what the Bible says about remarriage

[willr1976]

hello all. I need all of your help on this question. I really need all opinions and any related links to back up your opinion.

My question is what the bible says about remarriage?
I have never been married before but now i am, and my wife has been married before. she is divorced from her husband and now we are married. But in my finding Christ I've been exposed to the idea that we are living in adultry. now i know the bible says that we shouldnt remarry after a divorce, but i didnt know this before my marriage, and this one website says that i should forsake her and repent. This is really hard to think about meaning she has a son that i have gotten so attached too. would it be still sinful for us to continue to live together so that i will be a part of their lives , since that our marriage is not honored in Gods eye, just us be friends and live together and not to commit in the things that married people do? he only knows me as his daddy because his dad was never there for him and all he knows is me. I am so confused in this , I do want to be obedient. This is why i need all the help that I can get.
I dont want to live in adultry, is it my fault for not knowing, but now that I know what should i do should i just leave them or what
please help

 

[Faithful Son]

article from gotquestions.org

Question: "If a person divorces and remarries, is it always going to be adulterous? Can that relationship ever be blessed by God?"

Answer: Before we even begin to answer this question, let us reiterate, "God hates divorce" (Malachi 2:16). The pain, confusion, and frustration most people experience after a divorce are surely part of the reason that God hates divorce. Even more difficult, Biblically, than the question of divorce, is the question of remarriage. The vast majority of people who divorce either remarry, or consider getting remarried. What does the Bible say about this?

Matthew 19:9 tells us, "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." See also Matthew 5:32. These Scriptures clearly state that remarriage after a divorce is adultery - except in the instance of "marital unfaithfulness." In regards to this "exception clause" and its implications, please read the following articles:

What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?

I am divorced. Can I remarry?

It is our view that there are certain instances in which divorce and remarriage are permitted without the remarriage being considered adultery. These instances would include unrepentant adultery, physical abuse of spouse or children, and abandonment of a believing spouse by an unbelieving spouse. We are not saying that a person under such circumstances should remarry. The Bible definitely encourages remaining single or reconciliation over remarriage (1 Corinthians 7:11). At the same time, it is our view that God offers His mercy and grace to the innocent party in a divorce and allows that person to remarry without it being considered adultery.

A person who gets a divorce for a reason other than the reasons listed above, and then gets remarried – that person has committed adultery (Luke 16:18). The question then becomes, is this remarriage an "act" of adultery, or a "state" of adultery. The present tense of the Greek in Matthew 5:32; 19:9; and Luke 16:18 can indicate a continuous state of adultery. At the same time, the present tense in Greek does not always indicate continuous action. Sometimes it simply means that something occurred (Aoristic, Punctiliar, or Gnomic present). For example, the word "divorces" in Matthew 5:32 is present, but divorcing is not a continual action. It is our view that remarriage, no matter the circumstances, is not a continual state of adultery. Only the act of getting remarried itself is adultery.

In the Old Testament Law, the punishment for adultery was death (Leviticus 20:10). At the same time, Deuteronomy 24:1-4 mentions remarriage after a divorce, does not call it adultery, and does not demand the death penalty for the remarried spouse. The Bible explicitly says that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), but nowhere explicitly states that God hates remarriage. The Bible nowhere commands a remarried couple to divorce. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 does not describe the remarriage as invalid. Ending a remarriage through divorce would be just as sinful as ending a first marriage through divorce. Both would include the breaking of vows before God, between the couple, and in front of witnesses.

No matter the circumstances, once a couple is remarried, they should strive to live out their married lives in fidelity, in a God-honoring way, with Christ at the center. A marriage is a marriage. God does not view the new marriage as invalid or adulterous. A remarried couple should devote themselves to God, and to each other – and honor Him by making their new marriage a lasting and Christ-centered one (Ephesians 5:22-33).

It would be wrong for you to divorce your wife Willr, it is wrong in God's eyes, I do not know the specifics of why you and your wife both had a divorce, but you should ask for forgiveness from God if it wasn't because your spouses comitted adultery, repent and ask for forgiveness and continue to love your wife and child in God's presence, in Jesus' love.

I have also moved your thread to the counseling section.

God bless you my friend.

Much love
teraside

 

[willr1976]

thanks alot, i didn't really want to divorce my wife, ,but i do want to do the right thing and be obedient to God. i was looking on the computer myself, some say it is a sin and others say it is ok for God is a forgiving God

its just confusing when you got one saying its ok and one saying its not

 

[Faithful Son]

Hi Will, this is the reason you have found Talk Jesus, so that those sites and personal opinions of people could be dealt with, with the Word of God.

This is a very good article from gotquestions and I would advise you to read those passages noted in the article. There is no need to become confused, let me ask you this question, do you love your wife and son?

 

[jculver]

thanks alot, i didn't really want to divorce my wife, ,but i do want to do the right thing and be obedient to God. i was looking on the computer myself, some say it is a sin and others say it is ok for God is a forgiving God

its just confusing when you got one saying its ok and one saying its not

Willr, I assure you this is the most complex issue presented in the bible I have been studying this non-stop for months now as it is an issue in my life also. First thing you need to do is understand the issue is complex, and then stop searching the internet for answers lol. I have seen every view that comes from the bible on divorce and remarriage, and there are likely 6 or more views on the subject. Frankly I don't care what they say anymore, I am interested in what the word of God says. I have wasted so much time studying all the views up and down, and I should have spent my time getting to know God and reading his word.

I will tell you that I believe the bible teaches divorce is warranted on 2 grounds:

1. Adultery (or in general it would be better to say sexual sin) (Matt 19:9)
2. Desertion by an unbeliever. (1 Cor 7:15)

Also I should add that if the divorce happened before she was a Christian many people would say she is free to remarry (I agree).

Personally I believe that the apostle Paul deals with this subject in detail in 1 Corinthians 7. Read the whole chapter repeatedly. The church at Corinth was in a society much like ours, maybe worse. There were records of people with over 25 divorces, and every man had on average I believe 6. Now I am going to give you about the quickest run down here of this chapter I can without going way way over the top into an in-depth study on divorce and remarriage in a counseling thread, but I know what it is like to need peace of mind. I'm going to adapt a study here by John Macarthur on the subject, I think it might help you.

Ok so there are 3 groups of people being looked at here in the chapter (1st Corinthians 7), widows, unmarried, and virgins. They are all distinguished. The question really is who are the "unmarried" if they are not widows or virgins? Well lets examine each use of the word. The Greek word is Agamos (Unmarried), and the word for married is Gamos. The word is used only 4 times in the bible, each time in this chapter, in this book.

1. Verse 8: “I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.”
So they are different from the widows.
2. Verse 32: “He that is unmarried cares for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord.”
More or less a general usage there.
3.Verse 34“And a virgin, and the unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and in spirit.”
So they are distinguished here from virgins. They aren't widows, they aren't virgins... (See my note at the end of this post about this verse)
4. Verse 10-11 " and to the married I announce--not I, but the Lord--let not a wife separate from a husband: but and if she may separate, let her remain unmarried, or to the husband let her be reconciled, and let not a husband send away a wife. "
So there we have a pretty clear definition of the word I would say. The Unmarried appear to be the divorced. So I would say verse 8 is talking to those divorced who came to Christ. They are Unmarried and now Christians, and Paul tells them to marry if they can't remain single. Then in verse 11 he addresses two Christians and tells them to either remain divorced from each other or be reconciled. Mathew 19:9 gives the victim of adultery permission to remarry, and later in 1st Corinthians 7 verse 15 a believer who is deserted by an unbeliever is free also. Some will say free only to divorce, and not to remarry, but remarriage is ALWAYS assumed in scripture, every verse that talks about divorce (see any verse that deals with divorce).

So if this didn't help your particular situation send me a private message (or continue to post here), I would be glad to address any issue regarding this subject if I can possibly help you. I am no real bible scholar, but I know how to study, and I have studied this issue for months exhaustively and I believe what I posted to be on an accurate translation of what God says about divorce and remarriage.

[a note on 1 Corinthians 7 verse 34. I noticed reading other translations other than the NASB that they translate it like this: "The wife and the virgin have been distinguished: the unmarried is anxious for the things of the Lord...", but as noted by Marvin Vincent's word studies it is best translated as it is in the NASB (as posted above). The NASB is, for my money, the best translation out there as I find it always accurate with what bible scholars point out in their study notes.]

 

[Faithful Son]

Great post Jculver, your eagerness to help members on this forum really appeals to me, thank you for the work that you do. You are also a huge inspiration to me, I won't say I'm lazy, but I find it hard to study the Word of God, there are so many distractions in my life, so many reasons why I don't open my Bible and just read and reflect, and I have been given a gift, a gift of loving the Word, but I can't find time for the Word. Thank you Jculver

Willr, my question was, do you love your wife and son? I'm pretty sure the answer would be, without thinking, yes I do! So I will leave you with that as well, love is what God wants, we should love God, love our fellow man and love our family.

I see no reason why you should leave your wife and son, I see a glorious Christ centered future for your family, if you choose to stay married.

God bless your hearts.
Much love

 

[willr1976]

thank you very much teraside and jculver

I really appreciate all of your help, although this situation is still confusing to me, until i read Deuteronomy 24:1-3, I think this really cleared it all up for me.

But the situation is that she told me that she divorced her former husband for adultry. I guess this is the same for the husband and the wife, if either one commit adultry then it is ok to divorce, right? although it only states that if he finds uncleanness in her, what about her finding uncleanness in him, is there anything in the bible that backs this up?

So what is your look at this passage in Deuteronomy, I see that teraside mentioned this passage in another way, but my wife showed it to me also. So does this completely shut the book on this issue?

Im learing, even i believe we all are always learning Gods will, ,and I really thank you two for your time and if you find anything else feel free to post it here, because to teraside, yes i do love my wife and child and i dont want to leave them but as i said i wanted a better understanding on this subject because when we choose to follow Christ , we dont want to do anything that displeases him

so thank you again and may God bless you both and everyone here on this site that is trying to follow Him.

 

[Faithful Son]

I would be foolish to give you an answer based on your last question Willr, I really don't know, but I'll look and see what I can find, in the meantime anyone that is capable, please help Willr out.

God bless
teraside

 

[jculver]

I really appreciate all of your help, although this situation is still confusing to me, until i read Deuteronomy 24:1-3, I think this really cleared it all up for me.

But the situation is that she told me that she divorced her former husband for adultry. I guess this is the same for the husband and the wife, if either one commit adultry then it is ok to divorce, right? although it only states that if he finds uncleanness in her, what about her finding uncleanness in him, is there anything in the bible that backs this up?

So what is your look at this passage in Deuteronomy, I see that teraside mentioned this passage in another way, but my wife showed it to me also. So does this completely shut the book on this issue?

Im learing, even i believe we all are always learning Gods will, ,and I really thank you two for your time and if you find anything else feel free to post it here, because to teraside, yes i do love my wife and child and i dont want to leave them but as i said i wanted a better understanding on this subject because when we choose to follow Christ , we dont want to do anything that displeases him

so thank you again and may God bless you both and everyone here on this site that is trying to follow Him.

Matthew 19:9, and yes she had valid grounds for divorce. (So she was free to remarry)

[Deuteronomy 24 isn't really necessarily talking about sexual sin. The Talmud translate the word indecent for obnoxious.]

 

[Faithful Son]

I am piggybacking off jculvers post, but God bless him for his knowledge.

Matthew 19:7-9

7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

 

[jculver]

I am piggybacking off jculvers post, but God bless him for his knowledge.

Matthew 19:7-9

7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Indeed. Notice the Pharisees were using Deuteronomy 24 to justify divorce for any reason, but the "defilement" happened because he divorced her with grounds less than adultery, so when she remarried she became an adulteress, and the man she married became an adulterer, and then if her ex-husband remarried he became an adulterer. This is likely why God hates divorce as in Malachi, it proliferates adultery all over the place. Also it is hilarious to see that the Pharisees act as if divorce was "commanded". Divorce in God's eyes should never happen. The cases where he allows it are technicalities he grants because we are fallen sinners, and he is merciful.

In Deuteronomy it is being shown that divorce will happen, and it is just setting up some guidelines for when and if it does. Divorce and remarriage is not the unforgivable sin. If someone messes up then we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ.

1 John 1:9 "if we may confess our sins, stedfast He is and righteous that He may forgive us the sins, and may cleanse us from every unrighteousness; "

It is easy for someone who might not have sinned in this way to sit in judgment on those who have, but God is their judge and if they confess their wrong then then it is in God's hands.

 

[willr1976]

Well i thought it was clear to me but i guess im still in confusion. I guess it is hard for us if its not written in plain english for us to understand, maybe its just me, i dont know

 

[jculver]

Well i thought it was clear to me but i guess im still in confusion.

Your wife had biblical grounds for divorce based on matt 19:9, and she was free to remarry. No sin took place Your marriage is fine, DO NOT DIVORCE

 

[willr1976]

so the real question to ponder is the words "put away" does that mean divorce?

 

[jculver]

so the real question to ponder is the words "put away" does that mean divorce?

Any Greek scholar will tell you apoluō (the word translated to English "put away") means divorce. It is even more certain when you examine the context: The pharisees JUST asked him about Deuteronomy 24 where it is clearly talking about a bill of divorce.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

I would add just one thought to the GotQuestions? article: In Genesis, the Bible says of marriage, "What God has put together, let no man put asunder." Many people take that verse to mean that every marriage is "made in heaven." I don't believe that any more than I believe that the moon is made of green cheese.

SLE

 

[willr1976]

thanks again to both of you

I just wanted to say thanks again for your help. I dont know why i allowed the devil to stir this up in me, but i see it was just the devil trying to make me doubt, Ive realized that my marriage was truly Gods plan or He wouldnt have allowed it anyway. The devil is very sneaky and we have to be careful not to fall to his ways

So thanks and may God bless you both, your families and your loved ones also

I will never doubt again. satin almost had me in this situation but talking to you and some people that I know has helped me a lot.

Just remember I'm still learning in Christ, and im doing my best to follow Him.


I realized that God does not hold us accountable for what we dont know either. so please continue to pray for me and i will do the same for you both

Thanks teraside and jculver, may God continue to bless you both and use you for his works.......

 

[Trisha]

As far as the divorced woman making an adulterer out of a man if he marries her,,,,, remember, in context Jesus is talking of an adulterous woman, the only reason for the first man to divorce her. If a woman was not the cause of the divorce, as in no adultery on her part, and the man leaves because he says he isn't happy, then the woman is free to marry and does not make another man an adulterer, because she did commit the adultery to warrant a divorce. Why would Jesus not permit a woman to remarry when she was not in favor of the divorce and did not commit adultery? I certainly do not want to be single all the rest of my life because my husband walked away. He divorced me with no adultery on my part. It was his decision to leave and never come back, even though no adultery was committed on my part, so I believe I could remarry, but in the Lord, and once again for keeps. I do not have to wait until he is dead, I know that we are not one by all the tearing apart and damage that was done to me emotionally. It was a through tearing apart and took years to recoever from. Something no one should have to live through. We are definitely not one. If the Lord presents me with someone who is His, then I would definitely consider new life as spouse. Living alone is too weird for me.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

b

He divorced me with no adultery on my part. It was his decision to leave and never come back, even though no adultery was committed on my part,

Mt 19:1-9 addresses this issue; Moses had written a clause into the Law that said a man could divorce his wife for ANY reason, even if she burned the bacon at breakfast.

SLE

 

[Trisha]

Just saying in the context when Jesus said if a man marries a divorced woman he commits adultery, it was that the woman HE was talking about, again in context, was the woman divorced because she committed adultery. Moses was OT. Jesus told them about divorce and I know they divorced for any reason in OT, but Jesus told them only for adultery. I have read this and read this and in the light of the compassion of Christ, I really think he is referring to a woman who the man had a right to divorce in the first place, an adulterous. The woman who is innocent of adultery is free to marry and does not cause her new husband to commit adultery. She is not bound. God is not hard hearted.