struggling

[Rachel15]

I'm so low and confused and struggling. I'm sitting on my son's dad's bed typing knowing that this probably isn't the best place for me to be, but I am craving human company.

Over Christmas I had a break from college and I've been really wanting to study the Bible so I decided I would focus on this and try and get in a study group run by a ministry connected with church. Despite contacting them noone got back to me until it was too late to get the right books, and it seems unlikely that i'll get in a group soon.

I contacted our church and asked why they used the NIV and said that I understood the KJV seemed to be a better version, but they responded that that wasn't true. Our services on Sunday focus mainly on what God is currently saying to the congregation through the leaders. But I don't understand why more bible teaching isn't focussed on each Sunday. After several years of being there on and off I feel I have hardly progressed in my understanding and confidence.

I don't feel I fit in at church but I am scared about going to another. I feel so alone. God has blessed me with a beautiful home at a low rent, but I am so lonely. My non-Christian husband says he has no reason to divorce me as he is happy how he is, but I am beginning to really want to meet someone who I can share life with. Because I get so lonely and we know each other well we still spend time together as friends, but sometimes I feel physically sick because I am not attracted to him (as far as I know neither is he). I have hardly any female friends. I crave physical contact - hugs or holding hands.

Sometimes I still hear voices (was psychotic with delusions in the past which God has healed me from). It can be confusing and I don't understand why this is. I feel like giving everything up - the home, all my possessions, and moving to some sort of Christian community - if one will have me and one exists. Although I am at college and doing well, i know I will have to learn a lot of worldy teaching as its mental health nursing - and really I want to learn more about Jesus - yet I need to be realistic and earn a living. I'm just not sure I can carry on studying for so long as I am finding it more difficult than I envisaged - I thought it would be the best thing to do - but I am doubting that I can really help people when it seems as if it will be taking me further from biblical teaching.

Well, I guess that's where I am at the moment.

 

[Ann]

Rachel Hi...

You came so far, don't doubt yourself now, if you do and act on your doubts the enemy will have you exactly where he wants you - outside the will of God.

You can do it, finish what you started, don't give up please. You will become what God intended for you to be, trust Him, He will not dissapoint you. I believe in you and I'm praying for you all the time, one step at a time girlfriend, only one step, don't forget.

I'm sharing with you this piece of wisdom.


Jigsaw Puzzle Wisdom
Everything I Needed To Know About Life, I Learned From A Jigsaw Puzzle.

Don't force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.


When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.


Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.


Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.


When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see #4).


The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.


Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.


Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.


Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.


Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.


Take time often to celebrate your successes - even little ones.


Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.

[ Author Unknown ]

Lots of love!:girl_hug:

 

[Rachel15]

Thanks Annette, I just feel so sick at the moment. I can't sleep at the moment and i'm a bit short of breath - my throat's sore and i think its the weight i'm carrying.

I'm trying not to lean on Jack's dad so much - it doesn't help when I do but it's been a habit. I wish I could hug you.

Love Rachel

 

[mounty]

hey sister i feel for you i really do
,i understand how hard it is, the answer really is just prayer, keep yourself protected by the word of God. Each time your mind starts to drift in the wrong direction use the word of God to bring you back to were you need to be. I know how lonely it can be, im the only christian in my area and often i have to keep very quite about my faith. Just know it wont always be like this and each day you will get stronger.

God Bless and Much Love xxxxxxxxxxxx:girl_hug:

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings Rachel15,

I read this post of yours a couple of days ago now and it keeps coming back to me.

Can I suggest a couple of things?

First, perhaps find yourself another 'church'. Seek the Lord about it....in other words, ask Him to guide you to a place where you are part of the fellowship as a valued member ..... and then trust Him to do so. I am quite serious about this. The Church is the Body of Christ. It is not a place of 'follow the leader'. By this I mean that if the 'leadership' is the focus of a congregation, it is missing the vital point of fellowship ..... caring love.

Meeting together is a mutual enriching and encouraging time..... not a ritual of authority. I hope you find somewhere to fellowship that recognises you as a valuable and very important member of Christ's Body.

Now, as far as needing some human comfort and friendship goes. It is what fellowship is, really. Look at the scriptures.... a constant reminder of how precious we all are in God's eyes and heart, and how He delights in His beloved people being there for each other. Some call it 'friendship' or 'companionship'.
It is also very important to take time to bathe in God's love in Jesus Christ the Lord. This temporary life we live can keep us from really experiencing the fullness of God's love in Christ. We can get so busy and full of other matters that we don't give time to just be loved by our God, our Father.
Sure we call Him on the prayer phone from time to time, or send Him a few requests..... but we need to take the time to be still, to bathe in His divine love.
We all want to give some love, and of course want to receive some love. When there is no-one around to love, to hug and share with, remember that our Lord is always right there, patiently waiting for us to return some love to Him.
You are a mother. How precious it is to you to have your child show you love and appreciation, and to just hug and hold you. Our Lord, Jesus Christ delights in our love, too!

There is also a very wonderful way to 'spend' your love, your need to care and share. Those around you NEED God's love. You, my sister are a vessel of the Lord. Take a bit of time to just draw close to the Lord and then let His love overflow to those around you. It is God's way of completeness. You will be the receiving one as you allow God's love to flow THROUGH you, to others. You will be refreshed.

Remember, too, that we are part of a spiritual world, and our loving is evident in that realm. You don't need to actually be touching a person to be loving them. This may need explaining.....
In Ephesians 6, we are told that we wrestle not against flesh and blood.
Read it. Ephesians 6 verses 10 to 18. You will then understand what I am saying here. Jesus Christ is the Lord, He is your Lord and is mighty. Wrap yourself up in Him, and then go forth in love.
If you find you are bursting at the seams with love to share, that is good. Let His joy be full in you.

Bless you,

Br. Bear

ps...
Some may read this and need this...
Consider the Lord. Love made flesh. He walked amongst needy people. He did His Father's will. When we read of how He was moved, how He really had deep care for people, and also how He cried and agonised over the many who rejected Him.... remember that He was love incarnate (for God is Love) and think how it might have been for Him. With that desire to pour out love, He went about doing good, healing people and giving them comfort and hope.
If you feel a need for an outlet for your love.... think about how our Lord dealt with the same need. We have love to give. We long for love as His children, born of His Spirit, we long for love to be given to others. Quench not the Spirit.
If ever you feel discouraged when sharing God's love, likewise remember the Man of Sorrows who, despite going about doing good, was despised and rejected.....and finally crucified.

He loves you...><>

 

[Rachel15]

Thank you Mounty for your support.

Thank you Br. Bear for your thoughtful reply. I have more or less prayed what you said about changing church to God and then I was on the internet last night and found that a prophet had come to our church a couple of years ago and spoke to our leader in private giving a warning about pride, and was turned away. The prophet spoke warned about a congregation following a 'leader' rather than following Christ - which fits with what you are saying too.

There is a messianic Jewish congregation that meet about three quarters of an hour away by the coast that I am considering getting in touch with because I would like to get to know more about the bible and God's biblical feasts and the Sabbath. I have been to another church locally where I really like the people, but i'm not sure about going there as they are part of a big organisation and in the past they have followed The Purpose Drive Life in the sunday services and I'm wary of getting side-tracked by other teachings and just want to focus on God's word.

Thanks again for posting Br.Bear. I shall read Ephesians.

God bless,

Rachel :girl_hug:

 

[trulyblezzed]

Hi Rachel, is Jack's dad not your husband?

Work on restoring your marriage sweety. There's so many things that can be done to make your home life better- you just need to explore them.

God hates divorce, so divorce is really not an option.

Marriage is a blessing so hold on to the blessing that's there. It may be a little dusty and rusted, but with a good cleaning and some oil of anointing, it will be like new.

 

[Rachel15]

Hi Rachel, is Jack's dad not your husband?

Work on restoring your marriage sweety. There's so many things that can be done to make your home life better- you just need to explore them.

God hates divorce, so divorce is really not an option.

Marriage is a blessing so hold on to the blessing that's there. It may be a little dusty and rusted, but with a good cleaning and some oil of anointing, it will be like new.

Hi trulyblezzed,

Thanks for your post. Unfortunately, there was never much of a marriage so I wouldn't be working on restoring it - there was never any physical attraction on my part - it would only work if there was a miraculous new relationship. (I wasn't a Christian when we met and was on the rebound from another relationship). My husband doesn't want us to live together at the moment and we have lived apart for about eight years now, and have been separated for about twelve years. He has had another relationship but it ended and now he is single again. He is okay about us seeing a lot of each other, but does not like physical contact and has said that he is not attracted to me either.

He said that he hasn't divorced me only because he just sees it as a piece of paper and thinks of us as already divorced. He thinks I should divorce him because it would save him the cost (I would be able to get it more cheaply).

I have prayed about it ever such a lot and believe in the past God said to let him go and my understanding from the bible is that if an unbeliever does not want to be reconciled then I am free to go. However, of course we have some kind of emotional bond (rather like brother-sister) and we share our son together and its really difficult to move on, especially as I tend to get down and have had bad depression in the past. The down side of us still being in close contact is that I think i have become dependent on him and am not being a good witness for Christ. I don't know what to do about this. When I try and live alone at my place inevitably I get very down and inevitably he calls and then we start over seeing each other again. I find this depressing in itself. It is not a very positive relationship.

God bless,

Rachel

 

[trulyblezzed]

I didn't know that was your situation sister.

Per Got Questions.org,

The Bible gives two clear grounds for divorce: (1) sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32; 19:9), and (2) abandonment by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:15).

In this case, you can get a divorce because your husband has been unfaithful by being a part of another relationship, however, it's not encouraged.

Lean on the Lord during this time. He is your strength and your rock. You shouldn't depend on anyone else for love besides from Him as He is the only one solid enough to carry us. Everyone will waver in the wind.

God Bless You

 

[Joretta]

God I know you will provide!

First I want to thing God! for this long battle I had with my Housing sitaution my rent was increased to a point I could not afford it. Housing wanted to put me out on the streets. I fought this battle in court And god himself interveen for me, I wont that battle but on the other hands my furniture was but in storage, I was stuggling to keep up with the rent so I got behind in the storage bill now! I fought out June10,2008 that they auction all my life away all my personal picture that I would never be able to replace, I am so hurt right now I can't understand now that I am in a empty apartment sleeping on the floor, struggling with food clothing and shelter and I cry every day about this and I cryed out to god in pray why did this happen and he gave me a answer! God! but in my spirit if my apartment would had caught on fire, I would had loss everything anyway. But what hurted me again when I thought about it my sister that is doing very well finanically could had helped me put she diding so now I have to build my home up all over again and I believe God want me have new beginning. so I ask everyone to pray for me that god will restore and give me back everything the devil has stoleing from me.........Be Bless!