Separated from husband and feel so hopeless

[Lostdaughter]

My husband and I have had a rocky relationship ever since we dated. He seemed ok when we first dated but after a few months things went downhill. I was in college and he was a state away (long distance) and we started to fight a lot. He would always talk about some girl and said he was going to hang out with her. He thought she was cute, etc, etc. We were dating exclusively and whenever we argued he always brought up that girl. I don't know why I continued to stay in the relationship. I think it was due low self-esteem and also the fact that he was the first guy I had intimate relations with (I have felt guilty about this ever since). The relationship was so bad that I started seeking counseling at my college and performing very poorly in my classes. He eventually moved to be with me and we got our own place and lived together. I stopped going to college and just worked. We would get into arguments and he would just go look at porn. I didn't find this out until way later in our relationship. He never came after me or tried to work things out when we argued. He lied to me about being fired from his jobs, he lied about money. I don't know why I thought marrying him would be any better. On the day of our marriage I had the worse feeling in my gut and we argued a few days before. Well my wedding I cried because my parents brought up drama (they dislike his mom). After a few years of being married we had our ups and downs but then things got bad. We argued and he would leave the house and not come home until very late at night. I found out he was looking at porn, not paying the bills (until our electricity got shut off), lied about losing his job. He received texts from several women (he says they were just co-workers and he never cheated on me). I lost some of my trust for him and started questioning him. We ended up having our daughter and whenever we got into arguments I would be left at home with her while he went out and didn't come home until late. We became homeless because I wasn't working at the time and had to stay in a hotel. I later found out he was stealing money from his boss...(I told him to put give it back). I was able to get us into a transition home and they helped us get back on our feet. We moved into our apartment and he lied to me about the tax refund (he had filed it without telling me) and had a separate bank account. He blamed it on the bank and said they were holding the money, he even went as far as to forge documents (make up people), pretend to call. I was upset and believed him and sought a lawyer. He knew this was all a lie and he allowed us to go meet a lawyer. I later called the bank and she said there was no one by that name. I felt like such a FOOL. This wasn't the worse part. His boss found out about the money and threatened to put him in jail. I will never forget that day. HE CRIED because he was so scared to death. That night we prayed and by God's grace he was spared from going to jail. The boss made him pay it back but he was fired. We moved into a different apartment and I was working from home. I also introduced him into working from home. We talked about our marriage and he said he was sorry about how he treated me. He seemed to change but then I found out he was lying to me again. He says that he tries to earn my trust but why would he lie? I started to not trust him about anything because everything he said to me seemed like a lie and usually was. We argued on my birthday and we argued on Mother's day. He doesn't seem to care. I separated from him because he got so angry and called me horrible ungodly names, he got so angry that he smashed my phone with a wrench (so I coldn't work from home). We talked during the separation and had sex a few times because we said we would try it out as if we were dating again. This didn't work so it's been a week since and says he feels that I should apologize. I can't, I can't trust him, I'm hurt, I'm so broken. I am not making an of this up. I feel like he is just doesn't care. He hasn't apologized for my birthday or mother's day or for lying. I feel that it just won't work. He also doesn't seem to care because I lost my job (which was due to a mistake) but he still has his (I introduced him to the job). He is not acting like a husband and more like a bf (if you can even call it that). I feel our marriage is done. We spoke to a counselor and they both say that he maybe depressed. I even contacted a pastor to come pray but for some reason something had to come up. My husband doesn't care about me so what am I supposed to do now? How can a marriage work when only one person is fighting? Please I ask for your prayers. I can barely stand on my own two feet anymore. We have two kids together and I really wish they didn't have to go through this.

 

[AbbysAunt]

Ephesians 5:25-29 Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself as glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle nor any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So, husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife lovs himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

Lostdaughter,

I want first say to you that Jesus loves you so much and has seen the struggles you have endured and felt the heartache and pain you have gone through and He does hear your prayers and has seen your tears. He created you and doesn't want you to hurt or suffer. A husband should protect and love his wife, he should respect her and love her as Jesus loves his church which it shows us in ephesians that Christ laid down His life for His church, the husband is supposed to the same for his wife. He should be willing to lay aside himself and put his wife's needs before him and He should be willing if that time would come to lay his own life down for his wife and children. Noone deserves to be verbally or mentally abused my sister and friend in the Lord. You don't deserve this kind of treatment and from what you said he also has anger issues if she is smashing your phone with a wrench and yelling and calling you terrible names. He needs help but it is up to him to want to change and then when or if he decides to do so then God will help him with those changes he needs to make.

You mentioned you have two beautiful children, don't let them become victims of this type of abuse and anger. You as a mom need to show them that you are worth more than being called names and yelled at the way your husband has done. By getting away and not putting up with this type of behavior you are teaching your children that if ever in their lives they face such struggles that's ok to not put up with it and just as you have worth so do they. They are learning self esteem and self worth from you and in doing what you are doing you are showing them that noone has the right to hurt you or them and that lesson will stick with them for all their lives. Remember to God you and your children are worth more than you could ever imagine and He doesn't want for you or them to hurt anymore.

God also loves your husband, but does not condone what he has done to you at all. You have to do what is best for you and your children now. As hard as it is for the children right now it would be even harder if down the road he ends up hurting them or you physically. Pray for your husband and that he would want to change because God can change a person's heart but only if that person wants to change. Also pray for your kids and for yourself that God would lead you in doing what is best for you and them. We love you lostdaughter and will be praying for you, them and your husband all the while knowing He hears and is there with you and your family and will bring you all through this.

God bless you
AA

 

[Brad Huber]

You have a rough situation sister. The Lord hasn't put on my heart anything specific to tell you, but I will pray for you, and I know if you put your trust in His(the Lord's) guidance, it will be better regardless of the pain and frustration you feel over your broken relationship with your husband.

 

[Lostdaughter]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers. I am trying to take it day by day. It's so hard to do as I keep thinking about how I know a Godly husband should be acting. I start thinking that he's probably doing stuff behind my back, etc. All the while not caring that his marriage is falling apart. I wonder does he even miss me? It seems that he has just given up. When I get these feelings I get depressed and then I get upset. I feel abandoned. My parents mentioned something about what if he's bringing another girl to the house. Just the thought of that hurts so much and the fact I don't trust him. When we get into arguments he tends to seek attention from other people. I wish this wasn't so hard but I can barely focus and him? He's probably out enjoying his freedom and forgetting that he made vows. It hurts so bad. I guess I have to try to stay positive. One of my contracts seems to be picking back up. As for the one I just lost, I wrote her again because I do not feel it was a fair termination and was a mistake. I'm still waiting to hear back. Please if you feel inclined to do so, keep me in your prayers. Thank you and God Bless!

 

[AbbysAunt]

Hi Lostdaughter,

The trick here is renew your mind and to do that you need to stay in the word. Instead of thinking of all what he is doing and could be doing instead replace them with a bible scripture that you can repeat out loud every time those thoughts creep in. I know your mom is probably concerned about you, but even well meaning people in our lives can say things that do more harm than good so when someone does that and your mind gets to thinking and you find yourself getting upset once again turn to God and His word. If you have to write your scripture on a piece of paper and take it with you then do it my friend. Keep on praying for husband yet, but don't let him and what he could or might be doing control your life because as God says in His word you shall not be brought under the power of anything because you have a power that is way higher than any thought you could have. Jesus is with you and will not leave you and will help you with the thoughts you are dealing with and He heals the broken hearted and is healing your broken heart little by little. My prayers are continuing for you, your children and your husband too.

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted an binds up their wounds

Colossians 3: 2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on th earth.

 

[spirit1st]

The LORD JESUS Christ has the Answer 1 He see the future and He wants you Happy and full of JOY1 We lose so much by not having a personal One on One Relationship with Him !
He LOVES you More than anyone on earth could LOVE YOU 1 But You must go to Him and mean it !

If your a child of God ? Then all you need do is fast ! I find it only takes three days water only praying and reading the bible! Then He will come to you and then He will answer all you ask of HIm !


Isa_58:6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

Isa 58:8 Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the LORD shall be thy rereward.


Isa 58:9 Then shalt thou call, and the LORD shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am.

Joh_10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:

Joh_14:16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

1Co_2:10 But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.


Joh_16:24 Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.
1Jn_1:4 And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.

3Jn_1:2 Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.

Listen You Must put Him first in Your life 1 Jesus is the answer !

2Co_13:14 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Ghost, be with you all. Amen.


satan will try to stop you from getting close to the LORd and he uses anyone he thinks will be able to keep you from a close relationship with our LORD JESUS CHRIST!

 

[Lostdaughter]

The LORD JESUS Christ has the Answer 1 He see the future and He wants you Happy and full of JOY1 We lose so much by not having a personal One on One Relationship with Him !
He LOVES you More than anyone on earth could LOVE YOU 1 But You must go to Him and mean it !

If your a child of God ? Then all you need do is fast ! I find it only takes three days water only praying and reading the bible! Then He will come to you and then He will answer all you ask of HIm !


Isa_58:6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

Isa 58:8 Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the LORD shall be thy rereward.


Isa 58:9 Then shalt thou call, and the LORD shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am.

Joh_10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:

Joh_14:16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

1Co_2:10 But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.


Joh_16:24 Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.
1Jn_1:4 And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.

3Jn_1:2 Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.

Listen You Must put Him first in Your life 1 Jesus is the answer !

2Co_13:14 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Ghost, be with you all. Amen.


satan will try to stop you from getting close to the LORd and he uses anyone he thinks will be able to keep you from a close relationship with our LORD JESUS CHRIST!

Thank you. I have been trying to lean on Jesus and not my emotions or my husband. It is very difficult to do. My dad has been emotionally abusive as well and I've thought about going to a shelter a few times.

 

[lookingup]

Dear 'Lostdaughter': Jesus loves you very much and there are a whole lot of people who love you too and are praying for you. God has great plans for your life. He says in Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jesus came to give us Life and that more abundantly. Do you know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior? Have you come into a close, personal relationship with Him?

I've known Him as my Savior and Friend for over 40 years and He has brought me through much trouble and heartache. All the while I was going through that difficult time, He drew me closer to Himself and His unconditional love for me. Things took a long time to change, but with faith, perseverance and His grace and strength I didn't give up hope. He'll do the same for you, dear friend. But first make sure you belong to Jesus, that you belong to Him. He cares for His own children. He will take care of you and your precious children. Confess your sins to God and put your faith in Jesus so your sins can be forgiven. "For the wages of sins is death but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23. If you sincerely repent and put your faith in Jesus and Him alone, He will take away all your sins and make you His own beloved child. Then, with a Heavenly Father to take care of you and His Word, the Bible, to guide, you can face anything life, or anyone throws at you, through the power of the Holy Spirit. Love and prayers for you!

 

[Lostdaughter]

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your replies and encouragement. I have been leaning on Jesus more and trying not to let my emotions take over me. I've been reading devotions and trying to get closer to God again. Things got so bad yesterday. He kicked me out of the house at night and then threatened to leave the kids out in the cold as well as other stuff. This was through text. He threatened to smash my laptop and take the kids money that was in my purse and all this other stuff. He did take the kids money. He eventually let me back in and I just stayed in the bedroom. I think every week the devil tries to prevent us from going to church and when my husband gets angry it can get scary. I sat outside looking up at the sky thinking why? My kids see all of this and it's not right. I don't know what to do? I will just pray but it seems that my marriage is so hopeless. We are supposed to have the pastor come to pray on Wednesday but I don't know if that will still happen. It is very sad too. My daughter who is 5 said she wanted to pray and she prayed for mommy and daddy not to argue.

 

[lookingup]

"Things got so bad yesterday. He kicked me out of the house at night and then threatened to leave the kids out in the cold as well as other stuff. This was through text. He threatened to smash my laptop and take the kids money that was in my purse and all this other stuff. He did take the kids money. He eventually let me back in and I just stayed in the bedroom."

I'm SO sorry to hear that you and your children are being abused and threatened by your husband. That is not right! I'm not sure where you live, but if you have a women's shelter there you need to get help and not be at the mercy of your husband and allow him to do what he wants. So please get your pastor's help or a women abuse counselor in your area and don't allow your husband to 'walk all over' you. You're not a doormat! You and your children are created in God's image and He loves you and wants to help you. Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? He said, "If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28. He loves you very much. I'm praying for you, dear sister.

 

[Lostdaughter]

"Things got so bad yesterday. He kicked me out of the house at night and then threatened to leave the kids out in the cold as well as other stuff. This was through text. He threatened to smash my laptop and take the kids money that was in my purse and all this other stuff. He did take the kids money. He eventually let me back in and I just stayed in the bedroom."

I'm SO sorry to hear that you and your children are being abused and threatened by your husband. That is not right! I'm not sure where you live, but if you have a women's shelter there you need to get help and not be at the mercy of your husband and allow him to do what he wants. So please get your pastor's help or a women abuse counselor in your area and don't allow your husband to 'walk all over' you. You're not a doormat! You and your children are created in God's image and He loves you and wants to help you. Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? He said, "If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28. He loves you very much. I'm praying for you, dear sister.

Thank you lookingup. I have looked into shelters and possibly even the last transition house we stayed out when we became homeless. I even looked at a few apartments for my children and I. I really don't want the marriage to end and have been praying and trying to get closer to God. Asking for his wisdom and guidance. I don't know if it's God but I keep getting this feeling that my husband has issues that he hasn't dealt with that is keeping him from loving himself (which reflects on how he loves me). I have always felt this way. It doesn't excuse his behavior but I know God will deal with him. I feel he is fighting powerful demons so that's why it's very important that this meeting we are supposed to have on Wed with the pastor happens. If not with me, just for himself. God has opened my eyes. I have been leaning on my husband not on God. He did some really mean things to hurt me and said he will be the biggest jerk because that's what I want him to be (I don't). Normally, I would be very emotional but this time not so much (with God's help I have been able to control my emotions more). Please continue to pray for our marriage and my husband's salvation. Maybe once we get through this it will be a powerful testimony. Many Christian leaders (pastors, counselors, etc) keep saying my husband should go into ministry. It was very strange as well, the christian counselor we went to said he sensed my husband has a place in ministry (God's calling for him). My husband was a youth leader before but he has admitted to never really understanding the word or feeling ready. Please pray for the holy spirit to speak to my husband, for my husband to THIRST for Christ. Thank you.

 

[Lostdaughter]

My husband and I met with our pastor. I was really hopeful and the pastor had some really good points during the meeting. Things started to turn sour after counseling and my husband doesn't seem to be implementing what the pastor told him. He never even apologized for kicking me out or for threatening. I feel so alone/ unloved/disrespected as my husband won't even communicate to me until his friend said something to him that I had said. He treats me like dirt. To make matters worse I've been staying at my parents and they said very horrible things about my husband, myself and my kids. They make it seem like the kids are such a burden ( I was upstairs working and couldn't have them with me while I made calls) I can't take it and am seriously considering moving into a shelter. Please pray for guidance and strength. Thank you and God Bless.

 

[Brad Huber]

Praying for you sister!

 

[lookingup]

God is telling you, "I have loved with you an everlasting love; therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you." Jeremiah 31:3,
Keep clinging to Him. He will make a way for you and heal your marriage. In the meantime just keep following His Word. As the Psalmist says in Psalm 26:11, determine to "walk in the integrity of my heart." If you keep obeying His Word you can be sure that God is for you and He will fight for you. He loves you and your husband and the precious children you have. You are not a victim. You are a victor in Christ.

Romans 8:37-38
"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I pray you have a godly, older woman who can support you and counsel you from the Word at this difficult time. Praying for you often.
By the way, you are not a 'lostdaughter'. If you have come to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and trust in HIm as your personal Savior, you are 'found in Him'!
God bless you!