Separated from my wife.

[PsAllistair]

Hey Family

I just would love some input and advice in this regard with Divorce and Remarriage, I've read some books on it but there is always two sides to the argument.

Let me bring some context into this....

I've been married for 11 years I would say I married the love of my life we were ready for marriage absolutely not however with the advice from the church because my wife was pregnant at the time we got married so for the years been together we were learning about each other certain things we both did not like but because of our love for one another we knew change will come.

We did everything together she was my ride and die she stood by me in ministry in my most darkest hour, when I had no income she was holding the family up such a keeper I tell you, A very strong women indeed.

Until tragedy happen that change the cause of our marriage and life, because of the demands of ministry because I was working for a church my wife backslide and fell into sin where she cheated on me with someone from work one of the most devastating situations one could encounter.

As a pastor I forgave and we tried to move on but the memories plague my mind, after all those years I love my wife with all my heart there were days where I was ohkay and days where I weren't and I would bring it up and it will cause such a steer in our relationship.

Besides that issue we had other issues but in 2022 things become intense for the marriage we were under the greatest attack ever words like 'divorce was used, got papers for divorce I personally was ready to walk away from the marriage I felt my wife could not give me the love I needed as man an deserve. But God spoke to me not to divorce her so I came home tore the papers up for that moment we made up n then we went back to normal again of fighting n then she become down with me.

My wife backslid now in this stage please remember I'm a pastor of a church and this is happening my wife stopped attending church now she drifted away from the presence of God slowly until she was out completely despite my warnings to her she continued to spiral downwards.

The marriage was affected the ministry was also been affected because the mother of church is no more and now she is backslidden I was attending church myself it was draining havjng to cover an answer for her. She feel deeper into the whole and started buying alcohol but this is when she kicked me out of the house so she spirally downwards.

We not love in separate homes I've begged to take me back so we can work in the marriage she refused she is now content with been single and living life on her terms without having a husband.

I've prayed for my wife my prayer has run out now I've spoken to her but everytime we talk we fight my heart is overwhelmed with pain I have to preach n still be a pastor while dealing with all this, it's unbearable at times but through the Spirit I receive grace.

According to Corinthians Paul says if the unbelieving wife wants to leave let her leave because God wants us to live in peace, my wife left me long time should I file for divorce or do I have to wait for her to file the divorce for me it feels like we already divorced.

This is my first time speaking about this on a public platform ur wisdom as to what I should in this moment will help. Can I divorce or do I have to wait for her even though she left me. God bless family

Pastor Allistair

 

[Hekuran]

I've been through this kind of situation. My first bit of advice would be to be careful about who you take advice from. Theres a lot of junk advice out there and dealing with it consumes a lit of energy.

As a pastor do you have someone older and wiser who you trust and can walk through this with you?

If it must be divorce, then strive to go about it in the cleanest and least divisive way you can. I would think that if she says she wants divorce, you filing for divorce would be within Paul's guidelines.

Praying for you.

 

[PsAllistair]

Yes I have spoken to a few people I've considered as mentors however she don't want to talk to no one.

 

[Andyindauk]

Hi Allistair, Thank you for opening up and sharing your situation so candidly as you have.

Reading between the lines of what you've written, I'm left wondering how deep your forgiveness is? Is it a veneer, to appease your conscience and tick one of God's boxes? Yes I've forgiven you but I reserve the right to rake over old coals whenever we clash of if you do my head in! Read Matthew 18:21-35, especially verse 35 -
“So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” Matthew 18:35 NKJV. If God has forgiven and forgotten every sin you've ever committed, so is it right for you to constantly rehang this dead albatross round her neck?

Then ask yourself the same question the disciples asked Jesus when He predicted his betrayal: 'Is it I?' Matthew 26:22. What part did you play in your wife's infidelity? Have an honest debate with yourself. You'll need to put yourself in her shoes. Did you truly, really love her as Christ loves His church? (Ephesians 5:25). Generally, happy, contented and satisfied wives wouldn't risk holing the boat if she feels loved, cherished and adored and if her marriage is fun and exciting. It would be easy for her to resist the charms of a player unless she felt taken for granted, bored and or used as a doormat. Satan will use and exploit that situation.

If you can honestly say that you gave your marriage your all and still she was 'open to offers', ask yourself why? Are there self esteem issues there that she's vulnerable to charm and flattery? Did she suffer abuse in her earlier years, such as bullying from school or parents or sexual abuse or trauma? If you understand the problem you can work on the solution.

Whichever is the case, or maybe both, condemnation is not helpful, rather it's Satan trying to drive a wedge between you because he knows that God hates divorce Malachi 2:13-17.

Again, reading between the lines, you still love your wife, so win her back with charm and seduction. Start as friends, take her out, for coffee, a concert, reminis on good times and have a laugh.

1 Corinthians 7:13-15 tells us that the believer sanctifies their unbelieving spouse but if their spouse can't hack their partner's faith and wants to leave, then fine. I'm not sure that's your situation; it's you rather than your faith that she can't hack. You need to change, love her and understand her and then forgiveness will come naturally.

Finally, your wife has not let the church down, rather herself by her renunciation of her faith. You need to win her back to you and then to Christ. I'm praying that one day soon, you can enjoy a 3 way marriage with Christ at the centre. Ask some of the church elders and your prayer meeting to pray likewise for you.

God bless you brother, now go get her!!

 

[paths that cross]

Could you consider that your " Church " is not about your wife nor is it about you yourself personally as far as the comparison of whom " Church Service TO The Lord " is being about The Lord Jesus Christ.

not saying that as a Church member or leader we should completely be of on the mind that we can live in sin and still expect to be approved by God but Christ the Lord Jesus is the focus and center of your church, I believe that you have served the Lord. Just keep him in your heart and mind and remember that God is the head of the Church through his Anointing in Jesus the son of God.

my humble and modest respecting words to you would be to tell you - that it is not you nor your wife that you have ever intended to be as the focus and center of your church. you know whom to trust and turn to. Please wait and be patient -

if there will be new wives whom whom are virgins or faithful widows - in time they all will be worth waiting for you in holy sacred marriage.

 

[Brad Huber]

If the Lord said to not divorce her, then you must be long suffering just like the Lord is with us.

 

[Twistie]

Yes I have spoken to a few people I've considered as mentors however she don't want to talk to no one.

Hey there

I pray ur finding strength in this storm that ur currently goin thru.. personally I myself can't tell you what to do but I surely can give suggestions on not what to do.. I've done a lot of not what to dos in my life time frfr..

From a woman's point.. if she is dead set on not wanting you... You can not make her..

What u gotta do for your sake for your sanity tho is to truly truly forgive her cause all that hurt will only turn to anger in the long run.. n that my friend is not a road you wanna travel.. I was on that road for a long time n it was not well at all..

And while your learning how to fully forgive her take time to be alone separate yourself to spend time with YH cause He is the only one who can tell you and teach you what to do and how to do it..


I see many ask what about marriage n divorce n I see many opinions of what man thinks.. fact is YHs ways are so above our ways that is just mans prideful talking to say what should b done in hard situations like the one your enduring..

Now don't forget we r told to pick up our cross and follow Yeshua..


If I was you I wouldn't file for the divorce I'd let her do the paper n leg work n when she serves the papers then do what must b done n let her go...


But I'd definitely take time to fast unto YH to Lessen them chains that gotcha..


I surely hope your finding peace in the Lord during this difficult trial..


Twistie

 

[Bill]

Hey Family

I just would love some input and advice in this regard with Divorce and Remarriage, I've read some books on it but there is always two sides to the argument.

Let me bring some context into this....

I've been married for 11 years I would say I married the love of my life we were ready for marriage absolutely not however with the advice from the church because my wife was pregnant at the time we got married so for the years been together we were learning about each other certain things we both did not like but because of our love for one another we knew change will come.

We did everything together she was my ride and die she stood by me in ministry in my most darkest hour, when I had no income she was holding the family up such a keeper I tell you, A very strong women indeed.

Until tragedy happen that change the cause of our marriage and life, because of the demands of ministry because I was working for a church my wife backslide and fell into sin where she cheated on me with someone from work one of the most devastating situations one could encounter.

As a pastor I forgave and we tried to move on but the memories plague my mind, after all those years I love my wife with all my heart there were days where I was ohkay and days where I weren't and I would bring it up and it will cause such a steer in our relationship.

Besides that issue we had other issues but in 2022 things become intense for the marriage we were under the greatest attack ever words like 'divorce was used, got papers for divorce I personally was ready to walk away from the marriage I felt my wife could not give me the love I needed as man an deserve. But God spoke to me not to divorce her so I came home tore the papers up for that moment we made up n then we went back to normal again of fighting n then she become down with me.

My wife backslid now in this stage please remember I'm a pastor of a church and this is happening my wife stopped attending church now she drifted away from the presence of God slowly until she was out completely despite my warnings to her she continued to spiral downwards.

The marriage was affected the ministry was also been affected because the mother of church is no more and now she is backslidden I was attending church myself it was draining havjng to cover an answer for her. She feel deeper into the whole and started buying alcohol but this is when she kicked me out of the house so she spirally downwards.

We not love in separate homes I've begged to take me back so we can work in the marriage she refused she is now content with been single and living life on her terms without having a husband.

I've prayed for my wife my prayer has run out now I've spoken to her but everytime we talk we fight my heart is overwhelmed with pain I have to preach n still be a pastor while dealing with all this, it's unbearable at times but through the Spirit I receive grace.

According to Corinthians Paul says if the unbelieving wife wants to leave let her leave because God wants us to live in peace, my wife left me long time should I file for divorce or do I have to wait for her to file the divorce for me it feels like we already divorced.

This is my first time speaking about this on a public platform ur wisdom as to what I should in this moment will help. Can I divorce or do I have to wait for her even though she left me. God bless family

Pastor Allistair

I am a little surprized as you are a pastor and seem somewhat blind to the devils involvement.

First things 1st. Give everything you are up to the Lord. Humble yourself before God.

Give your wife to God, like Elijah offering up a sacrifice.

Divorce is a thing of the devil, an excuse to not honor your vows before God.

Did you not say, "for better, for worse"

Job says to us, "if we take the good things from God, can we not take the bad things too"

Continue to offer your wife to the Lord in daily prayer. And continue to humble yourself to the Lord daily.

Ask your parishioners, as they too are part of your family.

Do not give up hope in the Lord

 

[Bill]

Hey there

I pray ur finding strength in this storm that ur currently goin thru.. personally I myself can't tell you what to do but I surely can give suggestions on not what to do.. I've done a lot of not what to dos in my life time frfr..

From a woman's point.. if she is dead set on not wanting you... You can not make her..

What u gotta do for your sake for your sanity tho is to truly truly forgive her cause all that hurt will only turn to anger in the long run.. n that my friend is not a road you wanna travel.. I was on that road for a long time n it was not well at all..

And while your learning how to fully forgive her take time to be alone separate yourself to spend time with YH cause He is the only one who can tell you and teach you what to do and how to do it..


I see many ask what about marriage n divorce n I see many opinions of what man thinks.. fact is YHs ways are so above our ways that is just mans prideful talking to say what should b done in hard situations like the one your enduring..

Now don't forget we r told to pick up our cross and follow Yeshua..


If I was you I wouldn't file for the divorce I'd let her do the paper n leg work n when she serves the papers then do what must b done n let her go...


But I'd definitely take time to fast unto YH to Lessen them chains that gotcha..


I surely hope your finding peace in the Lord during this difficult trial..


Twistie

The dead bones need God's Spirit in them

 

[Bill]

Yes I have spoken to a few people I've considered as mentors however she don't want to talk to no one.

It isn't her who needs to go to the Lord, it is you.

Be humble before the Lord,

You are the husband, it is through your humility, your prayer, your lifting up the sacrifice ( your wife ). Your setting God as the center of your life -- these will affect your wife more.

 

[Bill]

I will keep you in my prayers

 

[Curtis]

What I tell everyone who is married and wants the Lord God to change their spouse, is God will change your spouse by changing you!

If I was you I would not give up your family for anything. You have to fight against all the principalities, and powers, rulers of darkness of this world and all spiritual darkness in heavenly places. Know the authority God has given you and use the keys of his Kingdom of binding and loosening. Never give up, stand your ground. Remember Love never fails.

 

[lentz]

A man once told me,”My wife’s an angel,” I told him you’re lucky,mine ain’t dead yet