Hi, I have first of all had horrible dreams recently. The most prominant being one that I can only describe as apocyptic in nature. It involved the sky turning blood red with shards of red breaking through heavy black clouds. There was fire falling from the sky. Everyone was panicking and fleeing for their lives in every direction. Then, I saw the ocean turn to black, it was like the sea turned to oil, it was very thick and there where shapes moving in it, kind of like the marine life was trying to breach the water to try and breath but couldnt, so they where dieing. This dream (I use the word dream loosely) I found very distressing for a while, even though I have had alot worse that left me unfazed.
Another dream which was one I had last night, I dont know if it meant anything butit was very peculiar. The sky turned black and then it started to swirl, and in the middle of this swirling motion light broke out, it is something that I cant quite describe which is frustrating. It was like the light was shining from another plain and breaking out into ours. I was in a building with some random ppl and I remember a man saying to me it's only change, or something very strange like that. The light grew stronger and began to petrude further. It was like a vortex or something, lol. I wish I could draw it and show you.
Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest because they really where very bizarre dreams by any stretch of the immagination. Ok, onto the main topic at hand.
Ok, I want to start again. I was raised as a born again christian. However, ever since moving to England everythng has gone wrong for me and I mean everything, at present I have nothing left other than music. I am currently trying to get a job so I can rebuild, but I want to do it right. I dont kow why thins have gone like this, I certainly never stepped that far out of line to warrant this. All I know is that the life style that I have adopted hence can no longer be so. I have stripped every facet of my old self away and Im very much the bare bones of who I am and I want to rebuild myself, or should I say, let God rebuild me. I need help though. Im not unknowing when it comes to christianity. However, the whole concept of christianity I find so unstructured that I find it very difficult to adapt to it. Christianity exists in such a variety of forms that I dont know what it is for me conceptually. As for it's application, I am the kind of person that needs clear structures in place to build on, however, there seems to be such a horde of information that I find it difficult to know where to truely begin.
Another problem that I realise I have is that I probably know far more about the enemy than God. This seems to have had a negative effect with regard to sensitivity to God. I dont feel him, I am very sensitive to the enemy but not got which greatly disturbs me.
Lastly, I am concerned about my adult life. I seem to cope badly out of solitude. I never used to be like this, but I seem to be lost when Im not on my own, I crave it and fear being without it, I cant explain it very well. Also, Im being pressured to pursue business. No matter how good I am at it, I dont want to do this! I can feel that it brings out a very dark side to me that I really dont want to get to know any further. I want to do music, thats the only reason Im still alive today, I want to do that no matter what, but Im not being given the chance to concentrate on it unhinderd. Ok, this is yet again a long post by me, sorry to be a nuisance, lol. Ok, well I hope I have been coherent. Thanks peeps.
Another dream which was one I had last night, I dont know if it meant anything butit was very peculiar. The sky turned black and then it started to swirl, and in the middle of this swirling motion light broke out, it is something that I cant quite describe which is frustrating. It was like the light was shining from another plain and breaking out into ours. I was in a building with some random ppl and I remember a man saying to me it's only change, or something very strange like that. The light grew stronger and began to petrude further. It was like a vortex or something, lol. I wish I could draw it and show you.
Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest because they really where very bizarre dreams by any stretch of the immagination. Ok, onto the main topic at hand.
Ok, I want to start again. I was raised as a born again christian. However, ever since moving to England everythng has gone wrong for me and I mean everything, at present I have nothing left other than music. I am currently trying to get a job so I can rebuild, but I want to do it right. I dont kow why thins have gone like this, I certainly never stepped that far out of line to warrant this. All I know is that the life style that I have adopted hence can no longer be so. I have stripped every facet of my old self away and Im very much the bare bones of who I am and I want to rebuild myself, or should I say, let God rebuild me. I need help though. Im not unknowing when it comes to christianity. However, the whole concept of christianity I find so unstructured that I find it very difficult to adapt to it. Christianity exists in such a variety of forms that I dont know what it is for me conceptually. As for it's application, I am the kind of person that needs clear structures in place to build on, however, there seems to be such a horde of information that I find it difficult to know where to truely begin.
Another problem that I realise I have is that I probably know far more about the enemy than God. This seems to have had a negative effect with regard to sensitivity to God. I dont feel him, I am very sensitive to the enemy but not got which greatly disturbs me.
Lastly, I am concerned about my adult life. I seem to cope badly out of solitude. I never used to be like this, but I seem to be lost when Im not on my own, I crave it and fear being without it, I cant explain it very well. Also, Im being pressured to pursue business. No matter how good I am at it, I dont want to do this! I can feel that it brings out a very dark side to me that I really dont want to get to know any further. I want to do music, thats the only reason Im still alive today, I want to do that no matter what, but Im not being given the chance to concentrate on it unhinderd. Ok, this is yet again a long post by me, sorry to be a nuisance, lol. Ok, well I hope I have been coherent. Thanks peeps.
