What would you have done?

[Maureen]

Would you please give your God guided opinion on this, thank you.

If your son breaks up with his partner/wife, it is not his fault and she admits it is hers, he lives with you for a week, and decides to go back as his girl has promised to sort herself out, see her doctor, they have a 2 year old also, as a Mum you can't help but have feelings of hurt for you son, and to some extent a slight bitterness toward his girl.
When you eventually are found in her company, is it wrong to bring up the subject, should it just be forgotten, or should something be said to her regards it?

I'll now say why, this has been my situation lately, but today we had them over for Boxing Day dinner, and although before hand I wanted to say something to her, I found that holding hands and saying Grace before dinner took that urge away.

Was I right, or wrong?
They are still not very stable, it all could happen again and him end up back with us, as she refused to see the doctor, and my son has said things have crept back to there usual state.

He is my youngest at 24yrs, he is a hard worker with a very tender heart, so much so that although not saved yet he wanted to say grace at his own dinner table on Christmas day. He is leaning towards the Kingdom, in the things he's talked to me about, praise God, weither he comes through is in the hands of the Lord Jesus.

Just curious to know your views.
May God enlighten you.
Thank you.

 

[windmill2kids]

Hey, I would love to!

Ummm, I've never been in this situation, but I do have Bipolar and understand what it's like to have mental disorder. I do see my doctor and take my medicine seeing as I want to have a normal life for myself, my husband, and kids. Maybe she's in denial or thinks she can self-heal. This denial is very dangerous, and she needs to know (for her own good, and her kids, and husbands own good), that if she doesn't get help she could end up in the hospital, and nobody wants that. It could also be that she is embarassed about her mental disorder or whatever it is she has,,, and possibly does not want to be seen at a phsyciatrist,,, truth is though, it would help her out greatly and she needs to get past it if that is the case. I would probably sit down with her by yourself with nobody else around and just casually and subtly bring up in conversation to let her know you care for her and she is loved, then maybe ask her if she is open enough to talk about her situation, that you will listen and try to be there for her and not judge her (please let her know that you do not judge her, for I've been there and I know how it feels for myself to be judged by people simply because I'm Bipolar, thus making you feel like everyone else is going to judge you). Just be there to listen, that sometimes helps more than anything! Maybe if you can get close to her in that way, maybe she Will take your advice if you want to hint at maybe seeing a doctor. I don't know, just a few ideas. I'm not saying I'm the smartest person in the world, but I do try to help based upon my experiences. Also, remember to pray and ask God to give you the words to say to her and try not to think about it too much before you do. Just try not to resent her because of this,,, forgive her in your heart first and then let her know that you care. Shine your light! If all else fails, then I don't know where you can go from there. I WOULD though, be a little careful, because if she is not willing at all to see a doctor she may be a danger to herself or her family. God bless you and I will say a little prayer.
Love,
Me!

 

[windmill2kids]

OK, don't know how that happened!

I'm so sorry,,, I don't know how my reply to your thread got sent as a new thread??????? This computer stuff is sooooo hard to figure out!!! aaaaarrrgggghhhhh. lol!

 

[Gracealone]

Would you please give your God guided opinion on this, thank you.

If your son breaks up with his partner/wife, it is not his fault and she admits it is hers, he lives with you for a week, and decides to go back as his girl has promised to sort herself out, see her doctor, they have a 2 year old also, as a Mum you can't help but have feelings of hurt for you son, and to some extent a slight bitterness toward his girl.
When you eventually are found in her company, is it wrong to bring up the subject, should it just be forgotten, or should something be said to her regards it?

I'll now say why, this has been my situation lately, but today we had them over for Boxing Day dinner, and although before hand I wanted to say something to her, I found that holding hands and saying Grace before dinner took that urge away.

Was I right, or wrong?
They are still not very stable, it all could happen again and him end up back with us, as she refused to see the doctor, and my son has said things have crept back to there usual state.

He is my youngest at 24yrs, he is a hard worker with a very tender heart, so much so that although not saved yet he wanted to say grace at his own dinner table on Christmas day. He is leaning towards the Kingdom, in the things he's talked to me about, praise God, weither he comes through is in the hands of the Lord Jesus.

Just curious to know your views.
May God enlighten you.
Thank you.

Maureen, I have a similar situation in my family.
My Grandson, and his wife, with a dear 5 year old Great Granddaughter.

Neither are Christian, and it was the choice of his wife to leave the first time(an old boy friend came back into town) But that didn't work out so she wanted to come back to my Grandson.
They tried for awhile, but now the divorce will be final on the 18th.

As I said, neither are Christian, so they have no problem with being sinful, in fact mock at that.
So, how do I deal with it?
Just as Christ dealt with me.....While I was yet a sinner, he died for me.
So I try to live out Gods love for them all.
Love, remember covers a multitude of sins.
It was Christ love for me that led me to repentance, so just love them.
Try to guide them in the same love.
Teach the word, warn them ,in love, not condemnation, then pray that the Spirit of God draws them into repentance.
Having done all, then stand, and see what the lord can do.

Your heart will still be concerned ,for mine is, because I know God has given us a free will........what choice will they make!
I can only hope by loving them anyway, that Gods love will shine through, and I wont be a stumbling block to them.


Look how Jesus handled it with the woman at the well, his patient ,kind, loving way, and remember a soft answer turns away wrath.

 

[Boanerges]

As a dad one thing I learned is this;I never get between my daughter and her husband. When the conflict is said and done you would be the one looking like a bad guy so to speak. So far that has worked out really well for me and the only way I would make an exception is if there was physical violence of any kind.
As far as your daughter in law being loving and kind will be the best remedy. After all is said and done she is a part of your family and who knows if you may one day have an opportunity to minster to her.
I think the fact that praying took the urge to intervene away should also speak volumes as to the heart of Christ on the matter.

 

[Maureen]

oh dearest Brothers and Sisters in Christ Jesus

Thank you all very sincerely firstly.

My son and woman are not married, I understand Gracealone what you mean, although they don't mock, but I guess flying in the face of God with it is mocking, but they are unaware of actually doing it. It used to be termed 'Living in Sin' don't know who or when that got thrown out, but it has somewhere along the way.

Vicky, his 'partner' is not a girl that is easily approached, and she is also quite adament in her attitude, when she is right she is right and no changing that, even if we can see she isn't.
I think it stems from her being spoilt growing up as she's the youngest, her Mum told my son 'whatever Vicky wants Vicky gets' and I think through these short years with him it's been proven, although, speaking from my experience, I was an only child, spoilt but can give and take, was always able to but Jesus has taught me better, it's far better to give than to even take.

I cannot forsee me speaking to her in love, windmill2kids working, as much as I'd be willing to, and if it comes to it again, I will offer my love to her, and see if she will speak about it to me, but honestly I very much doubt that, she is the kind of person who would shrug it off as something and nothing, you know what I'm talking about, you've met them I'm sure, just no getting anything through, it's their way or no way.
I too have been diagnosed Bipolar, so I can relate to you. I was also hospitalized 5years ago for it, but I thank the Lord for bringing me through.

It's in His hands, I will continue to pray for them both, and whatever the outcome His will be done in all areas.

Boanerges
I can also relate to your approach, to leave it alone, and my heart tells me to do so at most times.
My son talks to me, but then doesn't want me to say anything, which I can do, praise the Lord.
It's a hard situation, must be even harder for the two in it.
They just don't match up together, it stands out so much.
And we are not all God's children, because some of us still our children of disobedience, and obey the god of this world.
What a sorry state.

Thank you all again.

 

[Gracealone]

Evening Maureen,
I guess the best advice I could add to this is just keep them in prayer, that God does a work in their heart.

More thing are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of, it is said, and I believe.
Whenever they come before your mind, pray for them. :friends:

 

[Maureen]

Know what, never a truer word was spoken, prayer definately works.

I was told onetime that when you pray for someone sometimes their situation gets worse, before it gets better, I have really seen this happen through my own prayers.

The more I pray for them, seemingly, their situations do intensify.
That has happened more than on one occasion, and was it was prayers for two differant people.

I believe God is at work with these one's we pray over, at sometimes, mostimes we have to be brought low to see our need of Christ.
As only He can lift us up.

I do hope and do pray for them, that that need will be met but it will only be in His own time not ours.

Thanking you again Gracealone. Power in Prayer.

 

[PraiseElohim]

I would agree that prayer is the first, best course of action. People need words a lot less than they need a revelation of Jesus Christ. So I would be praying for them both to receive a revelation of Jesus, asking God to draw them to Himself.

When I've been in situations where my own soul could not love a person as much as I knew they needed, or as Jesus loves us, I've asked Him to give me His compassion for that person. I ask Holy Spirit to allow me to see a person as He does, to see their potential and destiny in Him. Keep asking Holy Spirit for prayer strategies, what strongholds in particular are in force here - pride, rebellion, fear? At this point both your son and his partner are in the devil's kingdom and he'll do everything to keep them there. Your prayers are the means to bring about their freedom. It's a very great privilege to partner with Holy Spirit in gaol breaks. Pray believing.

"And they answered, Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ [give yourself up to Him, take yourself out of your own keeping and entrust yourself into His keeping] and you will be saved, [and this applies both to] you and our household as well." Acts 16:31

"No good thing will He withhold from those that walk uprightly." Ps 84:11

Your son's partner needs the love of Jesus. You can be a vessel of that love. View this as a love test. How much do you love Jesus? By loving this young woman, aren't you loving the image of God in her? You may not think you're making much of an impression on her, but unconditional love works miracles on a hard heart. A smile you didn't have to earn, a warm hug you didn't ask for, a compliment you weren't expecting - they all soften the heart, and a softened heart is more open to receiving Jesus.

You mentioned that they have a son together. They may not be legally married but your son has still made committments to her. He has made his own decisions in the situation and bares the responsibility of their consequences. No parent likes to see their children suffer, but even our perfect Father lets us feel the pain of our choices in order to bring about our reform.

Gosh I hope you don't think I'm preaching at you or anything like that. I'm not trying to, and I know you've had a lot of good advice which I'm probably just repeating. I've had a husband walk out and leave me pregnant and with a young child, simply because I 'didn't understand him' and he 'never wanted to be married in the first place'. If your son runs because it feels hard, he won't be doing himself or anyone else any favours.

Grace to you and your family in the name of Jesus.

 

[peeps]

hey . . .

hi Maureen,

im gonna make it short and quick:

Tell her the truth how you feel!

If you cant say it, write her a letter . . .

Dont judge her. . .just tell her from woman to woman how you feel!

She might really care how you feel and might wait on questions and answers to be helped on the new road of trying again!

She might even think daily about her behaviour and thinks, that noone cares, cause noone says anything. . .

I would tell her . . .Communication is VERY important, if you cant talk to her . . every fight for future is lost . . You guys have to get that cleared up, so you wont have it in between you, every time you look in each others eyes. . .Truth may hurt . . but it sets free too!

In Jesus Name, I pray for courage in your heart and situations for you two to come together alone

 

[peeps]

As a dad one thing I learned is this;I never get between my daughter and her husband. When the conflict is said and done you would be the one looking like a bad guy so to speak. So far that has worked out really well for me and the only way I would make an exception is if there was physical violence of any kind.
As far as your daughter in law being loving and kind will be the best remedy. After all is said and done she is a part of your family and who knows if you may one day have an opportunity to minster to her.
I think the fact that praying took the urge to intervene away should also speak volumes as to the heart of Christ on the matter.

I like your answer very much

 

[Boanerges]

I like your answer very much

Thank you my friend.

 

[Maureen]

If you cant say it, write her a letter . . .

Dont judge her. . .just tell her from woman to woman how you feel!

Thank you for this helpful idea, I am a better writer than I am a speaker, somehow you must have senced this.

I just may do so, I will test the ground first from my son, hear if things have improved any, and take it from there.
Strange thing is I wrote her Mum and Dad a letter to go in their Christmas card, they have backslidden, and I wanted to give some encouragement, to get around it I ended it with, 'I would hope that someone would take the time to do the same for me if need be.

PraiseElohim
I do not take your words as being preached at, so don't think that.
I am very grateful for your interest and taking time to reply.
So thank you indeed, all have given much helpful imput.