what is the right thing to do? Please help!

[lila1975]

I have a problem and need suggestions. To start, let me explain a quick background. I have been fighting for a divorce from an abusive husband for 4 years. He has tied the divorce up and I have no idea when this will ever be over. We had two children together. A year after we seperated, I met someone else that I have lived with for 3 years and we have a child together. I know its wrong, but when we moved in together we didn't care, because we weren't Christians. Now please keep in mind, we would have married at any time the divorce would have become final. We live as a married couple completely devoted. We recently became Christians (yeah!!). Now, we are at a crossroads. It has become embarrassing at church and we feel quilty, as well. We are trying to live our lives as a family worshipping God. We are doing everything we can to teach our children about a God they have never heard of. We can't move out and scare the children, they see us as married. We can't do the right thing yet, not legally. What is the right thing to do????

 

[trucker]

please help

From reading your post, I do not have all the facts. How old are the children and do you have custody of them at this time? Are you legally separated?

Know this, you needed to leave an abusive situation. As far as having a child out of wed lock, that is under the blood of Christ and in the past. It’s been forgiven and you need not ever feel bad about that. It appears that your boyfriend is being a good to the baby and I am assuming he has taken the role of step dad. As far as living together the bible tells us we should be married. So, your hearts are headed in the right direction and you also must do what is good for the children. I would talk to my pastor and get WISE counsel! People will gossip and pass judgment, but God will not. My opinion is just that, my opinion. Myself, I would maintain two separate household until the divorce issue is cleared up. Depending on how old your children are, I would explain to them what is going on, then when the legal issues are cleared up get married to your present boyfriend. Remember, there is the letter of the Law and the Spirit of the Law. I would go with the spirit of the Law here and take steps to conform to Gods word on marriage. I am going to probably take some flack for this, but do not feel bad about divorce. God hates divorce, not the people who divorce. Divorce wreaks havoc in a family, but God can restore any situation. That is the reason God hates divorce. It’s the affect it has on people. It’s the tearing apart of two who were once united. No person should ever stay in an abusive situation and you did the correct thing. I will bring this issue up at our men’s prayer group and keep your family on our prayer list.

 

[lila1975]

Yes, he has taken the step-dad role. We live as a family. I agree some with the seperate household, but we have a two-year old daughter together. Is it right to seperate households and have her away from her Father? My children are 7 and 10. They would understand, but our baby together wouldn't.

 

[trucker]

Please Help

I do not know the relationship you have with your pastor, but I HIGHLY recommend you sit and talk with him. The key here is that you and your partner are in agreement and that your hearts are directed by God.

If you have legal representation talk to them also. I understand this is a very sticky situation and I can tell you and your partner are trying to do the best for the children, each other and are trying to follow Gods direction. Bottom line is follow your heart.

Prov 3:5-6 states: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In ALL OF YOUR WAYS acknowledge him (God) and he shall direct your paths.

It is vital that you follow your heart. Many people will give you input, but it also can cause confusion. Trust God for direction (follow peace) Follow your heart, keep man made laws and the whole situation will work out. Remember, God guides, but Satan drives. If you are feeling pressured and panic, it is not God. He is not the author of confusion or anxiousness.

Trucker
[email protected]

 

[SpiritLedEd]

If your first husband was abusive, that two year old NEEDS to be away from him before she gets abused.

Also, who filed for the divorce? You or him? It seems like your lawyer could be doing something to get things moving.

SLE

 

[lila1975]

No, the 2 year old is my new fiancee's baby together. I filed for the divorce. My abusive EX is holding it up by fighting over custody of the 2 kids we have together (7 and 10). My lawyer tries his best, but his side stalls anyway possible.

 

[shepherdsgrace]

I suggest that you two simply pray and seek the LORD and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. He understands your plight. ANd He will be faithful to break through to you. I also suggest that you talk to your pastor. You need someone in the church who truly understands what is going on with you and might be able to give better advice. And I am so glad that you and yours have become Christians. Praise the LORD.

 

[stephen]

Hello lila, Appreciate your sharing these details with us.

You have been given excellent advice, My colleague SLE, and other friends have searched their hearts to give meaningful advice.


I feel that having spread your problem before the Lord, before us also, on this web-site, we can believe together that He has seen, and we can look to Him to resolve this situation.

Amen