Hannah Rachelle
Member
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2013
- Messages
- 14
Hello!
I asked my Mom if she has ever felt like she was disconnected from God and she shocked me by saying yes! She said it's called a "dry season" where God, still holding and protecting us, leaves a gap empty enough for us to really "seek Him" and get to know Him on a different level. There are a number of stories in the bible ( like Job ) that describe this concept quite clearly and I truly do understand the meaning. The thing is, I feel like this is the most fragile time in my life ( I just turned seventeen and am blessed to have started college last month! . . . which is great, but scary too ) and I'm going through exactly what the "dry season" describes. I didn't know what was happening at first and now that I look back, many of the out-of-my-comfort-zone things I've been trying to suddenly practice my boldness in, was really a conscience attempt to get God's attention. I realized quickly thereafter that something was very wrong with this because I know that when we do something that God wanted us to do, we feel happy afterwards or at least feel, in a sense, "right." In either case, I felt neither. Everything seems to be going down hill. My energy use to fluctuate, but now it's always low. My blood pressure was stable and never a concern, but now it gets dangerously low ( in the 40's! ). Heart palpitations come and go and I've been having reactions to everything I consume. . . so I haven't been eating as much as I should. But the worst part of it all is that the friends I had either moved far away or are "going through a rejection faze," as my Mom calls it. I do have my family and I am VERY grateful, yet still I feel lonely a lot. I've tried at being perspective with this, and have truly been trying to find Him and get to know Him better ( that's why I even joined TalkJesus.com ) But it all leaves me feeling like I'm just painting in the rain with every new idea to fill the gap. . . all my effort washes away with the rain. I try and it fails again and again. It all feels so pointless. . .everything does anymore.
I'll watch people and I can see that just before those who turn away from God, I guarantee you that majority of them got to the point where they said "everything feels pointless" before everything truly went down hill for them. I will not let that happen to me. I don't want any of this to happen but if God is trying to teach me something or reveal something new to me, I'm not seeing anything! This cloud is over me. I speak it to go like the bible says to do, but then it gets thinker! I was born into a loving family and raised as a Christian so this is all one strange thing to me. God has ALWAYS been there for me. But when I'm at youth group and everyone around me is so full of joy and care-free happiness, I'm the one sitting down somewhere praying for the ability to have joy again or at least the energy to laugh. Every day is a routine and spins in circles. This I can't stand! I'm one of those people that likes change, and it's eating me up that I'm not feeling any.
Do you have any advice, experiences ( testimonies where things were down but went up! ) or insight about "dry seasons"?
Thank you very much for reading this. I really do not mean to complain, I just need help and I see that now.
God Bless,
Hannah
I asked my Mom if she has ever felt like she was disconnected from God and she shocked me by saying yes! She said it's called a "dry season" where God, still holding and protecting us, leaves a gap empty enough for us to really "seek Him" and get to know Him on a different level. There are a number of stories in the bible ( like Job ) that describe this concept quite clearly and I truly do understand the meaning. The thing is, I feel like this is the most fragile time in my life ( I just turned seventeen and am blessed to have started college last month! . . . which is great, but scary too ) and I'm going through exactly what the "dry season" describes. I didn't know what was happening at first and now that I look back, many of the out-of-my-comfort-zone things I've been trying to suddenly practice my boldness in, was really a conscience attempt to get God's attention. I realized quickly thereafter that something was very wrong with this because I know that when we do something that God wanted us to do, we feel happy afterwards or at least feel, in a sense, "right." In either case, I felt neither. Everything seems to be going down hill. My energy use to fluctuate, but now it's always low. My blood pressure was stable and never a concern, but now it gets dangerously low ( in the 40's! ). Heart palpitations come and go and I've been having reactions to everything I consume. . . so I haven't been eating as much as I should. But the worst part of it all is that the friends I had either moved far away or are "going through a rejection faze," as my Mom calls it. I do have my family and I am VERY grateful, yet still I feel lonely a lot. I've tried at being perspective with this, and have truly been trying to find Him and get to know Him better ( that's why I even joined TalkJesus.com ) But it all leaves me feeling like I'm just painting in the rain with every new idea to fill the gap. . . all my effort washes away with the rain. I try and it fails again and again. It all feels so pointless. . .everything does anymore.
I'll watch people and I can see that just before those who turn away from God, I guarantee you that majority of them got to the point where they said "everything feels pointless" before everything truly went down hill for them. I will not let that happen to me. I don't want any of this to happen but if God is trying to teach me something or reveal something new to me, I'm not seeing anything! This cloud is over me. I speak it to go like the bible says to do, but then it gets thinker! I was born into a loving family and raised as a Christian so this is all one strange thing to me. God has ALWAYS been there for me. But when I'm at youth group and everyone around me is so full of joy and care-free happiness, I'm the one sitting down somewhere praying for the ability to have joy again or at least the energy to laugh. Every day is a routine and spins in circles. This I can't stand! I'm one of those people that likes change, and it's eating me up that I'm not feeling any.
Do you have any advice, experiences ( testimonies where things were down but went up! ) or insight about "dry seasons"?
Thank you very much for reading this. I really do not mean to complain, I just need help and I see that now.
God Bless,
Hannah