Some major issues with my family in severe need of help

[ShaZakLar]

This post is about my mom and how much she HATES my grandma, and also hates my dad for those reasons.. now my mom considers herself a Christian an I mean a very religious Christian. She is ALWAYS watching religious TV shows (700 Club, john hagee, etc, and TBN a lot) She also watches lots of videos on the internet, I think mainly youtube, on different subjects of Christianity. Yet she refuses to go to any church, it's like she think the churches are all wrong and she is pretty much has her own beliefs it would seem. She claims she read through the entire Bible like 7 times.

The story goes my grandma cheated on my grandpa when my dad was little, which resulted in divorce and remarrying someone else (of course.. before my mom and dad even met!) She never used to have such anger towards my grandma and used to visit with her and stuff. Well now, for about the past 5 years about, she has built up more and more hatred and anger towards my grandma. She's even scribbled her name off our contact list and wrote "Jezebel" next to it! She calls her evil, a demon, and she judges her and says she'll go to hell. My grandma talks about God and I believe she is a Christian and repented from those sins, but I don't know 100%. My mom doesn't see it that way, she thinks it don't matter if she accepts Christ or repents, she's still going straight to hell! Even with my other relatives on my dad's side.. she says they're all "bastards". 2 of my girl cousins have had babies and one of the boys have fathered a baby (all not married) and she condemns them all and while yelling "They're ALL going to go to hell!!" (I think she thinks every one of my relatives on my dad's side is going to hell and I know some of them at least are probably Christians) The way I understood it even she think the babies are "bastards" and will go to hell because they were born from a girl who wasn't married!! That upsets me very much.

We haven't been able to see hardly anyone of them for a long time, (the really young ones I've never met) many not since 2006 or maybe '07. She will NOT let us see them! (mainly my grandma) She doesn't really care if we talk to other relatives but if I or any of us (I have 2 brothers, 18 and 10) talk to our grandma, she gets very angry. My dad and I visited her last summer at a mall when we where in her area for some other business (she lives about 90 miles from us) She wasn't supposed to know about it but she found out cuz she heard her she called my phone. Anyway to say she had a cow is putting it lightly. She cursed and yelled like everything. She does that too much. she hurts many people emotionally and she don't see it or she don't care.

I wanted to go up to visit them for Christmas in 2010, and I wanted to go up there very very bad because I haven't seen any of my other relatives in SO long and they haven't seen us which hurts them too. She didn't care and still would NOT let us go up there because my grandma was going to be there! So her and I got into the biggest fight that I've had with her. That's when she got very condemning of all of them, and she was acting very immature and when I told her she wasn't acting like a Christian or a very bad Christian, she just got even more mad and tried defending herself and calling me stupid and a hypocrite and everything. I even told her that the way she's been acting has driven me away from Christianity.. her response: "Well SHE drove ME AWAY FROM IT!!!" (Referring to my grandma) There was other things to that she thinks if she did it, it's ok for her to do it! She said my grandma thinks it's ok that she did it because she "prayed about it" so my mom goes and says "it's ok, I prayed about it" she acts like her about those things!

As I mentioned above, it did drive me further away from Christianity in the past and made me feel that I didn't want to have much to do with it, because I could see what it did to people (There's other people too that have gone nuts over it) And I just said.. "THIS is what religion does to people!" (my aunt and uncle are a very religious Baptist family, but are separated right now due to daily fighting) and I didn't want to go crazy and coo coo and turn into that type of a person.

I feel there is NO ONE on Earth that can help her.. not even a pastor.. she thinks she is right about everything and everyone else is wrong and even said herself she doesn't need help and no one can change her. We tell her she needs counseling and she says she don't and gets mad! I think the only help for her is Jesus but I don't think she will even allow him to help! There are things that I don't know what I would do without her and I still love her, even tho sometimes I feel otherwise.. I just want her to realize this is wrong and get better.

There are other things that she fights with my dad about too, but right now this is the biggest and the worst. This got a lot longer then I wanted but if you read the whole thing thank you, and any advice would be appreciated.. there is a really good pastor at a local Baptist Church that I've recently started to get involved with, should I talk to him and see what he feels should be done? thanks again!

God bless

 

[Brighthouse]

WOW!!ShaZakLar!! That is a mouthful!! I think you have a great idea,espically!! if this Pastor can come by and talk to her herself! Becuase you just know she will not go talk to him! I do understand why you have a problem with becoming a believer yourself,some very poor examples,you have seen! But!! do not go by what others do,you go by what you will do!! If 10 people jump off a ledge and say Jesus told them to,would you? before one can lead another,the person who wants to lead,must be able to see clearly,so he can help,which I know you want to do! So instead of giving you a long messege,I say amen!! Go talk to this Pastor who you trust,and see what he suggests,there is great danger in unforgivness! And even though you are not YET a believer,you know this yourself already! It eats like a cancer in us,and pretty soon,causes all who would help to flee,because of the power that unforgivness has! What power you may ask? If you listen to there complaining long enough, you to will become like them,which i know you do not want to do! So Check out the Pastor,and see what he says,then if you wish, let us know,our Prayers are with you Bro!

 

[sunshineaaks]

This post is about my mom and how much she HATES my grandma, and also hates my dad for those reasons.. now my mom considers herself a Christian an I mean a very religious Christian. She is ALWAYS watching religious TV shows (700 Club, john hagee, etc, and TBN a lot) She also watches lots of videos on the internet, I think mainly youtube, on different subjects of Christianity. Yet she refuses to go to any church, it's like she think the churches are all wrong and she is pretty much has her own beliefs it would seem. She claims she read through the entire Bible like 7 times.

The story goes my grandma cheated on my grandpa when my dad was little, which resulted in divorce and remarrying someone else (of course.. before my mom and dad even met!) She never used to have such anger towards my grandma and used to visit with her and stuff. Well now, for about the past 5 years about, she has built up more and more hatred and anger towards my grandma. She's even scribbled her name off our contact list and wrote "Jezebel" next to it! She calls her evil, a demon, and she judges her and says she'll go to hell. My grandma talks about God and I believe she is a Christian and repented from those sins, but I don't know 100%. My mom doesn't see it that way, she thinks it don't matter if she accepts Christ or repents, she's still going straight to hell! Even with my other relatives on my dad's side.. she says they're all "bastards". 2 of my girl cousins have had babies and one of the boys have fathered a baby (all not married) and she condemns them all and while yelling "They're ALL going to go to hell!!" (I think she thinks every one of my relatives on my dad's side is going to hell and I know some of them at least are probably Christians) The way I understood it even she think the babies are "bastards" and will go to hell because they were born from a girl who wasn't married!! That upsets me very much.

We haven't been able to see hardly anyone of them for a long time, (the really young ones I've never met) many not since 2006 or maybe '07. She will NOT let us see them! (mainly my grandma) She doesn't really care if we talk to other relatives but if I or any of us (I have 2 brothers, 18 and 10) talk to our grandma, she gets very angry. My dad and I visited her last summer at a mall when we where in her area for some other business (she lives about 90 miles from us) She wasn't supposed to know about it but she found out cuz she heard her she called my phone. Anyway to say she had a cow is putting it lightly. She cursed and yelled like everything. She does that too much. she hurts many people emotionally and she don't see it or she don't care.

I wanted to go up to visit them for Christmas in 2010, and I wanted to go up there very very bad because I haven't seen any of my other relatives in SO long and they haven't seen us which hurts them too. She didn't care and still would NOT let us go up there because my grandma was going to be there! So her and I got into the biggest fight that I've had with her. That's when she got very condemning of all of them, and she was acting very immature and when I told her she wasn't acting like a Christian or a very bad Christian, she just got even more mad and tried defending herself and calling me stupid and a hypocrite and everything. I even told her that the way she's been acting has driven me away from Christianity.. her response: "Well SHE drove ME AWAY FROM IT!!!" (Referring to my grandma) There was other things to that she thinks if she did it, it's ok for her to do it! She said my grandma thinks it's ok that she did it because she "prayed about it" so my mom goes and says "it's ok, I prayed about it" she acts like her about those things!

As I mentioned above, it did drive me further away from Christianity in the past and made me feel that I didn't want to have much to do with it, because I could see what it did to people (There's other people too that have gone nuts over it) And I just said.. "THIS is what religion does to people!" (my aunt and uncle are a very religious Baptist family, but are separated right now due to daily fighting) and I didn't want to go crazy and coo coo and turn into that type of a person.

I feel there is NO ONE on Earth that can help her.. not even a pastor.. she thinks she is right about everything and everyone else is wrong and even said herself she doesn't need help and no one can change her. We tell her she needs counseling and she says she don't and gets mad! I think the only help for her is Jesus but I don't think she will even allow him to help! There are things that I don't know what I would do without her and I still love her, even tho sometimes I feel otherwise.. I just want her to realize this is wrong and get better.

There are other things that she fights with my dad about too, but right now this is the biggest and the worst. This got a lot longer then I wanted but if you read the whole thing thank you, and any advice would be appreciated.. there is a really good pastor at a local Baptist Church that I've recently started to get involved with, should I talk to him and see what he feels should be done? thanks again!

God bless

You are correct in your observation when you say you feel that there is NO ONE on earth who can help your mother, because no one can unless she is willing for help and even then only God can draw her to repentance and peace. And yes, you are also on the right track in wanting to talk with the pastor of the local Baptist Church there. Attempting to help a person who refuses any correction of their offences only brings frustration and in your case the possibility of rejecting Christ because of someone who claims to be a Christian but by all appearances does not act like one.

I don’t read what happened five years ago? For the past 5 years she has hated your grandmother…… could you tell me what happened around 5 years ago to your mom? For example, did her mom die, did your parents divorce 5 years ago, was there some sort of trauma like these two that happened 5 years ago? Knowing this would give a bit of insight but I’ll continue anyway with what I fear will be a very long post. Seems I can’t say in a few words what can be written with many paragraphs….. lol.

First, I hope to help you see where your heart must be and maybe set some things straight for you. Those who claim to be Christian but act like the devil are Satan’s greatest allies in keeping the unsaved or those searching for God away from the only One who can and does bring peace. The unbeliever can then feel free to blame someone else for their rejection of Christ and living as Christ commands.

God doesn’t work that way. He won’t allow you to blame anyone else for your rejection of His Son. In your book, only your name is there, no one else’s. The words you say to uplift someone or the words you say to tear someone down are there. The actions you give that help someone along the way as well as the actions that harm. Just as your reactions and only yours are in that book, be those reactions in retaliation and vengeance or be they in prayer and forgiveness for an offender. And everything that you have brought you God in prayer and repentance, turning from that sin will be covered by the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ.

That said, I want to tell you that I am most grateful for people like you who search for truth AND who are not afraid to admit you battle as you have here. I agree, it is hard to believe that God can change a person when those who claim to be Christian act like the devil with no remorse what so ever, but that does not have to hinder YOUR walk with Christ. YOUR walk with Christ has absolutely nothing to do with what anyone else is or isn’t doing for, with or without Christ.

I do understand a little about the approximate spot your mom wallows at the moment. I kind of know that spot a few times with a few different situations but hope to never find it again since Christ has rescued me from it. Maybe the most recent situation along with Luke 16:1-13 might help explain for it was this that helped me finally see.

It sounds to me like she has gone into rage, something also closely connected with unforgiveness that it will tear apart even those the enraged person loves the most. Bitterness, anger, hatred are also very close seconds to the unforgiving spirit.

From personal experience, this bitterness WILL ruin many relationships and all but destroy the relationship with Christ for the true believer unable to forgive. You CAN NOT have a close growing relationship with Christ if you hold bitterness and hatred that later forms into rage against anyone even a murderer; the worst of the worst sinners.

This is not to minimize any sin or to make the claim that adultery is more forgivable than murder because each person is different and each offence is a horrendous struggle for the one facing it. Adultery, rape, abuse only give the façade of ‘easier to forgive’ since both parties are still alive, but how do you forgive someone who takes a life of a loved one? I vowed never to forgive a murderer which left me to the ‘tormentors’ spoken of in Luke. I was forgiven my sin by the King, anything I would bring to Him was forgiven, but my relationship was severely hindered in my refusal to forgive and pray for the man who killed my brother.

The four bitter hate filled years I then spent in depression, anxiety, fear, rage, hatred, bitterness, and anger at anyone who would tell me I MUST forgive this man and anyone else in my path which was maybe the darkest time in my life. Dark, because Christ was not in it. He was with me but He was not giving the ok for me to wallow, though I know He understood and continued to draw me to Him. There was much prayer for my spirit in those years, though I didn’t know it at the time. Later, some of the relationships I destroyed are and were mended but others were destroyed beyond repair.... at least beyond repair at this moment, but I still hold out hope.

I’m thinking that your mom’s condemnation of any and everyone around her is just so that she doesn’t have to really take a look at herself. Something even true believers do from time to time when the filth is too much to face in one’s self. (that is except for the ‘perfect’ Christian who doesn’t sin and have to repent of anything…. Lol)

I’m not sure of your age, 23 I think you said in another post….. or that was someone else who is 23…. Sorry oltimers gets a hold of me from time to time…. Lol BUT nonetheless, you are over 18? and are able to be making your own decisions to visit those family members you love with or without your mother’s approval. I also see the hardest part should she also reject you for seeing them and going against her; in that she may use the younger brothers as a manipulative ploy that you can’t see them in order to make you comply. Not sure which would be best (to comply or go against her wishes to not see your relatives), only God knows and will show you in time (His time) but I do know if you go against her wishes and see your relatives anyway, do so with respect.

Your mom’s response that your grandmother drove her away from Christianity might be something you can use to help her see. She claims to be a Christian and yet claims someone has driven her from it? Knowing what happened 5 years ago might help in this area also, for example if her husband had an affair and that cause a divorce she would more than likely blame the grandmother since that would be easier than to blame the one she loves (or loved) If that makes any sense? Also would be easier to stomach than to accept any part in the divorce. For example, SHE has NO responsibility in her husband"s adulterous affair (though she may subconsciously believe she does) THAT was HIS choice but she does have to take responsibility in not forgiving a one time offence and then working to mend the marriage. Course then there are other factors to that one too but that would make this thing way too long and I should probably put it all in a book….. lol

I’ll be praying that God opens her eyes to Him alone and she'll one day be able to forgive all, and for you that you will refuse to use excuses for not coming fully to Christ in obedience to Him alone.

 

[ShaZakLar]

thanks for the reply! actually.. My parents aren't divorced, and ys I'm 23. I don't think anything really happened 5 years ago to cause her to have so much anger towards my grandma.. but she just started hating her for what she did many years ago when my parents were both kids! My grandma on my mom's side died in 2008, but I don't think that has anything to do with it because she has been angry with her well before that. She just gradually started becoming more and more angry with her! I went with her on a trip to Missouri in 2006, (I live in MN btw) and they picked me up and they were talking and stuff.. but she was like "I don't know why you would want to go with them for!" but didn't say much more, and of course I didn't know what her problem was or why she would even say that for at that time. That's when I first started to realize there was something about her she did not like. After we got back I stayed at her house for a while. I believe that was about the last time I was up there, I think I was up there one more time not too long after that tho. (but my mom got very upset with us for going up there) Another thing I forgot to mention before, was that my mom believes that there are evil spirits and demons that live in her house! So she think that if we go up there that we will bring evil spirits home with us or something. I don't know where she gets an idea like that she probably just thinks that because she cheated on someone years ago now evil spirits are there now or something.. But she don't even want any of us to be communicating with her! She noticed my 10 year old brother was talking to her on facebook one day and she got very angry about it and took it out on my dad. She just has her mind set that my grandma is an evil spirit and even calls her a demon. (But of course then that would make my dad and me a demon too!) l can't figure out how she think but I'm tired of all the drama she causes.

Another thing she claimed is that when she was pregnant with my now 18 year old brother, something happened when she was pregnant in her body, and she thought that it was a demon inside of her trying to harm the baby and the demon come from my grandma's house!! This to me just sounds the most bazerk story ever! on a side note.. she also claims that she got pregnant with him because she watched 700 club and pat robertson said there is a lady somewhere who is trying to have a baby and that she "claimed it" and she felt something inside of her right after that. Sounds kinda crazy to me!

I don't even know the whole story as to why she has so much hatred towards my grandma, I know my dad says there's a lot of other things as well including jealousy probably over money. but I don't know what all the reasons are I just know the main thing is her cheating and divorcing, and thinking she's evil.

 

[sunshineaaks]

thanks for the reply! actually.. My parents aren't divorced, and ys I'm 23. I don't think anything really happened 5 years ago to cause her to have so much anger towards my grandma.. but she just started hating her for what she did many years ago when my parents were both kids! My grandma on my mom's side died in 2008, but I don't think that has anything to do with it because she has been angry with her well before that. She just gradually started becoming more and more angry with her! I went with her on a trip to Missouri in 2006, (I live in MN btw) and they picked me up and they were talking and stuff.. but she was like "I don't know why you would want to go with them for!" but didn't say much more, and of course I didn't know what her problem was or why she would even say that for at that time. That's when I first started to realize there was something about her she did not like. After we got back I stayed at her house for a while. I believe that was about the last time I was up there, I think I was up there one more time not too long after that tho. (but my mom got very upset with us for going up there) Another thing I forgot to mention before, was that my mom believes that there are evil spirits and demons that live in her house! So she think that if we go up there that we will bring evil spirits home with us or something. I don't know where she gets an idea like that she probably just thinks that because she cheated on someone years ago now evil spirits are there now or something.. But she don't even want any of us to be communicating with her! She noticed my 10 year old brother was talking to her on facebook one day and she got very angry about it and took it out on my dad. She just has her mind set that my grandma is an evil spirit and even calls her a demon. (But of course then that would make my dad and me a demon too!) l can't figure out how she think but I'm tired of all the drama she causes.

Another thing she claimed is that when she was pregnant with my now 18 year old brother, something happened when she was pregnant in her body, and she thought that it was a demon inside of her trying to harm the baby and the demon come from my grandma's house!! This to me just sounds the most bazerk story ever! on a side note.. she also claims that she got pregnant with him because she watched 700 club and pat robertson said there is a lady somewhere who is trying to have a baby and that she "claimed it" and she felt something inside of her right after that. Sounds kinda crazy to me!

I don't even know the whole story as to why she has so much hatred towards my grandma, I know my dad says there's a lot of other things as well including jealousy probably over money. but I don't know what all the reasons are I just know the main thing is her cheating and divorcing, and thinking she's evil.

You know, it would have been so much easy to figure out your problem with your mother of there had there been a divorce and an affair ….. Just kidding, sorry... lol. BUT gratefully, (though at the moment with all the drama you might not see it) they are still married. God works wonders in a marriage and a life when HE is given total control.

Hopefully your mom will get away from the ‘name it claim it’ kind of religion since that has nothing to do with the Bible amyway. A fallacy many teach unfortunately, mainly from greedy preachers who feed off the tithing of their congregation and then blame the members for not having enough faith to get their own big house on the hill or what ever they selfishly want for themselves rather than wanting God’s will in their lives. I’ll keep that in prayer also that God opens her eyes to Him alone rather than some religious nut out there.

That all aside, it sure sounds like she is adamantly refusing to forgive something that has hurt her in the past and has been left to the tormentors spoken of in Luke for the moment. Believe me, the tormentors can and will push you to the brink of insanity if you let it (been there done that)

You may never know the whole story but that’s ok too. Is your father a true believer (not a Christian in name and church only) and in prayer for his wife? Your grandmother also in prayer for your mother? Might be good questions to ask both of them? If they are not, and they also claim to be Christians, ask them why they are not praying for your mother that God open her eyes to Him when the Bible says they are to pray for such people? If they already are, let them know you appreciate that.

BUT I’m thinking the main issues here have not a whole lot to do with her, them or any of it at the moment, but rather you. This could all be one of those tests for you, to see who you are willing to follow.

You say that you are ready to turn from Christianity if this is the way Christians act.

This, for the most part, I believe is the easiest excuse for the one unwilling to go the full distance with and for Christ.

Are you willing to go the whole distance with HIM rather than all the pretend Christians out there? Are you willing to make your mind up that you will live like God commands rather than see all the wrong in others who call themselves Christian? Are you willing to BE the example God talks about to counter the majority of pretend Christians out there so that maybe just one might see the difference and come to Christ?

If you’ve answered yes, then you have hope. If you answer no, you have only yourself to blame for rejecting Christ. True? Which will your answer be?

 

[hischildaswell]

If he pastors a solid biblicist, separatist, independent Baptist church I encourage you to talk to him. If interested post to my visitor for private chat. Take care

 

[sunshineaaks]

If he pastors a solid biblicist, separatist, independent Baptist church I encourage you to talk to him. If interested post to my visitor for private chat. Take care

I've been curious, how many different Baptists are there? It used to be you could say Baptist and know it was a relatively good church though I am understanding it is not this way any longer.