RebornInChrist
Member
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2020
- Messages
- 107
What should I do..
Hello my name is Friend! You can call me Friend.
I have been diagnosed with scitzophrenia for almost a year now late December I was diagnosed with scitzophrenia and I was put on a couple of different drugs that the doctor put me on. It was the first time I know of that I was put on drugs for a disability. As a kid in elementary i was diagnosed with aspergers a form of autism. It was a small stumbling block to my childhood I was switched to special classes in that time. I made a bad choice in 12th grade to smoke marijuanna. And during that time I started reading from the Bible and stopped praying my catholic rosary tradition.. My marijuanna abuse started in January 2013-- and ended just about two or so weeks ago. In 2015 I was beginning to drink alcohol, in 2016 I began drinking every day. I "blacked out" and and was drunk on a daily basis pretty much. In 2016 I began thinking that I was being watched through the camera on my phone. I even thought I was being watched when I didn't have my phone on. Or when I was away from it altogether. I started noticing that cars from a distance making noise that sounded like they were talking to me. I was obsessed with "rap songs" during this time that most of it promoted immorality. I was trying to write my own songs on paper and thought the cars or people watching me some way and thanking me for my songs i was trying to write. I stopped listening to that music February 2019. In 2018 I began feeling like I was thinking absolutely wrong unclean thoughts about saints and our Lord Jesus Christ. Those thoughts were so unwanted and so "Un-Me" that I thought that someone had microchipped my brain or bugged it some point in life
(could've been when I was blacked out intoxicated in 2016
)
because I was getting the feeling from reading the internet and hearing people talk around me that people were reading my thoughts. Last year in may 2019 I was at work at arca my 4th or 5th job since 2013 I had been with Arca for 11 months up to May 2019. I smoked marijuanna out of handmade device made out of a plastic spork and a apple and that night after work I began thinking my Mom and dad had microchipped me and were selling my privacy to people somehow and making a profit doing so. I was crazed when I got home and began throwing over furniture outside and broke a car window on one of my Dads old cars in the yard. My Mom and dad called the cops because they felt threatened that night. I was arrested for my good and the safety of others Im glad I was detained that night. I thought about my actions in jail and was let go after being tooken in Thursday evening I was released Monday afternoon. I was on my own living at the homeless shelter for 2 weeks until I begged my dad to let me come back and he let me come back to his house. My mom and dad acted as if I never did what I did being destructive. I Was very attached to a pet doberman dog I named nala in 2018 and she was over a year old when she taken away from me and the rest of our dogs by people that thought we had to many dogs they were taken away in October 2019. I felt like I was depressed almost after that. During this time I returned to old obsession that took up alot of my childhood from 2006-2011 I took up a habit of playing with action figures of wrestlers and was obsessed playing with them almost all day and would stay up sometimes till 6am playing with them. From august 2019 to December I played with them alot and I quit the night I had wanted to stop smoking marijuana. I had stopped on a friday December 13 and 8 days later after a plasma donation I got home and was home for about an hour after plasma center when I called the cops and was demanding the ambulance and police give a headscan to detect any microchips. They never scanned me, but during those 2 days that I was in the University of New Mexico psychiatric center being evaluated by the doctors they put me on a drug then two weeks later I was put on another drug by doctors orders. Then about 2 months later I was put on 3 different drugs than the original one i was put on. During the corona virus pandemic started in March 2020 my doctor stopped returning my calls and I wasnt being seen so I stopped taking those "medicines" that were supposed to help me that the doctor prescribed the only thing they were doing to me is making me lazy and sleep all day. I felt abandoned with no one to tell. They put me on those medications against my will in the first place reason they were against my will is because my understanding is that medications in biblical times were called " pharmakia" and I had learned this on this very website Talk Jesus and the Bible Hub app.
I know the basics of the Bible and the Gospel and Faith in Jesus Christ is the foundation of every believer.--"If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."(Romans10:9)
So after I stopped taking those mad mad drugs I returned to smoking street marijuanna which I was on from May 2020 to late September 2020 when I realized that it was destroying my mind.
My church history is as follows:
Born in October 1995.
*I dont know my baptism day as a Catholic
Catholic throughout my childhood attended catechism-- and was confirmed in the catholic catechism in 2008. I prayed the rosary in my mind before sleep.. only things I knew then was what the priests said on the stage at church. Didnt know or attempt reading the Bible quite yet although I had one given to me by the catholic group in charge of the teenage people around 2008-2009.
I had attended one protestant "mega Church" called Legacy in about 2011for the first time when a friend at school invited me and I went 1 day but wasnt mature enough to even retain a thing that was said, I just went there to go.
The next memory I had of going to church was in February 2013 I went to the catholic church for ash Wednesday on short notice when my dad said lets go and me my mom my dad and I believe my 2nd oldest sister left but I was intoxicated from marijuanna at that time looking back I regret going even if I dont trust the catholic church.. I read my Bible and listened to Evangelist Lady on line named Anita Fuentes on youtube from mid to late 2013- january 2015. I was reading some of the Bible during this time. I have vague memory of my prayer life at that time. But I assume it wasn't right.
I was ordering a Bible (kjv) from a free provider online. They brought it to my fence and we set up an interview for that next Wednesday at about 1:30pm
They told me they were with the Mormon group "the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints"
I accepted it because I thought it was true at the time. But then I started reading a bunch of sources from online that taught the Mormon doctrine was a scam or false and that Joseph Smith wasn't a true prophet I believed after they provided what seemed to be evidence against that organization.
I started going to legacy church again in January 2016 when a lady that I had hoped to be with one day said I should go to her church. I went every few weeks in the beginning of 2016. Then sporadically throughout 2016. Then in January 2017 I would attend Legacy church for the last time until 3 years later.
I would attend the 3 churches that were smaller around my area. 1 of them was not mentioning Jesus in the sermons as much as I wanted. 1 of them I felt was leading me astray and the other one the better of the 3 but I got paranoid I was a false prophet from the Jeremiah 28 being read in church I've hardly read in the old testament but I know the basics of the hebrew scriptures although every part is important. but I don't feel I was a false prophet probably because I was a alcoholic at the time and my mind was not right. Still didn't feel it is. I would return to that church in January 2019. Then I would try getting help from a church down the street because I thought I was demonic possessed-- this was an alternate view I had opposed to me thinking someone had microchipped me.
They prayed for me but Im not sure if they did cast out demons. I returned there this year last Sunday and I also attended Legacy church for the 6:30 service last night. But I thought unclean thoughts like usual even after service when I got home. And this morning when I woke up.
During my drug addiction I became terrible some times really bad some times not as bad but I was an arrogant fool that wanted to be a "entertainment wrestler" at that point one day that was my vision my dream. I was lazy but put on a good ethic at work to impress the bosses when I worked at Smiths for 2 years from December 2012- November 2014. I worked my 2nd Job at Wal-Mart from March 2015- January 2016 and again for the same company from April 2016-November 2016. My next big job would come at ARCA (big job means how long I held it) I worked for ARCA from June 2018- May 2019.
As a kid I was bullied and disrespected and made to feel like an outcast.
Things done to me were from elementary in kindergarten when someone shoved a booger in my mouth to being punched in the nose on the school bus. My candy being stolen from me in 4th grade that the youngest of sister gave to me as a present. And the people I thought were my friends showing they were not true friends and turning into bullies over time.
Although I had a mellow time in high school. Not to many negative things to say about high school.
I don't just accept any doctrine given to me by any christian because the Bible says "But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed."
But I don't know the entire Bible by heart quite yet.
During my life every time I liked a girl from first sight I thought I was in love.
And I got bitter resentment about life every time I was rejected and thats what contributed to my Marijuanna addiction.
First big crush 2011-2012 I joined soccer team and tried being humble so she might like me. But she didn't and I was crushed after her rejection of me on her birthday after I gave her a present of 2 dozen flowers and her favorite chocolate that I asked her sister what was her favorite thats how I knew what I should get. I started smoking that next month in January 2013 I regret that too.
I was kissed by a woman for the first time in June 2015.
When I was rejected by her for tge last time I swung into what I describe the climax of alcohol abuse.
We just weren't meant to be together I realized Gods plan is different than our own sometimes.
And Ive never liked a woman the same way since.
My Mom and Dad have cared for me throughout life but trials and tribulations have effected us differently.
They were and still are always gonna be the blessings that were crutches to me my whole life and I have hope I could be that for them but my maturity and all my problems hinder my growth.
Ive left out plenty of this to try to make it short with only what I feel is necessary to share to get a christian perspective on what can I do what do I do and who still cares for the broken.
I know there are bigger problems than mine but I would like to hear an answer from a council of christians if you will.
Regardless of all this stuff that has happened.
The one thing I count valuable over all things is my faith in Jesus Christ the Lord-- Yeshua the Messiah.
Hello my name is Friend! You can call me Friend.
I have been diagnosed with scitzophrenia for almost a year now late December I was diagnosed with scitzophrenia and I was put on a couple of different drugs that the doctor put me on. It was the first time I know of that I was put on drugs for a disability. As a kid in elementary i was diagnosed with aspergers a form of autism. It was a small stumbling block to my childhood I was switched to special classes in that time. I made a bad choice in 12th grade to smoke marijuanna. And during that time I started reading from the Bible and stopped praying my catholic rosary tradition.. My marijuanna abuse started in January 2013-- and ended just about two or so weeks ago. In 2015 I was beginning to drink alcohol, in 2016 I began drinking every day. I "blacked out" and and was drunk on a daily basis pretty much. In 2016 I began thinking that I was being watched through the camera on my phone. I even thought I was being watched when I didn't have my phone on. Or when I was away from it altogether. I started noticing that cars from a distance making noise that sounded like they were talking to me. I was obsessed with "rap songs" during this time that most of it promoted immorality. I was trying to write my own songs on paper and thought the cars or people watching me some way and thanking me for my songs i was trying to write. I stopped listening to that music February 2019. In 2018 I began feeling like I was thinking absolutely wrong unclean thoughts about saints and our Lord Jesus Christ. Those thoughts were so unwanted and so "Un-Me" that I thought that someone had microchipped my brain or bugged it some point in life
(could've been when I was blacked out intoxicated in 2016
)
because I was getting the feeling from reading the internet and hearing people talk around me that people were reading my thoughts. Last year in may 2019 I was at work at arca my 4th or 5th job since 2013 I had been with Arca for 11 months up to May 2019. I smoked marijuanna out of handmade device made out of a plastic spork and a apple and that night after work I began thinking my Mom and dad had microchipped me and were selling my privacy to people somehow and making a profit doing so. I was crazed when I got home and began throwing over furniture outside and broke a car window on one of my Dads old cars in the yard. My Mom and dad called the cops because they felt threatened that night. I was arrested for my good and the safety of others Im glad I was detained that night. I thought about my actions in jail and was let go after being tooken in Thursday evening I was released Monday afternoon. I was on my own living at the homeless shelter for 2 weeks until I begged my dad to let me come back and he let me come back to his house. My mom and dad acted as if I never did what I did being destructive. I Was very attached to a pet doberman dog I named nala in 2018 and she was over a year old when she taken away from me and the rest of our dogs by people that thought we had to many dogs they were taken away in October 2019. I felt like I was depressed almost after that. During this time I returned to old obsession that took up alot of my childhood from 2006-2011 I took up a habit of playing with action figures of wrestlers and was obsessed playing with them almost all day and would stay up sometimes till 6am playing with them. From august 2019 to December I played with them alot and I quit the night I had wanted to stop smoking marijuana. I had stopped on a friday December 13 and 8 days later after a plasma donation I got home and was home for about an hour after plasma center when I called the cops and was demanding the ambulance and police give a headscan to detect any microchips. They never scanned me, but during those 2 days that I was in the University of New Mexico psychiatric center being evaluated by the doctors they put me on a drug then two weeks later I was put on another drug by doctors orders. Then about 2 months later I was put on 3 different drugs than the original one i was put on. During the corona virus pandemic started in March 2020 my doctor stopped returning my calls and I wasnt being seen so I stopped taking those "medicines" that were supposed to help me that the doctor prescribed the only thing they were doing to me is making me lazy and sleep all day. I felt abandoned with no one to tell. They put me on those medications against my will in the first place reason they were against my will is because my understanding is that medications in biblical times were called " pharmakia" and I had learned this on this very website Talk Jesus and the Bible Hub app.
I know the basics of the Bible and the Gospel and Faith in Jesus Christ is the foundation of every believer.--"If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."(Romans10:9)
So after I stopped taking those mad mad drugs I returned to smoking street marijuanna which I was on from May 2020 to late September 2020 when I realized that it was destroying my mind.
My church history is as follows:
Born in October 1995.
*I dont know my baptism day as a Catholic
Catholic throughout my childhood attended catechism-- and was confirmed in the catholic catechism in 2008. I prayed the rosary in my mind before sleep.. only things I knew then was what the priests said on the stage at church. Didnt know or attempt reading the Bible quite yet although I had one given to me by the catholic group in charge of the teenage people around 2008-2009.
I had attended one protestant "mega Church" called Legacy in about 2011for the first time when a friend at school invited me and I went 1 day but wasnt mature enough to even retain a thing that was said, I just went there to go.
The next memory I had of going to church was in February 2013 I went to the catholic church for ash Wednesday on short notice when my dad said lets go and me my mom my dad and I believe my 2nd oldest sister left but I was intoxicated from marijuanna at that time looking back I regret going even if I dont trust the catholic church.. I read my Bible and listened to Evangelist Lady on line named Anita Fuentes on youtube from mid to late 2013- january 2015. I was reading some of the Bible during this time. I have vague memory of my prayer life at that time. But I assume it wasn't right.
I was ordering a Bible (kjv) from a free provider online. They brought it to my fence and we set up an interview for that next Wednesday at about 1:30pm
They told me they were with the Mormon group "the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints"
I accepted it because I thought it was true at the time. But then I started reading a bunch of sources from online that taught the Mormon doctrine was a scam or false and that Joseph Smith wasn't a true prophet I believed after they provided what seemed to be evidence against that organization.
I started going to legacy church again in January 2016 when a lady that I had hoped to be with one day said I should go to her church. I went every few weeks in the beginning of 2016. Then sporadically throughout 2016. Then in January 2017 I would attend Legacy church for the last time until 3 years later.
I would attend the 3 churches that were smaller around my area. 1 of them was not mentioning Jesus in the sermons as much as I wanted. 1 of them I felt was leading me astray and the other one the better of the 3 but I got paranoid I was a false prophet from the Jeremiah 28 being read in church I've hardly read in the old testament but I know the basics of the hebrew scriptures although every part is important. but I don't feel I was a false prophet probably because I was a alcoholic at the time and my mind was not right. Still didn't feel it is. I would return to that church in January 2019. Then I would try getting help from a church down the street because I thought I was demonic possessed-- this was an alternate view I had opposed to me thinking someone had microchipped me.
They prayed for me but Im not sure if they did cast out demons. I returned there this year last Sunday and I also attended Legacy church for the 6:30 service last night. But I thought unclean thoughts like usual even after service when I got home. And this morning when I woke up.
During my drug addiction I became terrible some times really bad some times not as bad but I was an arrogant fool that wanted to be a "entertainment wrestler" at that point one day that was my vision my dream. I was lazy but put on a good ethic at work to impress the bosses when I worked at Smiths for 2 years from December 2012- November 2014. I worked my 2nd Job at Wal-Mart from March 2015- January 2016 and again for the same company from April 2016-November 2016. My next big job would come at ARCA (big job means how long I held it) I worked for ARCA from June 2018- May 2019.
As a kid I was bullied and disrespected and made to feel like an outcast.
Things done to me were from elementary in kindergarten when someone shoved a booger in my mouth to being punched in the nose on the school bus. My candy being stolen from me in 4th grade that the youngest of sister gave to me as a present. And the people I thought were my friends showing they were not true friends and turning into bullies over time.
Although I had a mellow time in high school. Not to many negative things to say about high school.
I don't just accept any doctrine given to me by any christian because the Bible says "But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed."
But I don't know the entire Bible by heart quite yet.
During my life every time I liked a girl from first sight I thought I was in love.
And I got bitter resentment about life every time I was rejected and thats what contributed to my Marijuanna addiction.
First big crush 2011-2012 I joined soccer team and tried being humble so she might like me. But she didn't and I was crushed after her rejection of me on her birthday after I gave her a present of 2 dozen flowers and her favorite chocolate that I asked her sister what was her favorite thats how I knew what I should get. I started smoking that next month in January 2013 I regret that too.
I was kissed by a woman for the first time in June 2015.
When I was rejected by her for tge last time I swung into what I describe the climax of alcohol abuse.
We just weren't meant to be together I realized Gods plan is different than our own sometimes.
And Ive never liked a woman the same way since.
My Mom and Dad have cared for me throughout life but trials and tribulations have effected us differently.
They were and still are always gonna be the blessings that were crutches to me my whole life and I have hope I could be that for them but my maturity and all my problems hinder my growth.
Ive left out plenty of this to try to make it short with only what I feel is necessary to share to get a christian perspective on what can I do what do I do and who still cares for the broken.
I know there are bigger problems than mine but I would like to hear an answer from a council of christians if you will.
Regardless of all this stuff that has happened.
The one thing I count valuable over all things is my faith in Jesus Christ the Lord-- Yeshua the Messiah.
but you can download dozens of different versions. I like NIV and NKJV. There's loads free Bible reading plans to work through, verse of the day, it's brilliant!
