Repressed emotions help

[kaylamint]

When I was 13 (about 4 years ago) my father left my mother, I cried for about 15 mins and asked him not to leave but after that there was no more tears. I don't know how, but I repressed all the pain from that experience. People will be talking to me and saying "oh when my parents left I cried and cried and cried" or some one will tell me that they had to put there kid in counseling due to the divorce. I never related to that, in my mind I didn't care and it didn't affect me. But my emotions control my life, the wound my dad has inflicted on me has festered and infected every other area of my life. I struggle with anger, with fear, with emotional freak outs and I struggle with mental interrruptations of things. I struggle often with the fear of loosing everything I love, I struggle with trusting God, I struggle with hearing satans voice over Gods. So clearly this event has effected me but i don't connect emotionally with it. Not at all, my Dad in himself is a distant person, when he lived with us he always come home late. he hardly try to spend time with any of us, and now I am damn lucky to get a phone call from him at all. So honestly when he left, it was kinda the same for me, no big changes really.

I seriously want to emotionally connect with this, I want to go back and cry it all out and get healing but I don't know how.

 

[RachelRose]

Kaylamint,
I struggle with repressed emotions as well. I am 25 years old and for all my life I struggled with unconscious anger( I had no awareness of it) because I did not feel fully accepted as a child. I have loving parents but they have their own wounds and I have always been deeply sensitive. I have struggled with being self destructive and making poor to horrific decisions for myself. I also struggled with deep unconscious shame of not thinking I was good enough, and also that my emotions were bad. Because of these unconscious emotions I struggled more than I can explain in this message. I feel you Kaylamint. I really do. It was only the beginning of this year, after reading hundreds of christian and secular counseling and self help books that I finally felt my pain. I felt it through and through. I felt the worthless feeling, and the anger. It was then I slowly started to began to heal. I am still healing so very very very slowly. Its a painful time for me but if I didn't access this wound I know the invisible cuts to my soul would have continued to bleed.
Two books that are dear to my heart in my healing process are

Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw ( this is the core book that began my whole journey. It was a God sent. Period)

Free Yourself, Be Yourself by Alan D. Wright(God knew I needed to cry. This started the purging process of my emotions)

Books/information on the "root of rejection" will also be helpful. Joyce Meyer and many other authors and online writers have great inspiration pertaining to that wound.

I deeply recommend these, and if you get to read them please do tell me what you think.

God bless,

RachelRose

 

[Cote Dawg]

Repent. You reap what you sew. Divorce is a terrible thing to go through for children, but in my case, my father left when I was but 2. Do not rationalize your thoughts, the Devil but merely suggests you to not do what is right. He is the imitation of God's voice. God bless you. Have a voice. Look to Jesus so as to not fall to these burning sensations. Jesus knows your pain. Be mourningful. God saved you child, do not let the Devil's whispers in your ear incline you to feel bad. Take a second glance and do what you know is right. You are a vessel. God desires to embody you along with every other individual he comes in contact with. You are truly special. Envelope these thoughts to preordain for yourself everlasting life in God. Praise be to him, the almighty high, lifting us up through his glorious works. I will be praying for power in your life. Do not let this dualistic struggle withhold you from his mercy seat. He is our compassionate God of wisdom and seeks you in his kingdom. He's been looking for Adam and Eve since they hid themselves from him in the garden. Guess what... He's still looking. He's knocking. He wants you now. Conquer yourself. Sometimes we see who we are better through what we want instead of what we are.

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

when i was 13 mom pulled out.... all i could do was tell her if it made her happy she needed to leave .i would understand but i never did ..as a result between 20 and 36 i went through 3 marraiges and a slew of others ...i didnt understand how to work things through .and i kept picking woman that were quiters and had a long string of thier own bad realationships ..once i found my indentaty in Christ it got better but not fixed ......then i found that my past didnt count only my future in Christ..when that happened and forgivness was applied towards me it was easy to see .all else was a small matter and forgiving my mom came easy and now my marriage has lasted 16 tyrs plus. we still have our moments .but i no longer fear of loss of wife just loss of life(Christ) ....Rev