I thank God for you, and that there is someone else who understands how imperative our own perspective is as we look towards Him.
I learned this simple truth and it hurt me to realize that if I'm asking Him for peace then it also means that I don't have peace--much of what we ask for comes right from our own perspective (gifts from above that are already given) and sometimes those things that we ask for are things we don't have but need and can only come from Him. Again, it hurt me to learn that our own perspective can be the difference between being dependent upon Him or being His friend in good works and gratitude.
I am tired of being dependent.
I need a friend with whom I am able to appreciate God and the love of God with others, and I have learned that by being dependent so often I am hindered of showing forth His goodness.
My question, 'Why?,' is a question about this: why did I not know you sooner? Why did my world become so lonely after I learned of you? Why give me wisdom hidden from the ages and the eyes of many multitudes over thousands of years? Why give me the ability to understand complex spiritual conditions?
It's scary. I became terrified after I learned what 'power' is and how easily it destroys its own vessels. Some wisdom requires a retainer that is able to house it otherwise the house (person) will fall (fail), and I've been somber for a while because of how much I've learned and what I've learned. I have often thought to myself that I've learned too much, and each time that I find myself saying this in my spirit I also find myself saying that it's still not enough because outside of my own living there's a child, a mother, a family---there's so many someone's out there whose severe sufferings are coming from malevolence in high places and it feels like I'm not able to live till they can live theirs. I've received a kind of discernment that is painful--an understanding that must, at some point, be moved for them.
There's so much risk and uncertainty. There's so much danger. It's so difficult and painful to search out the keys of peace and love, and malevolence hates these.