Thank you all so very much for the kind words back
It means a lot to me that you have put me in your prayers I do not know if we are allowed to post a reply from another board or not so i will wait and see if i am allowed before i post it on here what was said to me , however i guess it really does not matter now cause i like to put that hurt way behind me .
the reason i got a drink and got drunk and it was the first time ever that i ever had a drink in my life was because my brother does a lot of drinking and i was at his house , even after doing that i even snorted a hydro up my nose , really dumb and stupid but all my life i have either been loved a little then dumped by a guy or not even loved at all . my family has never once loved me and i have been sort of an outsider
things got so bad that i did attempt my life a couple years ago but i do have God to thank for giving me a second chance at life
. i guess with the drinking beer i thought that maybe my brother would love me if i partied with him , that was just really dumb and stupid for me to think that way .
When i first got baptized ( which was back in 2000 ) and gave my life over to God it was so hard for me to understand how christian people could love me when no one else did , well that love from them soon faded away and i soon quit going to church - but a lot of things happened that made me quit going to church that i do not want to get into here at least on the board but i was shown just how little the love of God was at that church . When i was at the most hurting i could be they were not there for me and really did not care so i attempted my life . i did go back to church a little while after my attempt and did walk up front and asked the preacher to pray for me and ask God to forgive me for attempting my life but that preacher was so cold when i walked up front , not a bit of love in his voice and the words he said was you need to talk with the men of the congregation because you can not keep doing this and i know it was only the third time i had ever walked up front to repent ( this was a church of christ ) only 3 times and i am told not to that it must stop and all the time i thought it was as many times as you sin you should ask for forgiveness . well to make a long story short , usually after you do this others welcome you back in well not one person there welcomed me back that cut so deep that i am just not really ready to go to any church right now .
i need prayers to get my life straight , to find an honest church that has the love of God in it and has Gods people in it , so i have been online at a few sites but this one felt really like a home site to me then but now they tell me get a life , grow up , quit putting drama on the board , all you do is complain , etc if asking prayers is drama or complaining then i guess there really is nothing i can say or do .
thanks for all your kind words . i was feeling kind of down but then i got on here and read these nice things . thank you all so much it has lifted my spirit up . taka care and i hope this will not be seen as drama on here , i really just want to have some nice christian friends to chat and talk with and not hurt anyone with what i say or get anyone upset .
God bless you all .
sister tweety
oops , i need to add that when i said above that it was the first time i ever drank , that was not really true as i did drink a little whiskey when i attempted my life . just wanted to clear that up !