Coming back to God
Your in a position that many have found themselves in.
your going to have to use some faith on this one and just believe what the Bible says though. Get your faith ready!!!
I can't pray to bring you back closer to God. That's a personal choice you have to make. Just because you have not heard God does not mean he is not listening or most likely your not listening to him.
Jas 4:8 Come close to God and He will come close to you. [Recognize that you are] sinners, get your soiled hands clean; [realize that you have been disloyal] wavering individuals with divided interests, and purify your hearts [of your spiritual adultery].
First, you must forgive yourself and get rid of condemnation. God promised that if we draw closer to him he will draw closer to us. That's scripture and God is not a liar. He will do for you what he said !!!!
Your thought is that you have been away for so long God may be done with you. You don't want to believe that but all evidence seems to point to that.
That's a lie. There are outside forces (Mr. Devil) that would love you to believe that you have gone to far.
Repent!!!!!!
Yes, I know that you have probably asked for forgiveness over and over. You also have a part to play in repentance though. Repent means to turn away from and settle the matter.
1Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins,
he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Now, Repent of all that you need to again. Now please God and use your faith and believe what he said. He said he is faithful and just to forgive you. Part of repentance is believing that all that stuff you did is no longer valid. It's washed away, destroyed, blotted out, forever forgotten.
Now say this:
I am now Forgiven. I am not condemned. I will not be moved how I feel. I am no longer guilty of anything!!!! Feelings do not move me. I do not live my life on how I feel but what I believe and I believe that God loves me and is faithful to forgive me and keep his Word.!!!!
Your right with God now. His word says so and it's more than good enough.
Now. check your heart. What does your heart tell you that you should be doing? Going back to church faithfully? Do those things that is in your heart. Obey your conscience!!!
Brother (edit) I mean Sister you will find God has already given you instructions. You don't need to hear from God telling you everything is OK. Just step out and start doing what you know to do that is right.
Your forgiven!!
Keep your love walk..............everything will be fine but stop feeling sorry for yourself and start believing what God said and take some action.
Once your back in the place you used to be. God will have more directions for you. He originally gave you instructions at the start. Go back..... where you left God..... and get on it.
Love ya
God Bless.
Jesus Is Lord