Scriptural or not divorce

[Broncos1982]

Ok, first off, I was a professing Christian but did not necessarily follow Christ until recently. I married a divorced woman (she had married someone kind of like me who professed Christ but the lifestyle was anything but) and he had cheated on her during their engagement, she took him back, and a couple years later he cheated on her again and she divorced him. He had stopped going to church with her to spend time with his girlfriend on the side, and after he was caught, he went unhinged and the police had to get him out of her bathroom because he didn't want to get a divorce and the other woman had left him. He made arrangements for marriage counseling for them both, but she never showed up and she divorced him.

Two years later I met her through some friends, and figured since she was divorced because he cheated on her she was up for remarriage. After 6 months of marriage she walked out on me saying she didn't ever love me. She was given christian counsel by about 5 or 6 friends of ours, the youth pastor, and I think even the pastor (baptist). She rejected all of them. I told her why divorce was wrong according to the bible (still not knowing the importance of marriage/divorce at that point). I got her into marriage counseling and she went to one session and stopped, I convinced her to go to counseling but she kept saying she wanted a divorce, so I finally signed the papers. Immediately after being with her, I had sex with a woman who was also divorced, thus committing adultery. I repented and broke off my relationship with her and send my ex-wife an email regarding all of the scripture regarding reconciliation and told her that we needed to get back together and gave her all the scriptural reasons why. She said the divorce was final and there was no reconciliation. I sent her yesterday and long email regarding the marriage covenant and how it's not broken yet.

Here's my questions

A) But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
(Mat 5:32)

So in a sense she caused me to commit adultery is what i am getting from this scripture because it wouldn't have happened had she not divorced me?

B) So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.

If adultery broke the covenant, if she married another man and had sex with him even once doesn't that break the marriage vows? In this instance Paul is calling her adulteress (continual). Since I commited adultery without the full realization of the scriptures doesn't that mean I in fact broke my vows and she is now the innocent one even though she divorced me?

C) Even though her first spouse is an unbeliever and wanted to wilfully repent and get back together isn't she bound to him even though he cheated on her? And do you count him as an unbeliever because he never lived a christian lifestyle (as is evidenced by fruit)? And if she has refused all of this counsel and is abusing grace, does that not make her an unbliever? and is this not pharasee type logic trying to find a way to be able to remarry?

 

[MelodyC]

According to the way you have looked at this you lose no matter what you do.

Having sex outside of marriage. - Not on.

Having sex with your ex-wife even if you re-marry her. Still covered under adultery and legalistically not on.

Seems that according to God's Word you can't go back to the ex-wife and she doesn't want to re-marry you either.

There is following.

MT 19:3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

MT 19:4 "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,' 5 and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

MT 19:7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

MT 19:8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

MT 19:10 The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

MT 19:11 Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

Sexual immorality is a biggy. If you cannot remain celebate as Paul did then you are better off married.

Now you cannot make you ex-wife come back to you. You will note that only divorced women remarrying commit adultery. You have divorced your wife and technically as a man you are free to remarry. You are not a woman. You have repented of marrying a divorced woman and divorced her then you are bascially free.

I would think taking the ex-wife back would be a problem she is still an adulteress.

Next time go for a single Christian woman and be more discerning.

Personally I have a slightly different opinion on divorce than that which you gave but it wouldn't help you where you are at right now.

 

[Brighthouse]

Where is Solomon when you need him?? Let me bring some things to you attention in the Lord if i may please,for I do not want you to feel I am judging either here!

You have pointed out some very sound scripture! However,with one finger we point at one,we point 3 and a thumb at us. She was weak in the faith to start with.Do I smell smoke here<could it be someone may have wanted to take advantage of the situation?Brother Broncos,I have found it so easy to point flaws, and rightfully so, at those in sin,this is not the hard part.

What I found was the hard part,was first taking the log out of my own eye, to see clearly enough to remove the speck from someone elses.( matt 7:1-5) We can only be accountable for our own lives in Christ,all make mistakes,all need forgivness from those mistakes,and like the Scribes and the Pharisees we never want to judge those,when we have enough to look at for ourselves. ( John 8:2-12)

So I had to learn the love has two main qualities,1. no fear in love.and 2.If we love, we must first start with Jesus in us,and let him work ourselves out,before we go around working on others.
This is no rebuke to you!! This is what I had to learn,and hopefully through the love in Jesus I am giving you,you will see this as well.As you are working so hard on making Jesus Lord of your life,encourge her to do the same,remember,seeing is believing as well!! For by our fruit we measure just where we ourselves are at with the Lord.Do love,do forgive,do press on in our Jesus!( Colossians 2:6-10) I hope this has both encouged you,and brought some more light to your situation! Blessing bro!

 

[Broncos1982]

According to the way you have looked at this you lose no matter what you do.

Having sex outside of marriage. - Not on.

Having sex with your ex-wife even if you re-marry her. Still covered under adultery and legalistically not on.

Seems that according to God's Word you can't go back to the ex-wife and she doesn't want to re-marry you either.

There is following.


Sexual immorality is a biggy. If you cannot remain celebate as Paul did then you are better off married.

Now you cannot make you ex-wife come back to you. You will note that only divorced women remarrying commit adultery. You have divorced your wife and technically as a man you are free to remarry. You are not a woman. You have repented of marrying a divorced woman and divorced her then you are bascially free.

I would think taking the ex-wife back would be a problem she is still an adulteress.

Next time go for a single Christian woman and be more discerning.

Personally I have a slightly different opinion on divorce than that which you gave but it wouldn't help you where you are at right now.

Thanks for your reply.

So, you believe that you can only have one spouse for life? What about the exception clauses? I agree marrying a divorced person was a huge mistake.

 

[Peterorange]

I'm praying for you brother. We all, every one of us fall into sin, and praise God we have a God of mercy and restoration as well as holiness - see Jesus with the adulteress who was to be stoned. I believe you need both to repent and to forgive, and move on, keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.

You will need support in this, you can't do it on your own. Make sure you have a friend with whom you can be accountable, pray with, and share your pain. You might need folk who are gifted in prayer to pray with you to see the Holy Spirit really bring deep down repentance and forgiveness to your heart.

Finally there is a great book, 'Total Forgiveness', by RT Kendall, which says that forgiveness is not a one-off event. We may need to keep forgiving daily until it becomes an attitude of our heart - it isn't natural.

God bless.

According to the way you have looked at this you lose no matter what you do.

Having sex outside of marriage. - Not on.

Having sex with your ex-wife even if you re-marry her. Still covered under adultery and legalistically not on.

Seems that according to God's Word you can't go back to the ex-wife and she doesn't want to re-marry you either.

There is following.


Sexual immorality is a biggy. If you cannot remain celebate as Paul did then you are better off married.

Now you cannot make you ex-wife come back to you. You will note that only divorced women remarrying commit adultery. You have divorced your wife and technically as a man you are free to remarry. You are not a woman. You have repented of marrying a divorced woman and divorced her then you are bascially free.

I would think taking the ex-wife back would be a problem she is still an adulteress.

Next time go for a single Christian woman and be more discerning.

Personally I have a slightly different opinion on divorce than that which you gave but it wouldn't help you where you are at right now.

Just one thing to say: can you really imagine Jesus replying to such pain and hurt and lostness in such a cold-hearted, legalistic way? I am so glad our God is not only a God of holiness and purity, but also of love, compassion and mercy. Without the latter we would all of us be burnt to a crisp, you and me included.

 

[stephen]

I here what the O.P. says, and I have compassion with all of my heart.

'Courtship' 'marriage' 'divorce' 'remarriage' etc., all these are heartbreaking, and a minefield to negotiate through in the individual expressions of life today. Careful understanding, compassion and sympathy are required by all involved, husband, wife, families.

Prayer is essential, for God hears prayer when we turn to Him.

 

[Broncos1982]

I here what the O.P. says, and I have compassion with all of my heart.

'Courtship' 'marriage' 'divorce' 'remarriage' etc., all these are heartbreaking, and a minefield to negotiate through in the individual expressions of life today. Careful understanding, compassion and sympathy are required by all involved, husband, wife, families.

Prayer is essential, for God hears prayer when we turn to Him.

I just wish God would answer me. Of course, I don't even know what to expect to feel or what to look for even if he did.

 

[B-A-C]

Well we know that David committed adultery (2Sam 11). But he repented (Psal 51)
and God said he was a man after my own heart after he died. (Acts 13:22)
If this makes you both adulterers. God can and will forgive you. (1Cor 6:9-11) (This isn't a license to go out and get divorced or start having affairs).


Ok, you married a divorced woman. There are two Biblical reasons for divorce.
If you are married to an unbeliever and they want to leave (1Cor 7:15)
Or for unfaithfulness. (Matt 19:9)

Was either of your divorces Biblical?

If neither of you has had sexual relations with anyone else, (unlikely since you are married now) you can go back to your previous spouse. (1Cor 7:11)

If either of you have had sexual relations with someone else, you are not supposed to go back. (Deut 24:1-4) (Jerem 3:1)

Say an unmarried woman gets pregnant, should she have an abortion to "fix" it.
Sometimes our second sin "to fix things" is worse than the first sin. (Like Sarah fixing Abraham up with Hagar for example). Yet God had a plan and purpose even in that situation.

Maybe you got married under "unbiblical circumstances", but I have to believe getting divorced again would just make things worse.
God hates divorce. (Mal 2:16)

 

[Romans 8.28]

Dear Broncos1982, I can only give you what I give many in your situation. To start with all the rules of marriage are valid and good, and they benefit you if adhered to; problem is that you and your wife didn't.

What happened to being equally yoked? That goes much deeper than just both claiming Christianity. If you read the story of Rebekah in Genesis Chapter Twenty-four you will see character and qualities in a woman of God Eliezer was looking for to be the bride of his master's servant. These things are those that are mandatory; we're talking about your life. There is the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31:10-30; learn these things.

Can you start over? Of course you can, even though the consequence of things transpired may stay with you all of your life. King David faced such things and God even called Bathsheba Uriah's wife in 2 Samuel 12:15. "And Nathan departed unto his house. And the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife bare unto David, and it was very sick." Uriah was now killed by David, and in 2 Samuel 12:24, Bathsheba was finally called David's wife.

The consequence of this affected David the remainder of his life but he took this burden to God in Psalms 51:12. "Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit," and he no longer lived with the guilt of his transgression against God. Wait you say? Didn't David sin against Uriah instead? Well, he certainly did him no good but we read this in Psalms 51:2-4, "Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. 4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned . . . "

How did this work for David? In Acts 13:22 we read where God said: "I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfill all my will." Dear brother, dare you be a David and now seek His best? I hope so.

BTW - Your biggest sin may now be believing in the Broncos, since undoubtedly you have taken your marriage problems to God and He has forgiven you.

God bless you in Jesus' name.