So much guilt

[NicoleF82]

Hello. I am new here and hoping for some guidance.

Ten years ago, when I was 17, I found out that I was pregnant. The boy I was with didn't want anything to do with me when he found out. I went to my parents about it, and was pushed into having an abortion. I trusted them to help me make the right decision, which I know they did not. I did not understand the progress of a baby's growth inside the womb. I did not understand the process of an abortion. They lied to me about it. Now that I am older, and have two children, I do understand. I fully understand just how horrible and murderous what I did truly was. Now I am faced with more guilt than I can often stomach. I burst into tears quite often, and cannot shake the wretched feelings of self loathing over it. Every day, I apologize to God and beg his forgiveness, and I also apologize to and beg the forgiveness of that perfect little soul for the awful thing I did. I am so sorry for doing that, for causing it pain. I know that God knew what was best for me when he put that baby in my belly, and I went against his plan. I am so afraid that I am now damned for this. I did not understand what I was doing, and it makes me so sick. My husband is very supportive and he tells me that all sins are equal in the eyes of the lord, and if I am truly sorry and repent, then God will forgive me. While his words often help in calming me, I am still so afraid that God does not love me anymore after what I have done. Please help me.

 

[jiggyfly]

Hello Nicole and welcome to TalkJesus. Being a teenager is difficult enough with everyday responsibilities involved with the transition into adulthood. We have all made poor decisions in life and especially at this stage in life. I am sorry that you did not have good encouragement and sound advice available to you when you needed it.

I'm sure you were not informed of the emotional stress that laid ahead. but I assure you that this guilt is not from God nor is it His plan for you to remain in this emotional distress. Let me share some scripture with you and take it to Father and allow Him to express His feelings for you.



Col 1:19-23 For God in all his fullness was pleased to live in Christ, and by him God reconciled everything to himself. He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of his blood on the cross. This includes you who were once so far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions, yet now he has brought you back as his friends. He has done this through his death on the cross in his own human body. As a result, he has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.


I promise that Father will comfort you and help you past this, just go to Him with an open heart and be honest and bare all to Him.

 

[Boanerges]

My friend, all we can do about the past is repent, lay it at His feet and accept His forgiveness.
In reality that is more than enough. These little ones belong to Him and you will see that child soon enough (when you are promoted to heaven).
Conviction is of God and leads to repentance.
Guilt is not of God and is a ploy of the enemy to keep you in bondage.
Rom 8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Rom 8:39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
As we can see from the above scripture no external force can separate us from entering into God's love and the peace we find there. Any thought that would cause us to feel less then the full weight of His forgiveness and mercy is a lie designed to keep you in bondage and thus hinders your walk.
Nothing is stronger than the blood of Jesus. Not even our thoughts:
1Jn 3:20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.
Nothing is stronger than the blood of Jesus and if you have asked you are forgiven. All that is left is to receive the healing and freedom that comes with that forgiveness.


Here is something that I find useful and I have never known anyone who has done this that did not experience a tremendous sense of freedom, peace and a real knowledge of God's grace:

First starting with your earliest childhood memories think of each person in your life. Remember that we can only do one of two things at a given time, submit our hearts to God or submit our hearts to the god of this world.

Go over every detail you can remember and for each person pray this:
Father in Jesus Name I choose to forgive ____, if they knew your love they could have not acted like that. I can see now that they were responding out of a wounded heart and that they were in bondage and darkness. I now pray the blessing of salvation over ____ and I release them into Your hands.

Do this for each and every person in your life until yo have come up to the present. That leaves you one last person to pray for: Father in Jesus Name I forgive myself for _______. I now realize that it is impossible for me to lead a godly life without You. I now know that You see something precious in me and You sent Your Son to pay a terrible price for me. I accept Your forgiveness and inner healing.
thank You Jesus for setting me free!

I am praying for you my friend, enter into the freedom and peace He has already purchased for you.
Many blessings in His Name,
your brother Larry.

 

[eddieb]

your not damned. we dont always "feel" Gods forgivness. but he is faithfull to forgive us if we confess our sins. thats His Word. He honors his word. do you know who carla faye tucker is? she pick axe murdered her family and God still saved her. and gave her peace.
nothing can seperate us from the love Of God. no hight no depth no sin nothing. there are serial killers in the pennitintiary and God uses them mightily. you arnet different or special cuz what you did. you are however set apart because of what Jesus Christ did.
i saw a brother today that killed someone went to prison and got out and the Lord uses him. dont believe the enemys lies. you are precious to God. but i think you need to forgive yourself. you are not damned. thinking God dosent Love you is a lie. trust what the Word says about His forgivness. keep doing it. after so much time passes you will find peace again. but you MUST FORGIVE YOUR SELF.

 

[shaun_nj]

eddieb is right, you must forgive yourself. God loves you and is understanding. It is normal to feel guilt but you must be strong. God bless.

 

[abigya]

Conviction is of the Holy Spirit, guilt is from the enemy Sister.... hope you take all the godly advice given above

God bless you Sister

 

[NicoleF82]

Thank you all for your kind and beautiful words. They very much warmed my heart, and have been so very helpful to me. I feel much better about this now. Thank you again.

 

[denise04]

hi

Hello. I am new here and hoping for some guidance.

Ten years ago, when I was 17, I found out that I was pregnant. The boy I was with didn't want anything to do with me when he found out. I went to my parents about it, and was pushed into having an abortion. I trusted them to help me make the right decision, which I know they did not. I did not understand the progress of a baby's growth inside the womb. I did not understand the process of an abortion. They lied to me about it. Now that I am older, and have two children, I do understand. I fully understand just how horrible and murderous what I did truly was. Now I am faced with more guilt than I can often stomach. I burst into tears quite often, and cannot shake the wretched feelings of self loathing over it. Every day, I apologize to God and beg his forgiveness, and I also apologize to and beg the forgiveness of that perfect little soul for the awful thing I did. I am so sorry for doing that, for causing it pain. I know that God knew what was best for me when he put that baby in my belly, and I went against his plan. I am so afraid that I am now damned for this. I did not understand what I was doing, and it makes me so sick. My husband is very supportive and he tells me that all sins are equal in the eyes of the lord, and if I am truly sorry and repent, then God will forgive me. While his words often help in calming me, I am still so afraid that God does not love me anymore after what I have done. Please help me.

god forgave u the first time u answered satan is placing the guilt ull c ure child again in heaven read ure bible more