Honestly, I don't know what I want anymore. I want to cry, I want to be free of worrying about money, I want to be free of worrying about my husbands job, I want to be free of this depression and anxiety that is eating up my life, but I don't know if I'm really doing all I can to stop the worry and anxiety.
I don't feel suicidal at least, but in the back of my mind it's always there. About a month ago, it was in the front and driving me mad.
I thank you all so much for the replys to my on going posts here, I feel silly burdening you all with my problems. I know there are so many out there that have such bigger problems than I have and all I can focus on is how bad I feel.
Some may have bigger problems indeed, but where you are in your faith determines how hard a problem is for you. When my faith is weak even a tiny problem can seem overwhelming. Just because it isn't the hardest thing anyone has ever faced doesn't mean it isn't hard to deal with, and it doesn't mean you might not need help.
Jessica you can indeed be free from those things. In fact God doesnt want you worrying about money at all! This might be a bad idea on my part to say this, but did you know that worrying about money is a sin? When I heard worry was a sin it somewhat stopped me from worrying because I realized it was a sin. I hope this doesn't make things worse, and make you realize a new sin, but encourages you to stop because it is a command.
God doesn't want you worrying
You are the only one holding onto your worry about money. God doesn't worry about it because he knows he has the power to take care of you. You should look at it as something you need to let go. Simply let it go. You don't need to be doing it, it isnt your duty, it's not improving your state of mind, it isn't helping the situation and God doesn't want you doing it
I have looked at a couple things about what the bible says about worry and I am going to take some of what Dr. Macarthur says on the subject and adapt it here:
Take a few minutes to look at this:
"Therefore, I say unto you, Be not anxious for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than food and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air; for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by being anxious can add one cubit unto his stature? And why are ye anxious for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin, and yet I say unto you that even Solomon, in all his glory, was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall He not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore, be not anxious saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, With what shall we be clothed? For after all these things do the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. Be, therefore, not anxious about tomorrow; for tomorrow will be anxious for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is its own evil."
Look at it a while and just reflect on what God is saying. He was talking to people just like you, people worried about their basic needs. It wasn't like they were worring about extravagent things. RIch people and poor people and everyone inbetween worries about money and the basic neccessities. The rich worry and try to prevent by saving and gaining more riches, the poor worry because they may even lack the immediate means, and the inbetween worry because they could be poor at any moment.
It isn't wrong to plan ahead, but it's wrong to worry about those plans. God will take care of it
Jesus gives three reasons why you shouldn't worry. One, it is unnecessary because of your Father; two, it is uncharacteristic because of your faith; and three, it is unwise because of your future.
At this point you are probably saying "woopdie do Jculver, it's not like I can stop worrying at the drop of a hat thanks very much" Well you are right. Like anything else it takes some working on, but knowing it is a sin might help you know that God will concur it.
God is our Father. You are a parent. List as many things as you can think of that a parent does for his or her children. How many of these things has God done for you? What things has God done for you that are not even on this list? What does this tell you about God's special love for you as His child? How does this relate to your anxiety? Take this time to thank God for His love and care for you. Then begin to turn your anxiety over to Him by committing your worry over money into His care.
You worry about money because we are trained to think that money determines our happieness.
Alistair Maclean quotes a story from Tauler,the German mystic:
One day Tauler met a poor man. "God give you a good day, my friend," he said. The poor man answered, "I thank God I never had a bad one." Then Tauler said, "God give you a happy life, my friend." "I thank God," said the poor man, "I am never unhappy." Tauler in amazement said, "What do you mean?" "Well," said the poor man, "when it is fine, I thank God; when it rains, I thank God; when I have plenty, I thank God; when I am hungry, I thank God; and since God's will is my will, and whatever pleases Him pleases me, why should I say I am unhappy when I am not?" Tauler looked at the man in astonishment. "Who are you?" he asked. "I am a king," said the poor man. "Where then is your kingdom?" asked Tauler. And the poor man answered quietly: "In my heart." Someone has said, "I am always happy, and my secret is always to sail the seas, and ever to keep the heart in port." Isaiah put it this way,
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee" (Is. 26:3). Now, how do you find this port?
So real quick to refocus on the solution:
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."
In other words, get your thoughts on the divine level and God will take care of the physical. God doesn't want us involved in the physical, He wants to free us from that.
Jessica I think it would help you to simply preoccupy your mind with "What can I do for God at this moment" or "How can I glorify God right now", and when you keep that mindset he will indeed take care of whatever you need
Will a muscician not keep his instrument finely tuned and cleaned if it makes sweet music for him?
Anyway, I hope this helped and didn't further worsen your state. Genuinely I know that the every day walk of life can really get a person down, and I can understand your pain and where it comes from and I truly hope that God delivers you soon.
