Walk after the Spirit.
Greetings ElemntofPraise,
may you be overcome with God's love in Jesus Christ the Lord.
I would like to walk you through your letter, and I pray that you will be free as we go through it....
I was listening to a well known preacher of the word preach about callings and how some of us are called to sacrifice our life. Well I mean we all are but, for instance they gave the reference of John The Baptist and how faithful he was to his calling and well I dont remember the sermon word for word. But basically, I feel like him. Like I must forget about my dreams and live serving someone else. Im trying not to be specific, its a little more complicated. Let's say that I was framed and although I didn't commit the crime, I was convicted of a felony and sent to prison and was called to minister the gospel in jail. Thats how I feel, like I must lay down all my desires of wanting a family, a career.. well a life, for unsaved inmates. The one thing to decide is if you would like to follow Jesus. This may sound strange or perhaps simple. However, you need to establish your decision firmly so you can stand by your decision. He will not cast you out. Only we can make it difficult for ourselves.... the Lord only wants good for us. The reason I say you need to decide if you want to follow Jesus is because everything about you depends upon this one decision.
From what I read here, your answer would be and is, yes.
So, what does that mean? It means that in order to follow Jesus, you need to do just that.... no longer following after your flesh.
Let's go back to the Garden.... Eve and Adam, followed after the LORD God. Temptation came, via the serpent. The result.... the flesh became the thing they followed, and were in bondage to, with fear. This bondage corrupts the mind and heart and leaves no peace.
Now, let's go back to you and your decision to follow the Lord. What is the thing that Jesus wants for you? Condemnation? Guilt? Depression? NO! He wants you to be free.... in fact He died for you to be free, such is His love. So, in order to follow Jesus, one needs to be free from the old self, the flesh. This is not to say that we won't war and fight against it, but in Christ, who we follow, we have victory and freedom from the law of sin and death. Remember, life is in Christ, which equates to freedom, freedom to grow, to live the life that you have been given, without condemnation, without guilt and fear nor the resulting depression of your life... for whosoever the Son sets free, is free indeed.
Let's look at Romans 8.... please read it.
The flesh has want's and needs that it tries to dictate to us about. Herein, we can become mindful of the things of the flesh, and thereby become controlled by it, and led by it.... but not to life and peace. Your current situation is using the flesh to dictate to you, to rule over you, as you consider how things are for you. Your flesh is dominating you.
Now, those in Christ Jesus walk after the Spirit... and that is the only way to follow Jesus, and to serve Him. There are many who are free from prison in flesh terms, but totally bound and imprisoned by their flesh. And there are others, who are in prison, who are totally free in the Spirit. They have life and peace, and it rules their hearts and minds, and the flesh doesn't get a look in.... they are free.
Can this be possible? Yes. Because one who is hungry listens to the flesh... and seeks food, to satisfy the flesh. This is no sin or wrong doing. However, let us look at fasting quickly, to see something to be learned from it. Fasting requires us to put the flesh under subjection to the mind, where the flesh is 'told' it must remain hungry. I am not suggesting that you need to fast.... merely showing you a principal about the flesh.
As we look at the things of the flesh, we can become under subjection to the flesh .... or, put it under subjection to our decisions.
But we are called to mind the things of the Spirit. So, what do we look on? Jesus.
In Him we have freedom. Let us look at Him, then. We then can mind the things of the Spirit. We can see our life as it is, and our purpose as it is, and we are strengthened by the Spirit to follow after the Spirit..... rather than weakened and defeated by the flesh.
Now, all this is pointing to your decision.... and having made that decision, walking after the Spirit. See, to follow Jesus is something that requires a turn about from the flesh controlling us, to become one with Him who sets us free to rejoice and give thanks for the Lord's great love and mercy. No matter where we are and who with.
Serving the Lord is about living in His peace and joy..... and therefore shining the light of His glory that others may see and seek after Him. This is true about everyone.
It is the flesh that must be sacrificed and lost, with all it's desires and lusts, with all its power over us, where we can become subject to depression, as you are now. The sacrifice you are called to is to deny your flesh.... and so thereby walk in freedom. You can not serve God unless you are free. And serving God is pointless if you don't first and always have His freedom in your life.
So, I asked, have you decided to follow Jesus?
And, is there a dream you would rather follow than Jesus?
But basically Im reaching out for help. I feel miserable, when I say miserable. I mean actual pain. I have never been so depressed in my life. And I have dealt with some depressing issues in my life. But this is insane. I cry everyday. The pain is so strong that I understand why people cut themselves and I actually have the yearning to do it ..like a craving. Like it would make me feel better. It is scary cause I know who the thoughts are coming from. And I even so much as reached for a knife once and heard the Lord's voice say "Don't" so I never have. And Im so embarassed by this I haven't mentioned it to anyone. Im on anti-depressants right now, which I was very leery about getting but my doctor said the depression was the cause of another medical problem Im having. You mention prison ministry. For me, I would look at the situation of feeling really pained in misery and see that it is good for me, in that I was being shown how it is for many to whom I seek to minister to.
The pain is so strong that I understand why See how you understand now. It is good if you are choosing to serve Him, to understand personally. It is not a prerequisite, but since you do now understand, see that you have been brought to this depth for a reason, which is to prepare you and bless you and others to whom you are taken to help.
You know that the Lord will not give you too much, and that there is purpose in His way, and that He is with you, even now... so talk to Him and ask of Him if there is more you need to see, and thank Him for taking you seriously. (As I said, I would do this and in fact do. Some may disagree with me on this point, which is OK, but I must tell you that it always changes my view about how I feel in any given situation, and I touch depths that I did not know about).... and it is a lesson in reaching out to others who are in pain, without Jesus.
You have Jesus, sister. Please never forget that. And as you know, He has only good plans for you and hears your prayers. Remember that Jesus was afflicted and became totally human for us, and was taken through life as we are, experiencing the pain and hunger and rejection, and in able to relate to us, and we to Him. He could have stayed away from Earth but chose to come and show His great love by being one of us. So, if it was good enough for Him, it is surely good enough for any who love Him.
Sister, I pray you can stop medication for depression and walk in the victory of the Lord, with rejoicing and joy.
Count it all joy. As Jesus did.
Another reason why Im embarassed is that we are all called to lay down our lives, pick up our cross, and be God's servants here on earth. I feel so selfish. I continue to ask God to help me to want what He wants. I wish I could just reach in my body and grab the depression and the EXTREME anger and throw it in some swine or something. I don't want these feelings, Lord knows I dont. It hurts so bad though. And the reason seems so petty, the thing is I don't know how to control my feelings. I mean is there something else I could be doing, other than praying, to relieve my pain? Yes. Look to Jesus. It is very simple, and often overlooked, sister. When we look to Jesus, and I mean really look, we see how much He endured, and see how He endured .... and why.
Without enduring for us, we would not have hope or any part in Salvation. He set the way for us to follow, and is here to help us by His Spirit. Remember too that laying down your life is actually a blessing of freedom, not a task or big ask. Our lives are pretty soiled and stained and without Him there is no hope, so if we lay our life down, by denying the flesh to rule our minds, we are actually getting set free.
It's like being caught in a net. We struggle to get free. Lots of struggling. Jesus says to be still, so He can set us free. While we still struggle in the net, we remain entangled. Although our flesh insists we must keep struggling in order to escape any pain, Jesus says to listen to Him instead, and be still.... and in so doing, we are minding the things of the Spirit.
The flesh protests loudly against so many things, but we walk not after the flesh to mind the things of the flesh, but after the Spirit, to mind the things of the Spirit.
Remember, too... don't be angry.... turn your thoughts to Jesus and He will show you the blessing you are inheriting and that what you are angry about is really an opportunity to serve Him more deeply than ever before... it is here you take up your cross. Same situation, different burden.
Please give me some advice on how to get over this. I've been dealing with it for 2 years now. Every time I think I've dealt with it, it comes back with a vengeance. I feel like I've been called to do something without the grace of God to do it. I must say here that that thought is a lie. Never will He leave you without His love and grace, which is sufficient. Never. I am sure you know this to be true. So, I encourage you my sister, to turn to rejoicing and praise, thanksgiving and prayer, with joy.... for in these things you have the victory and life.
I shall pray for you. I realise it has been very difficult for you til now, but I pray you will begin to see the wonder of it all day by day, and go on in strength, taking the Gospel with you.
Bless you ...><>
Br. Bear
