JustSomeone
Member
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2011
- Messages
- 24
I've always been a christian and a catholic. As a teenager I had my fair share of sins (who didn't) but I was always trying to live according to my conscience and the word of God. These sins were mostly about bad habits and addictions than my bad will. The years went by, I was praying, going to church (and to the confession) and I was tangled up in two addictions/bad habits (I don't really know which one) that were really tought to quit. It all started innocently but the more it progressed the more I started to see how destructive they were. At first I didn't even realize they were sins I guess. But then I just couldn't quit. I tried, but it was only getting worse.
Then, a few months ago, weird things started happening. During masses - tears were starting to well up in my eyes. I was really taken aback by it and I didn't know what it meant. Then I had this funeral of a person I didn't even know. I just went because someone asked me to and I heard this beautiful sermon - the best one I've ever heard in my life. After that I started praying more and somehow I quit those two addictions I was talking about. I knew it was God's part in this because I would never do that by myself. It's out of the question. I was too weak too quit by myself.
After that, the strangest happened. For about a month or so I was a changed man. First of all, I wasn't nervous at all. And you should know that I was always very nervous - my whole life. I could snap at anyone for almost no reason at all. It was gone. I was meek as a sheep. Nothing could make me lose my temper. I felt love for everyone and I wanted to talk about God and God only. I wanted to be His witness and tell everyone how magnificent He is. I felt love for everyone that did me wrong and I wanted to forgive everyone just like that. I lost a fear of death. I was looking at it as a "homecoming" and I was actually looking forward to it (I dind't want to die though, it wasn't like that). I also started to detest and hate sin. I always avoided it but then I started to detest and hate it. I was a changed man and there was no question about it. Everyone noticed that - my parents, friends and so on. And it happened in a few days. I couldn't change for my whole life and then I just changed like that. I also have to tell you - it was, without a question, the best month of my life. I felt only love for everyone and no fear of anything. It was so amazing I can't even describe in 10% of how great it was...
And the second thing happened. Actually it started happening before the things I described above but now I'll write more about it. I started to shed tears in church during mass or when reading Bible verses (mostly when I read Jesus' words). Also, when reading the Passion of Christ in church a few months ago I just couldn't stop the tears. Sometimes before receiving the communion or even when I listen to christian music. And you should know that the last time I cried was when I was 14 or so (I'm 22, almost 23 now). Also, when I was thinking what God did for all of us - humans. I also started shedding tears when I though of how many people deliberately want to go to Hell I wanted to stop everyone from going the wrong way. Also, it wasn't regular cry. There was no weeping or sobbing. Tears were just flowing out of my eyes. I also always shed them when I reminded myself of how unworthy of God I am. Of what He did for me. Or how much I sinned before. I could go on and on about it...
I also remember lately I was standing in the line to the confessional and tears started to flow because I realized how much I offended God with my sins... I just can't describe with words how sorry I am...
Now I have two questions I hope you can answer me, please.
1) Can you tell me or do you have any idea what happened in that month I described? I read some stuff on the Internet and I came to a conclusion that I could be "born again". Is that it?
2) Can you tell me what is it with those tears? I read something on the Internet about "gift of tears" but it mostly happened to saints or some very religious people and that's why I can't acknowledge that God would grant me this great gift. I feel like I'm a huge, huge sinner even though my sins were mostly done from teenager stupidity or they were bad habit/addictions that I couldn't get out of. What do you think of those tears?
Then, a few months ago, weird things started happening. During masses - tears were starting to well up in my eyes. I was really taken aback by it and I didn't know what it meant. Then I had this funeral of a person I didn't even know. I just went because someone asked me to and I heard this beautiful sermon - the best one I've ever heard in my life. After that I started praying more and somehow I quit those two addictions I was talking about. I knew it was God's part in this because I would never do that by myself. It's out of the question. I was too weak too quit by myself.
After that, the strangest happened. For about a month or so I was a changed man. First of all, I wasn't nervous at all. And you should know that I was always very nervous - my whole life. I could snap at anyone for almost no reason at all. It was gone. I was meek as a sheep. Nothing could make me lose my temper. I felt love for everyone and I wanted to talk about God and God only. I wanted to be His witness and tell everyone how magnificent He is. I felt love for everyone that did me wrong and I wanted to forgive everyone just like that. I lost a fear of death. I was looking at it as a "homecoming" and I was actually looking forward to it (I dind't want to die though, it wasn't like that). I also started to detest and hate sin. I always avoided it but then I started to detest and hate it. I was a changed man and there was no question about it. Everyone noticed that - my parents, friends and so on. And it happened in a few days. I couldn't change for my whole life and then I just changed like that. I also have to tell you - it was, without a question, the best month of my life. I felt only love for everyone and no fear of anything. It was so amazing I can't even describe in 10% of how great it was...
And the second thing happened. Actually it started happening before the things I described above but now I'll write more about it. I started to shed tears in church during mass or when reading Bible verses (mostly when I read Jesus' words). Also, when reading the Passion of Christ in church a few months ago I just couldn't stop the tears. Sometimes before receiving the communion or even when I listen to christian music. And you should know that the last time I cried was when I was 14 or so (I'm 22, almost 23 now). Also, when I was thinking what God did for all of us - humans. I also started shedding tears when I though of how many people deliberately want to go to Hell I wanted to stop everyone from going the wrong way. Also, it wasn't regular cry. There was no weeping or sobbing. Tears were just flowing out of my eyes. I also always shed them when I reminded myself of how unworthy of God I am. Of what He did for me. Or how much I sinned before. I could go on and on about it...
I also remember lately I was standing in the line to the confessional and tears started to flow because I realized how much I offended God with my sins... I just can't describe with words how sorry I am...
Now I have two questions I hope you can answer me, please.
1) Can you tell me or do you have any idea what happened in that month I described? I read some stuff on the Internet and I came to a conclusion that I could be "born again". Is that it?
2) Can you tell me what is it with those tears? I read something on the Internet about "gift of tears" but it mostly happened to saints or some very religious people and that's why I can't acknowledge that God would grant me this great gift. I feel like I'm a huge, huge sinner even though my sins were mostly done from teenager stupidity or they were bad habit/addictions that I couldn't get out of. What do you think of those tears?
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