What are this man’s intentions?

[Enxu]

Hey guys, I’m facing a conundrum because I don’t know if this man’s advice is for my best or not.

I came across a woman online who liked to badmouth others behind their backs, even ascribing fault to them when there is no fault of theirs to make others look bad. This woman reminded me of a nasty ex female colleague who also did similar things to me personally and forced me to resign. I was paranoid that she would do the same to me as the ex colleague did so I went about voicing my concerns to a bunch of men who witnessed her badmouthing and told those men how I thought badly about her. I voiced my concerns to these men so that if I stay away from her, everyone knows it’s because I don’t trust her. If she had ill will against me and she made up a false story to these men on how I might have something against her in hiding from her, no one would believe her since I already said clearly I’m hiding from her simply because I don’t trust her.

 

[Enxu]

In essence my overreaction towards the woman online stemmed from me wanting to prevent the same smearing campaign from happening to me again. When I wanted to avoid someone I didn’t trust, that same person concocted a false story about how I might have something against her for avoiding her and every single negative reaction towards her that was perfectly normal due to her bad behavior, she made up a story about it so she became the victim and I who reacted negatively to her bad behavior was the villain out to get her.

 

[Enxu]

I’ve tried my best to explain the rationale of my actions in speaking badly about the woman online to one particular man. He probably had a negative impression of me because of my actions but I made it clear I harbor no ill will towards the woman online and voicing out my concerns was an attempt to protect myself from her slandering me simply because I’m avoiding her. Today I even told him that if somehow he divulged to her what I told him about my negative opinions of her, and if I was wrong about my judgment of her character, I am willing to apologise to her as her feelings would have been hurt.

But he replied me telling me that I don’t need to apologise to her at all and that I shouldn’t be thinking too much of how others think of me because of what I’ve done. So I told him that it wasn’t so much about worrying what others think about me, it is simply the right thing to do to apologise if I’m in the wrong and people’s feelings are hurt. But he continued to say that her feelings aren’t hurt and her badmouthing of others was an attempt to make them look bad (exactly my conclusion about her).

So my question is this: Could his attempt to dissuade me from apologising to her an attempt to test my sincerity in wanting to apologise? Could he be actually on the side of that woman and just trying to make me look bad by asking me not to apologise when in fact I should? So in convincing me not to apologise, he ensures I can continue to look like a villain for speaking negatively about her when I should have said sorry.

 

[Andyindauk]

Hi Enxu, I think that you and I have bumped into each other more than once before. Then as now the message is to love, genuinely care about and seek to help and reach out to brothers and sisters in the faith, whether or not they're lovely and deserve your love. Matthew 5:43-48 and 1 John 4:20. How that person feels towards you or thinks of you is of no consequence to you. If it is important to you then what you're saying is that your love and nice deeds are conditional or part of a quid pro quo deal.

If you have upset or offended someone then, then yes go and do whatever it takes to make peace with them, a grovelling apology costs you nothing so if that repairs a friendship and makes them feel better, it's a no brainer.
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny. Matthew 5:23‭-‬26‭.

Does that help?

 

[PloughBoy]

I’ve tried my best to explain the rationale of my actions in speaking badly about the woman online to one particular man. He probably had a negative impression of me because of my actions but I made it clear I harbor no ill will towards the woman online and voicing out my concerns was an attempt to protect myself from her slandering me simply because I’m avoiding her. Today I even told him that if somehow he divulged to her what I told him about my negative opinions of her, and if I was wrong about my judgment of her character, I am willing to apologise to her as her feelings would have been hurt.

But he replied me telling me that I don’t need to apologise to her at all and that I shouldn’t be thinking too much of how others think of me because of what I’ve done. So I told him that it wasn’t so much about worrying what others think about me, it is simply the right thing to do to apologise if I’m in the wrong and people’s feelings are hurt. But he continued to say that her feelings aren’t hurt and her badmouthing of others was an attempt to make them look bad (exactly my conclusion about her).

So my question is this: Could his attempt to dissuade me from apologising to her an attempt to test my sincerity in wanting to apologise? Could he be actually on the side of that woman and just trying to make me look bad by asking me not to apologise when in fact I should? So in convincing me not to apologise, he ensures I can continue to look like a villain for speaking negatively about her when I should have said sorry.

Why are you having such dialogue with unbelievers for anyway. Light does not mix with darkness. Stop trying to defend yourself among unbelievers or believers. The world and most believers are going to be against you anyway, the Bible testifies of such actions. You are going to be mis-understood, talked about no matter what. If nothing positive can come out of your mouth even about an antagonist keep silent and pray on their behave for their salvation, and keep it moving.
Stop trying to justify yourself to others endure the pain and suffering for being mis-treated.
This is what we go through, to shape us and mold us into his image.
And count it all joy.