Hi everybody. My name is Whitney. I am 22 years old, 23 next month, and have never felt beautiful a day in my life. My low self esteem seems to get worse every day. I feel worthless and hopeless. But I want that to change. I want to apologize in advance if this post turns out to be a long ramble, but I have a lot to get out and I feel like God led me to this forum so I could do so. I was trying to find Bible verses about inner beauty and this website came up. God bless you all for reading this, I cannot put into words what it means to me, because all of this is very hard to type.
I have felt ugly for as long as I can remember, even when I was a little girl. I was bullied throughout all my school years, and even into college, both to my face and on Facebook (which I don't even use - I was in someone else's picture and a complete stranger who knew none of us made comments about me). I have never had a boyfriend, or even been asked out by a man. I was never even shown affection by my father, grandfather, or other male relatives. I know this is a horrible thing to think, but I feel like God messed up when He made me, or for some reason He is punishing me. Everyone around me is so gorgeous.
I cannot tell you how much I just want to feel beautiful, and for someone to treat me like I am beautiful. There are no redeeming qualities about my physical appearance. I have a horrible face. My eyes, eyebrows, nose, mouth, my entire face is ugly. The part of me that I am most self conscious about, and please bear with me because this hurts me to the bone to even talk about, are my breasts. They are deformed and hideous. The left breast never developed much, so it is basically flat, maybe an "AA" if you are being generous. The right one is a "C." I don't know why God did this to me. Breasts are supposed to be a gift we give our husbands, and I don't know how I will ever be able to have one. I have nightmares at least once a week that I found a man who would have me and he leaves me on our wedding night once he sees my chest. Every day we are flooded with pornographic media images of girls with big breasts and their cleavage hanging out, and even when I go to the gym or to the mall or to anywhere really, I am surrounded by girls with perfect bodies who have men drooling all over them. They make me feel so ugly and worthless.
I am terrified I will never have love, have a husband, or have a family. I will be 23 next month and no one has ever even shown interest in me. I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless right now, and it feels like it is getting worse every day.
I know surgery is a possible option, I say possible because it would be a long time before I could afford it, but despite everything, I don't want surgery. I want to believe that God made me this way for a reason. I tried asking a self esteem forum about this once and almost everyone just told me to get surgery, so I am praying at a place like this one, it will be different. I don't want surgery. With all my heart, I don't. I want to be able to love myself now, the way I am. I just don't know how.
Please... I need help. I need to hear opinions other than my own. Do you think a man could ever love a girl like me? Do you think anyone could ever find me beautiful, or want to marry me, have me bear his children? I feel like on the inside, I am beautiful. I am a good person. I love helping people and animals, I love giving when I can. I have never smoked, drank, done drugs, or even gotten a speeding ticket. I am kind to everyone I meet. I'm probably the most stereotypical "goody two-shoes" you can get. But no one seems to care about what I am on the inside.
I recently started at a Christian university, which has been a blessing for me in many ways, and I am hoping it will help me here, too. In two weeks I am meeting with our campus counselor, a pastor, to try and talk to him about my problems as well. I just wanted to try and reach out to my brothers and sisters here in hopes that someone here can help me, too.
Thank you so much for your help, or even just for reading. Thank you for bearing with me. It felt therapeutic just to type. Thank you, and God bless you.
I have felt ugly for as long as I can remember, even when I was a little girl. I was bullied throughout all my school years, and even into college, both to my face and on Facebook (which I don't even use - I was in someone else's picture and a complete stranger who knew none of us made comments about me). I have never had a boyfriend, or even been asked out by a man. I was never even shown affection by my father, grandfather, or other male relatives. I know this is a horrible thing to think, but I feel like God messed up when He made me, or for some reason He is punishing me. Everyone around me is so gorgeous.
I cannot tell you how much I just want to feel beautiful, and for someone to treat me like I am beautiful. There are no redeeming qualities about my physical appearance. I have a horrible face. My eyes, eyebrows, nose, mouth, my entire face is ugly. The part of me that I am most self conscious about, and please bear with me because this hurts me to the bone to even talk about, are my breasts. They are deformed and hideous. The left breast never developed much, so it is basically flat, maybe an "AA" if you are being generous. The right one is a "C." I don't know why God did this to me. Breasts are supposed to be a gift we give our husbands, and I don't know how I will ever be able to have one. I have nightmares at least once a week that I found a man who would have me and he leaves me on our wedding night once he sees my chest. Every day we are flooded with pornographic media images of girls with big breasts and their cleavage hanging out, and even when I go to the gym or to the mall or to anywhere really, I am surrounded by girls with perfect bodies who have men drooling all over them. They make me feel so ugly and worthless.
I am terrified I will never have love, have a husband, or have a family. I will be 23 next month and no one has ever even shown interest in me. I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless right now, and it feels like it is getting worse every day.
I know surgery is a possible option, I say possible because it would be a long time before I could afford it, but despite everything, I don't want surgery. I want to believe that God made me this way for a reason. I tried asking a self esteem forum about this once and almost everyone just told me to get surgery, so I am praying at a place like this one, it will be different. I don't want surgery. With all my heart, I don't. I want to be able to love myself now, the way I am. I just don't know how.
Please... I need help. I need to hear opinions other than my own. Do you think a man could ever love a girl like me? Do you think anyone could ever find me beautiful, or want to marry me, have me bear his children? I feel like on the inside, I am beautiful. I am a good person. I love helping people and animals, I love giving when I can. I have never smoked, drank, done drugs, or even gotten a speeding ticket. I am kind to everyone I meet. I'm probably the most stereotypical "goody two-shoes" you can get. But no one seems to care about what I am on the inside.
I recently started at a Christian university, which has been a blessing for me in many ways, and I am hoping it will help me here, too. In two weeks I am meeting with our campus counselor, a pastor, to try and talk to him about my problems as well. I just wanted to try and reach out to my brothers and sisters here in hopes that someone here can help me, too.
Thank you so much for your help, or even just for reading. Thank you for bearing with me. It felt therapeutic just to type. Thank you, and God bless you.