setting boundaries with parents
- Thread starter halva
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happyharold4
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I think you will need to be a little more specific as to what you are dealing with as your question can be answered scripturally from several different perspectives.
Happy
Hi Harold, i guess you are right - unfortunately i can't give the specific details here on talkJesus for the time being. However, I suppose i can say when a parent has indicated that they value their partner so much more than you - even though that partner has hurt you badly - and seems to expect you to be okay with that.
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Brighthouse
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Dear halva. This is not about your parents,it is about your relationship with them.Matt 10:35-36 After receiving Jesus I found this very true.Remember!They know me,they have seen my weakness,they know how I have been for a very long time.
After recieiving Jesus for 2 years,finally I was allowed to go back hom to see my Brother,who was gay at the time,as the Lord told me he was,and my mom,who saw her Son and discarded him with very good reason,as when I came out of Vienam,I was much worse of a son then before I went in.
Jesus has to prepare me for what was to come,the finger pointing the laughing,the mocking,a lot of doubt from both of them.Follow, indeed Follow! No matter what others think of you,no matter how many lies are told about you,no matter how unloved one my feel.FOLLOW!
My brother was the first to start on the attack,he said I have heard you have changed!! How so? Well I told him The Lord told me you are gay.He fell silent,oh. Mom started to cry as she never told me this,because she was to afraid.I always hated them.
I said fear not,I have not come home to judge you all, I have come home so the Lord could further work on me to both of you,and that by my example you can see what only God to do! It took 3 hard long years,I made mistakes,but the one lesson I had to first learn to even go home,was to forgive,not just them but myself.
Sometimes we have good reason to be angry at another,Jesus did! But what is the difference between us and the world? Correct Halva!! Jesus in us,and if he is indeed in us then we will show this to others,we will not judge,we will love,we will have compassion, espically!! if they do not.
That is how they learn we are no longer like they are. It does not make us better then they are,it shows them we care how they are.For before one can clean another house,one must first clean there own.LOVE cleans,love encourges,love gives hope,and with this hope faith,and with this faith, peace.My brother learned,my Mother learned,even as i learned,because instead of pointing my fingers at them,I held out my hand to them,even as they would not take it for more then 2 years thinking I had lost my mind!! LOL
Finally one night as I had come out of my bedroom from prayer,my brother and Mother said, we want what Jesus did in you. Can we recieve this for ourselves mark? WELL Praise THE LORD!! SURE!!! Let us pray together as a family for the very first time! We are all far from perfect being,we all have flaws,but even with them,we have learned something we did not understand!!
How precious is our Faith??( 1 Peter 1:6-9) we know how precious it is Halva by what we are willing to go through for it!! Blessing be unto you,and your family.
After recieiving Jesus for 2 years,finally I was allowed to go back hom to see my Brother,who was gay at the time,as the Lord told me he was,and my mom,who saw her Son and discarded him with very good reason,as when I came out of Vienam,I was much worse of a son then before I went in.
Jesus has to prepare me for what was to come,the finger pointing the laughing,the mocking,a lot of doubt from both of them.Follow, indeed Follow! No matter what others think of you,no matter how many lies are told about you,no matter how unloved one my feel.FOLLOW!
My brother was the first to start on the attack,he said I have heard you have changed!! How so? Well I told him The Lord told me you are gay.He fell silent,oh. Mom started to cry as she never told me this,because she was to afraid.I always hated them.
I said fear not,I have not come home to judge you all, I have come home so the Lord could further work on me to both of you,and that by my example you can see what only God to do! It took 3 hard long years,I made mistakes,but the one lesson I had to first learn to even go home,was to forgive,not just them but myself.
Sometimes we have good reason to be angry at another,Jesus did! But what is the difference between us and the world? Correct Halva!! Jesus in us,and if he is indeed in us then we will show this to others,we will not judge,we will love,we will have compassion, espically!! if they do not.
That is how they learn we are no longer like they are. It does not make us better then they are,it shows them we care how they are.For before one can clean another house,one must first clean there own.LOVE cleans,love encourges,love gives hope,and with this hope faith,and with this faith, peace.My brother learned,my Mother learned,even as i learned,because instead of pointing my fingers at them,I held out my hand to them,even as they would not take it for more then 2 years thinking I had lost my mind!! LOL
Finally one night as I had come out of my bedroom from prayer,my brother and Mother said, we want what Jesus did in you. Can we recieve this for ourselves mark? WELL Praise THE LORD!! SURE!!! Let us pray together as a family for the very first time! We are all far from perfect being,we all have flaws,but even with them,we have learned something we did not understand!!
How precious is our Faith??( 1 Peter 1:6-9) we know how precious it is Halva by what we are willing to go through for it!! Blessing be unto you,and your family.
Hi Brighthouse - thanks for your reply and encouragement to follow our Lord.
After posting here, I think i've come to the conclusion that i do need some kind of break from this parent while I try and work things out and hopefully strengthen my relationship with God. At the moment I am not functioning at all well in day to day life and I think a lot of this has to do with things unsaid or not properly felt. I appreciate that it is important to forgive, but i think its going to take a while for me to work my way through this - whether it be to my parent or myself. When my parent comes round and the expectation is there for me to be 'there for them' or act the way they want me to - a role which i have been used to 'acting' for a long time - its difficult to break out and be myself and indeed I find that I want to hide my true self from this parent and indeed both my parents.
There have been a few times when I've tried to bring up hurts that have happened and there seems to be little interest in hearing or believing things that i say.
Thank you for sharing what happened when you went home - it is really inspiring to hear how your brother and mum came to know the Lord. Your inner strength inspires me - i think somehow i need to find that inner strength - with God's help - because at the moment its as if my will to live was somehow broken in the past and hasn't really recovered.
After posting here, I think i've come to the conclusion that i do need some kind of break from this parent while I try and work things out and hopefully strengthen my relationship with God. At the moment I am not functioning at all well in day to day life and I think a lot of this has to do with things unsaid or not properly felt. I appreciate that it is important to forgive, but i think its going to take a while for me to work my way through this - whether it be to my parent or myself. When my parent comes round and the expectation is there for me to be 'there for them' or act the way they want me to - a role which i have been used to 'acting' for a long time - its difficult to break out and be myself and indeed I find that I want to hide my true self from this parent and indeed both my parents.
There have been a few times when I've tried to bring up hurts that have happened and there seems to be little interest in hearing or believing things that i say.
Thank you for sharing what happened when you went home - it is really inspiring to hear how your brother and mum came to know the Lord. Your inner strength inspires me - i think somehow i need to find that inner strength - with God's help - because at the moment its as if my will to live was somehow broken in the past and hasn't really recovered.
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Brighthouse
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I fully understand!!And agree with you!! If you think I did what I did overnight!!ah no.Here is what helped me.
1st.feeling that you have, you have good reason in yourself to feel this way.2.we know that by ourselves we cannot change this feeling,mainly because we may be very right, and very just in our thoughts on this matter!
3. You may already know why you feel this way,but consider all aspects of why.meaning,why is this also hurting me?? When my feeling towards Mom or dad are just? 4.Give yourself a BIG BREAK!! God has!! We know what we deserve and why!!
Knowing this,Only Jesus and his wondeful love can free us from the Pit we feel we are in.( psalm 40:2)When the Lord showed me this,he said mark,I have brought you out of the pit,why do you wish to go back into it?? HUMM good point Lord!
5.And this was the hardest part for me to do!! Allow Jesus to truly love you! We know why we do not deserve it,that is why studing the Word helps so much in finding why Jesus does love us,and why through HIM!! we do deserve his LOVE!! and affection!
You will know when this happens to you Halva,because a great peace will fill both your heart,and your mind,then!!! You are in a position to forgive others,because you understand what forgivness is,and!! best of all how we keep it!!May this help you in the on going race, we run in Jesus!! blessing!
1st.feeling that you have, you have good reason in yourself to feel this way.2.we know that by ourselves we cannot change this feeling,mainly because we may be very right, and very just in our thoughts on this matter!
3. You may already know why you feel this way,but consider all aspects of why.meaning,why is this also hurting me?? When my feeling towards Mom or dad are just? 4.Give yourself a BIG BREAK!! God has!! We know what we deserve and why!!
Knowing this,Only Jesus and his wondeful love can free us from the Pit we feel we are in.( psalm 40:2)When the Lord showed me this,he said mark,I have brought you out of the pit,why do you wish to go back into it?? HUMM good point Lord!
5.And this was the hardest part for me to do!! Allow Jesus to truly love you! We know why we do not deserve it,that is why studing the Word helps so much in finding why Jesus does love us,and why through HIM!! we do deserve his LOVE!! and affection!
You will know when this happens to you Halva,because a great peace will fill both your heart,and your mind,then!!! You are in a position to forgive others,because you understand what forgivness is,and!! best of all how we keep it!!May this help you in the on going race, we run in Jesus!! blessing!
