struggling to find my place

[jeffsi435]

We had a bad experience in a church where I was a pastor 6 years ago. When we left, I honestl didn't care if I ever went to church again. I was sick of church and getting hurt and felt it was all fake. I didn't even realize how hurt and angry I was until much later. Since then, we moved to North Carolina. I have tried a number of different churches. It seems like the churches are either cold or lukewarm or very big. I can't seem to find my place.
I grew up in a very traditional Methodist church, but switched to Baptist when I was 18. I am now in my 40's. Most recently, we have tried a couple of Wesleyan churches. The one I did like okay was just so big that I felt a little lost in it. I like some modern music, but not when you sing one verse 30 times. I don't see myself as very evangelistic in a sense because I believe that being a christian is more than asking people to pray a prayer or join a church. I think most sermons I hear are watered down and not very interesting. I would like to be a part of a church where the sermon is emphasized and that it has some meat to it.
I just don't know where to go at this point. About 6 weeks ago we stopped even looking.

 

[Brad Huber]

I certainly dont know you, your family, or your attitude toward these churches or God that I could council you well, but I can tell you that you dont have to attend church to have fellowship or worship. Have you thought about starting a bible study/fellowship and then live up to the standards you dont find in the churches you have attended. If its the will of God, the bible study/fellowship will thrive, and if it doesnt, perhaps thats God telling you that you give up on a church that feeds you and learn to feed others in a church without asserting any authority to do so.

 

[jeffsi435]

Yes, I have thought about starting a bible study. But, we really don't know anybody in this area. I work mainly in a town a good distance away and so does my life.

 

[Brad Huber]

Utilize your socialization skills. Make some local friends, got to nearby neighbors with a meal and give it to them and ask if they are willing to get to know you as nieghbors, find out through normal "getting to know" talk about thier spiritual outlook. If they arent christians, witness to them, if they are, ask them if they are willing to do bible study with them (thier place or yours, whichever is most comfortable to them).

 

[LadyLion]

Finding a comfortable church can be incredibly tough and discouraging. Maybe give it another go after you aren't feeling so burnt out. Otherwise, as Brad mentioned, there are definitely other ways to get fellowship and bible study in. Check out the chat room here as well as the other branches of the forum. Online bible studies definitely exist! Keep poking around and I'm sure you'll find your niche. Good luck!

 

[dannibear]

I hope I am not pestering you by sharing an experience I know, but a dear brother in Christ of mine who is in seminary school went through this same situation. His name is Zechariah. (He gave me permission to share.)

His church really hurt him emotionally at a Bible study because the church was restricting on women, and he let a woman share Biblical wisdom during the church's Bible study, so he had been looking everywhere for a new place. I invited him to mine, but after he heard what happened with my youth group experience, he decided to stay away. (I was understanding.) He couldn't find a place he fit, but he craved for that fellowship with other believers. He holds a small church service - like worship at his duplex home down the street from me. I have been before, it was a wonderful experience. About 20 people show up regularly from the neighborhood. They sing hymns while he plays guitar or his portable Yamaha keyboard, he creates a 45 min sermon during the week to speak, and then they talk about what they learned afterwards. I can tell the Holy Spirit is there every service because some of the gathering add on at the end, and makes the lesson even more inspiring.

I hope I gave you some ideas from that story. Brad Huber's suggestion was a good one, and something my friend Zechariah did.

 

[Eric E Stahl]

We had a bad experience in a church where I was a pastor 6 years ago. When we left, I honestl didn't care if I ever went to church again. I was sick of church and getting hurt and felt it was all fake. I didn't even realize how hurt and angry I was until much later. Since then, we moved to North Carolina. I have tried a number of different churches. It seems like the churches are either cold or lukewarm or very big. I can't seem to find my place.
I grew up in a very traditional Methodist church, but switched to Baptist when I was 18. I am now in my 40's. Most recently, we have tried a couple of Wesleyan churches. The one I did like okay was just so big that I felt a little lost in it. I like some modern music, but not when you sing one verse 30 times. I don't see myself as very evangelistic in a sense because I believe that being a christian is more than asking people to pray a prayer or join a church. I think most sermons I hear are watered down and not very interesting. I would like to be a part of a church where the sermon is emphasized and that it has some meat to it.
I just don't know where to go at this point. About 6 weeks ago we stopped even looking.

jeffsi435,

I assume God called you to be a pastor since you where a pastor. Has God changed your calling? If you are willing to be a tent maker pastor there are many small churches in need of a Godly pastor to serve them and help them through life. I have been a deacon in two churches over my lifetime. I have served under several pastors. The deacons are the servants of the church and the pastor is the greatest servant.

If you would like to talk to me you can send a privet message.

On the computer you can find many churches in need of a pastor.

 

[jeffsi435]

jeffsi435,

I assume God called you to be a pastor since you where a pastor. Has God changed your calling? If you are willing to be a tent maker pastor there are many small churches in need of a Godly pastor to serve them and help them through life. I have been a deacon in two churches over my lifetime. I have served under several pastors. The deacons are the servants of the church and the pastor is the greatest servant.

If you would like to talk to me you can send a privet message.

On the computer you can find many churches in need of a pastor.

I do see myself as a minister, but not in a pulpit. i do my best work and feel called to work with people in the community. I'm not open to pastoring a church again. I am not called to do that.

 

[Eric E Stahl]

I do see myself as a minister, but not in a pulpit. i do my best work and feel called to work with people in the community. I'm not open to pastoring a church again. I am not called to do that.

If you look on the internet you can see the churches in your area. Most will need good Sunday school teachers. As you have experienced , many pastors could use a friend that understands his problems.

I like to take a Dunkin Donut coffee to my pastor and visit for awhile. I told him I wanted him to have a visitor without a problem!

 

[jeffsi435]

If you look on the internet you can see the churches in your area. Most will need good Sunday school teachers. As you have experienced , many pastors could use a friend that understands his problems.

I like to take a Dunkin Donut coffee to my pastor and visit for awhile. I told him I wanted him to have a visitor without a problem!

Yes, there is no shortage of needs. I find that when they find out I am ordained that some pastors become intimidated by that. I tend not to mention it for that reason.

In the church that ordained me, I substituted for the youth pastor one Wednesday night. He told me later that I almost did "too good" of a job.

 

[Eric E Stahl]

Yes, there is no shortage of needs. I find that when they find out I am ordained that some pastors become intimidated by that. I tend not to mention it for that reason.

In the church that ordained me, I substituted for the youth pastor one Wednesday night. He told me later that I almost did "too good" of a job.

I understand what you mean. I have seen a church where the pastor got rid of adult Sunday school teachers if they became to popular. Three where removed over the time I

went to that church. I left the church. I do believe it has work to my Good as the bible tells us.

If you react to your problem with your church properly, it will work to your good also.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

I just don't know where to go at this point. About 6 weeks ago we stopped even looking.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Greetings jeffsi435

These seasons of wilderness are all part of the Lord's plan for your life.
Stop worrying about not belonging to a church instead....
Praise and thank Him for this time of solitude away from a 'church setting'

The Lord will direct you if you commit all to Him......His word says so and His promises never fail.

You've been given some good ideas here on this thread, commit them to the Lord in prayer
Ask Him to open doors of opportunity and to close doors He doesn't want you go through.

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.
Psalm 37:5

 

[revbrad]

God did not call anyone to sit. We ALL have a job to do. If you seek God He will guide you.

I won't go into details but I left the "organized" church which I had worked in for many years. I felt empty and useless so I began to seek God. He began to open doors and now I conduct home meetings and Bible studies and for six months of the year I conduct campground church services. I also help out small churches in my area by preaching, teaching and working with youth.

If you have a desire, God will use you. Be willing to step out of the box.....who knows what may be in store for you.

 

[jeffsi435]

I understand what you mean. I have seen a church where the pastor got rid of adult Sunday school teachers if they became to popular. Three where removed over the time I

went to that church. I left the church. I do believe it has work to my Good as the bible tells us.

If you react to your problem with your church properly, it will work to your good also.

I'm not sure what you mean by "if you react to your problem with your church properly". I don't have a church that I go to consistently. I thought I mentioned that.
I was thinking about going back to a church near us that I have visited before. I heard they got a new pastor a few months ago.

 

[Eric E Stahl]

I'm not sure what you mean by "if you react to your problem with your church properly". I don't have a church that I go to consistently. I thought I mentioned that.
I was thinking about going back to a church near us that I have visited before. I heard they got a new pastor a few months ago.

Jeff,
You said "We had a bad experience in a church where I was a pastor 6 years ago." Jeff you have not found your right place since you are not a part
of a church. The bible tells us to not forsake the gathering together with other Christians. Your wife needs other Christian women friends to talk to. A man can't talk or listen enough to meet the needs of a woman in most cases. Your children need Christian friends and spouses. Every believer is given a spiritual gift or gifts for the edification of the body of Christ, you don't seem to be doing that now. We Christians are to go to church to give as well as get! Ask God to heal your heart and show you to your place to serve in the body of Christ.

 

[jeffsi435]

Jeff,
You said "We had a bad experience in a church where I was a pastor 6 years ago." Jeff you have not found your right place since you are not a part
of a church. The bible tells us to not forsake the gathering together with other Christians. Your wife needs other Christian women friends to talk to. A man can't talk or listen enough to meet the needs of a woman in most cases. Your children need Christian friends and spouses. Every believer is given a spiritual gift or gifts for the edification of the body of Christ, you don't seem to be doing that now. We Christians are to go to church to give as well as get! Ask God to heal your heart and show you to your place to serve in the body of Christ.

Thank you Eric, I know that. We have been to numerous churches attempting to find our place. I do regularly pray that God would show me where he wats us. I thought I would share my struggles on here and get some support.

 

[Eric E Stahl]

Thank you Eric, I know that. We have been to numerous churches attempting to find our place. I do regularly pray that God would show me where he wats us. I thought I would share my struggles on here and get some support.

I was doing as Peter did , I was bringing it to your remembrance. You are my brother and I wish the best for you and your family.

Jeff,

My pastor was a youth pastor in NC 7 or 8 years ago. Where do you live? He may be able to suggest a good church.