On The Outside, Looking In

[hadirfuss]

always find myself here
On the outside, looking in;
Looking in on others lives
And love I'll never win.
In all the things I've done
And places where I've been
I'm always on the outside,
Looking in.

My life's been filled with loneliness
And emptiness and pain,
And every time I think I'll win
It comes around again
To take away the sunshine
And leave me in the rain;
This cold and lonely life here
Filled with pain.

So do I quit looking and trying to show
How much I'm willing to give,
And do I quit trying to be in their lives
And keep to myself as I live.

Doubts that started small
Grow ever stronger now, it seems,
Shadowing my daylight hours
And creeping in my dreams.
When I was uninvited,
Or chosen last for teams,
The reasons grow more obvious,
It seems.

Looking toward the future now,
I know not where it leads;
To loneliness and misery,
Or marvelous, great deeds.
I see there only things to fear
And empty, unfilled needs
And no one there to take me
Where it leads.

So do I quit looking and trying to show
How much I'm willing to give,
And do I quit trying to be in their lives
And keep to myself as I live.
- RD Clyde

 

[dpg3]

I feel like you've written a poem about my life. I have felt for a long time like an outsider, your poem expresses many of the feelings I have. This is an searingly emotional and honest poem, thank-you so much for sharing it!!!!
"So do I quit looking and trying to show
How much I'm willing to give,
And do I quit trying to be in their lives
And keep to myself as I live."