Smelly smoke problem

[Fragrant Grace]

Greetings dear brothers and sisters

I refer to a situation where a Christian family is struggling with a family member who smokes....the smoker being the male head of the family

The family have young children.
The smell of lingering smell of smoke in the room, on clothes and on the breath is horrible to the wife and children. Even though the smoking occurs outside....the smells linger for hours on the husband

There have been many promises of giving up over the years, which have never happened not even for a whole day. The wife knew of the smoking before marriage but was told it would stop....because she loved she trusted. And with each child born further promises but no fruition.
The false promises have led to mistrust.

Even more concern is raised now that evidence shows that "third hand" smoking......that is chemicals left in clothing fibres, the hair and the like are just as dangerous as "second hand" smoking

Prayers and practical advise on how the family can deal with this smelly issue which is affecting their marriage would be much appreciated.

 

[Wired 4 Fishen]

Greetings dear brothers and sisters

I refer to a situation where a Christian family is struggling with a family member who smokes....the smoker being the male head of the family

The family have young children.
The smell of lingering smell of smoke in the room, on clothes and on the breath is horrible to the wife and children. Even though the smoking occurs outside....the smells linger for hours on the husband

There have been many promises of giving up over the years, which have never happened not even for a whole day. The wife knew of the smoking before marriage but was told it would stop....because she loved she trusted. And with each child born further promises but no fruition.
The false promises have led to mistrust.

Even more concern is raised now that evidence shows that "third hand" smoking......that is chemicals left in clothing fibres, the hair and the like are just as dangerous as "second hand" smoking

Prayers and practical advise on how the family can deal with this smelly issue which is affecting their marriage would be much appreciated.

If this such said smoker would begin to to Speak , confess Thank God they are a non smoker every single enjoyable drag they take, it won't be long.

I have heard many say that is the only thing that worked. The smoker said it felt stupid but it worked.

Some also included I am the righteousness of God in Christ and I thank God I am a non smoker and I detest these things.

What do they have to lose trying it?
Blessings to you and your family

 

[Fragrant Grace]

If this such said smoker would begin to to Speak , confess Thank God they are a non smoker every single enjoyable drag they take, it won't be long.

Yes I agree!

The Lord is able....the smoker must also be willing

 

[Wired 4 Fishen]

Yes I agree!

The Lord is able....the smoker must also be willing

That's just it. Those that did this did not think it would do anything, but they did it any way and they all one day found they did not smoke anymore.
Blessings to you

 

[Dave M]

Prayers going out sister, only way I know to handle that is meet it straight and confront the man about it. lock him out of the house every time he goes for a smoke, really let him know how let down everyone in the family is because of his smoking and let him know everyone wants to get behind him to help him quit, family meeting time. Make some rules that he is held accountable for like if he goes out side to smoke he is not getting back in the house, or maybe a family one day fast and prayer session for the Almighty God to help you all in the situation.

 

[Sue J Love]

Greetings dear brothers and sisters

I refer to a situation where a Christian family is struggling with a family member who smokes....the smoker being the male head of the family

The family have young children.
The smell of lingering smell of smoke in the room, on clothes and on the breath is horrible to the wife and children. Even though the smoking occurs outside....the smells linger for hours on the husband

There have been many promises of giving up over the years, which have never happened not even for a whole day. The wife knew of the smoking before marriage but was told it would stop....because she loved she trusted. And with each child born further promises but no fruition.
The false promises have led to mistrust.

Even more concern is raised now that evidence shows that "third hand" smoking......that is chemicals left in clothing fibres, the hair and the like are just as dangerous as "second hand" smoking

Prayers and practical advise on how the family can deal with this smelly issue which is affecting their marriage would be much appreciated.

I empathize with the wife and children. Praying for wisdom for the wife. I understand about promises not kept and the impact that has on the health of the family. I know we can't change other people, too, so all we can do is trust our lives into God's hands and ask for his guidance.

 

[amadeus2]

I've never been in precisely the same situation, but I do have some understanding of the difficulties involved. My wife was a severe asthmatic back in the days when in the United States there were few, if any, smoke free zones other than your own home. When we would go out for a nice meal at a restaurant and end up in an emergency room due to someone smoking in the same room with us and causing an asthma attack in her. I am joining here in prayer for the affected family. God is able in every situation.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Thank you for your kindly answers brothers and sisters.

In looking at the situation, it would appear that the smoker, the husband just cannot/won't even go for a day without smoking.

Years of smoking have left him immune to the lingering stale smoke smells that are so repulsive to his near ones.

From a Christian perspective he will speak to his wife of things that "are far worse than smoking" and comment that " other things in the environment are also toxic"
This may be true, but it is an avoidance in order to divert from the situation.

Blessings grace and peace

 

[Hekuran]

Here's a really interesting TED talk on addiction. It deals mainly with drug addiction, but it has plenty to say about any kind of addiction

Johann Hari: Does Stigmatizing Addiction Perpetuate It?

"A core part of addiction is about not being able to bear being present in your life"

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Thank you for that link @Hekuran

 

[David holton]

Dear everyone I am born again two years now I still enjoy my cigarettes and have no plans to quit if you look at it this way smoking does not define a person there are lots of worse things my ex fiancee smoked 60 a day and she was a Christian this lady has been promised by her husband he will quit and ps smokers don't smell I am one so i will know

 

[David holton]

Back to the question the man has made false promises to his wife surely lying is worse than a smoke

 

[Wired 4 Fishen]

Back to the question the man has made false promises to his wife surely lying is worse than a smoke

No I don't buy that.
The man may have every intention on quitting but the addiction is strong and he may fail many times but if he keeps trying , he has not lied.
Blessings

 

[Wired 4 Fishen]

Dear everyone I am born again two years now I still enjoy my cigarettes and have no plans to quit if you look at it this way smoking does not define a person there are lots of worse things my ex fiancee smoked 60 a day and she was a Christian this lady has been promised by her husband he will quit and ps smokers don't smell I am one so i will know

Only man tries to justify his sin as not as bad as another.

Yes people do smell and stagnated cigarette smoke stinks even to other smokers.
You might like the smell and it might just be because you are defending smoking so much that you can't or refuse to smell it any other way.

Blessings

 

[David holton]

Your right I do like the smell I smoke like a train so no I can't smell it as I said I was engaged to a 60 aday smoker I smoke 20 and no I refuse to quit it is an addiction but not a sin mate

 

[David holton]

A sin is an act against God smoking is not against God I love smoking and will go on defending it till I die of it

 

[Wired 4 Fishen]

A sin is an act against God smoking is not against God I love smoking and will go on defending it till I die of it

Sin kills and destroys.
God is against anything that harms His People.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

A sin is an act against God smoking is not against God I love smoking and will go on defending it till I die of it

That is very sad to hear @David holton

You are a slave to a habit that is destroying your body.
Your smoking is also dangerous to those around you.

Like the man I am referring to in this thread you appear to put smoking above all else, probably because it has such a grip on you
His marriage is on the rocks because of this habit that affects his whole family.

Tell me David Holton.......what advice would you give the struggling wife, who has a young family?

Secondly, share with us here about the Lord Jesus and what He has done for you?

The dearest idol I have known,
Whate’er that idol be
Help me to tear it from Thy throne,
And worship only Thee*

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2


* From Hymn O for a closer walk with God - William Cowper 1775

 

[Wired 4 Fishen]

That is very sad to hear @David holton

You are a slave to a habit that is destroying your body.
Your smoking is also dangerous to those around you.

Like the man I am referring to in this thread you appear to put smoking above all else, probably because it has such a grip on you
His marriage is on the rocks because of this habit that affects his whole family.

Tell me David Holton.......what advice would you give the struggling wife, who has a young family?

Secondly, share with us here about the Lord Jesus and what He has done for you?

The dearest idol I have known,
Whate’er that idol be
Help me to tear it from Thy throne,
And worship only Thee*

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2


* From Hymn O for a closer walk with God - William Cowper 1775

I agree and totally understand where the wife is coming from.
I also know it can get to the point where total frustration can grow big.

In a similar situation the Lord made me understand that this still is no excuse for not walking in Grace and Walking in Love and Forgiveness.

This does not mean give in or overlooking the situation.
It simply means no matter what we face, we are still required to walk in His ways.

Once I got ahold of that, God was able to do things in that particular situation that benefited me as well as the other.

Just wanted to share this and perhaps you will be able to share this with the Wife because it must be very hard and frustrating for her.

Will be praying for everyone
Blessings to you and your family

 

[David holton]

Well grace Jesus saved me from a dark time in my life when i was suicidal I suffer from bipolar and found reading the bible brought me comfort and I have believed in the Lord all my life my gran taught me the scriptures of the bible when I was young . I have tried to live a godly live ever since I couldn't give the wife any advice I am afraid I would be a hypocrite we all do things others consider wrong I admit I do put my smokes before anything else I love smoking I admit it but I also try to be a good person cigarettes are very addictive