Itsme
Member
- Joined
- May 31, 2022
- Messages
- 1
Having grown up in a Christian family I have gone to church and believed in God from the get-go.
Being a kind of person that somehow feels entitled for things to just happen to me -because I am a good guy- I was mostly just waiting for God to put my life on track. Basically find a wife for me, give me job-opportunities etc.
I literally expected for a woman to just be on front of me, God giving me a sign “this is the one” and her just wanting me to take her as my wife!
After living like that through my teens and early adulthood there came a day where I just blamed God for me not progressing.
“Ok God, you clearly aren’t doing your job here, so what am I supposed to do?”
So I went out in the world, started drinking, sleeping with lots and lots of women and somehow believing that was ok since God didn’t keep his part of the deal.
Now I have been in a relationship with a woman for almost 10 years.
The relationship was mostly me knowing that I don’t want to marry her, but it was a convenient relationship with lots of fun and we still lived separately so I could be on my own if I felt like it.
That also helped covering over the obvious issues we had, because as soon stuff was about to boil over I could just go stay at my place for a little bit.
Almost 5 years ago she got pregnant and reality kicked in for me. “****, now I can’t leave anymore!”
She wanted an abortion and I fought hard for her to keep the baby which she did in the end.
We moved in together and started raising our child.
It was pretty much constant fighting over small and big things, not agreeing about parenting style not really being suited to live with one another etc.
When COVID things got really bad. The only positive aspect was that we both realised early on that the whole pandemic is mostly a manufactured bullshit story.
Our country got pretty authoritarian at the tail end and we made the decision to move away (which we are still in the process of).
Now recently things got to a breaking point as we have very different parenting styles.
While I believe that a child (especially a son) needs to have clear boundaries going up to “don’t spare the rod”, my girlfriend is of the believe that a 4 year old doesn’t need punishment and they would not understand it anyways.
My son started hitting me recently and my girlfriend wants me to just let him do it and ignore it until he stops on his own.
That led to a breaking point where I told her we have to separate because there is no way for us to work as a team with such differences.
Recently (the last 3 month or so) I started going back to church and I have started doing something that I never did in my earlier years as a Christian.
I actually became interested and tried to understand who Jesus was/is. Back in the days I always liked the Old Testament but didn’t really care for the new one.
After telling my girlfriend we have to separate and left for two days and did a lot of soul-searching. In that process I dropped on the floor and prayed to Jesus to please take over my life and guide me.
I am obviously at the very beginning of this process and still starting out. Not being quit clear what Jesus wants and where he is going to lead me.
What I do know is that I want to follow him.
I went back to my girlfriend and son on Monday and we are trying to work things out.
I am now in a very weird spot where I am trying to figure out if I should leave her. She is not happy about the “God-thing” and after she came on to me and I told her I don’t want to have pre-marital sex anymore she was at a breaking point.
Looking at it from the outside, she obviously has every right for her reaction.
This is not the guy she got together with. This is not what she signed off on.
I was always of the believe that I have to stick with her and out son for the little one to have a mum and dad. This was for moral reasons, not for religious ones.
Now I am at a point where I wonder if it is creating more harm than good.
I have been looking for answers and places like Corinthians in the bible are giving some insight.
1 Corrinthians
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
As we are not married I wonder if this applies to me. Also baring in mind that -as I read it- I as the believer should not leave her but let her go if she wants to.
This is not the case with us as she said she wants to fight for us to stay together.
She also said she does not want to get married as she fears I would only do it for religious reasons.
As you can see I am at a bit of a loss.
If you took the time to read this email and you do have some advice or insight, I would very much appreciate to hear from you.
Thank you,
Being a kind of person that somehow feels entitled for things to just happen to me -because I am a good guy- I was mostly just waiting for God to put my life on track. Basically find a wife for me, give me job-opportunities etc.
I literally expected for a woman to just be on front of me, God giving me a sign “this is the one” and her just wanting me to take her as my wife!
After living like that through my teens and early adulthood there came a day where I just blamed God for me not progressing.
“Ok God, you clearly aren’t doing your job here, so what am I supposed to do?”
So I went out in the world, started drinking, sleeping with lots and lots of women and somehow believing that was ok since God didn’t keep his part of the deal.
Now I have been in a relationship with a woman for almost 10 years.
The relationship was mostly me knowing that I don’t want to marry her, but it was a convenient relationship with lots of fun and we still lived separately so I could be on my own if I felt like it.
That also helped covering over the obvious issues we had, because as soon stuff was about to boil over I could just go stay at my place for a little bit.
Almost 5 years ago she got pregnant and reality kicked in for me. “****, now I can’t leave anymore!”
She wanted an abortion and I fought hard for her to keep the baby which she did in the end.
We moved in together and started raising our child.
It was pretty much constant fighting over small and big things, not agreeing about parenting style not really being suited to live with one another etc.
When COVID things got really bad. The only positive aspect was that we both realised early on that the whole pandemic is mostly a manufactured bullshit story.
Our country got pretty authoritarian at the tail end and we made the decision to move away (which we are still in the process of).
Now recently things got to a breaking point as we have very different parenting styles.
While I believe that a child (especially a son) needs to have clear boundaries going up to “don’t spare the rod”, my girlfriend is of the believe that a 4 year old doesn’t need punishment and they would not understand it anyways.
My son started hitting me recently and my girlfriend wants me to just let him do it and ignore it until he stops on his own.
That led to a breaking point where I told her we have to separate because there is no way for us to work as a team with such differences.
Recently (the last 3 month or so) I started going back to church and I have started doing something that I never did in my earlier years as a Christian.
I actually became interested and tried to understand who Jesus was/is. Back in the days I always liked the Old Testament but didn’t really care for the new one.
After telling my girlfriend we have to separate and left for two days and did a lot of soul-searching. In that process I dropped on the floor and prayed to Jesus to please take over my life and guide me.
I am obviously at the very beginning of this process and still starting out. Not being quit clear what Jesus wants and where he is going to lead me.
What I do know is that I want to follow him.
I went back to my girlfriend and son on Monday and we are trying to work things out.
I am now in a very weird spot where I am trying to figure out if I should leave her. She is not happy about the “God-thing” and after she came on to me and I told her I don’t want to have pre-marital sex anymore she was at a breaking point.
Looking at it from the outside, she obviously has every right for her reaction.
This is not the guy she got together with. This is not what she signed off on.
I was always of the believe that I have to stick with her and out son for the little one to have a mum and dad. This was for moral reasons, not for religious ones.
Now I am at a point where I wonder if it is creating more harm than good.
I have been looking for answers and places like Corinthians in the bible are giving some insight.
1 Corrinthians
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
As we are not married I wonder if this applies to me. Also baring in mind that -as I read it- I as the believer should not leave her but let her go if she wants to.
This is not the case with us as she said she wants to fight for us to stay together.
She also said she does not want to get married as she fears I would only do it for religious reasons.
As you can see I am at a bit of a loss.
If you took the time to read this email and you do have some advice or insight, I would very much appreciate to hear from you.
Thank you,
Twistie
