Relationship Issues - Should you bring up the past?

[sabre7]

Hey everyone,

For everyone who does not know, I only accepted Jesus in the latter half of last year, so I'm very new on the 'Christian scene'.

I've been dating a girl for a month now and I want to know what everyone thinks about bringing up the past.

I realise that it differs from person to person, some may want to know about the things you did in your life before Christ, others may not at all. But I just wanted to hear some opinions.

I do not want there to be any secrets between me and her, so logically I am drawn to the worst things I have done in my life, and some of them are pretty bad in my opinion.

My old group of friends, who remain my good friends, are not Christian and so they do not accept Christ and therefore do not even acknowledge the whole "Old things passed away. All things new..." notion. While they notice a change in me, it likely wont stop them from discussing the "funny things" I have done in the past, or even discussing things that interested me in the past as if they still interest me (for example specific films or music).

Jesus has made me new. It was not me who did all those things. I am not who I was, as many of you will be able to relate to, but I can not just cut everyone who knew me before out of my life (after all, they aren't exposed to any other Christian influences, so I want mine to count for them), which does leave for the possibility that my girlfriend will be expossed to the gruesome details of who I once was.

She knows my testimony well, but not in the detail that I experienced in my life before Christ.

And I don't mean to imply that I'm only worried about her finding out things from my friends. I've kept enough secrets in my life, know only too well how destructive they are, and I don't want any in my new life.

So do I talk to her about the past of a person that is not me, or do I let it remain in the forgiving hands of Jesus?

God Bless!

 

[Faithful Son]

Hi there brother!

2 Peter 1:3-11
3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


Let these words speak to your heart and ask the Lord our God and Holy Spirit to help you with making a decision. Your history may be well left alone with Christ, or it may be put to good use for God's glory, whichever doesn't matter.

God bless you
Much love
teraside

 

[stephen]

sabre7.

Welcome brother. Appreciate your sincerity and open-ness
in your thread. Hearing what you say........The first thing you have to do if you have found the girl of your dreams, is to win her heart. That is paramount. Precious indeed, and to be treasured.

Regarding your past! It is gone. Underneath the blood of Jesus. Gone forever and forgiven. Amen Absolutely. Do not mention it....it is gone.

May God Bless You Both Abundantly....in Jesus

 

[sabre7]

Thanks for your help everyone.

God bless you!!!

 

[Sheridan]

Just a women's opinion

I certainly believe in changes and being covered in the blood of christ, but I think that there may be certain areas that as your relationship grows that she may want/need to know about. By no means do I mean that you need to go into ever detail of every "horrible" thing to her and by no means do I mean that you need to tell just anyone anything about your past. But if this girl is going to be your wife and "become one" with you, I believe she needs to know certain things. And maybe the things I would want to know are different than the things she would want to know, but just even in the areas of "safety" you need to discuss with her any behaviors that could possibly put her in danger, for example sexual promiscuity, or IV drug use (the dangers to her could be any diseases that you may have contracted with these types of activities). If there is any behavior that may have a consequence that could affect the two of you (and remember we are talking now in the sense of pending marriage and that you will be "one") even any legal type matters, but especially "saftey" or health matters. This does not mean that you would have to list every name and everytime you had ever had sex (following above example), but just putting out there that you want to be careful and that you want to be tested and why, go only into as much detail as she wants or needs. Start simply with because in your past you were activity with many/different partners. You really shouldn't have to say much more.

This is coming form a wife, who is very open with her husband. I think if there is anything especially delicate, it would be better for her to here it from you then for you to be married and she find out from someone else.

How much openess would depend on how serious the realtionship is.

I hope this has been of some help to you. If she too is a christian, she will understand that it is your past and see you for the man you are now, but "secrets" are bad in serious realtionships/marriages.

 

[Br. Bear]

Share your testimony...

Dear friend,

May I suggest that you ask fellow Christians if they can help you to publicly, e.g. in church , share your testimony. Of course have your girlfriend attend...she will then be able to get to know you as you are, and appreciate your conviction and testimony.

If you like, I can send you a DVD of my testimony and that of some of my Christian brothers. (to give you an idea how easy it is to tell others about JESUS) Our testimonies are also on the internet. (If it is OK with the folks at Talk Jesus, I can tell you where to find them) We all did shocking things before we became Christians. Those of us who have wives, know our past, and as we share with others what the Lord has done for us, and is still doing, our partners affirm our stories. So, rather than being a problem, God will work it for good for you, as you share what the Lord has done , in Jesus name, to His glory.

Sharing your testimony is about bringing glory to God, and not to our sorid and dark past. It will uplift you, your girlfriend and the hearers. Often folks don't know what to say, or they become stage-struck, but fear not, my friend, the Lord is with you, and will help you...and besides, a bit of umming and ahhing shows the listener that you are not just trying to sell something, so have a go, and keep going from there. And remember, He who called you is faithful, and will not ever let you down!

As far as telling unsavoury tales about sexual past activities to your partner, if indeed that is the case, use discretion, as many details don't have to be brought up, and can be difficult to you both, which is unneccessary. The Lord knows your past, and He loves you. Be content with that, and nurture your relationship with your girlfriend...whatsoever is pure....think on these things. May God give you wisdom with your words.

Bless you!

 

[pixie]

Sharing

I know how you feel. I went through a marriage and I wasn't fully open with my husband. As the years progressed, I realized by not telling him I was being hurt inside. I felt less than honest. The Holy Spirit pressed me into confessing to my husband and it took off a load. The Holy Spirit truly convicted me and I had no choice but to open up, regarding my rather loose life, that I had when I was younger.
My husband and I are no longer together, but it had nothing to do with the above. I think it is good to confess your sins and I think that God has asked us to do so. You might find yourself distancing from your wife, if you don't open up to her who is one with you.

Matthew 19:5
And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ [ Gen 2:24.]

Remember that with your wife, you are one and you are denying yourself, when you are not fully open with her. She is you and you are her.

Proverbs 28:13 (Whole Chapter)
People who conceal their sins will not prosper,but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

Finally, notice how James 15 put it. We are to openly confess our sins, so that it may go well with us.

# James 5:16 (Whole Chapter)
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

I pray to You Lord Jesus, that you help Nyadural make his decision based on his love for You. Holy Spirit, please guide him through this time in his life and help him have the strength to do what he feels is right. Allow your scripture to guide him. Please pour out your blessings upon him. Thank You Lord, for carrying our past. Please Holy Spirit, work in Nyadural to help him choose what is right.

I don't know what is right Nyadural. My experience was a bad one. I got blamed for being less than honest.

But smiles for you today. May the Lord bless your life. Amenixie

 

[DeaconBob3]

sabre7:

Honesty is not only the best policy, it is the only policy to build a solid Christian marriage on. You do not want your fiancee to be surprised or shocked to learn something from a stranger that she should have heard from you. That can destroy trust and trust once lost often cannot be rebuilt.

When we ask Christ to come into our hearts we repent and turn away from our previous sinful life. That means that our old friends who were once the source of our sinful life must be turned away from. If we are unwilling to turn away from them then have we truly repented?

I ask this not in judgement, but because we are to avoid even the appearance of sin, so consider carefully the safety of your own soul and the security of your coming marriage. Are either worth the risk?

This might not be as serious a consideration if you were a mature Christian. However, you said you were a relatively new Christian, which makes this a potential source of temptation and back sliding for you.

In His Love

DeaconBob3

 

[Atoms]

sabre7
Would love to hear back from you. There have been some great advice in the last posts since you have posted. Would love to hear your feedback.

Hope you are doing well.

 

[rebecca]

Congrats on finding the Lord!

If you want to marry this lady, she needs to know, some issues might affect the future and you both need to be ready. Also honesty will help build the relationship, if she follows Christ she will know you have been forgiven and are a new in Christ.

You dont have to give details, just pray about it and tell her what God is showing you what is best to share with her.

 

[sabre7]

Hey everyone, thank you all so much for all your help and contribution.

Unfortunately, I never got a chance to tell her anything before she dumped me.

God Bless.

 

[pixie]

Hi Nyradural

Hey there sabre7. Hope you are feeling okay about being "dumped". Keep up your faith and remember that God loves you and that He just has different plans for you. I find that being single is a bonus for me, because I can devote so much time into loving God.

Psalm 5:11
But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

You just keep loving Jesus Christ and His Spirit, the Holy Spirit will rejoice in you and over you. Hoping you are feeling okay.

Amenixie

 

[rebecca]

Hey everyone, thank you all so much for all your help and contribution.

Unfortunately, I never got a chance to tell her anything before she dumped me.

God Bless.

Ouch (((hugs)))

 

[Chad]

All things work for the best. If you put Christ in the driver's site and not co-pilot, it is meant to be brother. GOD has a special someone for you.

GOD bless