This is my first post in TJ. Hello everyone. The reason for my post is I'm having trouble fitting in with my other Church members. I've been attending there for close to 20 years and have recently just returned to the this church after a 2 year break in attendance. While attending a few other churches I felt a need to return to my original church. This is were the struggles have began. I struggle constantly with a feeling of the church members putting on an act. Just going through the motions. There seems to be no real fellowship within the church. If your going to live your life for Jesus Christ within this broken world there are going to be some real struggles we will face. I can't go through it alone we need each other. What is God trying to tell me here? What should I do.
Personnel struggle with fellowship with in my Church.
- Thread starter csmnlm
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why did you feel a need to return to your original church? God needs leaders.
i felt lead
to return to this church. My wife was against it and my kids were against it at first but after sometime they agreed to return. We have gotten a new pastor. His style of preaching is not at all what our congregation is used to. I like his preaching. There are some very critical people in our church. I struggle with not being over critical of other within the church. So I pretty much just keep my mouth shut.
If God is trying to tell you something, you should ask Him, not us. The key to knowing His will is consecration, confession, surrender, obedience, and being willing and open. Your experience is quite normal for most Christians, it is His way of mashing (and I use this term deliberately, because it's normally not very nice or pleasant) us all together into this thing called "fellowship". God uses church like a meat grinder, to grind the flesh and self out of us, so we look more like Christ. And if He doesn't use church, He'll use our job, our family, our friends, anything.
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Hello csmnm: Boy can I relate to your post!! I know from studies that if a member misses three Sundays and no one contact that person the are not likely to return. I have been a pastor and of four churches, and I think I have experienced from both sides. Frankly I am deeply hurt, and seeking what the lord wants me and wife to do. I think it boils down to Christians not understanding what our reasonability to each other really is, biblically speaking.
Many people are very needy, and just want everything they can get for free, never giving of themselves in any way whatsoever, give me, give me. Then here are those who do much, that they burn completely out, and just walk away. There is a better way, the way of Serving Jesus with the strength He provides in the Holy Spirit. We can't do it on our on.
As for me and my bride of nearly 45 years, I think we are praying about becoming a part of a local small church that does as it always has done; but we are praying about a week day Bible study for us older people. We are not for sure, but we have to feel like we doing something worth while. But time will tell. We have a limit on how far we will travel to church, and the farther you leave from your home to go to church, the less you can be involved in a church.
How about we pray for you, and you remember us too?
I dont look for fellowship in a church building. I have never found it. The only christians I have ever had fellowship with was ones that I knew personally. And even out of those very few were truly close. My grandmother always used to tell me when I was a little boy, you can count all your friends on one hand, and if you can hold up all five fingers you are very fortunate. I have never been able to hold up all five fingers. at times I thought I could, but come to find out later, I shouldnt have been sticking up some of my fingers.
I would still encourage you to pray and ask God to show you why He led you back to the church. Maybe there is something you can do to help out with the lack of fellowship you see there. Do they have bible studies? what about Prayer groups or prayer breakfasts? A lot of times there will be a smaller groups that meets in homes to worship, and these groups are ussually more close knit. So press into seeing if there is a group like that in your church, and if one dosent exsist maybe you could start a house gathering or a prayer meeting or a study group. But what ever you decide acknowledge God in all your ways and He will direct your paths. It sounds like to me He already directed you back to this church so Now you get to see why He did it.. But a very older much wiser brother once said to me God wants what we want. so Pursue what you feel is a need in your life.
Everyone is making some very good points. Giving me a lot to think about. Thank you for taking the time to help me.I have been asking God to clue me in as what I'm to do. I wanted to clarify what my opinion of fellowship would look like in a church. This may seem a little radical to some. Here are the things I see missing in our church. You need a joint cause, mission or purpose.Everyone needs to be on the same page working towards a common goal. Second is you need to suffer together. Lets face it if your living in this world we all go through times of suffering or hardship. If your living a life for Christ this will be even more so. The problem I see in a lot of churches today is everyone walks around like life is all lollipops and rainbows. Well its not! Stop pretending and lets start to get real. If we begin to share our hardships with each other it will build stronger fellowship. I don't want my writing to come off as harsh. This is something I feel very passionate about.
I admire your Knowing that sometimes you come off "harsh" and desire not to be abrasive with others. I feel you on this 100% as this is something I deal with in my walk. I do not see what you say as harsh. and sometimes the truth hurts but if you love someone you have to speak it. something that has been of tremendous help to me is this.....Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. I apply this proverb to my life whenever I can and I have seen that even when I want to not use soft words.... but i use soft words instead, well, things go smoother. just ask God to give you the words to edify. I feel passionate about this topic as well and as soon as I read your post i got a sense God is doing something with you. I am gonna pray for you that God leads you to the fellowship you desire and if he will, maybe a lollipop too.
If church buildings are not for fellowship then what are they for.. business? social events? parties? I would expect a church to have fellowship, (otherwise it's not really a church)...and if it doesn't have fellowship, in as much as it depends on me, then I might leave and find another one that does have fellowship. That is unless the Lord wants me there for a purpose, such as to improve the situation or learn some lesson. Any idea of having to seek fellowship outside of church is completely abnormal.
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First let me say I love your bio. Yes, sometimes to get where we need to be, God will have us travel a road filled with many cracks and pot holes. From what I can see, you have become stronger for it.
A lot of questions come to mind on this post of yours brother.
Why did you leave after 20 years?
Have the conditions changed in the two years since you left?
Because of this 2 year separation do you believe others in the church are treating you differently?
When you say there is no fellowship within the church, what exactly do you mean by that? Once service is over, everyone gets back into their mode of transportation and goes off and does their own thing or only certain people talk to certain people?
Could the other churches you attended during the 2 year period have given you a different perspective on the expectations of church since they were different than the one you had been attending for 20 years? Now that you're back is it possible that it has just become more obvious to you?
On other members putting on an act. How do mean putting on an act? Do their actions in church say one thing and their behavior outside of it another?
Sometimes even knowing the denomination helps to narrow down how congregations behave. I've attended churches to temples and back again and each has a difference about them that can be seen as a negative or a positive. One can easily say that no two churches are alike from start to finish. I've come to realize that each church can be governed/led differently, and depending on the Pastoral leadership and Ministry team so goes the church. The importance is in the meat that is being fed to the congregation. Is it wholesome and conducive to growth or one that is just going through the motions, hinders growth?
Remember in those two years you could have very well grown in Christ Jesus or digressed so that either condition has you noticing certain things that were present for those 20 years but are now just noticing for the better or the worse?
Keep in mind that congregations also change. Pastors change, and for you this seems to have been for the better. (Show your support for him. Drop him a line or make an effort to stop and tell him so. Considering that some others in the congregation are not too happy about it. A word of kindness and your love will go a long way.) Back to church, also people come and go. They get younger, or older, more diverse in culture, you name it and it happens in churches.
Brother as far as struggles. You are correct. This world does have trials and tribulations to go through, especially for the believer. However, whether or not there is anyone else you can relate to, or talk to about it in this church, you must realize that you always have the Lord! By starting your post here, you will find that you also have brothers & sisters in Christ Jesus here at TJ who will give ear, prayer, laugh, cry, and support you as the Spirit moves them. Why? Because many can relate, but mostly because we love you and care for your as a brother whose bond is forged with the Blood of the Lamb, and is everlasting.
So, with all that being said. You've limited me to about a page response which is pretty good considering I can pretty much go on and on and on.
Praying for you and yours.
YBIC
C4E
1 Peter 3:8-9 [8] Finally, [be ye] all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, [be] pitiful, [be] courteous: [9] Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
I'll try and answer all your questions.
We left after 20 years because we just felt overwhelmed. Theres few volunteers my wife and I were teaching Sunday school and running the nursery. My wife was pregnant with our 3rd child and I just took a new job with a shift change from days to night shift.
The people that attend our church are longtime members. We might get a few new attenders once in a great while. There are 7 kids in our church under the age a 12. 3 of those kids are mine. The church did get a new pastor a year after I stopped going. He is still there and I like his preaching very much! I've met with him on several time and shared my support for his preaching.
I don't believe people are treating me differently. They seem to be glad that the family and I came back.
Its a little difficult to explain the fellowship issue. Its more of a feeling I have. I see most of the lack of fellowship when the church brakes into our Sunday school class. It just seems as though people are just going through the motions. There is friendliness but not closeness. It feels very superficial. When you bring up anything deep or heartfelt. You just get a deer in the headlights look from everyone. There are 2 different services in our church Traditional and contemporary. Its like there are 2 churches in 1 building.
I'm not really sure how to explain what happened. My life took a very bad turn. My Job, finances, and child's health. And a very bad betrayal of a close friends. With all of this happening the world broke me. God pulled me out of this mess. This is when I felt the calling to return to United Methodist church. I had been attending another church. A much larger church.
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Yes I think so. I believe I have been led to do more then just encourage him. I'm just still trying to make sense of it all. There are times when something comes over me and I start to cry. Its like when I here god teaching me something or revealing his truths to me. I don't know how to explain it. The same thing happens to me sometimes during the worship service. What is it? Is it the Holy Spirit? Or is it God healing my heart?
Dreamer
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I totally see your point with this. I have found this to be a strong problem at my church also. People act as if they have it all together. If someone who is accepted says they have a problem, people coo over them and say that satan is attacking them because they are doing so much for the Lord. If someone that they do not like admits problems, they are told, "You have sin in your life, you have not forgiven, stressing over things is a sin, etc. Only a few elite people are considered super-spiritual.
Praying for you, your wife, and children.
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What has been written here is a very sad commentary indeed. If it extends into the leadership/ministry team sadness upon sadness.
I'm sure you all have been active when possible to intercede upon the behalf of those people so chastised by others, or hurting in need of fellowship. Once again, the need to fill the gap when no other will (Ezekiel 22:30), is not only for the land, nation, but for each other as well. When these instances happen, making that effort to take the first step (literally) to reach out to them, when all others may or will not is a must. The actions of others should not be what dictates us to comfort, pray, or show the same love our Lord has for us, to those who are in need in our churches, no matter who else is involved.
I've had the Holy Spirit kick me a time or two, to take that step when I could readily see that no one else was going to and even when others did. My inclination is to stay back unless they are familiar to me. I don't know about you all, but allowing the Holy Spirit rein has not always been easy for me. I've resisted at times to my own regret to reach out to strangers, who were brethren who I could see needed that fellowship. This has always led me to, praying for forgiveness and that my own inaction, would not be cause for those in need not to receive it.
We are but a part of the Body of Christ, but still every part is important. Stepping out in faith, when no one else will, is no easy task. Yet it one that we must do, for if we can remember that it is a labor of love that we do, even if it may cost us much. Then we will be like our Master, Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and for me and I pray for you as well, it can't get much better than that while on in this world awaiting His return.
For the "lollipops and rainbows" kind of folks. Pray that it may ever be so for them, and should the persecutions, and trials occur, that in those times they may find the strength through the Holy Spirit to even then, with tears running down their cheeks still continue to praise and glorify God! Which just might be the reason you have been called back to that church for brother. To show them how.
With my prayers and love.
YBIC
C4E
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Rev T.S.Perkins
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i can tell you if i went by struggles with other church members i would be so far from God .. when God compels us to return to a point of contention its because He wants Us to overcome it in Jesus name .each time ive been brought back to a place its been to learn anew How to cope with it and it means God is Equiping you for anothher place and time down the road..never easy to return to the scene of the crime but the bennifits out way the loss of Pride and control over it ..God allowed the hebrew children to wander in the dessert not to remove them from Egypt but to remove Egypt from them....Rev
