strange depression... but bad :(

[life4christ]

i'm really lost at the moment.
first of all, i have no doubts about who god is and what he has planned for my life, and i can even see some of his works in my personal life... for example, i have recently had a revelation about giving, and have been blessed myself by saving a few thousand $$ on my dream car, also, i have been given some recent amazing opportunities that i know i couldnt have gotten without God.

the problem is, even though i can see what God has done for me, I find it so hard to think and focus on him like i normally do, and in my life, i feel like i am living in a continually depressive state.

Last year, my mum had breast cancer, and i and my sister have been really sick all the time. i am also completing my final year of high school, so exams are in about 4 weeks... which means i am under some stress.

it just feels like everything in my family and my life has been falling apart for the last year.

I am always sick, tired, stressed, unmotivated.... and i feel like all i do is sit around all day and watch tv and get nothing done. i want to change, and i can see what i SHOULD be doing with my life and the opportunites i have been given, especially recently, but i just feel like i am bludging through life, not sure of what to do.

i feel depressed. i hate it, because i know it is there, but i dont really feel like talking about it.... but yet i want to talk about it and have all the stress and pressure taken off.... the problem is, exams are specific, and u dont get extra care for things like depression.

honestly, i just want someone to give me sympathy and listen and cry with me.... its sick... like all i want is self pity stuff and i cant get out of it.

i'm just so sick of living my life, knowing i;m missing out. i keep asking god to lift me up, but even through all the opportunities he gives me, i cant lift myself up.

the worst part is, both my sisters are suffering different forms of depression, and my mum is still talking to people about her cancer which makes it more real to me now than at the time it happened, and my dad is losing it under the pressure... and i'm resenting his attitude towards it all, even though he tries so hard and i know it, which means im getting completely frustrated towards him too...

basically, how do you recover from depression, when your whole family is down? every time i finally motivate myself and pick myself up, i feel like my family situation just pulls me back down...

i just wanna get out of this, and i feel like i am focusing less and less on God and I feel so ignorant, because even though i still read my bible every night and go to church every week, I feel like I'm ignoring God, and I want to stop... but its so hard

I really need someone to help.... if any of this even makes sense...

 

[Ann]

It is not so easy to help because there is much more going on than you could summarise here.

What I can do is share something in my life and maybe you can learn from it.
Very recently I was feeling almost the same and phoned a friend of mine telling her that I just can't go on. She is a Christian psycologist and since then she's been helping me to understand why I'm feeling depressed, wanting to give up.
I also went to see my docter because I had a lot of physical symptoms as well, like being very tired, having headaches and muscle spasms. He prescribed some anti depressend drugs that really helped. I know this is not a solution but the docter explained about an inbalance in the brain that must be rectified. So I will take the medication as long as necessarry.

I made a conscious dicision to focus on God and others in need, more than on my myself and that is the biggest reason for me being much better.

I once heard a story of a man who had a black and white dog. These two dogs fought a lot and the man could always tell which one will win. When he was asked how he knew he explained that he knew because the one that gets the most food during the days before the fight would win.
The moral of the story is, depending on whether your flesh or spirit gets the most food - the one being fed the most will be victorious and rule your life.

My son is at university for the past two years but I remember him being depressed and unsure while in school. It seems that when you are moving from child to adult not being either is stressfull in itself and adding to that the other problems that you are experiencing, it can become very difficult.

To encourage you to just keep on trying, remember it is during these times that you learn and grow the most. It may not feel like it but it is true. What is happening to you has a purpose, God will not allow anything to touch your life if it did not go through his hands first.

Ask God to show you what it is that He wants to teach you, it could be endurance or something else.

You must decide to sit up, stand up and start walking, lying down will get you nowhere, it will only drag you down deeper. First sit up and rest in God, find His peace and move onward from there.

honestly, i just want someone to give me sympathy and listen and cry with me.... its sick... like all i want is self pity stuff and i cant get out of it.

Feeling sorry for you will not help it will only encourage you to feel more sorry for yourself and that could be deadly. Only you can help yourself by taking steps to get help or decide to be positive - (Two people look out from prison bars, the one saw mud the other saw stars).

Decide whether you want to look up or down.

I will pray for you!

Love and Blessings!

 

[rizen1]

I think sister Ann, responded great.

Right now, just dump everything on God, and worship him for everything you have.
He's awesome, he's great, he's our healer.
Look to him, seek him.

And he will, deliever you, surround yourself with some worship music, and get into the word, spend some time with the father.

Peter 5:6-7
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.


Be anxious for nothing,
But in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving,
Let your requests be made known to God;
And the peace of God,
Which surpasses all understanding,
Will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philipp 4.6-7


Fell free to pm, if you need to talk.
God bless you.