TheWidowsOffering
Member
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2008
- Messages
- 739
When we are a kid, we are amazed at the cruelty of our mother and I hated it very much. Of all the most cruel woman I knew she's number one among them. In words, in actions, in works. I always say to myself, Why? Can't she tell it nicer? Why? can't she teach us better? She talked very harsh to us even until we're all grown up. She chooses no place, no time, she doesn't care if we're getting embarrassed around other people. Never we've seen her that kind to us all.
Her cruelty covered all the goodness she has as a mother. We longed her to be kind. We almost want to say she's not a good parent. She became very bad in our sight.
After college, we went through different challenges and frustrations in life. We became indifferent and bitter of this world. We are disappointed of everything. Only then that I realized why mother is that way. Only then I realized that they don't mean to be cruel to us and provide a little to our needs. All the pains and questions were gone because of my experiences with real life. There I forgave my mother and I wish all of us would forgive her and all her shortcomings to us. Only then I realized that she's a good mother to us caring for all our needs. A poor woman, a helpless one, yet full of endurance and tactfulness to carry us out of our needs. We have only seen her cruelty and nothing else.
Last year I have with me my niece beside me because her mother just gave birth for their third sibling. And I discovered that I received a double portion of my mother's wickedness and cruelty. And I hate very much. The very thing I abhorred to her are now being done by me even I consider it worst. Because I am now a servant of Light yet the things I do, I say and I act towards my niece every time I teach and discipline her are very evil. The things I hate I'm doing now. Now I became more wicked than my mother.
Because of this, one of my sisters-keeper (co-worker in the church) advised me to give her back to her parents for the devil is taking hold of her to unclothe God's Holiness in me. The way I teach and discipline her is inappropriate. Reproach has come upon me because of her. Every time I got a sense of guilt and I would ask her to forgive me all have done explaining her faults. The only thing I implanted in her mind is whenever she has to be scolded and corrected this is for her to learn good things. Should I return her back only for God to be able to use me or only for God to be really glorified in me? Is this not a weakness needed to be overcome in me? What if my niece is my own daughter and the same weakness is being displayed? Should I give her to somebody else? Am i not willing to be changed in this?
Perhaps I could change the way I teach and discipline her but I cannot afford to let her grow up the way she was today. And it's only by God's grace that I can do it gloriously and His glory being reflected in me. Now she's already in her parent's custody. I just prayed that someday she will not come to remember all my cruelties instead the good things she had gained when she is with me. And if ever she would may she be able to forgive me.
Another discouragement I have today because I have again with me her younger sister for one year. I found out that I'm treating her now a days the way my eldest brother treated me when I was a kid. I hated all those painful memories and past. I thought and talked it loud already all my resentments and bitterness I have towards them and released them all. I know I've forgiven them but my ways towards my nieces (and next year if God permits I would get my nephew again beside me. I made a commitment to their parents to have them each a year with me as a help for their situation.) reminding me of all things. I am discouraged. I am afraid, what if I'm having children soon? Oh. I can't help. I might not be able to forgive myself. I'm struggling because of this. One more thing I'm bothered about is, what if all of my brothers' and sister's treatment towards me before I will display in every kid I have with me? Is that not very terrible? I need advice. Please help.
Thank you also for praying for me.
Sister in Christ,
Reymielin
Her cruelty covered all the goodness she has as a mother. We longed her to be kind. We almost want to say she's not a good parent. She became very bad in our sight.
After college, we went through different challenges and frustrations in life. We became indifferent and bitter of this world. We are disappointed of everything. Only then that I realized why mother is that way. Only then I realized that they don't mean to be cruel to us and provide a little to our needs. All the pains and questions were gone because of my experiences with real life. There I forgave my mother and I wish all of us would forgive her and all her shortcomings to us. Only then I realized that she's a good mother to us caring for all our needs. A poor woman, a helpless one, yet full of endurance and tactfulness to carry us out of our needs. We have only seen her cruelty and nothing else.
Last year I have with me my niece beside me because her mother just gave birth for their third sibling. And I discovered that I received a double portion of my mother's wickedness and cruelty. And I hate very much. The very thing I abhorred to her are now being done by me even I consider it worst. Because I am now a servant of Light yet the things I do, I say and I act towards my niece every time I teach and discipline her are very evil. The things I hate I'm doing now. Now I became more wicked than my mother.
Because of this, one of my sisters-keeper (co-worker in the church) advised me to give her back to her parents for the devil is taking hold of her to unclothe God's Holiness in me. The way I teach and discipline her is inappropriate. Reproach has come upon me because of her. Every time I got a sense of guilt and I would ask her to forgive me all have done explaining her faults. The only thing I implanted in her mind is whenever she has to be scolded and corrected this is for her to learn good things. Should I return her back only for God to be able to use me or only for God to be really glorified in me? Is this not a weakness needed to be overcome in me? What if my niece is my own daughter and the same weakness is being displayed? Should I give her to somebody else? Am i not willing to be changed in this?
Perhaps I could change the way I teach and discipline her but I cannot afford to let her grow up the way she was today. And it's only by God's grace that I can do it gloriously and His glory being reflected in me. Now she's already in her parent's custody. I just prayed that someday she will not come to remember all my cruelties instead the good things she had gained when she is with me. And if ever she would may she be able to forgive me.
Another discouragement I have today because I have again with me her younger sister for one year. I found out that I'm treating her now a days the way my eldest brother treated me when I was a kid. I hated all those painful memories and past. I thought and talked it loud already all my resentments and bitterness I have towards them and released them all. I know I've forgiven them but my ways towards my nieces (and next year if God permits I would get my nephew again beside me. I made a commitment to their parents to have them each a year with me as a help for their situation.) reminding me of all things. I am discouraged. I am afraid, what if I'm having children soon? Oh. I can't help. I might not be able to forgive myself. I'm struggling because of this. One more thing I'm bothered about is, what if all of my brothers' and sister's treatment towards me before I will display in every kid I have with me? Is that not very terrible? I need advice. Please help.
Thank you also for praying for me.
Sister in Christ,
Reymielin
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