Very disturbed

[GetSaved!!]

Ive been very disturbed the past few weeks,getting feelings that Im not saved.First thing is the non stop evil thoughts that pop in my head 24/7,non stop, no kidding.Some are the old thoughts I would have had from the old me,others are too hideous to even think about.I cant seem to concentrate with it all the time.Sometimes I get a feeling that Im going to hell for sure and causes anxiety attacks.The scariest part is it seems like Im heartless,selfish,etc.Like I think my wife is real bad sick and I dont get upset like a caring person would I think.This is really disturbing me,It just makes me feel like an evil person and how could a saved Christian feel like this?I also feel like Im ungrateful/unthankful and not filled with the Spirit.Like Im not being allowed to rejoice in the Lord.I started going to church for the first time in a long time last week and just felt like I wasnt singing to His glory.Which makes me think there is some sort of rebellious spirit in me,kinda feel like God is saying too late.Dunno what is wrong.Please reply when you can,thanks.

 

[jculver]

Ive been very disturbed the past few weeks,getting feelings that Im not saved.First thing is the non stop evil thoughts that pop in my head 24/7,non stop, no kidding.Some are the old thoughts I would have had from the old me,others are too hideous to even think about.I cant seem to concentrate with it all the time.Sometimes I get a feeling that Im going to hell for sure and causes anxiety attacks.The scariest part is it seems like Im heartless,selfish,etc.Like I think my wife is real bad sick and I dont get upset like a caring person would I think.This is really disturbing me,It just makes me feel like an evil person and how could a saved Christian feel like this?I also feel like Im ungrateful/unthankful and not filled with the Spirit.Like Im not being allowed to rejoice in the Lord.I started going to church for the first time in a long time last week and just felt like I wasnt singing to His glory.Which makes me think there is some sort of rebellious spirit in me,kinda feel like God is saying too late.Dunno what is wrong.Please reply when you can,thanks.

It is never "too late". I assure you GS. Much like in the prodigal son, God takes the ones just like you. Even ones who have always been his rebellious children and run away. If they come back he runs to grab them up. Prayer is your best resource. Of course your relationship with him doesn’t happen overnight

Honestly I can relate to this post very much. All aspects sound like exactly me when I first came to Christ. The terror of hell, the worry of "Am I a Saved?", the horrible images, the worry of my personality flaws.

All I can tell you is that all these things WILL get fixed, when God wants them to be fixed

I will deal with each issue you presented as best as I can. First I will start with the most important step:

1.) Prayer and fasting. A lot of people overlook fasting and prayer. Fasting is a huge deal when you are worried or have a big issue. Set a time say 24 or 36 hours (this is probably a maximum for your first fast ever) where you do not eat. Pray as many times as you can in this time period for as long as you can. If you are praying for things like Salvation (which is in God's will), and if you are praying to be more Christ like (which is in God's will) then you will be praying according to Gods will. That is the kind of prayer God answers.

2.) The Horrible Thoughts. I know what it is like to have horrible HORRIBLE images and etc. pop into your head, the most blasphemous kind of horrible images. What can we do about this? Are you WILLING those thoughts in your head? Certainly not, if you don't want them there. God knows everything. He knows you don't want them there, and personally I dont think a thought itself can be sinful. The sin would be reacting to a horrible image like that in delight or enjoyment. Much like every other sin, a situation is presented, there may or may not be temptation to sin, if you fall into the temptation THAT is when the sin occurs. The temptation or situation itself is no sin. So stop worrying about it, and that's when the bad thoughts go away.

3.) Am I saved? Assurance of your salvation comes over time. It is not an immediate thing. The more obedient you are, and the more you pray the more God grants you this gift of assurance. Sinning has its earthly price. It makes us wonder, "Am I saved?" Just like David when he did his huge sin, he prayed for his assurance back. He prayed for it back because he lost his assurance (notice he didn't ask for his salvation back, but for the assurance of it). Assurance is a reward for obedience and it simply takes time. The comfort I can offer you here is that if your desire to be saved and have forgiveness is genuine, then soon you will certainly have that beautiful assurance.

4.) My wife is ill, why am I not in tears? The simple answer is because even as Christians will still have a sin nature. Also at times we react with indifference as a sort of shock. Pray for Christ like compassion. The longer you are a Christian the more like Christ you will become.

5.) Read Romans chapter 7. I recommend you read this chapter of Romans. It is written by Paul, who started out killing Christians and cursing them. He ended up writing most of the New Testament. He was a mature Christian and look at what he wrote in Romans 7.

Brother I will pray for you because I know what it feels like to be exactly where you are. We never completely get out of it either, but there is hope in Christ.

 

[GetSaved!!]

Thanks for the reply.I think the heartless feeling bothers me the most,I just keep saying to myself how can a person call himself a Christian and not be concerned about others,especially his own wife?I dont mean not in tears,just felt like I really didnt care.I dont know if God is showing me all my faults or what.Its just like I almost feel like I dont even know what genuine love is anymore.I tryed to show concern towards my wife but I felt like I was lying.She says all the time I dont care about her and now I really wonder.I used to really get off on having this dont care about anything attitude and I wonder if I now arent being punished for it.

I know Satan is powerfull but sometimes I think I use it for an excuse for all my shortcomings.And feeling unthankfull,bothers me too.This post is really hard right now because Im feeling hollow right now and feel like I really dont care about anything,maybe punishment for that old dont care attitude.Just feeling hollow like this makes me feel like I dont mean what Im saying because of the lack of emotion right now.

Another thing bothering me is should I go ahead and be baptized regardless of how I feel?I told a pastor that I was wanting to have quit smoking and get some other things right in my life first and he said to go ahead and get baptized asap.

It just worries me because the Lord said that love would wax cold in the last days.Should I do my best to show love and concern even if I feel like I dont mean it?I know I cant fool God but its horribly mean to my wife to just ignore her when she says she dont feel good,but I feel like Im lying when I do,its like Im being selfish and all I worry about is myself.

And being unthankfull,when I pray I feel like I dont mean it when I thank God for my blessings,etc.Thats horrible!!Anyway I can use all the help I can get,I feel like Im hopeless right now and worse yet this empty feeing makes me feel like I dont even care.

 

[Word of Life]

It is never "too late". 1.) Prayer and fasting. A lot of people overlook fasting and prayer. Fasting is a huge deal when you are worried or have a big issue. Set a time say 24 or 36 hours (this is probably a maximum for your first fast ever) where you do not eat. Pray as many times as you can in this time period for as long as you can. If you are praying for things like Salvation (which is in God's will), and if you are praying to be more Christ like (which is in God's will) then you will be praying according to Gods will. That is the kind of prayer God answers.

2.) The Horrible Thoughts. I know what it is like to have horrible HORRIBLE images and etc. pop into your head, the most blasphemous kind of horrible images. What can we do about this? Are you WILLING those thoughts in your head? Certainly not, if you don't want them there. God knows everything. He knows you don't want them there, and personally I dont think a thought itself can be sinful. The sin would be reacting to a horrible image like that in delight or enjoyment. Much like every other sin, a situation is presented, there may or may not be temptation to sin, if you fall into the temptation THAT is when the sin occurs. The temptation or situation itself is no sin. So stop worrying about it, and that's when the bad thoughts go away.

3.) Am I saved? Assurance of your salvation comes over time. It is not an immediate thing. The more obedient you are, and the more you pray the more God grants you this gift of assurance. Sinning has its earthly price. It makes us wonder, "Am I saved?" Just like David when he did his huge sin, he prayed for his assurance back. He prayed for it back because he lost his assurance (notice he didn't ask for his salvation back, but for the assurance of it). Assurance is a reward for obedience and it simply takes time. The comfort I can offer you here is that if your desire to be saved and have forgiveness is genuine, then soon you will certainly have that beautiful assurance.

4.) My wife is ill, why am I not in tears? The simple answer is because even as Christians will still have a sin nature. Also at times we react with indifference as a sort of shock. Pray for Christ like compassion. The longer you are a Christian the more like Christ you will become.

5.) Read Romans chapter 7. I recommend you read this chapter of Romans. It is written by Paul, who started out killing Christians and cursing them. He ended up writing most of the New Testament. He was a mature Christian and look at what he wrote in Romans 7.

Brother I will pray for you because I know what it feels like to be exactly where you are. We never completely get out of it either, but there is hope in Christ.

I thank you for this post jculver, its just what I wanted to read, as the last 48 hours have been really bad for me too. The thoughts which have been coming to my head have been really disturbing and I don't want them there. My boss has been taken the Lords name in vain in front of me so I politely told him thats not right and he needs to use another word in its place, as its hurtful towards me, but he still continues to do so, and I didn't know how to deal with it further. So last night, I prayed so hard, God told me to read Psalm 37.

 

[jiggyfly]

GetSaved!!, I assume by your post that you have been born again. Have you experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit? It sounds to me like demonic spirits are messing with your mind trying to convince you that you are not changed and nothing has happened to you spiritually. You growing in your relationship with Jesus is your best defense against all you have been going through. Ask Jesus to baptize you in the Holy Spirit and you will notice not only a big change in yourself but you will also the attacks from demonic forces will not have the same effects either. The Holy Spirit will help you grow in your relationship with Jesus much, much more than any person could.

John 15:26
“But I will send you the Counselor* —the Spirit of truth. He will come to you from the Father and will tell you all about me.

Acts 1:4-8
4*In one of these meetings as he was eating a meal with them, he told them, “Do not leave Jerusalem until the Father sends you what he promised. Remember, I have told you about this before. 5 John baptized with* water, but in just a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.”6*When the apostles were with Jesus, they kept asking him, “Lord, are you going to free Israel now and restore our kingdom?”
7 “The Father sets those dates,” he replied, “and they are not for you to know. 8 But when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, you will receive power and will tell people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

Please don't be decieved GetSaved!!, the baptism of the Holy Spirit is a seperate experience from the new birth experience. Ask Jesus and He will do it. I am praying for you, if you have any question please ask. God bless

 

[jculver]

Thanks for the reply.I think the heartless feeling bothers me the most,I just keep saying to myself how can a person call himself a Christian and not be concerned about others,especially his own wife?I dont mean not in tears,just felt like I really didnt care.I dont know if God is showing me all my faults or what.Its just like I almost feel like I dont even know what genuine love is anymore.I tryed to show concern towards my wife but I felt like I was lying.She says all the time I dont care about her and now I really wonder.I used to really get off on having this dont care about anything attitude and I wonder if I now arent being punished for it.

I know Satan is powerfull but sometimes I think I use it for an excuse for all my shortcomings.And feeling unthankfull,bothers me too.This post is really hard right now because Im feeling hollow right now and feel like I really dont care about anything,maybe punishment for that old dont care attitude.Just feeling hollow like this makes me feel like I dont mean what Im saying because of the lack of emotion right now.

Another thing bothering me is should I go ahead and be baptized regardless of how I feel?I told a pastor that I was wanting to have quit smoking and get some other things right in my life first and he said to go ahead and get baptized asap.

It just worries me because the Lord said that love would wax cold in the last days.Should I do my best to show love and concern even if I feel like I dont mean it?I know I cant fool God but its horribly mean to my wife to just ignore her when she says she dont feel good,but I feel like Im lying when I do,its like Im being selfish and all I worry about is myself.

And being unthankfull,when I pray I feel like I dont mean it when I thank God for my blessings,etc.Thats horrible!!Anyway I can use all the help I can get,I feel like Im hopeless right now and worse yet this empty feeing makes me feel like I dont even care.

I know what that is like. You know the bible uses many different words that are translated love. One kind is the love we talk about that is emotional; another is the type that could be better translated "to serve". So you don't have the emotional love? Try throwing yourself into service. Your actions will show love even if your heart isn’t 100% right yet.

I really can relate. I hate when my words feel hollow. I feel disgusted when I pray and it feels routine or it feels empty. Confess it to God. Tell him: "Lord I am giving you all I can, I am doing all these things out of obedience and I am sorry that my words seem hollow, but deep down I know this is right and I hope you will continue to guide me to you even though I am this way." I prayed like that for a while, and I did the kind of "pretend" love for a while with my family members just serving and meeting their needs. If you continue the prayers, and you continue to try for God he will continue to transform you. After a while it starts to truly change you because God sees your commitment. Don't give up, just keep trying, and tell God everything. Tell him that you feel hollow and that you feel you have no genuine love, only he can fix that. Just hang in there and be as obedient as you can and pray as often as you can. I really think fasting might help you also Try fasting for like 36 hours. It shows God a serious commitment, and I have found it the best tool for making my prayers come from my heart instead of my mouth (drink liquids, but don't eat)

As far as being baptized I agree with jiggly. When you prayed to Jesus, or to God in the name of Jesus, you were baptized in the spirit. However, I would get baptized ASAP. Water baptizm is a sign of obedience. It is technically the first thing we do out of obedience. It is basically a way of saying publicly "I follow Christ". It is the ritual that says you are ready to be obedient and give your life to him.

I thank you for this post jculver, its just what I wanted to read, as the last 48 hours have been really bad for me too. The thoughts which have been coming to my head have been really disturbing and I don't want them there. My boss has been taken the Lords name in vain in front of me so I politely told him thats not right and he needs to use another word in its place, as its hurtful towards me, but he still continues to do so, and I didn't know how to deal with it further. So last night, I prayed so hard, God told me to read Psalm 37.

That is so awesome that you told your Boss to stop that! That’s true Christianity right there I know what you are talking about too. You hear him say it out loud, or you may hear him say it in your head, or you hear your own voice say it in your head and immediately it feels like sin. I think that is just how our brains are. They know we don't want to hear or think certain things so they play them over and over and over in our heads. Hearing it in your mind is no sin I assure you. The reaction is where sin can happen, and it sounds like to me you don't like it there, so no sin is occurring.

Psalm 37 is pretty fitting, very nice psalm.


Let me know if I can help u any further GS. I hope all is well for you both God bless.

 

[jiggyfly]

As far as being baptized I agree with jiggly. When you prayed to Jesus, or to God in the name of Jesus, you were baptized in the spirit.

jculver, I don't think we are in agreement. I think you misunderstood my post. Being born-again and baptized in the Holy Spirit are two different experiences. Praying to God in Jesus' name does not mean that you are baptized in the Holy Spirit.

 

[jculver]

jculver, I don't think we are in agreement. I think you misunderstood my post. Being born-again and baptised in the Holy Spirit are two different experiences. Praying to God in Jesus' name does not mean that you are baptised in the Holy Spirit.

I guess what I was trying to say is that water baptism does not equal salvation. I guess also I am not sure exactly what you are saying... please clarify

 

[stephen]

Jculver, greetings to you....in Jesus

I would politely suggest that you read the post by jiggyfly again, and also read the scripture mentioned. There is an experience known as 'the baptism' of the Holy Ghost.

John 7 v 38 Jesus cried out....." If any man thirst let him come unto me and drink. Out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. This spake He of the spirit." This is not a ref. to salvation. Check it out.....I may have misquoted.

Also Acts ch 2. The Holy Spirit was 'poured out' upon the waiting people. The disciples.

Acts ch 19 "Have you received the Holy Ghost......since you believed" And so on.

This is a mighty experience for all who know Jesus. The 'baptism' in the Holy Spirit. This experience gives ordinary people the power to overcome......in Jesus Name

God Bless You

 

[jculver]

I fully understand that Stephen, but my belief and that of jigglies are apparently different I believe being born again and being baptized in the spirit occur at the same moment. IMHO There is a large difference between being spirit filled, and being baptized in the Holy Spirit.

The term "spirit filled" doesn’t mean that you are filled up with the spirit like a liquid in a glass. Someone can be baptized in the Holy Spirit and not at the moment be "spirit filled". It means filled as a sail is filled with wind. When you are spirit filled he is blowing your sail, you are being driven by the spirit, not by something else.

Anyway it is clear that I and jiggly do not share the same view on baptism via the Holy Spirit. Jiggly would suggest that GS pray for spirit baptism, which I believe he already has, and I would suggest that GS pray that he is spirit filled, or blown in the direction the holy spirit chooses. Anyway if anyone wants to discuss further this subject we should start another thread, as this doesn’t seem to be the place for it Feel free to continue counseling based on your interpretation of scripture here, but if it will turn into a discussion lets have it else where

 

[GetSaved!!]

Wondering if I am leaving a door open for demonic attack.I am in the midst of quitting smoking,I have relationships with family members to heal,etc.I talked to a pastor on the phone from a church I attended a long time ago who I know fairly well.He said I may have some emotional scars that have damaged my emotions,and talked about a "dry spell" people have with their emotions.Today has been no better,its getting to the point the bad thoughts dont even allow me to have a conversation with someone because

I have to still the bad thoughts with my voice in my head leaving me no thought space to process a response to someone Im talking to.And on top of the lack of compassion I feel I also notice a lack of sorrow,like I didnt show any self control smoking today,I mean Im sticking to my plan on quittng and havent been going over my quota according to my plan but I smoked one right after the other a couple tmes today,I know thats not like murder or anything but its still sin the way I see it.

I know the self control needs to be worked on but I figure I should be a litte sorry about it.I think I wear myself down at times to the point I am just mentally and physically drained and too tired for any emotion at times.

I am also starting to question everything I do,if its a sin or not.I think I am tearing myself down sometimes because I takes verses out of context and to the extreme.Anything not done in faith is sin,Sometimes I feel like I can do a better inspection but dont where to draw the line.I admit I used to take some shortcuts which was wrong but now I am taking so much time trying to do my best we are falling behind on work.Today I was under a house that was muddy and nasty and had tons of rot and termite damage,in which we refer it to a contractor to determine ned for repair.This house was real bad,and I spent probably 30 minutes undrneath.I said entire structure need to be checked and didnt bother checking a small portion of the crawlspace because the whole thing was so bad I figured the last bit didnt matter.Well I felt kinda funny about not finishing but left anyway.Now was that not done in faith?And I mean its constant all day long questioning myself like that,even some minute stuff that probably doesnt matter but I still question it and get all worried if its sin then say to myself stop going overboard but then question it again and get fed up about it and make a descision,not feeling 100% on it,feeling like I am not doing things in faith.

Where do I draw the line on this?My boss has always been more than happy with my work,but I feel like I am not doing things in faith if I dont do every thing 1000% everytime.One agin thanks for the replies.

 

[stephen]

Precious Brother

It is clear from your post that you are going through a patch of considerable strain...Remember......this too will pass away.........God, Jesus will bring you through....He has never failed anyone yet....He will bring you through...Remember my words. His word....infact

Praying for you at this time.


In His Love.

 

[jculver]

Wondering if I am leaving a door open for demonic attack.I am in the midst of quitting smoking,I have relationships with family members to heal,etc.I talked to a pastor on the phone from a church I attended a long time ago who I know fairly well.He said I may have some emotional scars that have damaged my emotions,and talked about a "dry spell" people have with their emotions.Today has been no better,its getting to the point the bad thoughts dont even allow me to have a conversation with someone because

I have to still the bad thoughts with my voice in my head leaving me no thought space to process a response to someone Im talking to.And on top of the lack of compassion I feel I also notice a lack of sorrow,like I didnt show any self control smoking today,I mean Im sticking to my plan on quittng and havent been going over my quota according to my plan but I smoked one right after the other a couple tmes today,I know thats not like murder or anything but its still sin the way I see it.

I know the self control needs to be worked on but I figure I should be a litte sorry about it.I think I wear myself down at times to the point I am just mentally and physically drained and too tired for any emotion at times.

I am also starting to question everything I do,if its a sin or not.I think I am tearing myself down sometimes because I takes verses out of context and to the extreme.Anything not done in faith is sin,Sometimes I feel like I can do a better inspection but dont where to draw the line.I admit I used to take some shortcuts which was wrong but now I am taking so much time trying to do my best we are falling behind on work.Today I was under a house that was muddy and nasty and had tons of rot and termite damage,in which we refer it to a contractor to determine ned for repair.This house was real bad,and I spent probably 30 minutes undrneath.I said entire structure need to be checked and didnt bother checking a small portion of the crawlspace because the whole thing was so bad I figured the last bit didnt matter.Well I felt kinda funny about not finishing but left anyway.Now was that not done in faith?And I mean its constant all day long questioning myself like that,even some minute stuff that probably doesnt matter but I still question it and get all worried if its sin then say to myself stop going overboard but then question it again and get fed up about it and make a descision,not feeling 100% on it,feeling like I am not doing things in faith.

Where do I draw the line on this?My boss has always been more than happy with my work,but I feel like I am not doing things in faith if I dont do every thing 1000% everytime.One agin thanks for the replies.

I really can relate to this a lot. I too quit smoking when I came to Christ. Took about a month of chewing the gum to get off nicotine altogether, but it is doable with God. I honestly don't know if I could have quit without Him
Brother I understand what you mean about feeling like there is this insanely heavy burden on you to be absolutely sinless at all times. This is actually a good thing. You are now a slave to righteousness and not sin. Do you see how it is the opposite of how it has been? Before you would sin sin sin, and when you had to do something for someone else, or take time away from your self it was a burden. Now it's the opposite. Now even the thought of sinning a little is bad or even terrifying. Righteousness is your master now, but of course you still have a sin nature.

As far as your job I can't comment too much, although I understand your thought process. Just be as wise as you can as far as balancing time and quality. If you can honestly say you balanced those two things with your company’s best interest, then what sin have you committed?

Some quick things I would remember:
1. If you have accepted Christ as your Lord what chance does a demon's attack have against you? (If God is for us, who is against us? Romans 8:31) Will a Good master not protect his slaves from demons? God doesn't let Satan just test you to make you fail. Satan isn't Omnipresent either. Satan can be at one place at one time, and most the time he is arguing with God and trying to condemn us (see the book of Job).
2. Now that you have come to Christ and agreed with him that you are a sinner and that you need him, and you confess him *** Lord you are saved. (Romans 10:9). Your best is now good enough because whatever you mess up, Christ died for it. Also with the Holy Spirit indwelling in you, you will progressively become more and more like Christ.
3. Consider this hard time a Good Thing! I know how hard that is to do, but maybe this well help. What is the point of what you are going through right now? What is the point of this trial? "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." (James 1:2) God's perfecting work is the purpose of this hard time. When you finally come out of it rejoicing to God then you will see that your faith is genuine Amen.

Keep these things in mind. Are you reading God's word every day? It helps significantly. Prayer is how we talk to him, and the Book is how he talks to us. Don't let the conversation get one sided.