Sex

[kevosurge]

Hello all!

I have been dating my girlfriend since December. Like a lot of people, we began as a strong Christian couple and attended church together, but fell into a sexual relationship and left church. We are both good, moral people for the most part, but we are obviously in sin.

In June, after she had moved in with me, we found out she was pregnant. Although, we had already talked about getting married, we decide it was a definite at this point. At this point, we have been adjusting to a married life and act as if we were married.

My question is, from an ethical standpoint, should I continue with a sexual relationship while not being 'technically' married? I have mixed feelings about it:
A) I feel like I should consider her my wife and therefore satisfy her physical needs and her, mine.
B) We aren't married, so we shouldn't be having sex.

I'm honestly leaning toward B, but after all this time, I don't want to feel like I'm neglecting her. I love her very much and I want to make her happy, but I also want to stand as the Bible head of our household.

 

[spirit1st]

I believe your already joined together! But , Our LORD said to obey the law of the land also! And it says a marriage is going before a person who has the right to marry you two!
Sex is no little thing! it is holy and should be accepted that way! Nothing is stronger with a man and woman than that bonding! That is why we better be real sure , we want to spent our lives here with , that person!
God perfect way is for no one to be divorced!
Gods permissive way is to allow divorce!
It true we are under Grace! but the flesh can and does suffer for sin!
Not saying your in sin! Just saying if we want to please our LORD who should obey HIS LIVING WORDS!


1Pe 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;
1Pe 2:14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.
1Pe 2:15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:

 

[Giggles4God]

My husband and I have had talks about this very subject, not because we did this, but because we know some who have.

God doesn't see things the way we do.

It matters not that we are good or moral...sin is sin is sin is sin.

In the eyes of God, both of you have sinned. It is called fornication.

Now, about having sexual relations now after you have already done them and are getting married...and with a baby on the way...

In the Bible...I believe it was Paul who wrote about getting married if you burn.

Also...just because you want to make her and yourself happy, does not mean you have sex. Two wrongs won't make it right...

Sure you are getting married...but you will have to work at it (just like any marriage). There are statistics that say marriages that had the couple already 'playing' marriage don't have good 'odds' so to speak. You can find them online.

Really, there shouldn't be any sexual things happening. You aren't married. It doesn't matter what your flesh says.

Some will say you are married...well in a way you are...but that doesn't make it right.

It is very complicated, yes?

And I have no answers as to how to go about keeping your hands off of each other...

I think it would be best to talk it over with your girl...

Get into church. God will forgive you.

 

[kevosurge]

Thank you both for your replies. I agree with both of you. It is somewhat of a complicated question, but yet, it still remains black and white. Sin is sin and fornication is just that. Because of certain circumstances, we're about two months away from getting married. Like I said, she lives with me and there really is no feasible way to undo that, so it will be tough to ask for forgiveness and remain pure during that time. It's definitely a strong desire for both of us to be in church and raise our child (due March 28th) in that atmosphere.

I guess I find myself making excuses like... "it's only two months away... God will forgive us then..." which is definitely true, but I have a strong conscious and just feel that's unfair. I'm not at all concerned that if I tell her we shouldn't be having sex that she would leave, but I guess it's just sunk into both of our heads that we are married and I guess subconsciously it seems silly to retract that part of our lives together.

I'm just typing here and getting my thoughts out because I know what the answer is... I knew what the answer was before I made this thread. I really didn't expect anyone to say that it was okay... I guess I just needed some sympathy and understanding and sound advice.

 

[stephen]

Hello all!

I have been dating my girlfriend since December. Like a lot of people, we began as a strong Christian couple and attended church together, but fell into a sexual relationship and left church. We are both good, moral people for the most part, but we are obviously in sin.

In June, after she had moved in with me, we found out she was pregnant. Although, we had already talked about getting married, we decide it was a definite at this point. At this point, we have been adjusting to a married life and act as if we were married.

My question is, from an ethical standpoint, should I continue with a sexual relationship while not being 'technically' married? I have mixed feelings about it:
A) I feel like I should consider her my wife and therefore satisfy her physical needs and her, mine.
B) We aren't married, so we shouldn't be having sex.

I'm honestly leaning toward B, but after all this time, I don't want to feel like I'm neglecting her. I love her very much and I want to make her happy, but I also want to stand as the Bible head of our household.

Find a Pastor and get married. Forget debate....the lady needs a husband to care for her....and you need a wife you are both in love. Make an honest woman of your love, make her your wife.

Get married and enjoy life together, as man and wife.

Love to You.....in Jesus

 

[Giggles4God]

God will forgive, but that doesn't mean we go searching and seeking out sin. We don't sin knowing that God will forgive us. That would be wrong, too. We can't be like 'oh I'll just do this...and God will forgive me" That is shaky ground to be on that's for sure.

 

[stephen]

Find a Pastor and get married. Forget debate....the lady needs a husband to care for her....and you need a wife you are both in love. Make an honest woman of your love, make her your wife.

Get married and enjoy life together, as man and wife.

Love to You.....in Jesus

This is paramount for you at this time.

 

[scofieldII]

Sorry brothers and sisters, but I've got a question. .Can a kiss be classified as sexual thereby sufficing as a sin of fornication?

 

[spirit1st]

1Th 5:26 Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss.

2Co 13:12 Greet one another with an holy kiss.

1Co 16:20 All the brethren greet you. Greet ye one another with an holy kiss.

Rom 16:16 Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you.

Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Every sin takes place in our minds first!
The battle field is the mind!

 

[shipwrecksoul]

Sex=20 min Love=lifetime

Hey did you know some people who are not married think sex validates love commitment in a fantasy sort of way?
Did you know some people think faithfulness means sex?
Did you know a lot of married people are not in love and have never been in love?
Did you know two people who love each other intimately, man and woman, without sex would love each other to have honor and commitment and engagement and marriage to honor each other then consumation.

Just ask Mr. Self a.k.a. the devil. He wants us to twist everything thats good and right in the eyes of God as a see I told you so to God saying man does not honor commitment love marriage and consummation. Man only wants sex and no relationship built on trust and commitment. Man just wants to follow lust and teach others to lust. But what does
Gal 5:22-24 say? But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
So it boils down to whether we want self or the fruit of the Spirit.

What do you want? What do I want. To be filled with the Spirit of God!
This is my goal and it can be yours as well!

 

[HoneyBare]

Ooooo, this may shock some of you, but what if you have lived with someone for 36 years and have 2 children together, and so of course, are legally married, but with no papers to prove anything. You know, the 10-year legal thing.

We'd say husband and wife, so as to not embarrass the kids after they got old enough, but in reality, if a paper is what determines it in God's eyes, then I suppose it would be the right thing to make it legal.

However, my dh is not a Christian, and at this point, I don't see him agreeing to anything. We are already bonded, and committed to eachother and all. What say ye all? What would God say?

 

[HisFollower]

Providing for honest things, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men.
2 Cor 8:21

God will have us to marry, and so also society follows God´s lead; and so in the sight of God, and also in the sight of men we will marry.

 

[eddieb]

Hello all!

I have been dating my girlfriend since December. Like a lot of people, we began as a strong Christian couple and attended church together, but fell into a sexual relationship and left church. We are both good, moral people for the most part, but we are obviously in sin.

In June, after she had moved in with me, we found out she was pregnant. Although, we had already talked about getting married, we decide it was a definite at this point. At this point, we have been adjusting to a married life and act as if we were married.

My question is, from an ethical standpoint, should I continue with a sexual relationship while not being 'technically' married? I have mixed feelings about it:
A) I feel like I should consider her my wife and therefore satisfy her physical needs and her, mine.
B) We aren't married, so we shouldn't be having sex.

I'm honestly leaning toward B, but after all this time, I don't want to feel like I'm neglecting her. I love her very much and I want to make her happy, but I also want to stand as the Bible head of our household.

something that came to mind as i read your post thats a little off topic but still pertnant is adam and eve. adam loved his his woman more than God and did as she did. not what God had said. and because of that act all man is now born into sin. our actions go along way. wether for good or for not good. in NO WAY AT ALL am i saying leave her or anything like that. what i am saying is obey and fear God before your woman. obey and respect God, thats the whole duty of man. in the cev version of bible it says respect and obey God, this is what life is all about.

 

[Alaska Mom]

I feel as though having been in a similar situation I can offer some perspective, not advice, just a little perspective.

My husband and I met and became sexual about 5 years ago. During this time, I was not following His word. My husband and I moved in together and eventually I became pregnant. I justified this pregnancy by telling myself that obviously God wanted my son in this world, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. When my husband asked me to get an abortion I told him that I don't believe in abortion (having been raised in the Catholic church, this is one thing that stuck from my childhood teachings). We have lived together as husband and wife ever since out son was born. This year we finally got married just a month after our son turned two. I have since prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me for my sins.
I became a Christian during my pregnancy. I did not withhold sex from my husband before we got married just because I became a Christian. Though I am still learning the scriptures, while unmarried I believed that even though we are unmarried by law, God must consider us married, if that is the case, a Godly wife must perform her wifely duties.
Now, what I've tried to give you is a little perspective based on my experiences. That said, in no way, am I telling you what you should or should not do. I am not an expert on the Bible. However, I do know how I personally want to live my life. I hope that once you have married, you will pray and ask for forgiveness. You cannot expect to raise your child in a Godly home until both you and your wife have asked for forgiveness.

 

[Veracity]

Hello all!

I have been dating my girlfriend since December. Like a lot of people, we began as a strong Christian couple and attended church together, but fell into a sexual relationship and left church. We are both good, moral people for the most part, but we are obviously in sin.

In June, after she had moved in with me, we found out she was pregnant. Although, we had already talked about getting married, we decide it was a definite at this point. At this point, we have been adjusting to a married life and act as if we were married.

My question is, from an ethical standpoint, should I continue with a sexual relationship while not being 'technically' married? I have mixed feelings about it:
A) I feel like I should consider her my wife and therefore satisfy her physical needs and her, mine.
B) We aren't married, so we shouldn't be having sex.

I'm honestly leaning toward B, but after all this time, I don't want to feel like I'm neglecting her. I love her very much and I want to make her happy, but I also want to stand as the Bible head of our household.

My question would be why are you still not legally married? What are you waiting for?

The problem with "acting" as if you are married when you are not is the same thing people do everyday, then when the trials come, they split up because there is no foundation to hold them together, nothing to try to repair.

If God were the head of your household, you would already be married, you would not have stopped going to church to keep having sex. Some people might say that now you are bound together because that which God joins together...but did He? Do you really think this is the person God has chosen for you? And are you the person the Lord has chosen for her? If not, then you should not be living together and playing marriage, and you would not be asking questions here, you would have already gotten married.

I am not trying to be judgmental, I just don't like to see people hurt themselves in wrong relationships. Too many times someone just changes their mind...and without the paper, there is no commitment and no laws to protect anyone, or encourage anyone to work it out. It just sounds as if there is already doubt in your relationship.

How do you fall into a sexual relationship? Did you trip over her or what? Seriously?? You must have thought it out a bit. June? She is probably about to pop!! After the baby gets here, you will be going through some more hormonal changes, and even a good marriage has a hard time adjusting after a baby!!

IMO...either get married or get off the pot...so to speak

Lord help ya...I wish you the best.