Over and over this happens... "Why God? Are you neglecting me? You knew I needed someone.." But then God will whisper me, "I never left you.."
I was the one who neglected God in the first place... I looked for others attention to fill my need. We have to be focus and look upon God and only God always. People will always disappoint us.