I've struggled a lot and have posted here about things, and have not felt part of my church or committed to it. God's healed me from a mental illness and now I no longer have delusions, but i have a huge weight problem, a lot down to the tablets i had to take.
Anyway, I started a pre-university course to do mental health nursing and I found it really tough but I got good marks. However, over Christmas (which is a bad time for me) I got low and physically ill and barely got my coursework done. Then when I got back to the course and we were put under pressure straight away with preparation for a presentation in front of the class. I just felt I couldn't handle it. Also, whilst doing the course i relied a lot on support from my ex-husband to chat through homeworks and he withdrew support for a while because his mum was ill and said that he didn't want to spend as much time with me talking about my course (fair enough).
I got ill again and my home got in chaos. I felt the course was too much pressure to handle on my own. I've missed two days on the course now and am very behind. I rang the course tutor and explained that I was finding the course a lot of pressure and said that I wanted to withdraw my applications from university for now (which i've done).
Alongside this going on, i've not gone to church for a long time because, again, I feel stressed out going along there. This has been an ongoing issue. However, I know this is not good. I tried going along to another church but my church leader at my current church didn't want to release me.
So finally, over the last couple of days I decided I would (1) stop the mental health course, and look into working with children instead; and (2) speak to my church leader and explain that I am afraid of her disapproval but my heart's not in going to this particular church and that I want to be released to go elsewhere. Despite feeling extremely stressed over speaking with my church leader, I felt fairly positive about the decisions and went out and bought some healthy food to start addressing my change in eating and my health.
However, I have just rang my group leader at church. She said that she has been praying for me and that after praying for me she read a word from a devotional magazine which she believed is a word from God for me. Basically the word said that through Christ I can overcome all things and that I should not give up and that I will have to face God and explain why I didn't even try. It was a very strong word. She said she is going to post it to me tomorrow.
Is this just a coincidence that she read this type of word just after she had been praying for me?
To be honest I don't want to listen in a way because after thinking that I would look into working with children that I feel less pressured and more relaxed to focus on my eating and my health. Also I thought I would have more time to do a bible study course.
I just don't know. I have felt quite controlled in the past through different relationships at the church, and I want to try and be more myself. I do like academic study, and crave mental stimulation, but this course is about doing presentations and writing so many reports and essays that it's not enjoyable. I did think being a mental health nurse would be good, but because you have to take on board so many secular teachings i'm not so sure anymore.
There is noone else I can talk to about this. There is a college day tomorrow. I had every intention of not going as I've done none of the work and planned to go to an agency about children's work.
(I did pray through my decisions about the course and work, and heard no clear answer, so had decided to go with what felt peaceful and calming. )
Anyway, I started a pre-university course to do mental health nursing and I found it really tough but I got good marks. However, over Christmas (which is a bad time for me) I got low and physically ill and barely got my coursework done. Then when I got back to the course and we were put under pressure straight away with preparation for a presentation in front of the class. I just felt I couldn't handle it. Also, whilst doing the course i relied a lot on support from my ex-husband to chat through homeworks and he withdrew support for a while because his mum was ill and said that he didn't want to spend as much time with me talking about my course (fair enough).
I got ill again and my home got in chaos. I felt the course was too much pressure to handle on my own. I've missed two days on the course now and am very behind. I rang the course tutor and explained that I was finding the course a lot of pressure and said that I wanted to withdraw my applications from university for now (which i've done).
Alongside this going on, i've not gone to church for a long time because, again, I feel stressed out going along there. This has been an ongoing issue. However, I know this is not good. I tried going along to another church but my church leader at my current church didn't want to release me.
So finally, over the last couple of days I decided I would (1) stop the mental health course, and look into working with children instead; and (2) speak to my church leader and explain that I am afraid of her disapproval but my heart's not in going to this particular church and that I want to be released to go elsewhere. Despite feeling extremely stressed over speaking with my church leader, I felt fairly positive about the decisions and went out and bought some healthy food to start addressing my change in eating and my health.
However, I have just rang my group leader at church. She said that she has been praying for me and that after praying for me she read a word from a devotional magazine which she believed is a word from God for me. Basically the word said that through Christ I can overcome all things and that I should not give up and that I will have to face God and explain why I didn't even try. It was a very strong word. She said she is going to post it to me tomorrow.
Is this just a coincidence that she read this type of word just after she had been praying for me?
To be honest I don't want to listen in a way because after thinking that I would look into working with children that I feel less pressured and more relaxed to focus on my eating and my health. Also I thought I would have more time to do a bible study course.
I just don't know. I have felt quite controlled in the past through different relationships at the church, and I want to try and be more myself. I do like academic study, and crave mental stimulation, but this course is about doing presentations and writing so many reports and essays that it's not enjoyable. I did think being a mental health nurse would be good, but because you have to take on board so many secular teachings i'm not so sure anymore.
There is noone else I can talk to about this. There is a college day tomorrow. I had every intention of not going as I've done none of the work and planned to go to an agency about children's work.
(I did pray through my decisions about the course and work, and heard no clear answer, so had decided to go with what felt peaceful and calming. )
