Well I have had a porn addiction for a very long time. Since I was young. Lets just say 14 even though it goes back a few years before that. I don't know how many years before then, but a few. I'm 25 now. I've been sexually immoral with myself, as well as my porn addiction. I started smoking weed somewhere around 17, and cigarettes soon after. Luckily my battle with alcohol was short lived. I just continued to smoke pot.
Alright fast forward to 2 weeks ago. Still addicted to pot, porn, and sexually immoral. As well as practicing mysticism for about a year. I was growing disinterested with the porn, and giving way more to the mysticism. Which for me had to do with sexual immorality...
I knew all this was wrong the whole time, but turned away from god (rebelled), and did all this stuff up until the 3 weeks ago. Finally I turned back to god, and prayed for forgiveness, and to be saved from this.
I was. After I was saved again. I tried pot for like three days thinking it would be ok, but have since realized, and remembered that it was what led me away 2 and a half years ago I was reading the bible, and felt I either had a choice. To either give up pot and live for god, or to continue to smoke, and do as I pleased. That's when I turned away from gods call. Thankfully he called again, and this time I was wise to listen. I've since stopped everything. Well except for cigarettes. That is VERY HARD. I guess I'm still holding onto one last bondage. :\
Also with pot I never really dreamed that much if at all. Now that I stopped smoking my dreams seem to be bad. I use to not have bad dreams. I'm not sure if this is from the mysticism, or what. I don't want to mention what the mysticism was either. I don't see any need, or want to introduce anyone to the idea. The dreams that I've been having recently are centered around having to run from something. Escape something. Also the biggest dream that stands out is:
I was being taken captive. Being walked to a house. I remember looking up at the moon seeing it was blood red. VERY red. Then I was at the house. There were these "kids" (not really kids, but kid like) people there. And there was this "mother". The kids were telling me all the rules so I would not upset the mother. The "kids" were not the captors, but also captive. Then it was bedtime. We all had to lay down, and go to bed. I was going to use this time to escape. As I was in the house making my way to the door I knocked something over making some noise. Then the mother started to come from the other side of the house. Slowly, but surely she was coming. I went back to the room only a few steps away, to lie back down pretending to be asleep. She made her rounds checking to make sure everyone was doing as they were told/not escaping. Then after that part people came to save us. Fighting off the people who held us captive, also the mother. Then we were free. I think this dream was after the night I prayed to be filled with the holy spirit. I read on a yahoo questions about a blood moon in dream. Supposedly the christian meaning of the blood moon in a dream meant you were filled with the holy spirit. Also after reading my post I felt I should mention this. The mysticism I was practicing was at bedtime.
I don't know if dreams hold any weight, but that was weird.
Also like I said I never really have dreams that much (was due to the pot), but the only ones I seem to be having now after quitting smoking are bad. At least that I can remember.
When I was a kid the only bad dreams I use to have were bad were TERRIBLE. I would wake up crying from them. I remember them specifically. They all pretty much gave off the same feeling. I was in a HUGE open space in my dreams, and could not do anything right/pleasing to anyone in my dream. I think those dreams when I was younger were a warning from god of the mysticism I was dealing with recently.
Thank god I am free of this.
Please pray for me to be filled with all the virtues of the holy spirit, to serve god, to remove all doubt from my heart, and t to continue to walk in his path. To be free from the bondage of cigarettes. I pray for these things too. Please tell me anything I missed. Please give me any direction I need, and help me. I would like a christian wife, but I think god has revealed to me that I need to work on myself, and my relationship with god first.
I know this might be ill relevant, but I'm still a virgin, and have not had a girlfriend. Well one for like 2 weeks, but I broke up with her because I did not want to have sex with her. I could not of seen myself marrying her. I think god has protected me in that aspect, because I fall VERY deeply for a girl when I fall for her. I like that fact, but at the same time produces lots of heartache.
Also another question. When I was young, very young. Like some of my first few memories. I woke up in the middle of the night sleeping at the foot of my parents bed. Their was this glowing figure right next to the end of the bed. Not really a figure, but a person I should say. Floating in the air. It was only from his torso up. He was typing on a typewriter. I know for sure he had one of those cliche typist visors on, and I think he was smoking a cigarette. However I leaned up, reached out to touch it, and it disappeared. I have remembered this my whole life. I knew it was not a dream. I can't remember dreams that far back. I know one time in my teens though I slept walk with my eyes open one time chasing mario coins. That was not the same as this. This I knew was not a dream, or from sleepiness.
Sorry for the all over the place, INCREDIBLY long post. Please pray for me. -Nathan
Alright fast forward to 2 weeks ago. Still addicted to pot, porn, and sexually immoral. As well as practicing mysticism for about a year. I was growing disinterested with the porn, and giving way more to the mysticism. Which for me had to do with sexual immorality...
I knew all this was wrong the whole time, but turned away from god (rebelled), and did all this stuff up until the 3 weeks ago. Finally I turned back to god, and prayed for forgiveness, and to be saved from this.
I was. After I was saved again. I tried pot for like three days thinking it would be ok, but have since realized, and remembered that it was what led me away 2 and a half years ago I was reading the bible, and felt I either had a choice. To either give up pot and live for god, or to continue to smoke, and do as I pleased. That's when I turned away from gods call. Thankfully he called again, and this time I was wise to listen. I've since stopped everything. Well except for cigarettes. That is VERY HARD. I guess I'm still holding onto one last bondage. :\
Also with pot I never really dreamed that much if at all. Now that I stopped smoking my dreams seem to be bad. I use to not have bad dreams. I'm not sure if this is from the mysticism, or what. I don't want to mention what the mysticism was either. I don't see any need, or want to introduce anyone to the idea. The dreams that I've been having recently are centered around having to run from something. Escape something. Also the biggest dream that stands out is:
I was being taken captive. Being walked to a house. I remember looking up at the moon seeing it was blood red. VERY red. Then I was at the house. There were these "kids" (not really kids, but kid like) people there. And there was this "mother". The kids were telling me all the rules so I would not upset the mother. The "kids" were not the captors, but also captive. Then it was bedtime. We all had to lay down, and go to bed. I was going to use this time to escape. As I was in the house making my way to the door I knocked something over making some noise. Then the mother started to come from the other side of the house. Slowly, but surely she was coming. I went back to the room only a few steps away, to lie back down pretending to be asleep. She made her rounds checking to make sure everyone was doing as they were told/not escaping. Then after that part people came to save us. Fighting off the people who held us captive, also the mother. Then we were free. I think this dream was after the night I prayed to be filled with the holy spirit. I read on a yahoo questions about a blood moon in dream. Supposedly the christian meaning of the blood moon in a dream meant you were filled with the holy spirit. Also after reading my post I felt I should mention this. The mysticism I was practicing was at bedtime.
I don't know if dreams hold any weight, but that was weird.
Also like I said I never really have dreams that much (was due to the pot), but the only ones I seem to be having now after quitting smoking are bad. At least that I can remember.
When I was a kid the only bad dreams I use to have were bad were TERRIBLE. I would wake up crying from them. I remember them specifically. They all pretty much gave off the same feeling. I was in a HUGE open space in my dreams, and could not do anything right/pleasing to anyone in my dream. I think those dreams when I was younger were a warning from god of the mysticism I was dealing with recently.
Thank god I am free of this.
Please pray for me to be filled with all the virtues of the holy spirit, to serve god, to remove all doubt from my heart, and t to continue to walk in his path. To be free from the bondage of cigarettes. I pray for these things too. Please tell me anything I missed. Please give me any direction I need, and help me. I would like a christian wife, but I think god has revealed to me that I need to work on myself, and my relationship with god first.
I know this might be ill relevant, but I'm still a virgin, and have not had a girlfriend. Well one for like 2 weeks, but I broke up with her because I did not want to have sex with her. I could not of seen myself marrying her. I think god has protected me in that aspect, because I fall VERY deeply for a girl when I fall for her. I like that fact, but at the same time produces lots of heartache.
Also another question. When I was young, very young. Like some of my first few memories. I woke up in the middle of the night sleeping at the foot of my parents bed. Their was this glowing figure right next to the end of the bed. Not really a figure, but a person I should say. Floating in the air. It was only from his torso up. He was typing on a typewriter. I know for sure he had one of those cliche typist visors on, and I think he was smoking a cigarette. However I leaned up, reached out to touch it, and it disappeared. I have remembered this my whole life. I knew it was not a dream. I can't remember dreams that far back. I know one time in my teens though I slept walk with my eyes open one time chasing mario coins. That was not the same as this. This I knew was not a dream, or from sleepiness.
Sorry for the all over the place, INCREDIBLY long post. Please pray for me. -Nathan
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