What is forgiveness?

[imani]

Hi guys. A friend argues that forgiveness in word must also be reflected in action and the person who has offended must also feel forgiven and the forgiver shouldn't create or be associated with any consequences of the 'forgivee's actions.

We were talking about adultery and whether or not forgiving a cheating spouse and still asking for a divorce is genuine forgiveness. On my part I think that I can forgive someone for what they have done , but still make a decision to stay away or have limited engagement with that person. Why because I don't want any biases about the person to keep coming up and forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean a person is going to change.

So you forgive them and ask for a divorce because that is probably the best thing for the time. My friend however says that if you forgive a cheating spouse then there is no need asking for a divorce because that means that the divorce is like a form of vengeance or punishment. We never agreed entirely because I have been forgiving people and genuinely felt the release in my heart but for some I had to cut or limit my ties with them because I had learnt some lessons.

What do you say?

 

[RJ]

Hi guys. A friend argues that forgiveness in word must also be reflected in action and the person who has offended must also feel forgiven and the forgiver shouldn't create or be associated with any consequences of the 'forgivee's actions.

We were talking about adultery and whether or not forgiving a cheating spouse and still asking for a divorce is genuine forgiveness. On my part I think that I can forgive someone for what they have done , but still make a decision to stay away or have limited engagement with that person. Why because I don't want any biases about the person to keep coming up and forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean a person is going to change.

So you forgive them and ask for a divorce because that is probably the best thing for the time. My friend however says that if you forgive a cheating spouse then there is no need asking for a divorce because that means that the divorce is like a form of vengeance or punishment. We never agreed entirely because I have been forgiving people and genuinely felt the release in my heart but for some I had to cut or limit my ties with them because I had learnt some lessons.

What do you say?

Oh wow! What a great question and such an unusual way to approach it.
There is a whole lot more to it than just my following simple explanation but, it is a good place to start. Also, you must understand that this is a Talk Jesus forum and my answer is spiritual and not a carnal answer:From Jesus's perspective, forgiveness is given freely and totally unconditional! You must figure out how that applies to you!

 

[imani]

Well, it should be that simple. But then if one continues to divorce his wife does'n't it seem like unforgiveness?

 

[eddieb]

Hi guys. A friend argues that forgiveness in word must also be reflected in action and the person who has offended must also feel forgiven and the forgiver shouldn't create or be associated with any consequences of the 'forgivee's actions.

We were talking about adultery and whether or not forgiving a cheating spouse and still asking for a divorce is genuine forgiveness. On my part I think that I can forgive someone for what they have done , but still make a decision to stay away or have limited engagement with that person. Why because I don't want any biases about the person to keep coming up and forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean a person is going to change.

So you forgive them and ask for a divorce because that is probably the best thing for the time. My friend however says that if you forgive a cheating spouse then there is no need asking for a divorce because that means that the divorce is like a form of vengeance or punishment. We never agreed entirely because I have been forgiving people and genuinely felt the release in my heart but for some I had to cut or limit my ties with them because I had learnt some lessons.

What do you say?

ask your friend to show you in the bible where it says that the one being forgiven must "feel forgiven" I have never read that in the bible and if its there it would be news to me. Keep in mind also a large part of forgiveness is FOR YOU so you wont be harboring seeds that sprout and grow roots of bitterness in your heart. The Bible is very clear about not entering Heaven with unforgiveness in your heart but it dosent say "you must forgive them in a manner where they feel forgiven" God knows your heart. When they "feel" forgiven is not forgivness at all, its called reconciliation. it is possible to forgive but not be reconciled to each other. On the other hand I dont think two people can be reconciled with out forgiveness. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you have to be best friends forever and get the two piece heart pennant set and wear the same t-shirt when you go out.
i also do not agree that divorce is a form of vengance or punishment. The bible says two ways to end a marriage that is acceptable to God. 1) death and 2)unfaithfulness. However what I do want to say is did God join you two together? And how often are we unfaithful to God and He still forgives us? I would encourage you to try to work it out, if you can or are willing. Marriage is not always about two perfect people living a perfect life, but sometimes two very imperfect people hurting and humiliating one another but they find the mercy and love to stick it out. I would further encourage you to seek God in this matter because you said "because that is probably the best thing for the time" what about later time? only God knows tomorrow.